Chapter 11

Timothy hovered awkwardly in the hallway outside the doctor’s office. Derek and his passengers had been rescued from the snow. Tony and his crew of snowcats had gone down the mountain and loaded up all of the passengers and their gear. While technically they weren’t street legal desperate times called for desperate measures.

Melissa Geisler, the resident doctor at Snowed Inn, had been waiting at the front door for their arrival. She’d been told about Derek’s head injury and had insisted on examining him as soon as he arrived. Timothy had barely gotten a glimpse of Derek before he disappeared into the doctor’s office. The alpha looked gray and depressed. It was clear that whatever had happened had had a negative impact on him.

And so Timothy waited like a desperate puppy to find out what was wrong. Despite the fact that he and Derek hadn’t been talking to each other these last few days, Timothy couldn’t help but worry. They were still friends and the awkwardness of their last encounter wouldn’t change that. He just wanted to make sure his friend was okay. That’s what he told himself, anyway.

When he had heard about Derek’s plight, he had been desperate to join Tony’s rescue operation. Unfortunately, there wasn’t room for someone who didn’t know how to drive one of the snowcats. So he had stood and waited for what seemed like an eternity. He couldn’t remember another time in his life where he had been this worried about anyone. How could Derek of all people make him feel like this?

“She gave me a clean bill of health.” Derek announced as he stepped out into the hallway. His lips were pressed into a thin line. Something was clearly bothering him, but Timothy didn’t know how to ask what it was exactly.

“Well that’s good,” Timothy said. The conversation was going nowhere. Somehow it had been so easy to say what he wanted when they were just texting. Now that they were face to face once more words failed him.

“Look, Tim, I kinda just want to go home, take a shower, and go to bed,” Derek said rubbing the back of his head and looking away. “It’s nothing against you. I’ve just had a long day.”

“No, I understand completely.” Timothy held up his hands and shook his head. “Are you sure you should be alone right now?” He wasn’t entirely sure where he was going with this, but he figured it was an appropriate question to ask in this situation.

There was a sizable bump on Derek’s left temple and a nasty purple bruise had already begun to form. Just because the doctor had given him a clean bill of health, didn’t mean there wasn’t the chance something could go wrong. So of course, he owed it to himself to make sure that his friend was okay.

“You’re right,” said Derek. He looked tired as he slowly shifted his gaze back to Timothy. “Tony’s going to be working in the shed the rest of the night. He said he thinks he can get the snowplow fixed by morning. So there won’t be anyone else in the condo.”

“Then you can come stay with me,” Timothy blurted before he could stop himself. “I mean, I’ve got a spare room and you can use my shower. I just figured that way you won’t be alone.”

“Are you sure?” Derek looked genuinely surprised by the offer. “I don’t want to be a burden, and I highly doubt I’m going to be much of a conversationalist.”

“Derek, honestly, don’t worry about it.” Timothy smiled and folded his arms across his chest. “You’re my friend and I want to make sure you’re okay. You looked after me when I had the flu. This is just like that.”

“Fine,” said Derek, “just keep in mind that this was your idea.”

***

Timothy accompanied Derek back to Tony’s condo so he could grab some of his things. Then they walked across the snow-covered lawn to Timothy’s house.

The inside of the condo was still warm from the dying embers of the fire. While Derek went upstairs to take a shower, Timothy stoked up the fire and tried to keep himself busy. He washed all the dishes in the sink, swept the floors, and even cleaned the living room window.

The buildup of nervous energy was almost more than he could take. He hadn’t been alone with Derek since that night. While he kept telling himself that he was just helping out a friend, his thoughts kept drifting back to that moment on the sofa. Every now and then, he caught himself touching his lips with his fingertips. His cheeks flushed hotly and he tried to shove away the thoughts, but they kept coming back.

He couldn’t let the past continue to make things so uncomfortable. They were friends. They had always been friends. After everything they had been through together, he wasn’t going to let one moment, one mistake, spoil their friendship. With that in mind, he began making hot chocolate and trying to come up with ways to make his Derek feel better.

When Derek finally came downstairs, he was greeted with a mug of hot cocoa and a roaring fire. His condition seemed much improved and the scent of his body wash still clung to him in an aromatic cloud. Timothy tried not to focus on the delicious scent and instead directed Derek to sit on the sofa. He pulled up a chair from the kitchen and sat down across from the alpha.

