my way blindly through the club, feeling a sickening urge to throw up. The crowd was too loud, and the air was too humid. I finally burst out to the sidewalk outside and drew deep gasps of air, letting the coolness fill my lungs.
Uncaring of anyone who might be staring, I stumbled a short distance away until the pounding music faded, leaning heavily against the jagged brick wall of the building.
“No crying,” I whispered, pressing the heels of my hands to my eyes. “Not here.”
But the image of the half-naked women fondling Ryland, and him letting them, was burned into my mind.
What else were they doing now?
Were they giving him a lapdance? A blowjob?
Worse?
My chest twisted with a pain I didn’t realize was possible.
It didn’t make any sense. I had no claim on Ryland, and we haven't even slept together.
So why did it feel like my heart was breaking in two?
Footsteps neared me, and I straightened to make way for the person to pass.
Instead, strong arms gathered me against a hard chest that I’d come to recognize.
“Let me go.” I struggled in his embrace, but Ryland’s arms were firm around me.
“Stop,” he murmured into my hair.
Giving up, I squeezed my eyes shut as I buried my face into his shirt. “Stop what?”
“Overthinking.”
I beat one fist against his chest, hating him, and hating myself for caring about him.
“How can I not?” I said hoarsely. “You just used strippers to prove a point.”
“I wanted to make you understand.”
“Are you kidding? You could have just told me.”
“I know. It was fucking stupid of me.” Ryland’s voice rumbled as he cupped the back of my head to his chest. “Allie, you need to know that there were times when I didn't stop like I did today. I've done other things that I’m not proud of, and I don’t regret any of them.”
“What kind of things?” I held my breath, afraid of the answer.
Ryland didn’t answer for a long moment.
“You deserve better,” he finally said. “You should be with a guy who can be honest with you.”
“You’re honest,” I pointed out miserably. “You’re telling me all these things a girl never wants to hear.”
“This isn’t all, trust me,” Ryland said, a tinge of bitterness in his voice. “You were right last night in the greenhouse. Part of me still wants my father’s acknowledgement, even after all these years. I hate admitting that, but hell, it’s the truth.”
He took my shoulders, easing me away to look into my eyes. “And there’s another part that’s exactly like him,” he said grimly. “I can’t do without the money and status. It’s the one constant I’ve always had. It’s who I am.”
“You’re more than that,” I protested. “You’re dependable, and capable—”
“Quit putting me on a pedestal, Allie.” Ryland’s pale blue eyes were piercing even in the dimness of the weak streetlights. “The only thing I ever gave a damn about is gaining more power, and everything I’ve ever done was for that one goal. I’ve done my own share of blackmailing and bribing. Fuck, I've slept with women I didn’t give a shit about just to get a signature on a piece of paper. That’s how screwed up I am.”
My heart broke at that.
“I’ll only hurt you,” Ryland continued in a low voice. “I'll never cheat, but the things I have to do aren’t much better. There are people I have to deal with, powerful sons of bitches who have preferences for certain kinds of entertainment. And I don't want you waiting at home for me while I'm out there doing that.”
“Why do you have to do it at all?” I protested. “There has to be another way.”
Ryland shook his head once. “I lost the deal with Marlon the moment I came after you.”
I paled. That deal had to be worth several million at least. Ryland had put me before his company, something he’d never done for anyone or anything before.
That meant that there was hope.
Right?
“What’s the worst thing you did?” I whispered. “Is it what Estelle is blackmailing you about?”
His silence was my answer.
A sudden thought chilled me. “Ryland... Did you…did you kill someone?”
The look Ryland gave me was haunted, and fear clenched at my throat until he exhaled, dropping his head wearily.
“No,” he said quietly. “But what I did isn't much better.”
I swallowed, feeling only slightly relieved. “What is it? Tell me.”
Ryland’s gaze looked bleak for a moment, but just as quickly, it disappeared.
“Lay off, Allie cat,” he said curtly. “Your curiosity might actually get you killed.”
My eyes widened in disbelief. “I’m trying to find a way for us here—”
“Don’t.” Ryland looked away. “This commitment thing that you want? It can’t happen, not in a million years. Because you’ll walk away from me when you realize you’re done.”
“No, I won’t—”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Then explain it to me.” I grabbed his hand in both of mine. “You don’t have to do this yourself, Ryland. I can help. I want to.”
