Anna hoped that Jordan would understand when he opened his tin and found her note, a hastily written IOU to cover the four £5 notes she’d taken. She also hoped that the line of kisses she’d placed under her name might show him how much she loved him.

‘Single or return, love?’ the driver asked as he peered at her through the bottle lenses of his glasses.

‘Single.’ She smiled and handed over three of the notes, certain that she would not be coming back.

Having placed her case in the rack at the front, she took a seat at the back of the coach and waited impatiently for it to leave Digbeth bus station. The royal blue velour upholstery was thick with the residue of cigarette smoke, which she knew would cling to her clothes and hair. She flicked shut the little silver ashtray in the back of the seat in front, hiding the squashed brown dog-ends that lurked there.

Ducking down with her knees raised, she looked up sharply at every shout, every yell, in case it was the police, charged by her aunt to locate her and drag her back to the neat, link-detached box where she had to leave her shoes by the front door. It was unlikely, however. She’d thought this first bit through carefully, building on the plan that had started to germinate on the night of the big row in the kitchen. Her aunt and uncle would be out at work the whole day, and Jordan would be at college until late afternoon. No one would know she’d gone missing for at least seven hours. Time enough to make her way to London and to Waterloo, where she could put the next bit of her plan into action.

Anna felt a whoosh of joy in her gut as the half-full coach pulled out of the station. She was glad of her anonymity and happy to be travelling. She curled her legs beneath her on the seat, reached into her bag and pulled out her notebook.

Fifi and Fox

This is very important.

I want you to know that there are some people who will treat you badly and it is not because you have done anything wrong. It is because of something that you don’t understand going on inside them. It could be anything. They might be sad or angry and you will never know if it is you or something else that has made them that way and so you must try not to think about it too much.

Overthinking never helps. Trust me, I should know.

Even when people are mean, there is always someone who isn’t, so you need to stay with that person. Find the kind ones, the smiley ones and talk to them and they will make everything feel better, I promise.

I have a lovely cousin, his name is Jordan and he makes me laugh. He’s funny. You will meet him one day and he can be your uncle. Actually, I’m not sure what he’ll be to you if he’s my cousin. He might be your cousin too. I’ll have to check.

I want you both to be able to tell me anything, anything at all. I want you to talk to me about anything that’s bothering you or anything you’re thinking about. Like I used to be able to with my mum. You will never have to lie to me or be afraid. Because I will be your mum and that is what mums should do, I think.

I’m trying to be brave like my mum. I’m going home, back to London, where people talk like me and where I’m not such a freak. My mum went to London on her own when she was young and now so am I. And even though I might be alone when I’m there, I actually won’t be because my dad lives in London – my dad! I’ve decided to go to the taxi rank at Waterloo and wait there for him. I have this feeling that if I see him and he sees me, we’ll immediately know that we’re related. I’ll get into his taxi and he’ll take me to his house and he’ll make me toast and we’ll sit on his sofa and watch Wogan together. We can have a proper chat and catch up on all the things we need to know. We’ve got a lot to tell each other. I’ve been thinking about him a lot. I want to know what his favourite things are and I want to know what he looks like. And I want to see if he can roll his tongue like me.

Anna X

*

‘Love, we’re here.’ The old lady who’d offered Anna some Mint Imperials from a crumpled white paper bag earlier in the journey was now nudging her shoulder, waking her as the other passengers alighted into the bustle of Victoria.

‘Thank you.’ Anna smiled meekly, a wave of fear replacing the excitement that had filled her earlier. It was dark and busy and the reality of her situation began to hit home. She had very little money and nowhere to go. With her suitcase by her side, Anna looked at the road sign and saw that Waterloo was only one and a half miles away. She could walk that easily.

What she hadn’t banked on was having to drag her suitcase along the crowded pavements, nor that being tired would make the job a lot harder. It was a whole hour later that she finally reached the arched entrance and ornate pillars that she recognised as being the front of Waterloo station. Anna remembered the many times she and her mum had run up those steps, rushing for a train or chattering excitedly about the day they’d had. She gripped the handle of her case once again and began the long trudge up to the concourse.

‘Goodness me, can I get that for you? It’s almost as big as you are!’ A curly haired man in a suit and a mackintosh and with a briefcase in his right hand smiled and grabbed her suitcase, lifting it with ease.

