Chapter Fourteen

Lance woke up feeling happy. He rolled onto his back and stretched reaching for Richie.

He wasn’t there.

Sitting up in the bed, he looked around. Richie’s clothes were gone and there wasn’t any proof that he’d been in Lance’s bed except for a lingering cologne aroma and the memories.

Lance hoped as he moved through the house he was simply taking a shower, or making breakfast, but the apartment was completely silent. He wasn’t there and Lance was all alone.

Richie had freaked and left. It was a horrible feeling to know that something so wonderful had sent the guy running into the street, or worse, the arms of one of the girls he liked to go see.

Lance punched the wall in frustration, why couldn’t Richie just accept what was happening between them?

He thought about calling him but decided he’d probably ignore the phone call so there wasn’t a point.

Over the next couple of days, Richie avoided Lance and it hurt his feelings. He’d leave early in the morning and then he’d come home late at night after he was sure Lance was asleep. He wasn’t. He was sitting up hoping he’d come into his room and talk to him. It wasn’t normal for them to just not speak to each other.

Lance realized it was really serious when he saw Richie in the cafeteria and waved at him. He was sitting with some mutual friends and Lance thought it would be a good opportunity to ease back into some normalcy even though he was upset with him. Richie saw him and got up from the table to walk out. He ran away.

The next time Lance saw him on campus, Richie didn’t see him. Lance watched him interact with a group of people. Stace was in the crowd, and he was paying attention to her. He watched as Richie brushed a strand of hair from her face and smiled at her. It was a sweet gesture, but it made him sick with jealousy.

He was acting like nothing happened between them and paying attention to another lover. It ate Lance up inside knowing his best friend had shut him out completely. He was at such ease with Stace. It was what he was used to, what he thought he was supposed to be. Lance knew in his heart that wasn’t who Richie was at all. He was just going to have to be the one to acknowledge it.

He wouldn’t comfort him when he was with a group of people, but he would confront him. He promised himself.

Another time, Lance saw him on campus going to his church. He must have been struggling with what had happened much more than Lance realized if he was going to church, he hadn’t been in almost a year.

He waited outside the church until he walked out. Riche pretended not to see him and walked in the opposite direction. Lance power-walked to catch up with him and yelled for him to stop. He knew he’d seen him, and it was embarrassing to be ignored. There were people watching all over campus.

“Wait up, asshole!” Lance let his tone show his anger. There was no reason for him to act this way after what happened.

“What the hell do you want?” Richie turned around his face tight with anger.

Lance stopped himself from punching Richie, but it took a lot of control.

“To talk, you idiot. You left me there, alone. We need to talk about…”

“About what?” Richie asked just as hateful.

Reality slammed into Lance. Richie had no intention of talking this through. At all. He was going to deny that he'd gotten on his knees and sucked his friend off, unbidden, unasked. That he'd allowed him to share the most intimate night of his life with him.

 

“You're going to do this?”

“Do what?”

“We had sex, Richie!”

“Keep your damn voice down!” Richie growled. He pushed them back out of the pathway. “Keep your voice down.”

“We really need to talk.”

Richie leaned in close. “There is nothing to talk about. Nothing happened. Nothing.”

“You got on your knees and you put your di—”

The hand slapped over his mouth unexpectedly. Richie was bright red and pissed as hell. “Nothing happened, Lance. Nothing. If you want to be my friend going forward, you're going to forget that ever happened.”

“You came to me. You wanted that.”

“I didn't want anything.” Richie was getting angrier and the reaction confused Lance. He wasn't going to take responsibility for his actions?

Lance pinned him with an angry look. “Yeah, because I seduced you into my room. I really enjoy when my friends walk in while I'm whacking off.”

“It was a mistake.”

“A mistake? I thought you said nothing happened?”

Richie’s nostrils flared. “Everything was a mistake. I should never have walked into your room and whatever happened in there was a mistake.”

Lance gasped. “You liked it! You weren't just curious! You liked wrapping your hand around my co—”

“Shut up!” Richie’s hand was back over his mouth again. “It meant nothing.”

“If you say it enough, you might believe it.”