“Now, why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?” Timothy asked as he grasped his mug of cocoa in his hands.

“Honestly, I don’t know what to say.” Derek held his mug of cocoa and stared at the chocolate liquid inside with a blank expression on his face. “Really, I think I just need some sleep.”

“If you honestly think that’s what you need, then I’m not going to stop you.” Timothy sighed a little before continuing. “But I don’t think you’re being honest with me. We’re friends, Derek. You can tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Look, Tim, it’s…difficult for me to put into words.” Derek shook his head. He seemed to be struggling to find the right thing to say. “I’ve known you for a long time now. After everything we’ve been through together, I just don’t know where we stand. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that I don’t want to overburden you.”

Timothy was silent for a long moment. He thought he understood what Derek was trying to say. It was difficult to judge the depth of their relationship. Back in college, he had known exactly where they stood with one another. The bounds of propriety were easy to spot. Now, however, things were a little muddier.

“Derek, just treat me the way you used to. As far as I’m concerned, nothing has changed between us,” Timothy stated with more certainty than he felt. He knew, however, that his friend needed him. That alone was enough reason to put aside his personal discomfort with the current situation. Whatever awkwardness remained would dissipate in time.

“I don’t know where to begin exactly,” said Derek before exhaling sharply. He leaned back against the couch cushions and looked up at the ceiling. Timothy couldn’t remember the last time he had seen the alpha look so confused. “Things were going so well, and now I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

“I thought you were happy with your job,” Timothy said, tilting his head to one side. “While we were texting this afternoon you said you’d never felt so fulfilled.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” said Derek. “The thing is after tonight I honestly don’t know anymore.”

Timothy bit his lip and tried to hold back his protests. There were so many things that he wanted to say right now and yet, he knew that it was more important for him to listen. His friends had always relied on him as someone they could share their problems with. This was no different.

“This morning everything was going well.” Derek paused and took a sip from his cocoa. “I just wanted to find a place where I fit in for once. I thought I had found that here. The job that Tony gave me was something I could do. Over the last few days, I felt like I had finally found somewhere that just fit.

“But tonight was a veritable disaster. Everything went wrong. Just like every other job or hobby or lesson I’ve ever attempted. I failed. Again.”

“You honestly can’t think that any of this is your fault,” said Timothy. “What happened tonight was due to the weather. It has no bearing on your ability to do your job.”

“Do you really believe that?” Derek asked. He met Timothy’s gaze and there was a look of pain in his eyes. “In the long run, it doesn’t matter if it was nature or me. All that matters is that I failed again. My parents were right. I’m never going to amount to anything.” Derek looked defeated.

“You didn’t fail. Learning to drive in the snow is not easy. You had to do it while working and on your own. You did well not to wind up in the ditch.” Timothy was doing his best to infuse his words with encouragement but judging by the look on Derek’s face he wasn’t doing a good job.

“That was luck, pure and simple.” Derek shook his head. He leaned forward and set his mug on the coffee table. “I wouldn’t test it again. Now, I’ve got this stupid knot on my forehead and the doctor has forbidden me from driving tomorrow. Which means no work, which means no paycheck, which means I’m right back where I was before.”

“But Derek,” began Timothy, “you’re missing the point.”

“Which is?”

“You’re not to blame,” said Timothy. “You haven’t lost your job either. Sure, you can’t work tomorrow, but that’s just for safety reasons. You haven’t lost anything.”

“Yeah, I have.” Derek met Timothy’s gaze once more. “I’ve lost my confidence.”

Timothy was silent. He hadn’t expected that answer. In a way, it made sense though. Derek had always exuded confidence in everything he did. Even when he was completely out of his element the alpha never gave any hint of discomfort. It was sobering to see him like this.

“Derek, it’s okay to fail.” Timothy set his coffee cup aside and leaned forward in his chair. “You don’t have to be good at everything. Everyone has rough days.”

“Logically, I know that. But, when you failed at as many things as I have you start to wonder if it’s worth it to even keep trying. I nearly cost my passengers their lives. They were terrified. I was terrified. There was a moment when I was certain it was all over. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t act.” Derek sat back once again and folded his arms across his chest. He seemed lost in thought. Reliving that moment over and over in his head.

