Ava glared inches from my face.  “Where are you going?  Jesus, Petra!  Photos!  Remember?”  I blinked, clueless and uncaring about her needs.  “Damn it.  You have to take pictures with the wedding party, dumbass.”

My slow smile was all teeth.  Ava let go of my arm and rapidly took a step back. 

I pitched my voice quiet and super sweet.  “Fuck with me and I’ll accidentally spill shit all over that overpriced bit of fabric that makes you look like a specialty hooker.”

She hissed, “You wouldn’t dare.  Mom would kill you.” 

“Wrong.  Unlike you, I can afford to reimburse her.”  I let my eyes take in the custom gown with way too much sparkle for a grown woman to be seen wearing in public.  “Now that we understand one another...” 

“You’re such a bitch, Petra.” 

“Yes.  Yes, I am.  You have thirty minutes of my time.  After that, I don’t know you.  I won’t make any fake speeches.  I’ll get drunk and happily close this chapter of my life.  Got it?” 

Her mouth pinched hard but she knew I meant what I said. 

I glanced at the guests exploring the venue and standing in line at the multiple bars with extreme envy.  Lucky bastards.

I swept past her toward the small courtyard where the bridal party gathered with the photographer and my mom. 

She sputtered and mumbled angrily under her breath. 

“Better chill the fuck out, Ava.  You so mad.  Those red splotches will look like shit in your pictures.”

My biting inner monologues were the only thing that kept me from bitch-slapping people who annoyed me daily. 

No one realized how close I was to the edge most of the time and no one kept me dangling over that abyss more than my own family. 

I approached the group and crossed my arms, waiting for stage two of the cunt carnival to start. 

Ava breathed deeply several times before joining us.  She made a point of slipping her arm around Kevin’s waist before cutting her eyes at me like it would wound me or something. 

I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing.  Into my hand, I coughed, “Juvenile.” 

Appearing at my side, my mother whispered sternly, “Petra, darling.” 

“Oh alright.  For you.”

Lifting her head, she murmured, “Chin up, fake smile, and pretend you don’t want to wrap your fingers around her throat.” 

“You’re as happy as I am to get this over with,” I told her.

“Happier, sweetheart.  She moved out two days ago.” 

We stood whispering and laughing together while Ava barked orders at the poor man forced to take pictures of this disaster. 

Then my ungrateful little sister snapped her fingers in our direction.  I waited for Mom to stop her head from exploding. 

The two of us stared at her without a word and Ava blushed four shades of red.

“Sorry,” she mumbled finally.  “Gorgio wants us to gather in front of the entrance.” 

“There you go, darling,” Mom said.  “Big girl words.” 

It was the beginning of the longest half hour of my life.  By the time

Sweet baby Jesus. 

The rest of the bridal party giggled and flashed extra bright smiles as they gushed over the bride and groom. 

Finally, Mom told the photographer, “I’m done.  I need to see to our guests.  You have plenty of me.” 

Nodding in my direction, she added, “You’ll want to release my eldest daughter as soon as possible.  She’s ready to commit homicide and she’s smart enough to get away with it.” 

Bowing, the man smiled and replied in a heavy accent, “As you wish, senora.  The pictures of you are exquisite.” 

She waved her hand as she walked rapidly to Demetrius’ side.

I was so jealous of her escape I almost said fuck it and followed.  Instead, I let Gorgio tell me where to stand. 

Beside the other bridesmaids, it was clear we wore the same dress but couldn’t be more different in every way. 

There were a lot more curves tucked in mine and they still managed to look cute in the hideous color. 

Not that I gave a single shit but who the hell put a curvy, olive-skinned brunette in canary yellow? 

The entire affair was ludicrous and I was angrier by the second that I was forced out in public in such a getup. 

One of the idiots chose that moment to chirp, “Oh, Kevin, you’re just so incorrigible!”  The sentence was uttered in the most god-awful singsong voice.  “You’re both so gorgeous today.”

Grossed out, I observed to no one in particular, “I can just imagine the orgy of stupidity you fuckwits will engage in after several bottles of wine to help you pretend it was the drinking that made you do it.” 

The incorrigible Kevin blushed dark red and I went to sit down. 

Surely, they didn’t need me to pose around the third fucking staircase in ten minutes. 

I mumbled, “These bitches make me fucking nauseous and I’m not even drunk yet.”