‘Thank you.’ She whispered her gratitude as the kindly man loped up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He placed the case on the top step and waited for her. ‘Where are you off to?’ he asked with a smile.

‘I’m... I’m meeting my dad here.’ She gave the response she had rehearsed on the coach and looked down at the tens of black cabs sitting in the traffic below, waiting to ferry their passengers all over the city and beyond.

‘Is that right?’ The man gave her a funny sideways look that made her think he knew she was lying, then glanced left and right as if checking the coast was clear. He took a step closer and let his head hang forward so that she could still hear him even though he’d dropped his voice. ‘I don’t believe you are meeting your dad, young lady. Am I right?’

She stared at him. Her mouth moved, but no words came. What should she say and how could he tell?

He laughed. ‘Thought not.’ He ran his tongue around his teeth and over his gums. ‘How about you come with me and I can get you something nice to eat and you can earn some cash and it’ll be real quick.’ He reached out and stroked his hand along her upper arm.

Anna shivered and jumped back. Grabbing her case, she moved as quickly as she could into the crowd. Her stomach churned with fear and her tears fell. She felt sick as she repeatedly looked back over her shoulder, but the man seemed to have disappeared.

Closing her eyes briefly, she wished that when she opened them her mum would be on the concourse, waiting with tickets in her hand, smiling at her... She felt the thump of disappointment when this didn’t happen. Her gut ached. She gazed at the throng of people around her, all of them staring up at the departure board, waiting to jump on trains to places like Epsom, Bournemouth or Strawberry Hill – places where they had someone waiting for them. And then up popped a train for London Bridge, where she knew she could make a connection to Honor Oak Park.

Home.

Only it wasn’t home. It was the shell of a memory, an echo of a former life, now gone. Her strength caved with a sick, hollow feeling.

The crowd began to thin and Anna made her way to the taxi rank. Her heart raced as she leant against the post with the ‘Taxis’ sign above it. For what seemed like hours she studied every driver who pulled into the layby, watching as they opened the passenger door or helped their fare into the back with their cases or shopping. A black man, an Indian man, a man with red hair, a bald man, a very young man, too young to be her dad, another one, Italian, laughing loudly, a happy man, gesticulating wildly. They came and went, but there was no one she felt drawn to, no one who seemed like her dad.

Occasionally one would smile at her and she smiled back, wondering... One man jumped from his cab and as he loaded a box into the boot he looked towards her. ‘You all right there, treacle?’

She nodded. ‘I’m waiting for my dad. He’s a cabbie.’

‘Oh right, wha’s’is name?’ The man paused, holding the door handle, clearly eager to get going but also wanting to chat.

‘His name’s Michael.’

‘Michael what?’ He laughed. ‘About every other bloke on this rank is Michael, Micky, Mike, Mick – take your pick!’

‘I’m not sure,’ she managed. ‘But he definitely drives a cab.’

The man shook his head as if she was having a laugh, then jumped into his taxi and switched off his yellow ‘For hire’ light.

Anna continued to watch the procession of cabs, but she began to realise that spotting a man she’d never met and who didn’t know she was looking for him was a lot harder than she’d anticipated. Her stomach rolled with hunger, and tiredness made her body sag. She slid down the post and sat on her suitcase, trying to think of what to do next, where to go. Another hour passed and she knew that Aunt Lizzie and Uncle Alan would by now know she was missing. She hoped Jordan wasn’t too mad about the money.

A cold draught circled her ankles and snaked up inside her clothes. Bit by bit her legs and then her bottom and then her arms began to freeze. Her teeth started to chatter. The roar from a group of drunks in suits caused a plug of fear to rise in her throat. She watched them teeter left and right along the pavement, arm in arm, singing and shouting as they went. What if the man with the briefcase or someone like him returned? She knew she couldn’t stay there much longer, but where could she go? A new wave of panic engulfed her.

‘Anna!’

Anna registered her name being called but knew it had nothing to do with her. No one here knew her or her name. She ignored the shout and continued staring at the taxi rank, rubbing her arms and stamping her feet to try and get warm.

‘Anna?’ The voice was nearer now, and this time it was a question.

