LIKE A FINGER TO A trigger, visuals flashed before my eyes.
My past. My present. A movie of my life.
I was in San Diego. My aunt Delores and I searching for playing cards. Me sitting beside Randy on a worn-down sofa, mindlessly watching television and slowly losing myself in the abyss of mediocrity. Time slipping away from me.
Then, I was in LA.
Falling down
down
down
down the rabbit hole into Wonderland.
Wealth. Extravagance. Sophistication.
Drugs. Alcohol. Pleasure.
Dirty deeds. Owed favors. Greed.
Good deeds. Charities. Contribution.
Wonderland. A paradox. Good and bad. Black and white. Everything and nothing at the same time. A place where the rich got richer and the poor benefited from other humans’ greedy, selfish desires.
Nothing was off-limits. And everyone was mad. A place where every new encounter was a game. A puzzle to solve. Rules to learn. And consequences for learning or not learning those rules. Sometimes, the rules made sense. But sometimes, they didn’t.
Then, Matt Hadder. My big, bad man. The day I’d met him. Following him inside to my first party. Falling in love with him. Nearly dying at the hands of Eric Queen. The twists. The turns. The ups and downs of our relationship.
Him moving me in to his apartment. Us, moving in to the home we’d picked out together. Matt, down on one knee, asking me to marry him.
The visuals started to become harder to see, and I strived to keep them there. But it was useless; they became distorted, faded.
No, please. I want to stay here. I want to live in these memories.
“Alex, sweetheart. Wake up.” A muffled voice filled my ears, but it sounded so far away.
And light, lots and lots of light, filled my view. I struggled against it, but the harder I shut my eyes, the brighter it became. Until, eventually, it consumed my focus.
“Time to wake up, little one.” The voice was there again, but I still didn’t know who or where it was.
Slowly, I felt my senses becoming aware. I wrapped my fingers around the soft fabric covering my body. It was my comforter and sheets. I was in my bed. I was dreaming.
Or, I had been dreaming. But God, that dream had felt so real.
Wait…was it all just a dream?
Adrenaline spilled into my veins, and I popped my eyes open. Immediately, I spotted Deena at the foot of the bed, her plump, black body curled up by my feet. I looked around the room frantically, but besides my snoozing diva cat, it was empty.
I shut my eyes again to get my bearings and tried to rid the cobwebs of sleep from my brain. And when I opened them, Matt stood in the doorway. Freshly showered and clad in only his briefs, he leaned against the doorjamb with his heart in his eyes.
A giant smile consumed my face.
Definitely not a dream. It was real. It was my life.
Thank God.
Instantly, I tossed the comforter off of my body and jumped out of bed. Three steps later, I closed the distance between us and all but threw myself into his arms.
“Well, good morning, sweetheart.” He lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist before kissing him soundly on the mouth.
Matt chuckled softly and met my eyes. “What was that for?”
It wasn’t my typical reaction to being woken up. Normally, I moaned and groaned and demanded exponential oral gratification as a reward for my sacrifice. This time I’d still probably get around to demanding the oral—because, hello—but I was too grateful Matt was real to revel in any of my other petty details.
“Because I love you.”
He grinned, his eyes twinkling in a way they only ever did for me. “Love you too.”
Aggrieved that this moment would have to end, that I would eventually have to unwrap my hold on him, I shoved my face into the warm, cinnamon hum of his throat and mumbled. “What time is it?”
“Time for you to get your little ass in the shower so we can get a move on,” he said, unknowing of how clingy I was feeling this morning, and set me to my feet.
Fighting the knot in my throat, I rolled up onto my toes and pushed my lips to his once more.
His affection melted right into my mouth, making my heart jump and my roiling stomach ease.
He dusted the line of my abandoned lip with his thumb and held my eyes captive.
“Alex?”
“Yes?” I asked nearly breathlessly, so entranced by him I felt high.
“Move.”
The spell broke instantly, releasing me from its hold and allowing irritation to replace the very needy tension that’d taken over my body.
Back to myself, I rolled my eyes, and he pinched my ass. “Ow!”
Matt grinned and nudged me toward our bathroom. “You’ve got thirty minutes, little one.”
“Thirty minutes for what?” I questioned with a hand to my hip.
“It’s a surprise,” he answered vaguely, and I narrowed my eyes.
“What kind of surprise?”
“If I told you, I’d probably have to kill you.”
“Very funny,” I retorted, and he just winked.
“You’ve got thirty minutes to shower, pack, and get dressed for our flight,” he instructed in his all too familiar no nonsense voice.
Thirty minutes to shower, pack, and get dressed for a flight?
Obviously, he’d gone mad.
I raised an eyebrow, and he chuckled.
“Don’t worry, sassy pants, you’re already packed. Just get in the shower.”
Forever inside my head, my fiancé had a way of always answering my silent questions.
“Get out of my head, ya lunatic,” I muttered as I walked past him, and his answering chuckles followed me into the bathroom.
The bastard.
I turned on the shower, and the sounds of Matt’s cell phone ringing echoed from the hall. “Hadder,” he answered on the second ring.
A few moments later, and with the phone still pressed to his ear, he joined me in the bathroom.
“Actually, we’re going to be off the grid for a few days. Heading out in about an hour. Our pilot is already waiting for us on the runway,” he said into the receiver and leaned a hip against the bathroom counter.
Off the grid for a few days? I quirked an eyebrow in his direction, but Matt ignored me.
Instead, while he continued his phone conversation, his eyes intently watched me undress.
“Pervert,” I mouthed toward him, and he grinned.