“Time to get to work on that then.”  I glanced up in surprise.  “I figured you for a rum and coke woman.  If not, we’ll discuss your preference later.  I’m Jack and you must be Petra.” 

A sweating rocks glass appeared in my line of sight like an oasis in the desert. 

“So that’s what the real smile looks like.  I worried you were still in character from your theater gig as the Joker.”

“Oh, you’re hilarious.”  I took the first sip and sighed as he took the seat beside me.  “And possibly the best person on the face of the planet.  Was it that obvious I needed booze?  Pills?  Maybe heroin with an anti-freeze chaser?”

He laughed and it was one of those boisterous laughs that draw attention.  A little piece of my heart belonged to him instantly. 

“Your eyes keep flickering between escape desperation and homicidal rage.  I’m probably the only one who noticed since I feel the same.” 

We clinked our glasses together and his eyes flicked down and back to my face as he took a sip of his own drink. 

“So.  That dress…?”

I took a long swig and leaned my bare back against the cool wood of the bench ten feet from where the rest of the bridal party tittered with insane and unrealistic happiness. 

“Mm, you like?  My sister and her incomparable fashion sense.  We look like extras from Best Little Whorehouse, dinner theater style.  I’m not nearly as cheap as this dress makes me look.” 

I grinned and he leaned back, his hard shoulder pressing against my bare one.  I felt a tingle.  The man was in shape.

“On the contrary, you’re clearly the highest class of call girl.  Three-thousand-a-night, not a goddamn penny less.” 

I snarfed my drink and couldn’t control my laughter.  My sister and her besties shot daggers my way. 

“Fuck you, whores,” I told them calmly. 

He bumped me.  “I think you’re the most popular girl at the school dance, Petra.”

I couldn’t remember the last person who made me smile from the instant I met them.  What a pathetic commentary on my life that was. 

“Since you knew my name, you must know my history with your brother.  Any thoughts so we can get that out of the way?” 

“That he was obviously too stupid to hold the smarter, funnier sister.  Disappointing but not surprising.” 

“Smarter and funnier?  Do I sense an ally, Jack?” 

“Absolutely.  If you’ll give me the dirty details of your breakup.  They seem a little sketchy when that asshat explains them.” 

I turned, crossed my legs, and propped my elbow on the back of the bench.  Jack’s eyes dipped to my chest and I followed his gaze. 

The girls were about to make a bid for freedom. 

Yanking up the strapless gown, I silently cursed my sister of the no-tits club.  Big boobs didn’t go strapless in my opinion. 

Until I did the final fitting the night before, it wasn’t strapless.  That was a last-minute subtraction from Ava. 

“I’ll give you the condensed version.  The two of them were going at it doggie-style in my bed.  What no one knows but me – and now you – is the fact that she was the top.” 

Diversion accomplished.  Jack tried to speak but nothing came out as his lips opened and closed.

I carried on.  “There was nothing remotely sexy about it.  Kind of the way I imagine hard-core science nerds are with their first porn.”

His laughter ricocheted around the three-level building and I knew I could listen to it all day. 

“My reflex reaction after recovering from a moment of confusion was bursting into hysterical laughter I wasn’t able to stop for several minutes.  It was that funny.” 

Jack wiped at his eyes. 

“I threw their clothes over my balcony to the pool area below and shoved them into the hallway naked.”  Draining the last of my drink, I added, “I wished them luck.” 

“You ran to the balcony to watch them, didn’t you?”  He could barely speak around his laughter.

“They took the fire stairs to the first floor.  I got video of the whole thing.” 

“You didn’t?” 

“Of course I did.” 

Lifting the hem of my dress, I took my phone from the garter-style holder I bought for the day.  No way was I going to miss an opportunity for photos. 

I noticed Jack’s eyes lingered on my exposed leg.  Oddly, it made me feel a bit shy and I didn’t know why.

I covered it with a wink.  “Watching them scramble down four flights of stairs buck naked was so good.  I won’t lie.” 

Pulling up the video, I lowered the sound.  Turning the phone in his direction, I hit play. 

At his ear, I whispered, “Noticing my sister was still wearing the strap-on as they hit the pool area was fucking priceless.”

Shaking with laughter so hard there was no sound, he bent over, tears running down his face as he watched the recording. 

When it reached the end, he handed me the phone and pulled me to him for a tight hug.  He was still giggling. 

“Brilliant.  Absolutely fucking brilliant, Petra.” 

Jack smelled so good it made my mouth water.