The angry rumble came from deep inside his friend's chest. “It. Meant. Nothing.”

“I was willing to let it go over as curiosity. I was. I was willing to let you break my heart and walk away, and keep the friendship. But you're not only lying to me, you're lying to yourself.”

Grabbing him by the scruff of the neck, Richie dragged him into the empty athletics building behind them. They shoved through the doors and Richie shoved Lance against the wall.

“I don’t want to do this with you.”

“You're a liar.”

“And you're a fairy.”

Lance punched him in the stomach. “You bet that sweet ass I am. And not only that, but I have balls big enough to admit it and not have mommy issues about it.”

Richie straightened from the blow and returned it, in the form of a kidney blow. “You leave my mother out of this!”

Lance coughed and gasped. “Why? You don't seem to leave her out of anything.”

“You rotten son of a bitch.”

Richie landed another blow. Lance threw another one of his own and managed to stagger Richie to the side. He, however, didn't dodge fast enough, and Richie’s fist connected with this face. Lance returned a moment later with an uppercut to Richie’s jaw. Doubled over, he threw another kidney punch at Lance, but Lance was done screwing around. He shot his foot out and caught Richie’s hip, spinning him across the corridor into the other wall.

Lance leaned back, grabbing his side where the stronger of Richie’s two blows landed. “I'm gay. I don't have a problem with this. I'm cool with doing guys. I like it.

“You though, you are a mean son of a bitch. I mean, for shit’s sake I'm in love with you. You walk into my room and fulfill every fantasy I've ever had about you, and you leave. Not only do you leave, but you destroy everything I dreamed about you. I was fine leaving you as a friend. But your curiosity got the better of you. And then your mother got into your head, and you left. Now you don't even want to talk to me. Now you want me to say that there was nothing there. You felt nothing. You came in you fucked me and you left. You managed to not only ruin my fantasy but any shred of our friendship that I might have cared to save. You're an asshole.”

Richie was panting and holding his hip where Lance had caught him. “It's not my fault you're in love with me. I made a mistake.”

“A mistake is something that happens by accident. My dick didn't get in your mouth by accident.”

Richie’s nostrils flared again. “I regret everything.”

Lance strode across the hall and pinned Richie this time. “You need a reminder of what started all that.”

He slammed his mouth over Richie’s, spearing in, conquering, mastering him. The tasted of the man flooded him, and made him instantly hard. But this wasn't about sex, this was about memory. Reminding Richie that he liked to kiss Lance. He enjoyed another man's mouth on his, and he especially enjoyed this one. Lance committed each flavor, each taste, each move to memory. He was pretty sure that this kiss was a goodbye.

And even still, Richie didn't resist him. The moan filtered through him, and Lance gladly swallowed the sound.

He thrust his pelvis at Richie, letting him feel the hard on lurking there. “You've always done that to me. And I both hate you and love you for it.”

With a giant step back, he released Richie and made for the door. He couldn't bring himself to look back.

After some angry walking back across campus, Lance decided it was time to give up. He was hurt but decided he couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t just accept that there were feelings and things had happened. It killed him to think he was going to lose Richie as a friend, but he couldn’t see a way out of it.

He couldn’t believe it had literally come down to blows with Richie. He never thought in a million years he would get into a physical fight with Richie and now it had happened.

Richie breathed heavily as he sat on the ground right where he was. Everything was way out of control. He’d let his dick do the thinking for him and now he was in trouble. He’d gone to confession to let out the guilt he was feeling. You didn’t grow up in a Catholic household without always having a heavy dose of guilt weighing on you. He just wanted to crawl in a hole. He knew some serious soul-searching was in order.

He was going to have to go back to his sister’s and go see his mother. There was a lot he had to work out. Two of the most important people in his life could help him make the decision or not make a decision. It wasn’t really clear to him what the decision was, just one had to be made.

Richie needed a drink. His head hurt from all the thoughts and his face hurt from the fight.

Dot and Lance went shopping for a little retail therapy and so he could pour his heart out to her. It had been five days since Richie had slept with him and they still weren’t communicating. Richie was gone more than he was home and Lance pictured him worming his way back into Stace’s apartment.