“Yeah…that should work,” he responded to whoever was on the other end of the line. “Tell President Knave we’re looking forward to it.” Matt pressed end on the call, and I quirked a brow.
“Everything all right?”
He nodded. “Yep.”
“Is that what this trip is about? A meeting with President Knave?”
He grinned. “Nice try, sweetheart.”
“Oh, come on!” I stomped my foot against the tile floor of the bathroom. “Would you just tell me what in the fuck is happening?”
“Just get your sexy little ass in the shower.”
“So there’s no meeting with Knave today, but eventually, there’s a meeting?”
Matt laughed and just walked out of the bathroom before I could ask him anymore questions.
But the truth of the matter was that Knave was indebted to Wonderland, Inc. for a long fucking time. If it weren’t for Matt Hadder, he wouldn’t be sitting pretty inside the White House.
We even had a few things coming down the pipeline that would require President Knave’s keen ability to repay favors, but apparently, today wasn’t the day we’d be capitalizing.
When it came to Wonderland, the more games I’d played, the more I’d learned to adapt. The more I’d realized that sometimes things didn’t make sense. And most of the time, in life, things fell into the gray area. Not everything was black and white. Right or wrong. Sometimes, you just had to roll with the ups and downs and use every opportunity to learn something about yourself.
I’d lost myself in San Diego.
But in LA, I’d found myself again.
Inside Wonderland, I’d learned how to live, really live, for myself and by my own rules. Wonderland had opened my eyes. And Matt Hadder had opened my heart.
For both, I’d forever be thankful.
When it came to the organization, I was fully invested. The good. The bad. The dirty. I was involved in all of the details. Hell, sometimes, I was even the one making the deals.
But it appeared that today, or the next few days for that matter, weren’t the time for deals.
Secretly, I hoped that Matt had finally heard my silent pleas of forgetting the idea of a big wedding. The more I’d planned our upcoming nuptials, the more I’d started to realize that I just wanted to run away somewhere to get married. Just the two of us. Like Bonnie and Clyde. The way I felt it should be.
But considering the fact that we’d already put a ridiculous amount of money on deposits for venues and flowers and caterers, not to mention the nonrefundable hotels and flights for out of town guests, I wasn’t so sure canceling the whole shindig was even possible.
I guessed a girl could still dream, right?
After a short flight, the Vegas Strip was in sight out of my window as our plane landed on the runway. Instantly, my gaze turned to Matt who sat beside me, relaxed and comfortable in the leather reclining seats of his private jet.
“Vegas?” I asked with a pointed brow.
He winked. “Vegas, baby.”
“But what in the hell are we going to do in Vegas?” I questioned, even though I was silently shouting, Please say we’re going to get married!
He chuckled. “Oh, don’t act coy, sweetheart. We both know why we’re here.”
I couldn’t stop the giant smile from consuming my face even if I wanted to. And before our pilot had taken off the seat belt sign, I unbuckled myself and dove into Matt’s lap. “Are you going to marry me?” I whispered giddily into his ear.
He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. “How about, instead of asking questions, you press that little mouth of yours to mine and just focus on acting surprised?”
“Deal,” I answered through excited giggles before kissing the hell out of him.
God, I love this man. Master of my universe, always.
He didn’t waste any time after that. The second we stepped off the plane, Matt instructed the driver to take us straight to an address off of Las Vegas Boulevard. Thirty minutes later, we were standing in front of the famous Graceland Wedding Chapel.
And, with Elvis serenading us, next thing I knew, I was walking down the aisle to the one and only man who’d ever really had my heart.
His smile mimicked mine as he watched me close the distance between us. Happy. Proud. Love. His emotions, my emotions, they were one and the same.
As I stared into the amber hue of his eyes, I knew, without a doubt, this was my Wonderland. He was my Wonderland. And the instant the words, “I do,” left my lips and my husband slid the ring down my left finger, I knew we were forever.
“You may kiss the bride,” the chaplain said.
Matt placed both hands onto my cheeks and cupped my face gently. “I love you, Alex Hadder,” he whispered and I melted.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, and Elvis singing behind us, I kissed the hell out of my husband.
We stayed in that moment for a long, long time. Not giving a single fuck about the next couple waiting to get married, or if Elvis would run out of steam. Nope. We didn’t care about anyone else but us.
It was perfect.
Eventually, Matt leaned back with my favorite grin etched across my favorite mouth. “Let’s go, little one,” he said and took my hand into his.
I followed my husband’s lead, back down the aisle and straight out the chapel doors until we reached the parking lot where a sleek fucking ride sat out front. I didn’t know much about cars, but I had a feeling this one was special.
I turned toward Matt in confusion as he opened the passenger door. “Is this yours?”
“Technically, it’s ours.” He smirked. “And we’re going to enjoy our honeymoon in this baby.”
“Where are we going?”
“Wherever the road takes us.” He shrugged. “We’ll drive until I have to stop to slide my cock inside of my gorgeous wife.”
I hopped into his arms, wrapping my arms and legs around his body. “I love you,” I whispered into his ear.
“I love you too,” he said and gently pressed his lips to mine.
This man. My husband. God, I was so in love with him.
“Are you a bad girl, Alex?” he whispered into my ear.
I leaned back to meet his eyes. “I’m not a bad girl,” I whispered back with a wink and, instantly, his lips crested into a smile as I repeated his words from so long ago. “But sometimes, I have to ask myself, what would a bad girl do?”
“And what would a bad girl do tonight, sweetheart?”
I pressed my lips to his, once, twice, and a third time before whispering into his ear, “She’d hop into this sweet-ass ride and enjoy a Bonnie and Clyde style honeymoon with her husband.”