Chapter 28
Candy
As much as I wanted to get the divorce done and over with, there was a part of me that was happy that Colt was going to be at the court date too. I had worried that it would happen, and I would never see him again. I wasn't really showing yet, and I made sure that I wore something flowing so that no one could tell, but I was still nervous. I was excited as well, so the mix of emotions was hard for me to contend with.
I was about to leave for the courthouse when my mom came to pick me up. I wasn't planning on going with her, but it didn't seem like I had much of a choice when she told me to get in. I did, and I looked over at her, wondering what her angle is going to be this time. I knew that she wasn't here to just give me a ride to be nice. My mom wasn't that way. There had to be a reason, something that she was going to get out of this action, or she wouldn’t do it. The bottom line was the only thing that mattered to her.
“I didn't think you would want to go by yourself Candy. I know this is going to be tough on you. A divorce is like a death, they say.”
Who said that?
“Not really, I mean it's not like we were really married. I didn't even know the guy, so it won’t be too bad. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I am sure you have better things to do.”
That answers seemed to settle her nerves and I wasn't sure why. It was lie, all of it, but at the end of the day I knew that I was going to have to keep the truth inside. She didn’t need to know how I really felt about Colt and she wouldn’t have cared anyways, so it would just be a waste of breath.
“Well that is good then. Have you talked to Jax about the baby?”
“Why would I talk to Jax about it? Why would I do that? We aren’t together anymore mom, remember?”
“Isn't he in the running?”
“Yeah mom, he is. but I don't really like to say it like that. You can understand that can't you? This isn’t a race. It’s my life and my child’s life on the line with all of this.”
Cynthia wrote off my comment to hormones. She just would never see that her constant badgering was making me react this way. How else was I supposed to react when I was constantly defending myself?
“It must be the hormones because you have been a lot more sensitive lately. I am just looking out for you Candy. Why can't you see that?”
I wanted to see it that way, but I wasn't that naive. I had been her daughter for a very long time and I knew how she was. I knew exactly how she was, and this ride was more than that. She had something up her sleeve and I wanted to know what it was before I walked in on it.
“I can't believe that you don't trust me Candy. Everything is going to be fine. Everything I do, is for you. One day you will thank me for it.”
Once again, she was being ambiguous, and it just made me nervous. I wanted to know what it was that she was talking about doing for me, but she wouldn't come off of it. I felt like I was walking into a trap and I didn't want to feel that way. I was told by my lawyer that I had to go though, so I knew that I didn't really have a choice. If I wanted to get rid of this chapter of my life, I was going to have to close it myself.
...
We got to the courthouse and found a parking spot, the whole time I wished that this was just all done and over with. I don't see why we had to go to court about it. I thought that it was just going to be a simple filing and then it will be done. I didn't realize that it was going to turn into this whole thing.
“Don't be nervous Candy, everything is going to be okay.”
I just smiled at her and tried to pretend like it was. I wasn't nervous because of anything that I could control. I was carrying a child that I did not know who the father was, and I was about to meet one of them that made me feel a certain sort of way. There was nothing I could do about any of it.
When we got into the courtroom, the defense side was already there, and it was the first time that I had seen Colt in a few months. Life had been happening so quickly, I was able to push it all out of my mind most of the time, but the nights always got me. It was his smiling eyes that I saw when I closed my own every night.
Colt’s sea-green days was already hitting me, and I could feel the power of it. This man had something over me and I wasn't sure how we were ever going to move forward. How was I going to tell him that I may or may not be pregnant with his child? I don't think it's going to go over too well. Colt didn’t want to have a baby with me. I was the old wife that left and never came back. Would he do the same to me now? I felt like if he did, I would deserve in some way, karma paying off my own deeds.
I wanted to go over to Colt, thinking that we could do this done without everyone else around. It seemed so impersonal now and I didn't want it to be this way. I had gone all the way to Las Vegas, so that it wouldn't be this way and it didn't seem right to let it fall into that trap.
“Sit down Candy. Where are you going?”
“I just want to talk to Colt for a minute. This is just too much, and we can end this really quick if I could just have a few words with him. I don’t want to do this like it’s going. This is a mess.”
“No Candy, that wouldn’t be good. you are not supposed to talk to him. That is what the courtroom is for. It will all be finished soon enough. The hard part was getting to this day. After today, everything will be written in stone and enforced.”
I didn't understand why that was a thing or a rule. It seemed like if we could make it happen quicker and without the courts help, why wouldn’t that be a good thing?
“Why not?”
It's just the way that legal proceedings are. It is better to say things in court, where it is all documented, instead of in the hallway somewhere where nothing is recorded. It is for your protection Candy, I just want you to know that.”
I didn't agree with her because I didn't think she was right. I never thought my mom was right. But before I knew it, the judge was coming into the room and everybody was standing until he sat down. It seemed like a strange action to me, but it was a custom that I knew watching TV. I just never thought that I would be the one in the courtroom to be one to ‘all rise’ like the shows portrayed. It was surreal.
There was a lot of legal jargon in the beginning, much of it I didn't even understand, but when they were doing the overview, and something was mentioned about alimony and child support, I looked over at my mother.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing Candy, this isn't the time.”
She couldn't even look me in the eye and I was horrified. Whatever her in the lawyers had done, made it look like I was asking for all kinds of money and that just wasn't true. I didn't want any of his money, never had. I couldn't believe that she would do this to me, but at the same time, I could. All I knew was that something was going to have to give because I wasn’t going to let this stand. There was no way.
I stood up and asked the judge if I could have a moment with Colt. He looked at me much like my mom had and wanted to know why. He was sort of nice about it and it made me relax a little, though I didn’t know how to say it.
“I don't know what is going on here, your honor. I thought I was here to finalize a divorce. That's it. Some of this is more than I originally thought it was going to be and I would just like to confer with my husband for a moment please.”
The judge didn't quite understand what I was talking about, but he said that it was highly unusual for me to even be up and standing up, talking to begin with.
“Now I know that you are not a lawyer Ma’am, but you need to speak to your lawyer. He is the one that is going to talk for you in these proceedings. That is what you are paying him for.”
I looked over at the lawyer that my parents hired, and several other family members employed. He had been around, a fixture in our home since I was a child and at the moment in time of now, the last thing I wanted to do was talk to my lawyer. My lawyer had done something that I didn't ask him to do, and I knew who the driving force in all of this was.
While I was upset, and certainly confused at what was going on, I knew that I couldn't bring my problems of the lawyers’ actions into the courtroom. Not only was it not going to help my case, but it was going to make everything more difficult. I just wanted to get this over with, no matter how complicated it turned out to be. I just had a feeling that as long as my mom was involved, this was never going to go smoothly.
“Can we ask for a recess? I really need to confer with my lawyer, your honor.”
“We just got into the courtroom Miss, if there was something that you had to say to your lawyer, you should have said it sooner. It is too late Miss.”
I sat back down because I didn’t want to get in trouble. I wasn’t walking into a trap, just a minefield and I had a feeling that I was going to get blown up. What a mess. I shouldn’t have expected any less.