Ryland looked pissed now, but he also looked like he desperately wanted to crush me to him.
“I should have gone to you in San Juan,” he said in a low voice. “Should have made you mine before I fucked everything up.”
“You haven’t fucked anything up. Yet,” I added pointedly.
“That shit doesn’t work on me, Allie. I’m getting Worthy to take us back now.”
“But we’re not done yet.”
“Trust me, we are.”
Dismissing me, he took out his phone to give his instructions to Worthy, and minutes later, we were on the car back to the apartments.
Before I knew it, Ryland was raising his brow at me as he pushed me out of the elevator at my floor.
“Here’s your stop,” he informed me. “Go get some sleep.”
I gaped at him in disbelief. The elevator doors began to slide shut between us as his light blue eyes stared back at me, cold and unreadable.
No.
This guy was not going to pull that crap at the club with me then send me on my way like I was an afterthought.
At the last moment before the doors closed, I stuck my foot out between them. The sensors detected it—thankfully before the doors shut on my foot—and opened again.
I ignored Ryland’s incredulous look as I re-entered the elevator and jammed my thumb on the button to close the doors.
“What the fuck are you doing,” he said tightly as the elevator resumed its ascent.
I kept my eyes fixed on the LED numbers above the door. “We’re going to talk. I’m done playing your games your way.”
The elevator dinged at the penthouse floor, and I stepped out into the lobby.
Ryland simply strode ahead of me planted himself between me and his front door.
“I’m not interested in talking,” he clipped as he folded his arms, “so if you keep trying to force your way in, I’ll take it that you’re DTF.”
I glared at him. “You’re such an—“
“Ass? Heard that before, Allie cat.” Ryland paused and looked away. “What I did earlier was fucking stupid, but at least it got us on the same page. Now you get why I can’t do commitment, so go back home and leave me the fuck alone. I don’t have time for this.”
So this was how he was going to play it.
Stubborn jerk.
I narrowed my eyes. “Let’s compromise.”
Ryland’s gaze snapped back to me. “What?” he said suspiciously.
“Relax, I’m just speaking your language since you won’t listen to me otherwise.” I lifted my chin. “That’s how you communicate isn’t it, through negotiation? So fine. Let me into your apartment, and in return I’ll…”
Ryland’s brows drew even lower. “You’ll what?”
“I’ll do this.”
I braced my hands on his shoulders and stood on my tiptoes.
Then I pressed a kiss on his mouth, a close-lipped one that made my heart skip all the same.
Ryland went still under me, his arms still folded and pressing against my boobs.
I settled back on my feet, hoping that I had made the right call.
“There’s more where that came from,” I told him. “But first, you have to let me in.”
Both literally, and metaphorically, I added silently.
Ryland stared down at me, looking both aroused and stunned.
Finally, he stepped back and entered the code into his digital lock. I hurried in after him before he could change his mind.
“Now let’s talk,” I began.
“Not so fast.” Ryland shut the front door and stalked me until I backed up against the wall of the foyer.
I blinked. “What are you doing?”
“Collecting my payment in advance, Allie cat. For your talk.” Ryland smiled without humor. “And I expect more than just a peck this time.”
His hands came up to grasp my waist, urging me closer against him. I grabbed his neck, and this time Ryland was ready for me.
Without hesitation, he brought his lips down on mine, swallowing my surprised gasp. Cupping the back of my head, he angled his mouth to mine, taking me more deeply.
My body relaxed of its own accord, and a moan slipped out as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Ryland knew exactly what to do to me, lifting me higher against his body, fitting his hard erection snug between my thighs.
I gasped at the contact, moaning when Ryland thrusting his hips once, twice against me.
But even though I wanted to give in to him, I angled my head back. It took a few tries before Ryland realized I was pulling away.
“What?” he said, looking dazed with a slight flush on his cheekbones.
“I’ve paid up,” I informed him breathlessly. “Now it’s your turn.”
“Fuck.” Ryland leaned his forehead against mine. “You drive me crazy, you know that?”
Then he bent and lifted me into his arms, heading straight for the bedroom and dumping me on his bed.
He slipped off my heels and his shoes, then he joined me on the mattress, bracing his forearms on either side of my head and pressing the full weight of his body on top of mine.
