"What?" I ask, completely confused and wondering if he's so drunk he's completely confused about who I am.
"Cash. You fuck my brother?" He hits the switch on the wall a few more times and growls. "Why the fuck won't this light turn on!" Flowers are flung in my direction. “I bought you these because they’re pretty. Like you. You’re so damn sexy, Jo.” He slaps at the switch, growing even more frustrated.
"That's the garbage disposal!" I bark and slap his hand down, hitting the light. He pushes the flowers at me and the idea to scream at him for calling me pretty is diminished. “Brandt,” I sickly sigh then remember what he fucking asked me. "Did you just ask me if I fuck—" Looking at his face, I stop and my stomach flips. "You were in a fight!"
"Kicked his ass too," he slurs, walking to the freezer and grabbing an ice pack.
"Who'd you fight?" I blurt and take the ice from him, pulling him to the chair. When he sits, I carefully push it to his lip and jaw then shove his hair back out of his eyes.
"He needs to know not to fuck with you, Jo." His hand wraps around my thigh. "You didn't fuck him, did you?"
"Oh my god, Brandt." I straddle him at the kitchen table, still holding the ice to his face. "You fought your brother? I didn't fucking fuck him! Why do you keep asking me that?"
"He told me you did, but I didn't believe him. So I hit him after he took my phone and saw your pictures." He pulls his cellphone from his pocket and slides the shattered thing across the table before resting his hands on my thighs and dropping his head to my chest.
I look from the phone to him, realizing why he probably never responded. Putting the ice pack on the table, I slide my fingers into the back of his hair, then rest my cheek on top of his head.
"If you didn't believe him about fucking me, you wouldn't have asked. That prick was going to rape me earlier today. I'd never fuck the asshole."
"Rape! What the fuck, Jo! That's something you fuckin' tell me!" He tries to shift off the chair but I stop him.
"Calm down." I put my hands on his shoulders. "It wasn't a big deal. I've been through way worse shit, Brandt. Chill out. Let's discuss your fuckin' face." I carefully grab his face and shift his head so I can look at the swelling on his lip and jaw.
"Wait," he blurts, taking my hands in his and bringing them to my lap. "Did you just say you’ve been through worse? As in, you've been raped before and you're gonna drop that on me casually?"
I roll my eyes and pull my hands free, getting out of his lap. "I'm not that different and exciting anymore, am I?" I walk to the sink, kind of wishing I didn't let that slip like it was nothing.
I mean it was. I'm over it. Being a homeless junkie teen, I didn't really think I had much of a voice and I kept putting myself in those positions. I know better now though, that no matter what, I shouldn't have remained quiet. It's over now. In the past.
"Did you fuckin' tell anyone? That shit's illegal, Jo. Not sure if you knew that or not." He follows me to the sink and stands at my back.
Spinning around, I scowl at him, not really wanting to fight with a drunk nineteen year old, but he's pushing buttons he shouldn't be right now.
"Don't fucking worry about me. Especially when it comes to your fuckin' brother. He's going to do something nasty to you and it'll be my fault. Don't fucking put that on me." I push past him, done with this conversation, at least until he's sober.
I shut my bedroom doors and lean against them, listening to him stumble around for a few minutes. It sounds like he falls down the stairs more than once, but when everything's quiet, I groan and go out to the kitchen to put my flowers in a glass on the table. He fills my head in a way I remember when I needed my next fix. The thought won't leave until I satisfy it, and that's what's happening with Brandt. I won't stop thinking about him until he's in front of me again. This is all fast, the feelings, and maybe can be blamed on my personality, but it feels too good to push him away.
It takes a minute for me to wake up and realize I must be starving because I was dreaming about homemade breakfast and sitting down with Garrison and Donna like a happy little family. When I blink open my eyes, Brandt's sitting on the edge of my bed with a plate full of food. I knew I didn't dream that delicious smell! I sit up and squint, looking for the clock.
"Why are you just sitting there?" I complain before stretching, hating I'm awake right now.
