CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
As soon as I get inside my room, I shut the door and lean against it. I’m so exhausted, my brain actually hurts. The band’s music is still inside there, thump, thump, thumping against my gray matter. I search through my bag as I limp over to the bedroom, looking for one of my homeopathic remedies for headaches. For the first time in my life, I’m not confident it’ll work. I think the problem is that the pain in my head is originating in my heart.
I use the kettle in the tiny kitchenette to steep the herbal concoction from my bag before taking out my cell phone. It’s late, but I know my sisters are wondering what’s going on. I finally got a text back from them that told me to call when I returned to the hotel, and Em is a night owl, so she’ll be waiting up for sure.
What am I going to say to them? Are they going to be disappointed that I didn’t give those men a piece of my mind? There’s only one way to find out; I dial their number and put the phone to my ear.
Em picks up right away. “Hi, how did it go? Did you have fun? Who did you meet? Was there anybody famous there?”
I can’t help but smile. I haven’t tasted the tea that I’m making yet, but I’m already feeling a little bit better. “Yes and no. Is Rose awake?”
“Yes. She’s sitting right here with me. We were hoping you’d call. I’m going to put you on speakerphone.”
There’s a beep and then I hear Rose speaking. “Hi, sweetie. Are you okay?”
Leave it to Rose to know before she even hears my voice that there’s something wrong. “I’m okay. Not great, but I survived.” There’s a hitch in my voice so I stop to gather my emotions.
“Are you crying?” Em asks. “It sounds like you’ve been crying or you have allergies or something.”
“I may have done a little bit of crying, but it’s also possible that I’m allergic to New York City.” I try to laugh but it doesn’t come out right so I quit.
“Tell us everything,” Em says. “Leave nothing out.”
“Honestly, there’s not a lot to say.” I’m going to omit the parts that concern Ty because they’re totally irrelevant. “The band was supposed to meet me tomorrow morning for breakfast, but at the last minute they invited me to this event they were having in Toronto.”
“Toronto? The band was there? What?” Em pauses. “Wait a minute . . . Don’t tell me you went to Toronto . . .”
“I actually did. I rode in a helicopter and a jet to get there, too.” Hearing myself say it makes it seem way more exciting than it actually was.
“No way!” Em exclaims. “That is so amazing. Were you totally excited?”
“More like scared out of my wits, at least during the helicopter ride. We flew off the top of a building in Manhattan, and I felt like we were going to drop right to the ground as soon as we went over the edge.”
“Oh my god. I would’ve peed my pants,” Rose says.
“Me too,” Em adds. “I practically am right now just hearing the story. What happened next?”
“Well, we took the helicopter to JFK and then got on a private jet.”
“We?” Rose asks.
“Private jet,” Em says before I can respond. “Sounds swanky.”
“Yeah, it was swanky. I was with the lead guitarist, Ty. He replaced Keith James about six months ago. He’s the one who’s kind of been hanging out and letting me know what’s going on with the band.”
“Oh, he’s cute. I remember seeing a picture of him,” Em says.
“Yeah, he’s cute, but he’s also difficult, so . . .” My heart hurts saying that.
“So, what happened next?” Rose asks. “After the swanky jet.”
I relate the details of our plane ride and arrival at the club.
“Wow, that’s kind of romantic, actually,” Em says. “This Ty person picks you up in a helicopter and a jet and takes you to a show he’s playing in without telling you where he’s taking you? Sounds like a romance novel.”
“It sounds a little kidnapper-ish to me,” Rose says.
“It wasn’t that romantic. More like annoying.” I pause, not wanting them to hate Ty without meeting him first. “But not kidnapper-ish. I agreed to go everywhere we went, pretty much. I just didn’t know I was agreeing to Canada.” It sounds so ridiculous telling it like this.
“You never felt unsafe, I hope,” Rose says.
“No, not at all. Other than being scared during the first part of the helicopter ride, I didn’t feel like I was in danger or anything. There were probably five hundred people at the club, and believe me, they were all psyched to be there. Everyone was in a great mood.”
“What were the fans like?” Em asks. “Were they our age or older?”
“It was a mix . . . maybe half and half. Everyone there was a fan of the band, although not all of them were fans of Ty. Some people don’t really like him, I guess.”
“How come?” Rose asks.
“I’m not positive, but I think maybe it’s because he’s so much younger and cute, and he doesn’t fit in with the band visually. But also the band hasn’t done a very good job of welcoming him into their lives in a public way.” I don’t like talking about it, because I feel guilty that I unloaded all my bad feelings on them in that room, stepping into something that’s definitely not my business. Time to change the subject. “That’s not really important. The important part is that I actually met the band and talked to them.”