“Talk,” he said simply. “You have five minutes until the next payment is due.”
I glared. “Are you kidding me? This isn’t going to be a five-minute chat.”
Ryland watched me with an unreadable expression. “As long as you’re willing to pay up, I have all night. But let me warn you, I won’t come cheap.”
I closed my eyes in exasperation—and arousal. I was right, bribing Ryland the CEO was the way to get him to start talking.
Figured.
“Then I’ll make this quick.” I met his gaze directly. “Don’t entertain anymore. Send someone else instead, it doesn’t have to be you.”
Ryland stared at me for a beat.
“That’s not talking,” he finally said. “That’s a request.”
“Fine, a request then.” I lifted my chin. “You don’t have to stop if you don’t want to. But if you don’t want to do it, don’t.”
Ryland said nothing. His inscrutable expression made it unable to tell what he was thinking, and I wondered if I was going too far in asking this from him.
To say that it was purely for him would be a lie, because even now, the thought of him with those women made my eyes and nose sting.
And even though we were nothing to each other, I wanted this from him all the same.
“Fine.”
I blinked in shock. “Really?”
“On one condition.” Ryland watched me closely, brushing his thumb over the crest of my cheek.
My hope dimmed. “What is it?”
“Like I said earlier, it’ll come with a price. I see the entertaining as nothing more than a routine, but Marlon’s contracts are worth hundreds of millions.” A lock of dark hair fell over Ryland’s brow as he cocked his head at me in challenge. “So what can you give me that’s worth that much, Allie cat?”
I bit my lip. “I don’t know—“
“Use your imagination. I know you’ll figure something out.”
I gazed up at Ryland, who looked strangely serious.
This wasn’t a game to him at all.
And I knew exactly what he wanted.
Hooking one leg around him, I turned us over. Ryland helped, his eyes going heavy-lidded as I sat up on his hips and braced myself against his chest.
Then I reached around and unzipped the top half of my dress, letting it fall to my waist. My breasts were thrust up by the half cups of my black demi-bra, and I arched my back, letting my sensitive nipples peek over the top of them.
“How’s this?” I asked with more confidence than I felt.
I felt unbelievably exposed. Even though I still had my dress around my waist, I might as well be completely naked. With Ryland’s urgent kissing earlier, my breasts had become heavy and full, and the dusky pink of my areolas were visible through the lace of the bra.
Ryland didn’t seem to have heard me, his eyes transfixed at my chest. I held still as his hands came up.
But instead of taking me firmly like I wanted, he grazed his knuckles over where my hardened nipples were straining against the flimsy lace.
A soft moan escaped me at his teasing touch.
“Ryland…” I arched my back, thrusting my breasts against his hands, rubbing shamelessly against them. My head fell back as I moved, pleasure slowly building up in me.
Without warning, Ryland grabbed the cups of my bra and yanked down. My breasts spilled out, thrust high by the cups straining underneath them.
“Fuck.” Ryland’s gaze became unfocused as he began to tease my nipples, pinching and rolling the buds between his fingers.
I gasped, my nails digging into his pecs as he played with me.
It felt so good, so freaking good…
My hips began to roll, dragging the aching place between my thighs along the large bulge that was Ryland’s erection. The thick length of him pressed right against my core.
Moaning, I began to grind down.
I was so wet that I had to be soaking through my thong and his pants, but I didn't care. I needed more of him.
“Fuck.” Ryland’s eyes turned glazed, and he growled as he reached for my bra, likely to tear them off my body.
I grasped his wrists just before they made contact.
“Wait,” I blurted. “Have I paid up? Is this…is this worth…” I trailed off, unsure of myself.
I wasn’t a supermodel by any standards, and not even close to the beautiful women Ryland seemed to be constantly surrounded by. Neither was I like the busty, toned strippers from earlier. My thighs were dimpled with cellulite, and my stomach wasn’t a flat washboard—
“Hundreds of millions?” Ryland rasped, his attention still on my body. “Fuck yeah. More than.”
He grabbed my neck this time, pulling me down for another kiss. At the same time, his other hand snaked around my ass to bring me closer to him.
My eyes slid shut as Ryland ate at me hungrily, his tongue tangling with mine in a hot slide, roving and devouring.