Timothy knew he had to do something to break his friend out of this cycle of depression. As long as he was stuck in his own thoughts Derek was going to keep digging himself deeper.

“Look, I’ve been where you are. Not exactly, but I have questioned what I’m supposed to do with my life. I mean, I studied for four years to get this degree so I could help Andrew with Le Bleu. That was all I wanted for so long. I know you remember what I was like back in school.” Timothy knew that his problems were a far cry from what Derek was going through, but he hoped that the similarities would allow them to bridge the gap.

“Yeah, you were a bit obsessed.” Derek chuckled to himself at the memory.

“That was all Andrew and I talked about when we were growing up. We planned it down to the detail. But then I come home and he wants nothing to do with me. Suddenly, four years of studying have gone up in smoke.” Timothy sighed and leaned back in his chair once more. “What am I supposed to do now? I’ve been turning that thought over and over in my head ever since I got back. No matter what I do I feel like I can’t get a foothold. Where do I fit in here? Everyone in my family has a place at Snowed Inn, except for me.”

“Your brother’s a dick,” Derek stated with a smirk.

Timothy chuckled. “Yeah, he is. But that doesn’t change the fact that I feel like I’m stuck. I know you’re probably feeling the same way. Like you don’t belong and you never will. The fact is though, you’ve got me. You’re not going to lose your place here as long as we’re still friends.”

Derek’s mouth fell open partway. He looked like he was trying to speak but couldn’t find the words. After a moment he shook his head.

“Tim, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but you’re more to me than just a friend.” Derek bit his lip before continuing. “Right now, this relationship is the closest thing I have to family. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost it.”

Timothy’s heart began to hammer against his chest. His throat tightened and he wasn’t sure what to say. “What about Luke?” Timothy blurted at last.

“Luke is…Luke’s my cousin and I’m always going to care about him. But until recently we never really spoke that much. We just don’t have the same type of relationship.” Derek’s cheeks were flushed but he looked determined as he sat up straight. “I honestly believe that you and I are closer now than he and I will ever be.”

Timothy’s brain scrambled to try and process what Derek was saying. His thoughts kept running back to that night on the sofa and he felt his skin begin to heat up. Before he knew what he was doing he had risen from his chair and crossed the room. Something in the back of his mind yelled at him to stop and think about his actions. Yet, he forced that thought aside.

Derek looked uncertain about what to do as Timothy sat beside him on the sofa. There was confusion on the alpha’s face and he seemed reluctant to act.

“Timothy,” Derek said, his voice was thick and his tone was deep. “I didn’t mean to imply anything.” The alpha was clearly struggling to maintain control of the thinly veiled desire that flooded through him.

“We’ve been through a lot.” Timothy was surprised by how much lust dripped from his words. He could tell by the expression in Derek’s eyes that the alpha picked up on it. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I just know that I want to be near you. These last few days, knowing that you were here and not being able to talk to you, were hell.”

Derek tentatively reached out and brushed his fingers across Timothy’s cheek. His touch sent an electric tingle through the omega’s body. Goosebumps prickled across his skin and his stomach did a somersault.

Timothy could feel his dick begin to grow in response to the contact. He wanted this touch to last. There was something within him, a need he had ignored, that was deeply satisfied by by Derek’s gentle caress.

“I don’t want to ruin this.” Derek sounded fearful as he withdrew his fingers.

Timothy clasped Derek’s hand in his own and pressed it once more against his cheek. “You can’t ruin it. Just do what feels right.”

After years of denying himself, Timothy felt a momentary pang of uncertainty. He had spent so long trying to avoid becoming another notch on Derek’s belt. Now, in their moment of shared vulnerability, he was giving in. For a brief instant, the thought of backing off presented itself to him. He could still stop this. But with each passing second, the desire to keep moving forward grew stronger.

His words seemed to be all of the encouragement that Derek needed. The alpha curled his arm around Timothy’s body. He pulled the omega into his embrace and seemed to revel in the closeness.

Timothy’s entire body shivered with pleasure at the feeling of Derek’s arms around him. The smell of Derek’s body wash filled his nostrils as he let his eyes fall closed. He could have stayed like that forever.

He could feel Derek watching him and when he opened his eyes their lips were inches apart. Their previous encounter played through his head once more. A thrill ran through his chest and Timothy’s entire body sparked with desire. He wanted this to feel those lips against his. This time he decided nothing would stop him.