"Two reasons," he mutters. "One, because the room's kinda spinning. Or maybe I'm gonna puke." He nods, and takes a breath. "And two, because I'm terrible at apologies. But I owe you at least one." He holds out a piece of toast. "I peanut buttered your toast for you."
I chuckle and don't hesitate to take it. "Thanks, but why are you apologizing?" I nibble on the toasted bread that has gold spread across it. God, I love peanut butter.
"I was a jerk last night. When you told me that you..." He nods toward me. "You know. I kinda lost it. Didn't react very nicely and I'm sorry about that."
"Don't worry about that shit, okay?" I roll my eyes, wishing I didn't tell him. "How's that hangover though?" I chuckle, hoping to change the subject.
He shifts on the bed and looks at me with his brows furrowed. "I'll worry about what I want to worry about, Jo. And lately I've been worrying about you. A lot." He shakes his head and rubs his hair. "You've been through so much shit, and you're not even that much older than me. I can't imagine living through what you have."
"Well I did live through it and you didn't have to. You didn't have the life I did. It's no big deal. You get it? I try not to think about this shit. Don't make me start hating Donna again just when I started tolerating her. Just forget about that shit. Let it go."
He nods and rests his hand on my leg. "I'll try not to. But I can't promise it."
"Yeah, so." I pull my leg from his hand and bend my knees, hugging my legs to my chest. "Maybe we should dial this back some?"
"Not happening." He pulls my leg back and takes the other with it, setting both across his lap as he shifts on the bed. "You're under my skin, city girl. You can't get rid of me that easily." He traces his fingers along my shin, deep in thought.
"I wish I wanted to." It was the last thing I wanted to say out loud but it's out and I need to own up to it.
"Yeah." He sighs. "It'd be a hell of a lot easier." His fingers slowly trail up my leg, past my knee and a smirk plays on those sexy lips. Brandt’s full lips probably make girls jealous.
"Yeah." I try to hold back the shudder that makes my clit start to tingle, but his fingers keep going higher and my legs start to spread on their own accord.
"That wouldn't be much fun though, would it?" His tone's gotten deeper and he shifts on the bed, crawling up my body and my legs wrap around him.
"God no," I whisper and slowly slide my finger over his split lip before wrapping my hands to the back of his head.
He gently pushes his lips to mine, letting his hand snake under my shirt and when his fingers find my nipple, he pinches. Hard.
"Shit, Brandt." I gasp and drop my head back then remember how Donna likes to casually stroll into Brandt's house. "Door!" I blurt. "Lock the doors."
He lets out this deep, sexy chuckle and dips his head, letting his tongue slide around my nipple. "I locked us down on my way in. No one's getting in here, Jo." He pulls my shirt over my head and tosses it to the floor, then groans in approval. "How's it feelin’?" His fingers trail along the edge of the bandage he put on my side yesterday.
"It's fine," I promise, carefully kissing his lips again. I start unbuttoning his flannel, annoyed he even came in here with this many clothes on because we need to finish what we started yesterday. If we don't, I might die. Letting out a frustrated groan because it feels like I've been unbuttoning forever, I drop my hands. "Strip." I lock eyes with his.
He chuckles, then stands from the bed and yanks his shirt over his head. The rest of his clothes quickly follow. "Tit for tat," he says, nodding at my shorts.
I grab his flannel that's hanging off the bed and blurt, "Mine," quickly sniffing it then shoving it under my pillow before popping to my knees. I wiggle my shorts down, going much slower than he did. Apparently he doesn't like it because he reaches out and yanks them, making me fall to the bed. "Impatient." I laugh, staring up at him and trying not to let my fears take over. Fears like I like this guy too much and he's the last person I should have these feelings for.
He bends over and his hand goes between my legs. His fingers slightly push into me and his palm presses against my clit. "Mine." He slides his fingers deeper and leans down, latching onto my nipple with his teeth again.