His kisses did to me what no other kiss ever did. It invaded me everywhere, stripping me down to nothing as he took all I had to give.
Heat flooded my body as our lips and tongues meshed together, and I squirmed to get closer to him, desperate to feel more of his body against mine. The head of his erection pressed directly into the center of my core as I straddled him, and my hips buckled, just as Ryland tore his mouth away with a curse.
His hands practically ripped apart my bra and flung it aside before he attacked my dress bunching at my waist.
“So that’s a yes?” I panted, moving to help him strip me. “You’ll stop entertaining?”
Ryland growled an agreement, tossing my dress to the floor. “You can have my bank account if you’ll just take these goddamned clothes off…”
Our breathing was different now. It was labored, the air between us tense with lust.
Ryland’s composure had been obliterated, his pupils so dilated his eyes were nearly black.
His expression was fierce and possessive, with desire written all over his face as he ran his hands up and down the sides of my waist, taking in my now naked body with heavy-lidded eyes.
But I wanted more from him.
I needed more.
“I have another request,” I breathed.
At my words, Ryland looked back at my face. “What is it?” he said, his voice husky.
“If I do this, if we do this, there can’t be another woman as long as you’re sleeping with me.” I tightened my fingers where they were braced on his pecs. “You don’t have to be my boyfriend, but you’ll need to agree that before you go to someone else, you’ll let me know.’ I inhaled unsteadily. “So I can end things with you first.”
Ryland’s expression was hard as he watched me.
“Agreed,” he clipped. “And I want the same from you. As long as we’re doing this, there will be no one else. Only me.”
My eyes widened.
Had he just agreed to a monogamous, exclusive sexual relationship between the both of us? That was commitment, as far as I knew, but I didn’t say a word, not wanting to ruin the moment.
I bent down to him again. “Okay,” I told him in between kisses. “Only you.”
At my words, Ryland stiffened.
Then he wrapped his arms around my body and crushed me to him, plundering my mouth with an urgency that outmatched even the ones earlier.
We rolled across the bed once, twice, the sheets tangling about our limbs. His hands roamed urgently, groping at my ass, my breasts, my thighs.
“Need you,” he growled as he pressed open-mouthed kisses to my neck, suckling at my skin.
It was too hot, and Ryland’s clothes were in the way. My hands tore at them with jerky movements, shedding his shirt quickly. All that was left now was his pants.
Fuelled by my need, I eased up on my hands and knees and shifted lower down the bed.
“Wait, Allie—”
I didn’t wait. I straddled Ryland’s hips, undoing his belt with a speed that matched his undressing of me.
“I know your game,” I told him, looking up at his strained face across his abs and chest. “You like to be in control. You want me to beg for you, you want me to be the one losing myself, but you’re too proud to do the same.”
The slight widening of his eyes told me I was spot-on.
His pants zipper came undone next.
“Not this time,” I said, holding his stunned gaze. “I’ll give you a sample, and then we’ll see how you beg.”
In reality I was acting with more confidence than I felt. I had never been with a guy as experienced or confident as Ryland, and I could only hope that I wasn’t talking myself into an embarrassing position.
Thankfully for me, Ryland’s eyes were already heavy-lidded, his lips slightly parted with lust. I swallowed hard as I took in the semi-naked guy lounging before me, growing wetter as I admired the musculature of his chest, the hardness of his planes and his abs.
With stiff fingers, I tugged down his pants and boxer briefs, and his erection sprang free.
Oh, my god.
Ryland was so large and so aroused that his erection pressed against his stomach. The swollen head of his cock was an angry dark red, glistening in the ambient light of his bedroom. A thin rope of precum trailed along his dark shaft.
My mouth went dry.
Ryland made a strangled sound as I knelt closer between his legs. I pried his erection from his stomach, feeling the velvet skin in my hands. It was smooth to the touch, and hard steel underneath.
I swallowed as I wrapped my hand around him.
He was so big that my thumb and fingers didn’t touch. I had fantasized about him for weeks, yet now I couldn't imagine how he could fit inside me.
I lowered myself down, placing his erection right in front of my face, gazing up at him.
Ryland’s expression was stunned as he sank his hands into my hair, his eyes unblinking as if he didn’t want to miss a single second of the show.
My tongue flicked out to taste the bead of precum on his swollen head.