“What do you think of this?” Dot walked out of the dressing room in head to toe denim.

“It’s cute, I guess,” Lance said.

“I am wearing a denim jumper with long sleeves and a vest over it. This is the opposite of cute. I was trying to make you laugh,” she said. She did a little dance and spun around. Lance couldn’t muster up a smile.

"Aw, buck up, my little soldier," Dot said. "At least you got a piece before he flipped out."

"You see, this is why I can't tell you anything. Nothing is serious to you, Dot." "

“It is serious, babe. I'm just trying to help you see the good."

“In this situation, there really isn’t any good, only despair.”

“Despair? Lance, come on, buddy. That’s a little dramatic even for you. I think Richie is going to come around, but you have to be ready to act like it didn’t bother you one bit that he was gone.”

“What good is that going to do me, Dot, really?”

She shrugged and danced back behind the curtain in the dressing room so she was out of sight. Dot spent the rest of the day trying to cheer him up. It didn’t work, and she grew frustrated, but she put in a good solid effort. She purchased a shirt for him from his favorite store, took him to sushi, and then ice cream later after more shopping. Nothing did the trick until finally she gave up and told him they could go back to his place and watch movies.

“Sappy ones?” he asked expectantly.

“Sure, if that will make you happy, darling, we’ll watch every sappy movie there is.”

When they walked into the apartment, Richie was sitting on the couch, pretty as you please. He turned when they walked in. Not one word was spoken between them as they just looked at each other.

"Okay," Dot said as she backed toward the door. "I'm going to go."

"Where have you been?” Lance said as soon as the door shut behind her.

"I was thinking."

“Well, I was here thinking too, and I think if you can’t accept the fact that you’re gay for me then I’m going to move out. It’s too painful for me to be here anymore.”

Richie didn’t say anything. He simply looked at his lap and sighed.

“I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching,” he said. “Please, Lance, sit down. I need to tell you some things.”

“Fine.” Lance sat and crossed his arms determined to keep the hard outer shell he’d been working on firmly in place for the conversation. He’d cry later in his room when he was alone.

“So, the first thing I did was go get really drunk and stay at Kendra’s. You have to understand this is all new to me. I didn’t stay with Stace or any of the girls. I just went to my sisters and let her take care of me.”

“Go on,” Lance said happily. He was glad he hadn’t been shacked up with someone else. It surprised him how relieved he was to know this.

“After that, I drove to have a talk with my mother. She said some interesting things to me last time I was home and I wanted to talk to her about it a little more and see what was going on.”

Lance felt the shift in conversation. If he’d gone to talk to his mother and then to church, it was done. Richie was going to tell him he couldn’t act on his feelings because it was against his beliefs. He pictured his mother telling him she’d disown him. Lance became sad, and it really made him miss his sweet understanding mother.

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship, so I think it’s best if I tell you now.”

Lance’s heart started beating rapidly. He didn’t want to hear what Richie was going to say to him. If he had to have him as a friend only, then that’s what he’d settle for.

“So, I’ve made the decision.”

“Don't, Richie. Don't do this. I love you too much to lose you. Don't mess up what we finally straightened out.”

Richie smiled at him, and it was both an embarrassed look and lascivious. “I know. But it's not what either of us wants, Lance. I realize that now. I ‘fixed’ something that didn't need to be. I'm in love with you. I want you. Right now, and for a really long time. Like forever.”

Lance’s heart sped up. “No going back. I won't let you.”

Richie wrapped his hand around the back of Lance’s neck and pulled him close. “Don't let me.”

Slanting his mouth over Lance’s, he immediately conquered him with a spear of his tongue, laced with lust. Lance moaned into him, then pulled back.

“All that stuff I said to you on the quad. I was so mean to you. I’m such a bad person, Lance. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Shh,” Lance put his finger on his lips. “Shut up. It’s fine I understand.”

“Okay, but I’m sorry.” Lance moved forward and captured his mouth to make him stop talking. Once he was breathless, he held him back and looked at him. “This time, you're mine.” He pulled Richie in tight to him. “I'm going to show you how good this can be.”