Chapter 3
Allison
He would have to talk to me at work at some point, right? Sure, the swivel chair in my cubicle was a far cry from a plush booth at a fine restaurant, and at work I wore my hair up instead of down, but honestly. We’d been intimate. We’d “known” each other in the most biblical of ways…and still he wouldn’t talk to me at work. Was he that embarrassed to be seen with me?
If I started dancing with him during one of those dull marketing meetings like I’d danced with him at Illicit, would he acknowledge me then? I smiled, imagining the shocked looks on everyone’s faces, until I realized that he’d probably push me away and still pretend he didn’t know me.
Everything had been absolutely perfect during our last date. From our jokes and laughter, to our serious talks about our lives and our pasts. And the sex. I couldn’t believe how good it was. It wasn’t like I was in my hot dream from before we’d even had our first date—it was better than that dream. I had to press my legs together when I remembered how he’d slid inside me, filling me up in a way that stretched me just the right amount.
It was all I could do to remain in my cubicle and not go test my dancing theory.
Despite all the perfection that evening, there had been a tiny voice in the back of my mind, nagging me that he didn’t know me, not really. If he did, he’d know that I needed his recognition and acknowledgment at work as well as when we went out. It was too much for me to pretend to lead two lives with him—employee, girlfriend.
I sighed and tried to find encouragement in one of my quotes, but the words bled together against the colored paper. Was it possible he truly didn’t recognize me? How superficial could he be?
His voice sounded from down the hallway. He was finishing up a meeting with someone, seeing them out of his office. A woman, it sounded like. I tried to squash my feelings of jealousy. Even if he didn’t acknowledge me here, he at least seemed quite committed to me during our dates. I had no reason to be concerned. Still, I was a sucker for punishment. Maybe he would notice me this time.
I stood and smoothed the wrinkles from my pantsuit, and straightened my ponytail. Just the thought of looking at him made my hands get clammy. I resisted the urge to text Jess. I could do this on my own.
I stepped out into the hall. Joshua stood at his office door, shaking hands with a gorgeous woman with blond hair. She was an employee, not a date—I recognized her from the marketing department. Just a work meeting, I reassured myself.
Joshua’s suit looked touchable, and it fit his frame perfectly. The blonde moved away. Joshua saw me watching and gave me a puzzled look. I gave him a little wave and tucked my hair behind my ear. Nervous hands.
He nodded to me, so cordial, so impersonal. If he would only acknowledge me here at work, things would be so much different. I thought back to that dream where he’d pressed me up against his desk and stroked himself inside me, through me, bringing me to orgasm. Or maybe he’d sit on the edge of his desk and I’d straddle him like I had at his house on Saturday night. So hot.
Sighing, I zipped back into my cubicle. I must have looked like the most pathetic, love struck employee to him. If nothing else, he had to at least be noticing my ridiculous attempts to talk to him.
Why didn’t I just tell him everything about how I was feeling?
Because I liked him too much. Everything had been going so well. I didn’t want to screw things up by adding some extra, weird element to our relationship. Hey, by the way, why do you ignore me at work even though we’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks now?
I waited until I heard the snick of his office door closing, and then I gathered the files to take to the marketing department. It was a long, lonely walk down the hallway. People said hi to me, of course. I’d been here almost since the beginning. Joshua started Scintilla four years ago, and I’d been here for three. So I wasn’t completely invisible.
I was just invisible to Joshua.
Just past the break room, the hallway opened into a larger room divided by more cubicles, which formed the marketing department. Jamie was rushing from cubicle to cubicle, exchanging words and paperwork. His brown hair, wavy like Joshua’s, was always somehow unkempt and awkward on him, whereas Joshua’s always looked like he’d come straight from the stylist. Today, Jamie was sweating, too, and his face was flushed.
It had been awhile since our lunch at the hot dog stand, when he’d talked about his idea, the one I’d told him he should share with Joshua. Come to think of it, it had been days since he popped his head over the side of my cubicle to say hello or point out an article about the benefits of running. With a pang, I realized I’d missed his easy chatter.
I’d just delivered the last file when he stepped out of another cubicle. He wiped his brow on his sleeve, barely seeming to notice me. Maybe my invisible powers were catching on to other people. Pretty soon I could strut around the city naked and no one would even notice.
“Jamie,” I said. “Is everything all right?”
He brushed past me. “Too busy,” he said.
There was an edge to his voice, though, like he was irritated or something. That wasn’t like Jamie. He always had time to gossip or goof around. Maybe Joshua hadn’t liked his idea. I cringed. It hadn’t been that great of an idea, but I’d thought he could take the rejection. Maybe I’d been wrong.
“What’s the matter?” I said, but he kept walking.
I chased him down the hallway. “Jamie, stop,” I hissed. I didn’t want to attract attention from my co-workers. I was in a relationship with one of the Tolberts—I didn’t need extra gossip about me seeing the other one.
He slowed down. When no one was looking, I grabbed his arm and led him to the stairwell at the end of the hall. After pushing him through the door, I sat down on the stairs, pulling him with me. I nudged his shoulder with mine.
“What do you want, Allison?” His voice was miserable.
“Jamie, it’s okay if Joshua didn’t like this idea. Keep coming up with more.”
He just stared at me with those deep green eyes. “You really don’t get it, do you?”
I shook my head and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Get what?”
“I’ve noticed something.” His voice went down to almost a whisper, even though in the stairwell we were out of everyone’s earshot.
“Well?” I asked. “What did you notice?”
He was quiet for a moment. I felt like shaking him. What was the big secret?
Finally he spoke. “I noticed that you have a crush on my brother.”
I rolled my eyes, even though I could feel my face get red. “Nothing new there. I’m surprised you didn’t notice that years ago.”
Now that I thought about it, my crush on Joshua was probably the most obvious thing in the world…to everyone except Joshua.
“No,” he said. “I wasn’t paying attention to that. I mean, I’d see you looking at him sometimes, but you never really talked to him. You only talked to me. But now it’s different—you’re trying to talk to him more.”
I didn’t want to lie to him. He was my friend. But I didn’t want to tell him the truth, either. “Jamie, maybe you’re imagining things.”
“I’m not,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about what could have changed things. He’s seeing someone. I’ve been wondering if it’s you.”
Footsteps thundered up the stairs. Michel from the tech department had been on a fitness kick since the first of the year and refused to take the elevator. Sure enough, he emerged from around the corner, coming up the stairs. His cheeks were pink from exertion. “Hey guys,” he panted.
Saved by Michel. I jumped up. “Well, see you later, Jamie. Glad we had this talk.”
“Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Michel said.
I laughed awkwardly. “Not at all! We’re just going over one of Jamie’s new ideas for the company. He’s got a million of them.”
Jamie just scowled, not looking at Michel or me. He was refusing to play along. I guessed it was a good thing Michel wasn’t one for office gossip.
Alongside Michel, I went back into the office. I turned once to glance back at Jamie.
He looked like he wanted to continue our conversation, but he could hardly say anything in front of Michel. And I had nothing I could say to him, anyway.