Avery
My phone buzzed as I was watching a movie with Sean on Thursday night. It was Graham.
Do you have time to talk?
Instead of texting back I just motioned to Sean to keep watching without me and called Graham as I headed to my room.
“It’s good to hear your voice,” I said when he answered.
“It’s good to hear you too.”
“So what’s up?”
“Leo has decided to buy Thrust, and he wants to have dinner tomorrow night to celebrate. I don’t want to be late coming to Asheville, especially when I have to leave earlier than usual on Sunday, but—”
“You should go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll stick to soda so I can drive, and I’ll leave early. I bet I can make it to Asheville by eleven.”
I didn’t want him cutting his evening short for me, but I really wanted to see him, maybe even more than I had any other time. Because despite him saying he was willing to move here, I’d worried he might decide things had become too complicated and not come back at all. I kept wondering when he’d finally decide this couldn’t work. At least after hearing his voice I felt better.
“Why don’t I come to Charlotte instead? I can be there whenever you think you’ll be done, and then we’ll have more time together. You shouldn’t have to do all the driving.”
“Don’t you have to work on Saturday?”
“I already decided to take Saturday off. I… um… Other than the wedding, I haven’t taken vacation time in forever, and I thought we would need more time because… well, last weekend was…”
“Thank you. I want more time with you too.”
“Text me your address, and I’ll be there when you get home from Leo’s celebration.”
“I have a better idea. Why don’t you come with me?”
“To dinner?”
“Yes. I’d love to introduce you to Max and Foster, the other guys who will be there.”
I stood and paced, even more nervous than I had been.
“Or if you don’t want to, I can leave you a key for my house.”
“No. I mean, yes, I’ll go.” We needed to be open to meeting each other’s friends, and I liked Leo, so…
“Thank you. You’re amazing.”
“So are you.”
“I’ve got to go, but I’ll send my address, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I should be able to be there around seven. Will that be okay?”
“Yes. I’ll be home, and we can head to Leo’s dinner soon after you get here.”
I ended the call and went back to the living room. Sean paused the movie when I sat down. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. I was just talking to Graham.”
He studied me for a moment. “That is not your usual talking to Graham face.”
“I’m going to Charlotte this weekend instead of him coming here.”
“And that has you worried?”
“I’m not worried.” I was so worried I thought I might come apart.
“You’re staring at your phone.”
“He’s texting me his address, and I want to look it up.”
Sean frowned. “You don’t know where he lives?”
“I know he lives in Charlotte, but I’ve never been to his house.”
“And you never asked him anything about it?”
“No.” Was that strange? Whether it was or not, it proved we’d been existing in a bubble.
Sean grinned. “I guess you’ve been too busy fucking.”
“We talk.” Graham and I were more than just sex. I knew that much.
“While you recover for the next round?”
I clenched my hands into fists. “Sean!”
“It’s normal to be like that when things are all new. Who needs real life when a man like Graham will give you anything you want?”
Graham really would give me anything I wanted, wouldn’t he? He’d move here, loan me money to start a business with no guarantee of ever being paid back in full. But I wouldn’t let him do any of that, because I was too stubborn.
“I want to talk to you about something,” I told Sean. “But you have to be serious. I feel weird talking to Felicity since Graham’s her father-in-law, but I need to know you won’t laugh at me.”
“Are you going to confess to some kinky shit you’re doing?”
“I call him Daddy, and he calls me boy, and I totally get off on it. There. That’s out of the way.”
Sean made a strangled sound. And I kind of loved that I’d thrown him off-balance.
“But that’s not what I wanted to say.”
Sean’s expression turned serious. “In the interest of confessions, I tried pony play with Blake, but he said I didn’t have enough discipline. He wants to teach me how to be obedient, and I kind of want him to, but he scares me.”
Whoa. Sean was finally talking. “He scares you because he’s so dominant?”
Sean shook his head. I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t.
“Then why?”
“I feel too much when I’m with him. I want to give him everything he asks for, not just because it’s hot, but because I want to please him. I want him to fix the mess I’ve made of my life, but it’s wrong to depend on someone like that.”
“Are you sure it’s wrong if it’s what you both want? Maybe it would be good for you.” A few months ago, before meeting Graham, I might not have felt the same way, but after being his boy, I was absolutely sure of what I said.
“I don’t know. Don’t I just need to man up and be an adult?”
I rolled my eyes. “Like that ever works. Look, you can be a mess, but you’re hardly failing at adulting. You pay your rent on time, and even though you keep changing career paths, you take what you’re doing seriously. You’re a capable adult, despite eating Cocoa Puffs for dinner half the time. That’s your choice. Whatever you might do with Blake won’t change that.”
Sean didn’t look convinced. “I asked him if we could just go out casually, do some scenes, enjoy each other, but either we do this his way or not at all.”
“So he won’t compromise?”
“I can’t blame him for that. It’s because I hurt him. He told me he wanted to be serious, and I laughed at him and then told him to just get on with it and spank me. He called an end to our scene and after bringing me home, he said he didn’t want to see me anymore.”
“If you’re interested in him, and you do seem to be, then at least think about whether his way could work. And if not, maybe if he sees you’re willing to try, you can find a compromise then. You just have to be honest about what you’re feeling.”
“Listen to you, Mr. Maturity.”
“Nothing like sage relationship advice from an expert who’s been in one two-month-long relationship with his best friend’s father-in-law.”
“Exactly.”
We both laughed, then he said, “I’m sorry. I totally derailed our conversation with my confession.”
“Did it feel good to finally talk about Blake?”
He seemed to consider that for a moment. “Yeah. It did. I was worried you’d be pissed at me for how I treated him.”
I shook my head. “I don’t expect you to be perfect. If you didn’t care that you’d hurt him, if you weren’t worried about it, then I’d be mad. But you admitted you fucked up, which shows me you’re exactly who I thought you were, even if you pretend to be a heartless asshole sometimes.”
Sean huffed. “Only with men who are heartless assholes too.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t fuck men like that.”
He sighed. “The decent guys always want more than I can give.”
“There’s a difference between can’t and won’t.”
“Maybe, but that’s enough about me. Confess something other than your kinky sex shit.”
“Pony play is just as kinky as anything I do.”
He waved me off. “Whatever.”
“Graham offered me money to start my makeup line, however much I need.”
“Oh wow. What did you say?”
“That I’d think about it, but I’m uncomfortable just taking money from him.”
“Won’t you have to pay him back?”
“Only after my business is making money, which might never happen.”
“It also might. For all you know, you might become richer than he is.”
I snorted. “Little chance of that.”
“There’s always a chance,” Sean said. “You should take the money. You’ve been wanting to do this forever, and he’s offering you the opportunity.”
“But I’m indebted to him enough already.”
“Why, because he cares for you? That’s a gift, and it’s one you deserve.”
His words knocked the breath out of me. He was right. Graham didn’t expect anything from me. “But what if… What if we don’t last?”
“I think you will. You’ve got that totally in love forever thing going.”
I stared at him. “We what?”
“Shut up. You so know you do.”
I knew what I thought I felt, what I hoped he felt too, but I couldn’t talk about it.
“If you did break up, would he expect the money back?”
I shook my head. “He says all investments are a gamble, and this is no different than him buying a property. He never knows how it will turn out.”
“Please at least consider it.”
“I already told Graham I would.”