My eyes go wide but he can't see my face so I try to disguise the surprise and the need to protest, because I'd be lying if I said I didn't like what he just said. When his fingers pull out and he rubs against that spot, I get over it and moan, twisting my fingers in the sheet.
"How many," I pant, not able to go on because he did it again. "Brandt," I moan, "How many people have you slept with?" I open my eyes to meet his gaze as he's staring at me, a little confused why I asked.
And I couldn't fucking tell you why I did. Why I care. Or why I'm feeling jealous suddenly because it hasn't only been me. But I don't relent. I want my answer.
"Does that really matter?" His fingers pause and he raises an eyebrow at me. "Right now, in this moment, does it really matter, Jo?" He gives his fingers a slight curl and he hits that spot again.
"Fuck." My body contorts and I lose eye contact with him while I clamp onto his wrist. It matters, but I don't know why. "Don't stop," I beg him, blindly reaching out for his cock while he rubs the ridges inside of me like he's done this a million times to a thousand girls.
My eyes spring wide again and I think I've lost my mind. I've never, in my life had these issues before.
"Somethin' wrong, city girl?" He pulls his fingers out and rubs wet circles around my clit, then delves them back inside of me. I stroke his dick and he groans, his eyes closing briefly when I get a good rhythm.
Sitting up, I push down on his hand as I reach my mouth for his dick and suck on the tip before licking down to his balls and back again, making eye contact. I do it a few more times before moving his hand and sliding to the floor, on my knees. Gripping his cock with both hands, I stroke him and hold eye contact.
"Fuck my mouth." I slowly sink over the tip of him.
"Goddamn," he huffs, taking a fist full of my hair and thrusts his hips. "Hell," he murmurs, watching me swallow him. His grip on my hair is tight; firm yet still gentle. He groans again when I slide him to the back of my throat. "I'm not gonna last long with a mouth like that."
As much as I want to taste him, I need to get fucked so I stop and stand, leaning over the side of the bed and look over my shoulder at him while I reach down and spread myself open for him. "Fuck me."
He grins then grips my hips and tosses me back on the bed. "Not like that, sweetheart." Grabbing a condom from the drawer, he nods at it. "Should I do the honors or you have some weird condom fetish you need to feed right now?" He rips the package open.
I yank it from his hand. "Asshole." The condom slides over his cock and I’m not sure I'll ever get over touching him like this. It's a little far-fetched we're even in this situation right now. "No fetish, I just really need you to fuck me, farm boy."
He pushes his lips to mine and crawls over me. My legs spread and we lock eyes as he pushes against me. Taking a deep breath, he rests his forehead on mine and slides all the way in then lets out a groan.
"Holy hell, Jo," he pants.
I haven't had sex in over seven months. I haven't enjoyed sex in probably a couple years. I'm fucking in heaven right now and this stupid boy is making this way too difficult. This wasn't for a connection; this was for the taboo of it, for the thrill of pissing off our parents. My brain is jumbling things and making me think things I shouldn't.
"Yeah," I whisper, wishing I could look away from him but he makes everything comfortable while demanding my attention.
Because I have insecurities and issues, I always think the person I'm with would rather be somewhere else. But that's not the look on Brandt's face right now as he slowly sinks inside me then retreats, over and over. His thrusts start cautious before he speeds up, but he’s still gentle. He's not taking what he wants. He's giving way too much attention to making sure what I want is being given.
"God, Jo," he pants then sits up and grins down at me, his calloused hands on my thighs as he watches his cock slide in and out of me. "That's hot." He lifts my legs to reach deeper. "Holy shit."
I clamp my lip and whimper as his thrusts deepen and the completely unexpected starts to happen. I've never had an orgasm controlled by someone else. My eyes go wide and I look at him almost like I should ask him to stop because this is too much. Way too much. As I start to freak out from the sensation swirling in my belly down to my pussy, I shake my head no and clamp my teeth down on my hand to keep from screaming as heat flushes through me and bursts into tingles. My hips start to shake and I feel like I just lost all brain functionality from the insane burst.