A sharp draw of breath, and Ryland’s entire body went rigid. His hands tightened in my hair, but he didn't push me away.
Gripping his large shaft in my hands, I gave another lick, tasting his salt on my tongue.
“Fuck!” His hips thrust upwards again.
“How do you like it? Tell me.” I took his engorged length in my mouth, trying to fit in as much as I could. I wrapped my hands around the base of him, then I moved down on his length again, mimicking a slide into a hot, slick passage.
A loud groan escaped him. “Suck me,” he said hoarsely. “Pump your hands.”
I did as he asked, taking him until the head of his cock hit the back of my throat. Then I moved back up and did it again, faster this time.
Ryland cursed. “Yes. Like that.” His hands tightened painfully in my hair as he held my head, thrusting into my mouth with helpless jerks. “Fuck yeah.”
I kept moving up and down, sucking his cock as deep as I could, growing wet at the gravel in his voice. I swirled my tongue around his swollen head, and was rewarded with a ragged groan.
Humming in approval, I sped up, flicking my tongue, working him into a frenzy.
Ryland was groaning loudly by now, uttering dirty words as he thrust into my mouth.
“Good girl. Take it. Fuck, you’re so good, so damned good…”
When I looked up, I saw that he was watching me, his blue eyes bright with fierceness.
For a moment I felt vulnerable, even though he was the one losing control under me. As our gazes met, I felt a strange tightness in my chest, almost an ache.
“Beg me,” I whispered.
Trust me.
Ryland stared at me for a long moment, his brows drawn as if he was warring within himself.
Finally he let his head fall back.
“Please,” he said in a ragged voice. “Fuck, please.”
With a sound of helplessness I moved on him again, going faster this time, deeper. I wanted to pleasure him as he had pleasured me in the greenhouse. I wanted to be the one to make him lose control and come apart.
I wanted to be the one to put him back together.
“Fuck yeah,” Ryland groaned, his hands tangling in my hair. “That’s it…”
As my hands played, I felt his balls draw tight against him. I stroked them in featherlight teases as I pumped his cock harder, my mouth aching with the effort to suck him. But I didn't let up. I wanted this.
I needed this.
“Shit,” he gritted suddenly.
Then the world flipped over as Ryland yanked me up, pinning me underneath him.
“Spread your legs,” he said a low voice as he kicked off his pants.
Helpless not to obey, I drew my knees up, letting my legs fall open shamelessly, baring myself to him.
Ryland grabbed my thighs painfully, his jaw tight with tension. With his one hand, he touched a finger to my aching slit, and I jerked at the contact.
“So fucking wet,” he growled. He rummaged around in his night stand, and then I heard the rip of a condom foil.
As he settled between my thighs, I wrapped my legs around his waist instinctively. It felt empty inside me, and I was eager for Ryland to fill me the way I needed him to.
And Ryland knew exactly what I needed.
Gripping my ass, he surged forward and thrust himself deep into me, filling me all the way. I could feel his thick shaft parting the slick flesh inside me, the head of his cock against my womb. It felt so good, so delicious—
“Yes,” I moaned as Ryland began to move.
His fingers dug into my waist, holding me down as he thrust into me. His movements were rough, painful, but I lusted after every sensation he rained on my body.
It had been a while since I’d slept with anyone, but even so, I knew that this time was different.
This time was raw and unrestrained.
This time, I was laying myself bare.
Ryland’s pale blue eyes watched me smugly as he snapped his hips again and again.
I knew how I looked—my eyes heavy-lidded, my lips parted in a helpless moan, my knees pressed against my breasts as he fucked me.
I didn’t care.
With a faint smile, Ryland ran his finger up my swollen clit.
“Yes! Oh, yes…”
Everything in the room, in the world, faded to black as my mind centered in on the place where Ryland was stroking me. The pleasure mounted in layers as he moved, his cock fucking me, his fingers playing with my clit. It was so good that I never wanted him to stop.
Too soon, I felt my inner flesh tighten around on Ryland’s shaft.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “I can feel you squeezing me…”
“Don’t stop,” I whispered, my head thrown back in sexual bliss. “Oh god, don’t stop—”
I broke off as my orgasm hit me, snapping like a rubber band that had been stretched too tight. Pleasure flooded my body as I held on to Ryland for dear life, every muscle squeezing with my climax.
