I left my hometown behind and moved clear across the country to Augusta, Maine. Why Maine you ask? Because when I spun the globe, my finger landed on it, and I thought “What the hell?” I was skeptical at first, but the state had grown on me. Today was a new day. The past two years had helped me move past the tragic events that changed my life in many ways. I’d started the day the same way I’d started every day since I began my new life. Music had become my rock through it all. Leaving my past meant leaving everyone that meant something to me behind. I’d come to terms with it now. Cutting all ties with everyone was hard and being alone was even harder, but it had to be done. Today began with my alarm going off to a song that helped me get through the good days, bad days, and the horrible memories that lurked in the background. “A Little Bit Stronger” by Sarah Evans had become my motto. Each day I became stronger because I had no choice but to rise above the bad and make my life what I knew it could be.

Today I’d decided that it would begin with me doing something that I used to love to do. Something that had helped me take out my aggression and stress. Going to the shooting range was going to be one thing would help me continue moving forward. It had been two long years since I’d fired a gun. It’s like riding a bike. You never forget. I might be a bit rusty, but it’ll come back to me eventually.

I need to move out of this bed and get a move on. After I made my way to the bathroom, I readied myself for the day before deciding what I would wear to the range. I picked out my clothes and decided on dressing in my comfy yoga pants, fitted tank top, covered by a solid baby pink t-shirt. I also picked out an outfit that I would change into before heading to work. After I grabbed everything, I went into the kitchen and fixed a to-go cup of coffee. After I collected my 9mm Beretta from the safe, I grabbed my coffee, banana, and all of my other shit and head to the car.

The drive allowed me to clear my head. Listening to the playlist that I had created of songs that reminded me I was a strong person helped me remain optimistic. They helped me remember that the days would get easier and better. Feeling refreshed and completely awake, I parked the car and made my way into the reception area.

Once I was checked in and received the clips of ammunition, I chose the booth that I’d be shooting from. I placed my target onto the hanger and moved it back into place. After I put on my ear plugs, I placed the magazine into the gun, took off the safety, and took my stance. After taking several deep breaths, I opened my eyes and placed my finger on the trigger. Pulling it for the first time felt amazing. I couldn’t stop until it was empty. It was exhilarating. Placing the second and then the third magazines into the gun, I went through the bullets within minutes. Bringing forward my target each time, I was surprised that by the third, each one of the bullets hit their intended spot head on. Being back on my game felt amazing. Having this small part of my old self back was just what I needed to continue healing. Who knew my shrink would be right? I silently laughed to myself at the thought that I finally had taken her advice, and it figured she would prove me wrong. Damn her.

As I placed my weapon back into its lock box, I could feel that I was being watched. I hated this feeling. I was already too paranoid as it was, and I didn’t need to feel this way just when I was beginning to feel alive again. I finished gathering my targets, weapon, and magazines so that they could be turned back in and when I turned, my breath caught in my throat. The most amazing pair of crystal clear blue eyes was staring at me. He was studying me for some reason, but it no longer made me feel paranoid or uneasy. It made me feel beautiful. Where did that thought come from? I hadn’t considered these feelings before, and I shouldn’t start now? The only problem with those thoughts was that I couldn’t look away. We stood there continuing to stare at each other for what felt like hours, but was only minutes. Taking a deep breath, I started walking his way on shaky legs. With just inches between us, I smiled and walked around him. The second I looked at him, I knew I was in trouble, but I was going to be strong about this. I made myself a promise that regardless of what I felt when I looked at him, that man wouldn’t break down ANY of my defenses. Oh, this was going to be one promise that I was going to have a tough time keeping, considering that those eyes were all I wanted to continue looking at.

* * *

Waking up in Augusta, Maine was going to take some getting used to. I was used to sunny horizons and beautiful seventy degree weather at the lowest at this time of year, and now I had to get used to the chill in the air that registered fall was coming or already here. What the hell did I know? I would have to figure out how the seasons around here worked and soon. My wardrobe definitely didn’t compensate for this type of weather. I guess I should add shopping for clothes to the list. Oh, what fun? Not!

I groggily made my way into the kitchen for some much-needed coffee. Thank God the coffee pot had an automatic timer because I couldn’t wait for it to fill today. I spent too much time this morning already thinking about the way things should be. I needed to stop those thoughts because they’re going to get me nowhere fast. I needed to figure out how to leave them alone, but part of me will always ask the question: What if? I’ve made peace with my choices and the decision to move here away from it all. I had no one left where I was. I had to get away because the events of that day were consuming me. My family and job were great, but there was no way I could continue with that. So I made a choice. I spun the globe and decided where my finger landed would be where I’d go. Why the hell did it have to land on Augusta, Maine of all places? Oh well. I ran with it and stuck to my decision. Now here I am. I found a position with the Augusta Police Department for a Detective and thankfully I got it. Today is a new day and the beginning of my new career and life. After taking some deep breaths, I decided to stop pitying myself and asking questions that in no way would be able to ever be answered. That shit would stop today. I hurriedly got into the shower, shaved, and put on my new suit to head into the station.

Once I arrived, I met with my lieutenant and the other members of the department that were on shift that morning. He suggested that I started out by getting in my qualifying hours at the range. After all the necessary human resources paperwork was filled out, that’s where I headed. I’d already been issued my firearm for the department, so the paperwork was simple. Making my way to the booths, I stopped when I noticed the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen firing away like her life depended on it. She would finish one magazine, bring in the target, make a look that suggested she was proud of her shots, put on another and repeat the process all over again. When her third and final one was emptied, I was still staring, unable to look away. I was shocked at how quickly she got through those rounds and even more so when I caught a look at her targets. Each one got better, and the final one suggested that she hit her marks dead on. I could already tell just by that alone that she was one badass woman. She turned around, and her gaze met mine. Oh shit! Busted! The moment our eyes met, it seemed that neither one of us was able to look away. We just stood there continuing to stare at each other like looking away wasn’t possible.

Finally, she started making her way over to me. Damn. What would I say to her? My mind had gone blank. Our gazes never left each other. She had the most beautiful hazel eyes I’d ever seen. I needed a closer look, but was too chicken shit to make the first move. When we were just inches apart, she stopped. I thought that she was going to speak. Instead, she just smiled and moved around me making her way out of the building. HOLY SHIT!

Focus. I needed to keep my priorities straight. Get settled into my career and then start worrying about meeting women. I made myself a promise that her smile and those beautiful eyes were NOT going to get in the way of what I had planned for myself. I had goals, and a beautiful woman wouldn’t be getting in the way of them.

I made my way over to the booth, made sure that my target was set, and loaded my firearm. Now I could get my head back into the game. I put on my earplugs and took my stance. I fired my shots, brought in my target, and started the whole process over until all three magazines were empty. Studying all three, I mentally congratulated myself and looked at the time. I had thirty minutes before my meeting with the probation department. I had to get to know the officers, considering we all worked together sooner or later. I was dreading all the meetings I was going to be subjected to for the next few weeks. But being the new guy, it’s a process that’s mandatory. This should be fun. I made my way back to my car and started preparing myself for the introductions that would be made in a matter of minutes. The only problem was that those hazel eyes and that beautiful smile kept creeping back into my mind. Damn this is going to be a long day.