Brandt pumps into me a few more times before his own release. The words that fly from that beautiful mouth aren't words for outside the bedroom, and it's shocking a person like him would even say any of it, but damn if I didn’t like it. He bends and presses his lips to mine before catching his breath and climbing off the bed to discard the condom.
When he returns, I'm still in the same spot. Unable to move after the intensity. He crawls in bed and scoops me next to him, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my neck.
I lay here as stiff as a board because there's stupid thoughts going through my head right now and I need to calm down before I say anything. When he starts to pull at me like he's wondering why I won't embrace him, I slowly shift to face him. My eyes drop to his lip that's a little red from the kissing and I gently touch it.
"Does it hurt?" I whisper, instead of saying the words 'I think I love you'. This is crazy to feel like this so quickly but it feels right.
"Nah.” He closes his eyes. "Can we just sleep for a bit?" He's probably still hungover from last night.
When he shifts and slides his arm under my neck, he's not really giving me any options but to move closer to him. I adjust, pressing myself up against a body I've never even seen in person before him. Even if I never get used to this, I don’t ever want it to stop.
"I'm always down for a nap." I quietly chuckle, kissing his chest.
The fact this feels so good kind of makes me worry. Let's face some facts here. I'm an addict. I become dependent on things, and I don't think it'd be much different if the object were a person. There are a lot of factors that are making me fall for Brandt pretty damn fast. The first, he actually wants to be around me. The second is he's hot as sin and I'm the biggest sinner I know. The third, kind of goes with the first, but he actually seems to be into me. I'm not naïve, I've slept with people just to get attention, but I knew all I was back then was a warm hole to them. I was thinking maybe that was the case with Brandt, but the way he looks at me makes it seem like he's happy to be looking. What we're doing isn't wrong in the minor spectrum of things. In the grand scheme of it all, he's my step brother and our parents expect us to act like it. Unfortunately my heart wasn't up to par with my kinkiness, because I was getting a thrill from it being taboo. Yeah, well, falling in love with your step brother isn't the kind of taboo I was going for.
When I wake from my nap, Brandt's not in the bed, and Donna's calling the phone she bought me.
"Mom," I grumble, not meaning to call her that but I'm half asleep.
"Oh, Jo." She sighs. "Are you sleeping again?"
"I'm washing clothes." That's the first lie that came to mind and I close my eyes while she giggles.
"Sounds like you're sleepin' in the washin' machine! Listen, honey, before you say no, hear me out. Brandt and Garrison are going a few towns over and they're gonna be gone for the next night and a half. I was thinkin' me and you could take a little girls’ trip for the week?"
I sit up and look at my bed where Brandt had been sleeping and frown. He left without saying anything.
"Where?" I ask, meaning where'd Brandt go.
"There's this convention in Sable Creek and it's a bunch of arts and crafts. I really think you'll like it. Sable Creek’s 'bout five hours from here and I usually meet up with the gals and we go, but I thought it'd be fun just me and you."
I sigh. She's dreaming if she thinks I'm gonna do this.
"There's a spa. Wine tasting. An intricate food tasting festival. All paid for already, Jo. You just have to get on board."
"I really don't think that's my kind of thing," I tell her with no regret.
"I thought you might say that," she says with a tinge of disappointment. "That's okay, I'll skip this year."
"Why don't you just go?" I rub my face and look at the empty spot Brandt had been.
"Well, honey." She takes a deep breath. "With Garrison gone, and me gone...we're just not comfortable leaving you on the land alone yet."
My brows raise and I'm not sure if I'm offended or proud she actually said that.
"I'm sorry, Jolene," she whispers.
"Are you at your house? I mean this house? Just next door?"
"Yes." She chuckles. "I didn't want to be bothering you in case you were napping."
That's even more shocking and I start to feel guilty. Guilt is not an emotion I ever feel. Especially for this woman! Why am I feeling it now?
"I'll go," I grumble and she immediately shrieks in excitement.
What better way to try and get over the intense feelings I have for Brandt than by staying away from him? I have to realize this isn't love, this is addiction due to the positive attention he pays me.
