Chapter 22
Candy
After about an hour of the first wake up, mom popped her head back in the room and I knew that I had to get up. I wasn't going to be able to put it off any longer and I went to turn my phone on, finding out that Jax had already called several times today. I didn't put it past my mom to have already called him to let him know that I was back in town.
Even though I had finally gotten up early, I was still dragging my feet because I was not looking forward to the conversation I was going to have to have with Jax. I thought about it as I was coming back from Vegas, ever since the first time that me and Colt together and I knew it had to be done.
What happened in Vegas, could stay in Vegas as far as I was concerned. The fact that it happened, told me that Jax wasn't the one that I thought he was. If he had been the one, what happened with Colt, never would've happened.
So about one in the afternoon, I was finally ready to meet up with him. He had been waiting for my call and waiting to go on lunch break so that he could see me. It was just one of the many things he did that was so sweet. To be honest, it just made it harder. I knew what I had to do, and I knew it was for the best, but at the end of the day I didn't want to hurt Jax. He’d never done anything wrong.
I was so nervous to see him that instead of just going to the house, I told him that I wanted to meet for lunch at a restaurant. I figured that it would be better if we had a few people around, then I was hoping that the emotions wouldn't be a strong. I know that it was a long shot, but it was the only thing I could think of to do to make this better for us both.
When I got there, a part of me hoped that Jax wouldn't be there. Maybe he had work to do and had to do something to please one of the partners. It was sad really, but I was never good at confrontation. I didn't mind it, but I didn’t enjoy it at all when it was with someone I cared about it. It was a lot easier to do if I didn't care about the person's reaction. And whatever happened between me and Jax, I was always going to care. Also, our family was going to care as well. They were the hardest critics of all.
He was waiting for me, of course. Jax was always punctual, and he had the biggest smile on his face. I know that there was a lot of questions that he was going to want answers to, but at the moment all he did was get up and give me a hug.
“Damn Candy, I have really missed you.”
“I've missed you too baby.”
“Then why didn't you come home last night?”
“I didn't want to wake you up. It was late.”
He looked at me as if I was lying, but he was always good about not calling me on things. This was one of those times that I was thankful for it and I knew that I had a lot to be thankful for. I didn't know if he was going to make this easy for me or not, but his kindness was actually making it worse. It would have been easier if he was like a bad guy or deserved it, but he didn't and that was what made it so hard. I didn’t want to do it, even though I knew that I must.
“Something has changed, something is different with you. Do you want to talk about it?”
While Jax looked like he was as calm as everyone else in the room, I knew better. I knew him better than most and while he was a great guy, he definitely had a temper that was hard to forget and even harder for him to contain at times. It was at the very least, in the back of my mind as I started speaking, the knowledge that this could go south very quickly.
“Not really, Jax. It has just been a long weekend and I'm probably feeling jet lag. I usually don't travel this much back and forth is in a couple of days, you know that.”
“I get that Candy, but what I don't get is why you would go to your mother’s house. You don't even like her.”
What he said was true. As soon as I was allowed to get out of my parents’ house, I had. My dad was alright, but at the end of the day, he had been talked down to long enough that he didn't have a voice anymore. He just let things happen and I didn't want to live that way. My mother controlled everything, and it was a strange place for me to go, considering.
“I don't know, I just knew that I could get in and nobody would wake up. The flight was cancelled and then I had to grab another one and then it was delayed, so it was almost two in the morning when I got in last night.”
“You know that I wouldn't have minded if you woke me up. I never have before. I wanted to hold you in my arms last night. I stayed up, looking forward to it Candy. You know I sleep better if you’re with me.”
“I know, I just, I don't know.”
When I had ran this conversation in my head, I was certainly more eloquent than I was being at the moment. It was hard not to lie or hurt his feelings. It seemed like I had to do one or the other and I didn't want to do either. I hated to lie, never was good at it, that's why I was so blunt about everything. But I think that I liked the idea of hurting his feelings even less.
“I just feel like the time away has gotten me thinking. You know, maybe this wasn't supposed to happen and everything that stopped it, was just trying to tell us something. Should we really keep pushing it if it wasn't meant to be at all?”
“Meant to be? Where is this coming from? You don't even believe in fate.”
It was true a week ago, but things have changed. I had met a man after seven years that I had married and never seen again, but as soon as we were around each other, it felt like we've never been apart. That connection hadn’t been coincidence. I just couldn’t believe that Colt hadn’t been anything short of fate.
“I'm not saying anything about fate, Jax. What I'm saying is that it shouldn't be this hard. I know that you have stood by me, even after everything that happened last week, but at the same time I can see a little resentment in your eyes. It wasn't the perfect wedding that you wanted or that you expected.”
He was silent for a time and I could tell that he was just getting madder. I could almost guarantee that his blood was boiling, and he was quite upset, even though handsome face would not show an iota of it. It was what made Jax such a good trial lawyer. He had the face that would hold all of his client secrets in and not many people could do that. I certainly couldn’t, and I turned away so that he wouldn't see my emotions.
“I don't understand what you are saying.”
Losing was so far from his wheelhouse, that he couldn't even comprehend that it was over. I don't know why that bothered me so much. But I did know that I was going to have to press on. I still wasn't sure what sort of truth or how much of it I was going to give, but I knew that I was going to do it as delicately as I could. I wanted Jax to see that it wasn't even about me, but more about him.
“I'm saying that maybe it's a good thing that we didn't get married.”
The silence that took over the table was only broken up by the waitress that walked up to the table. She asked us what we wanted to drink, and I ended up having to answer for both of us because Jax was unable to. He was still looking at me in shock as the waitress walked away, giving us both a look of curiosity that I refuse to answer or comment on.
“You are happy that we didn't get married?”
“I wouldn't say that I am happy about it. I was certainly very upset in the beginning. but now I've had time to reflect and I have to wonder if everything happened for a reason or not. It is hard to think about it, but maybe what was supposed to happen, did.”
It was rather clear that he was not in agreement with me. The look on his face spoke volumes and the facade that he had been holding on to so hard was finally starting to break. He was losing his grip and I was more thankful than ever that we had went to a public place to do this.
“Why are you saying this?”
“I have just had time to think. It was the first time we’ve been apart before, and I was able to finally think. I am not saying that I don’t love you and that I didn’t want to marry you, but things are different now, aren’t they? Can’t you feel it?”
“No, I can’t.”