“Yes!” I screamed, loving every second of it.
I felt Ryland drop his head to the pillow beside mine, his breathing coming fast as he pumped into me.
“Allie,” he grunted. “I’m coming.”
Then his body jerked as he thrust deep into me.
“Fuck!”
He joined me in my climax, slamming into me once, twice, three times, raw sounds tearing from the back of his throat.
I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding him inside me as I squeezed him again.
When he eased, I released my hold, falling back in exhaustion. Ryland’s brows were drawn as he stared down at me, looking worn out himself.
After a couple of breathless minutes, he withdrew from me, then discarded the condom.
My eyelids were heavy from the exertion, and the next time I opened them, Ryland was coming back to bed from his bathroom. He pressed a warm towel between my thighs, soothing me there.
“Thanks,” I yawned.
I knew I should get up and head back downstairs to my own bed, but my limbs felt boneless.
To my pleasure, Ryland returned and drew me against his chest.
“Sleep,” he murmured. “We’ll talk when we wake.”
I played with the dark hairs dusting his chest. “About what?”
“Us.”
My fingers stilled. “Do I want to hear it?”
Ryland was silent for a moment.
Then finally, he exhaled.
“Yeah. Yeah, you do.”
His words filled me with impossible hope. “But what will I pay you with? Since we’ve already slept together.”
Ryland chuckled, a low sound that rumbled in my chest. “You’ll think of something, Allie cat,” he murmured into my hair.
Biting back a smile, I settled closer into the warmth of Ryland’s embrace, letting his scent envelop me. My eyes were shut in seconds.
***
I awoke hours later, finding Ryland’s heavy arm draped around me. As I idly traced the veins on his muscled forearms, I wondered where we were headed from now.
Were we going to be a couple without the relationship status?
Or was it just an exclusive friends-with-benefits arrangement?
I didn’t know what was going to happen with us, but I knew I wanted to try.
Looking around his bedroom, I noticed that my portrait was facing the wall. My cheeks heated when I remembered what Ryland had told me he would do to it.
If only I had been there to watch.
I looked up into his sleeping face again. Most people probably looked peaceful in their sleep, but not Ryland.
A slight notch had formed between his brows as he slept, and his jaw was tight with tension, as if he was managing problems even in his dreams.
Proud, lonely man.
I stroked his face lightly, wishing I could do something for him.
Maybe I could.
A week ago I had tried gathering information about Estelle to protect me and Karin.
What if I tried again, this time for Ryland as well?
I bit my lip as I considered the idea. Since his office wasn’t where he kept his stuff, the other alternative had to be his apartment.
Specifically, his study.
I waited a minute to make sure that Ryland was truly asleep.
Then gingerly, I crept from under his arm, slid out of the bed and put on the shirt he’d discarded, and padded down to the study.
I hesitated outside.
This was definitely an invasion of privacy. But if I was doing it for Ryland’s sake, it should be fine, right? It wasn’t like I was snooping for nefarious reasons.
I wasn’t quite convinced by my own explanation, but I turned the handle and pushed my way into the room anyway.
Ryland’s study was as neat at the rest of his apartment. I turned on the lights, feeling guilty as I headed over to the documents laid out on his desk.
But the moment I saw what those documents were, my guilt vanished, replaced by shock.
What the hell?
I picked up the piece of paper my gaze had snagged on, a photocopy of an old article I had seen before, a decade ago.
“Tragic Accident: CEO and father found dead…”
I grabbed more documents from the desk, scanning through them quickly.
My panic mounted as I read, and I pressed the my knuckles against my teeth to stem the nausea.
There were records of witness accounts of Dad’s accident that day, stacks of notes on Californian law for manslaughter, and memos from various lawyers’ offices.
The last one chilled me to my core.
The blackmail email from Estelle Valentine.
“Oh my god,” I whispered, my hands shaking. “Oh my god.”
A sound came from behind me then, and I spun to see Ryland standing by the doorway, watching me with a stunned expression.
It should have been a tender scene, me wearing his shirt, him wearing only his wrinkled grey slacks, his hair all messed up from our sex earlier.
But it wasn’t.
It was my worst nightmare come true.
“Ryland,” I whispered. “What’s all this?”