As Donna and I are heading out, I get a text from him.
Brandt the farmer: I didn't wanna wake you up but one of the steers got sick and I had to go with my dad a few towns over. I won't be home tonight. See you tomorrow tho : )
Yeah...about that.
City girl: Me and Donna are doing 'girls week' so I'm gonna be gone a few days. Maybe never even come back because I don't think Garrison will take kindly to me murdering his wife and burying her in the middle of farmland. I can't believe I signed up for this.
Brandt the farmer: Whoa! You sick or somethin? ; )
I snort and shake my head before closing my eyes.
I don't actually get to nap because Donna starts singing along with some shit on the radio and her voice is distracting. Here comes the country sensation.
If Donna didn't spend a couple grand on me alone, I could say these past five days have sucked. But she spent, and spent, and I thought I could break her, but she just happily pulled out credit card after credit card. At one point, she gave me a credit card and told me to buy whatever I wanted at this flea market convention thing. There was some cool stuff, but I've never seen so many dream catchers in my life. The time away was kind of nice, but getting Brandt off my mind was damn near impossible. He texted a few times and if I didn't ignore him, I gave him short answers even when all I wanted to do was lounge in that spa all day and talk to him. It's sick the way he's made me feel this dependent. It's not his fault, but I need to end it. I repeated the words ‘I’m just another hole' probably over a hundred times in my head whenever I thought about him.
"You need anything at home, Jo?" Donna asks. "I gotta stop in town before we make it home."
"I could probably use a few things." My thoughts go to how much peanut butter we have. Then to wondering what Brandt's doing. Wondering what awful country get-up he's wearing that makes me tingle in spots it shouldn't. My addiction is a habit I'm not sure I'll be able to kick. With any luck, he'll kind of be over me and maybe he'll just leave me alone.
I glance at the text he sent this morning that started with a picture of him lying in his bed, shirtless, he’d just woken up. He's complete opposite to what I've ever been attracted to. I shouldn't say that; what I mean is he's opposite to any of the guys I've ever been with. I've ever pursued to score. He's sexy. That's not a word I've ever used to describe someone, but Brandt is damn sexy. My sexy fucking step brother...as Donna has reminded me this entire week. I don't even think she used his name, she's just called him 'your step brother' or 'your brother'. The text 'I miss you. Never noticed before, but the house is lonely' seems to be in bold as I stare at it. I haven't responded to any of these types of texts. I've been trying hard not to respond at all, but I kept needing a Brandt fix.
"Your brother need anything? You want to give him a call?" Donna asks as she parks.
"Brandt probably has everything he needs. He's got his own car."
"You want a car, honey?" she blurts and I look over at her with eyebrows high.
"Uh." I shrug. "Not really. I guess. I need one. I need a job. I can buy my own car."
"Don't be silly, Jo. I'm your mom, it's my job to take care of you."
I snort and when she glances at me, I turn my head so she can't see my eyes roll.
"Yeah, Donna, buy me a car." I get out, not really expecting her to buy me a car. It's her own stupid choice if she does.
Donna goes into the store and I hang back, pulling my phone out to see if Brandt's text again, even though I know he hasn't. The rumble of a few motorcycles makes me look up and it's too late before I realize it's Cash and his crew. When I turn to go into the store, someone grabs my arm and as I fight to get away, I fall to my ass.
"I'll scream," I threaten and he laughs. I don't know who this kid is, but it's not Cash.
"Calm down, Jo." He yanks me up and I shove him.
"Fuck you!" I glance around, but there's no one other than Cash and his fuck-head friends.
"Cash just wants to apologize."
"Fuck you," I growl and my eyes land on Cash as he saunters over to me. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I don't want this guy fucking with me, but I don't think anyone would come to my rescue.
"Jo, I need to talk to you."
"Leave me the fuck alone."