She swivelled her gaze and there in front of her on the tarmac, wearing a ratty fur coat, black patent over-the-knee boots and with her hair dyed white blonde, was none other than Ruby Red Shoes.

‘Ruby!’ Anna leapt off her case with a rush of energy and threw her arms around the woman. Joe’s friend! Relief flooded through her.

‘Hey, little Anna!’ Ruby stroked her hair and held her close. ‘What are you doing here, baby?’

Ruby smelt how Joe used to smell. It was familiar, troubling and comforting all at the same time. Anna looked up into the face of the woman with the large teeth who had added a splash of colour on that unbearably grey day. She noted the way her eyelids drooped, were almost closed, and recognised the fixed smile and vacant air of someone who was usually high.

‘Ruby...’ she whispered.

‘It’s good... to see you, Anna,’ Ruby stuttered. ‘I think about Joe a lot.’

To hear his name was wonderful and painful in equal measure. ‘Me too.’ Anna screwed her face up, trying to hold her tears in check.

‘What are you doing here?’ Ruby asked. ‘Who are you with?’ She glanced repeatedly over Anna’s shoulder, like she was waiting for someone.

‘I’m not with anyone. I kind of ran away.’ She paused. ‘And now I’m not sure what to do next. I’m just figuring out what to do.’

‘You’re on your own?’ Ruby bent low and looked her in the eye. She sounded concerned.

‘Yes, but I’ll be okay.’ Anna dug deep for a reassuring smile.

Ruby shook her head. ‘No, you won’t. This is no place to be by yourself, trust me. You have to go home, Anna!’ Ruby nodded slowly. ‘You have to go home, tell a policeman, tell someone. But please go home. You shouldn’t be here all alone. Take it from me.’

‘No!’ Anna hadn’t meant to shout, but there was no way she was going back to that cul-de-sac. ‘I can’t.’

‘S’not safe for you, baby. S’not safe for any of us, you know?’

Anna pictured the man in the mackintosh from earlier and her heart thudded. ‘I don’t know what to do, Ruby. Can I come home with you?’

‘This is home, baby! This is it!’ Ruby threw her arms wide and laughed with her head back.

Anna cursed the tears that gathered. Ruby reached for her packet of cigarettes and lit one, then took a step closer. Anna could see the grime on her skin, the small matted knots that peppered her hair. This was not how she remembered Ruby Red Shoes, not at all.

‘Jesus, Anna, if I had any more to offer you – a place to stay, a cup of tea, a chair – then I would take you there. But things are...’ She placed her fingernail between her teeth and ripped it from the nail bed, still glancing over Anna’s shoulder every few seconds, as if she was being watched. ‘Things are complicated. Plus I’m working.’ She sighed, shrugged her shoulders and gave a sad, sweet smile.

‘Where are you working?’ Anna asked. ‘Couldn’t I come with you? I promise I won’t make a noise, and then I could go with you after work?’ She blinked.

‘Oh, Anna.’ Ruby smiled her big toothy grin. ‘I would love to spend a day, just one day, inside your head.’ She reached out and ran her fingers through Anna’s lank fringe. ‘I need you to take care of you and I need you to go back to wherever it is you’ve come from because, trust me, anywhere is better than here. Anywhere.’

‘You don’t know what it’s like—’ Anna began.

‘And you don’t know what this is like.’ Ruby spoke firmly, interrupting her. ‘And I hope to God that you never, ever find out. Joe would not want you out here. Joe would want you safe. That much I do know.’

What do you know? Joe met Aunt Lizzie and Uncle Alan at Mum’s funeral and he thought they were arseholes. He would understand.

She watched Ruby walk back through the station, feeling the last of her optimism evaporate. She looked around and decided to find a place to spend the night – a bench, a corner, there had to be somewhere she could curl up with her suitcase. It was as she was dragging her case away from the taxi rank that two policemen approached her, one talking into his walkie-talkie and the other speeding up a little, as if sensing that she might run.

Fat chance with this suitcase.

Looking past them, she saw Ruby skulking in the shadows. Ruby had told on her!

Ruby lifted her hand and gave a small wave. Anna turned her back, ignoring the gesture and swallowing the bitter tang of disappointment. She’d thought Ruby was her friend. Some friend.