“Oh, boy. I’m not sure I’m ready to hear this part,” Em says.
“Here, take my hand, sweetie,” Rose says. “We’re ready. Just tell us. We can handle it.”
“Well, they were very nice.” I’m not going to tell them about the cake they bought especially for me. I don’t want them to have the feelings and regrets I’m living with now. “And, like we agreed, I told them that we weren’t interested.”
“And they were cool with that?” Rose asks.
“Yes and no. They didn’t get mad, but they also asked me if I could stay and talk some more . . . but I told them no.” I wait to get their reaction. There’s a long pause before Em speaks.
“Is that it?”
“Yeah, pretty much. Oh . . . and . . . the best part—on my way out the door, I tripped and broke the heel off my shoe. I made a very graceful exit, as I’m sure you can imagine.”
“Oh, you poor thing,” Rose says, laughing in commiseration. “That must’ve been totally embarrassing.”
“Yeah, definitely. But I’m over it.” Mostly.
“So, what does this mean?” Em asks. “Are you coming home tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. What did you find out for me about a plane ticket?”
“Well, you were right . . . ,” Em says, sighing. “That first plane ticket was not refundable. But we’re going to the travel agent’s office tomorrow morning to get you a new one. I think the earliest we’ll be able to get you out, though, is four o’clock. There aren’t many flights coming up here.”
“That’s fine. I’ve got this hotel room I can stay in. I’ll probably walk over to Central Park and check that out before I leave.” I’m hoping all the greenery will help calm my nerves.
There’s another long pause before Rose speaks. “Okay, well I guess we’d better go to bed and save the minutes on these phones.” She sighs. “I hope you’re going to be okay. I wish we were there to give you a cuddle.”
“Me too, but I’m going to be fine. I’m just really exhausted. This was emotionally draining.”
“I can imagine,” Em says. “Just take care of yourself. You’ll be home soon, and then we’ll give you the biggest group hug you’ve ever had.”
“Sounds perfect.” I can picture it already, embraced in the warmth of my sisters’ love. There’s nothing like it. “Good night, girly-girls. I love you so much.”
“We love you too,” Em says.
“Big hugs. See you tomorrow.” Rose makes a kissing sound before she hangs up the phone.
I put the cell on the dresser and slowly remove my clothing. The dress I wore tonight is so pretty, but I’m not going to keep it. Every time I see it, I’ll think of this night, and it’ll make me sad all over again. I fold it up into a small square and put it in the dresser drawer, intending to leave it there when I depart tomorrow. Maybe the chambermaid will be able to use it.
After removing my underclothes, I climb into bed naked. I don’t even take the time to brush my teeth; I’m too exhausted. The last thing I see in my mind as I fall asleep is the dark expression that Ty was wearing during that meeting. I shouldn’t give a hoot about that man or what he’s going through, but I do. It seems like such a simple problem they could solve so easily. It’s too bad they’re all so clueless. Regardless of how rude he was to me, I hope Ty manages to come out in a good place at the end. I can’t imagine how devastating it would be for him to get kicked out of the band when being with them is his dream come true.
I had a dream once, of leaving the farm and living in a city, being an important businessperson, putting my marketing degree to work. The choice to stay didn’t break me, but after being here and seeing the crowd at the club and all the things happening around me in Toronto and Manhattan, I wonder if my life isn’t a little too tame . . . if I haven’t accepted a life meant for a person winding down instead of a girl just getting started.
If I could do anything in the world, what would it be? The only thing that swirls around in my head is that damn band and Ty’s problems. Their manager really sucks if he can’t see this situation, or if he sees it but doesn’t prioritize resolving it. If I were in charge, things would be different.
I realize all of a sudden that I’m imagining being involved with the band. I shake my head, getting it out of the weird place it has ventured into. Obviously, I’ve had too much champagne to think straight.
I fall asleep and dream of the farm, of New York City streets with their loud blaring horns, and two hot dogs that I can’t seem to finish. The creepy old man from the restaurant is looking at me again, asking me what I’m going to do with my hot dogs, leering at me. In my dream I stand up and slap him across the face and tell him to mind his manners. It feels good sticking up for myself. I wish I could do it more in real life, be bold like that and brave.
My dream then shifts into a hazy place where I can no longer identify people, places, or things . . . just an overwhelming sense of unfinished business that leaves me restless and uncomfortable.