"I was high," he says and glances around. "The other day I saw you in town, I was high." He looks over at his cohort then thumbs behind him. "Beat it." The guy that was holding me hostage jogs back over to his motorcycle and Cash's hand lands on the wall next to my head. "I'd never hurt you." He brushes his knuckles down my cheek and I shiver in disgust. "I was high. You know all about that, don't ya? Doin' shit you don't mean 'cause you're high."
I don't know how he knows anything about me, but it wasn't a lucky guess.
"Just leave me alone."
"I can't." He shrugs and I see the resemblance to Brandt, but it's not strong. "A girl like you belongs with me, not my redneck brother. We're alike, Jo. Bad." He grins and leans in closer. When I flinch, he sighs. "I'm sorry. Does that make it better? You've gotten my first and only apology." When he smirks, the resemblance to Brandt is stronger and I turn my head. "Come out with me."
I snicker and glare at him. "You tried to fuckin' rape me."
"Goddammit." He punches the wall next to my head and I wince, ducking away. "Dammit. I'm sorry." Pulling at me, he forces me to stand up. "I was fuckin' high. I was out of my mind."
"You still are." I dip under his arm and dart toward a family heading into the store. "Hi," I blurt, joining them. "Hi," I say again, trying to shake the emotion Cash makes me feel. Straight fear, and I hate it. I've had people try to intimidate me, I've had people hurt me, but I could read them, I knew they weren't a bigger threat than I could handle. Cash scares the shit out of me.
I find Donna in the store and stick by her. She drapes her arm over my shoulders and walks me up to a woman that's glaring at me like I'm an abomination.
"This is my baby girl," Donna coos and the pride in her voice makes something inside me feel safe and actually wanted.
"Well, hi there." The disgusted woman is trying so hard I want to laugh in her face then steal her purse and make a run for it. "What's your name?"
My eyes shoot to Donna who's scowling at the woman talking to me like I'm slow.
"She's not a child, Carol, don't talk to her like that," Donna snaps and stands up straight, tugging me closer under her arm. "My girl's twenty years old and damn smart." She swipes her hand in my hair.
"My name's Jo," I answer the bitch who's got a fake smile plastered.
"Nice to meet you. And see you again, Donna," she quickly walks away.
"Bitch has a crowbar up her ass," Donna says and her twang was suddenly replaced with her old New York accent making me burst into laughter, letting her pull me closer while she hugs me.
On my way out the door, I grab a flyer that says 'Now hiring'.
"What's that for?" Donna asks.
"They're hiring bar-backs." I glance at her then around the parking lot to make sure Cash and the other fucks are gone.
"A bar, huh?" She manages to withhold her disapproval.
"Can you swing me by?" Don’t ask me how but working with alcohol doesn’t make me want to drink it. Besides that, alcohol wasn’t really my addiction. It's different when I'm in a situation I don't want to be and getting drunk or high will make it less awful for me.
The bar is on the outskirts of town, but I'm hired and I start tomorrow. The owner was on site and he hired me after five minutes. He didn't seem to give a fuck about anything but my appearance. It's a biker bar and he said I'd fit right in.
Lame. But I got a job.
As we pull toward the house, I can't stop my grin. I hope Brandt's home. I shouldn't, but I do. I've never been in love and I've never had a guy show me attention like he does so it was easy to fall in love with him, but it probably isn't real. Which is why I'm avoiding him. I really fucking hate I miss him.
After unloading my bag in my bedroom, I brush my hair, noticing the root grow-out already. Girls would kill to be a natural blonde. I despise it.
As I walk to the barn, hoping to find Brandt, I find it empty but his horse greets me with a noise. I slowly approach the huge thing, terrified it could squash me.
"Hi, Lucky," I quietly say, putting my palm out but too afraid to touch it until it turns its head away from me like it's giving me the go ahead. When I make contact with the horse for the first time, I chuckle like I've accomplished something colossal.
I don't belong in the country.
"Tryin' to steal my horse’s heart too?" Brandt appears out of nowhere, wiping his hands and shoves the rag into his jeans. "Be careful, Lucky. You'll get real nice with her, then she'll just disappear on ya." He glances over at me like my avoidance has hurt his feelings. "That dress looks...real...real fuckin' good on you."
I roll my eyes, fighting hard to just accept his compliment without a smartass remark. "I was looking for you," I blurt, feeling bad I've seemed to hurt his feelings by ignoring his texts the past few days. "I mean, 'cause I can't find my chick," I lie because I need to avoid these feelings.
"It's in the special coop I built it two days ago." He sets his hat on the bench then grabs a brush, tossing it to me. "He likes it when you brush down from the top," he says, nodding toward Lucky.
"Oh." I smile but turn my head, not wanting him to see I'm happy he made my chicken a home. "I saw Cash today. He asked me out." I raise my brows and look away.
"You saw my fuck—" He lets out an exasperated laugh and starts pacing the barn. "You saw my fuckin' brother today? The hell, Jo? What the fuck're you thinking? It's like you have a goddamned death wish." He runs his hands through his hair and growls. "You better have said no."
"I didn't go out of my way to see him, Brandt!" I snap. "I was with my mom—Donna. We went to town and it's like the guy's fucking stalking me! He seems to always show up when I'm alone. He apologized," I add, like that matters.
"It's because he is fucking stalking you, Jo! Fuck, fuck, fuck." He starts pacing again then stops and glares at me. "He don't fuckin' mean that apology. You know that, right? He's tryin' to rope you in and make you think he's not a bad guy. You gotta know that, Jo."
The guy was going to rape me. He is nothing but a bad guy. "This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy." I tap his hat. "Hey, I got a job." I try to sound enthusiastic, but I'm not. I watch him before I start brushing the horse.
He pauses, studying the brush in his hands like it’s a new object. Slowly he brings his eyes to mine and if I thought I saw hurt in them earlier, I was dead wrong compared to now. He nods his head and gives it a little shake.
"What'd I do to push you away?"
My mouth pops open, not really expecting that and I glance toward the barn doors, making sure we're alone while I move closer to him. "Nothing," I quietly sigh. "I just need to get my head clear and spending time with you really doesn't make me think clearly at all." I chuckle and move away again, wishing I would have taken the moment to touch him like I wanted to.
"I've always favored cloudy skies over sunny ones." He sighs, walking over to the bench and dropping his brush in a bucket. "Where's the job?" He's leaning back against the workbench, arms crossed in front of him, and it's so hard to read him with a stance like that.
"At a bar, just bar-backing for now. Sloane’s."
When his stance goes rigid, I stop brushing the horse because there's a war brewing in that beautiful head.
"I start tomorrow." Realization that he's not the slightest bit happy for me makes me frown.
"Don't do it," he blurts. "Quit. You don't know what you're walking into with that place."
I scowl and go back to brushing Lucky. "Stop being so sexist, Brandt. It's the only fuckin' place that will hire me. Unless I'm in daisy dukes and cowboy boots, I'm not getting a fuckin' job anywhere else in this or the surrounding counties."
"I fuckin' told you to work here!" his voice booms, startling the horse and he curses, kicking a bucket. "That's a biker bar. The bar my fucking brother practically lives at. So go ahead, Jo. Don't listen to me. Go to work, but I can bet you, you won't be coming home tomorrow night without another one of those. Or worse." He nods at my stomach where Cash cut me the other day. "Why the hell didn't you just take the job you've been offered a ton of times? You saw how much fun it was last week. I won't make you wear fucking cowboy boots. And we can spend every goddamned day together." He's standing so close to me now, just one step will have us touching. "I miss you, Jo," he whispers so quietly I almost can't hear him. "Please don't work there."
I march over to the barn doors and slide them closed before our parents catch us standing too close or our lingering looks.
"I didn't know Cash frequents there. But I can't work on the farm, Brandt. I don't have dedication like you do. God, don't take this wrong, but I don't give a shit about this place. This is your dad's, and even your bread and butter. I'm a city girl. I need something more than animals. I need to not have to wake up every morning when a fucking rooster crows. I don't want a job at all, but let's get practical. I need a job that if I want to walk away from it tomorrow, I won't feel guilty. I can't do that if I work here with you."
"You're planning on walking away from it all?" His brows push together. "Just like that? You're just gonna wake up one day and decide you're done? That how you run your life, Jo?"
"Actually, yeah." I shrug.
"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! You've got it fucking set here. And all you care about is what tomorrow holds! What about today? What about right now?"
"What about right now?" I scream at him, pissed he made me fall in love. He's the reason I'm scared right now and planning on getting out of this hellhole at any minute.
"Hey now!" Garrison's voice carries and the barn doors open. "What're you two carrying on about? You're bickering like an old married couple." He walks to the corner and drops a huge bag off his shoulder. "Brandt, here's the chick feed for the week. And, Jo, why don't you go cool off somewhere. Maybe go help Donna cook supper."
My eyes go wide but before I go off on him, I clamp my lips and Brandt speaks up, "Dad, that's not the only thing women are good for," he blurts, shocked something like that came out of his father. "Plus, I'm not even sure Jo here can cook anything." He smirks like a smartass.
I look at Garrison, silently daring him to team up with his son and bash me, but he looks between us then shakes his head. "I didn't mean it like that, Jo. I meant you seemed worked up and like you needed to get away from this gunsel." He motions to Brandt and I furrow my brows while Brandt chuckles at whatever he just called him. "I'm sure she could cook circles around you, son." He closes the doors on his way out.
"You're a fuckin' dick," I quietly snarl so Garrison doesn't hear me.
Brandt watches the doors close and as soon as the sunlight stops shining through them, he's on me. His hands slide to the back of my head and his lips press to mine like a starved animal. A week away apparently didn’t give him time to get over me, and I don't fucking want him to.
"You frustrate the fuck out of me," I quietly groan in case Garrison isn't far but I want Brandt to bend me over this bench and fuck me hard enough the deer in the fields will hear it.
"Yeah, that makes two of us. I've been goin' crazy these last few days, Jo." His thumb swipes down my jaw. "Please promise me you won't pull that shit again. You coulda at least texted me back."
"Brandt." I look away, trying to move back but his grip tightens and he grabs my chin, looking me in the face. "What the hell is this supposed to be? Secret fuck partners? What?" I blurt, wanting to tell him to back the fuck off until I realize this isn't love. I can't be in love with him.
"We'll tell them. Eventually."
I growl and try pulling back again but he stops me.
"Hell, Jo. All I know is I want you. As a girlfriend. As a roommate. As a lover. I want everything you have to give, and I want everyone to know. Maybe not right off the bat... Maybe we test the waters and figure out the best way to tell my dad and Donna about us, but what we're doing isn't wrong." He grabs my hand and brings it to his chest. "What I'm feeling isn't wrong either."
"Other people think it is." I pull my hand down. "Fucking your step sister is usually frowned upon. Telling our parents will only get you kicked off the ranch and me kicked back on the streets. They just want a happy little family, Brandt, and all they care about is that we're happy siblings that love our parents. I'm not fucking happy. I'm not fucking happy about the way you make me feel," I divulge in frustration.
"Fuck other people, Jo. How are you the one that cares about what others think? Sure, had we grown up together and taken baths together as kids, this would be weird as hell. But we just met. When I met Donna, she didn't even know if you were alive. Honestly, I didn't even think you really existed. We're strangers that happen to have parents that got married late in life. That's it. That's all this is." He wraps his arms around me tight. "I’m not fuckin' lettin' you go back to the streets, Jo."
"That's not all this is, farm boy." I pull away and glance at the doors Garrison could walk through again at any second. "I don't know why, but I don't just want the convenient hook up with you. I want that stupid package people brag about on social media. And I don't mean I want to go public, but I don't want to be your convenient hook up...along with Goldilocks, and whatever other chick you feel like fucking any given day."
He looks me in the eyes and those nice lips turn upward. "I don't want anything with anyone else, Jo."