Chapter 14
Chris woke up the next morning holding Chanda. Chris gazed at Chanda’s peaceful sleeping face, amazed that she was still with him despite knowing his dark past. He was truly blessed, he knew that for sure now. He gently pecked her on the forehead and she awoke.
“Let’s get some breakfast,” he told her.
She nodded and eased her way out of bed. As she went through her closet, she asked him what they had planned for the day. It was as if nothing had changed.
“First we need to get your job back. I can’t believe that Miss Ling would fire you over that.”
“I don’t think she fired me. She just sent me home for the day. I will speak with her.”
“That’s the plan,” Chris shrugged.
Chanda turned to face him and sighed as she laid her dress on the bed. “Chris, we can’t go on like this.”
Chris froze. Were things worse than he had thought? “What do you mean?”
“I mean that we can’t keep living without your family. You can’t keep letting your family hate you.”
“There’s nothing I can do about that. They made up their minds long ago about what they think of me.”
“You can try to make amends,” she suggested. “I will go with you. I want to meet them. I want to bring us together.”
Chris shook his head. “It won’t happen. They all blame me for what happened with Jake. And I suppose they should. After all, I did kill him.”
“But you should explain your story.”
“I already did. They know the official story. They don’t accept it, though. They still think I’m a bad person.”
“If you go to them and say sorry, maybe they will think of you differently.”
The very thought of facing his family sent Chris into a tailspin of emotions. He couldn’t handle the thought. “Chanda, I haven’t spoken to them in years,” he explained. “They hate me. I can’t do this.”
“Please, Chris. You must. It is not right to be so distant from your family. It is time to make amends.”
Chris sat down and covered his face in his hands. “I would not even know where to begin.”
“Begin with your aunts and uncles. And do you have grandparents?”
“I have a grandfather on my father’s side,” Chris said slowly. He folded his hands on his lap. “There is my father’s sister, Carol, and my mother’s brother, Jerry. And my cousins.”
“Do you still have their phone numbers?” Chanda urged. She knelt before him and took his hands in hers. “I know you feel overwhelmed. And scared. It is understandable that you feel this way. But I know how important family is. You don’t want to spend years not talking or you will lose them.”
“Let’s take care of your work situation,” Chris said slowly. “Then we will talk more about this.”
“No,” Chanda shook her head. “I want you to call them now.”
“You need to call Miss Ling, then,” Chris told her.
Chanda nodded. When she went to retrieve her phone, she found that she had already missed a call from the nail salon. Eagerly she called Miss Ling back. “Yes?” Miss Ling answered after one ring. She was always prompt about answering the phone.
“It is Chanda.”
“Ah. Chanda. You come to work today, no?”
Chanda gulped. “I must help my husband with something very important. But I want to come back. If you will have me.”
“Yes.” Miss Ling took a deep inhale, and Chanda knew that she was smoking a cigarette. Sometimes she would go behind the salon and have a cigarette after particularly hard days. “You come back. You one of my best girls. But you treat my customers nice.”
“I promise that I will. I want to explain –“
“No. I know that girl is a bad girl. I know why you yell at her. But no more, OK?”
Chanda smiled. It was nice, to be chastised as if she were a girl again, in trouble with her mother. In many ways, Miss Ling was like a mother, helping Chanda flourish in her new nail career. They had very impersonal conversations, but there was an air of stern affection in Miss Ling’s treatment of Chanda.
Chanda returned to Chris. “I can go back to work tomorrow. Miss Ling says it’s OK. But today we work on your problem.”
Chris shook his head. “I can handle this on my own.”
“No, you can’t. You will not do it. I must make sure that you do it.” Chanda picked up Chris’s phone and tossed it into his lap. “Please, Chris, you must.”
Chris reluctantly picked up the phone. “I don’t have their numbers in here. But there’s an address book in my foyer table drawer. It’s small, with a red leather cover. Will you get it for me, please?”
Chanda fetched the address book and Chris rifled through it. First he located his aunt Carol’s number. With shaking fingers, he dialed the number, then hesitated. Chanda gave him an encouraging prod. He resolutely pressed “Dial,” then waited as the phone rang.
“Hello?” a sweet woman’s voice answered.
“Aunt Carol?” Chris sounded like he was about to burst into tears. “It’s Chris.”
There was silence. “Chris,” she said finally. “I have been thinking of you lately.”
“You have?”
“Yes….I have wanted to speak with you. I just didn’t know what to say.”
Chris let out his pent-up breath, and then half-laughed in relief. “I have wanted to speak with you too. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. I feel that there is a lot left unsaid between us.”
“I didn’t mean to kill Jake, Aunt Carol. I promise that I didn’t. You know how I loved my brother.” Tears began to spill down his cheeks but he maintained control.
“I know. I know you didn’t. It had just been very hard accepting what happened. But I have been meaning to write you a letter. I wanted to say…I wanted to tell you that I forgive you. All is forgiven, Chris. And I have prayed long and hard and I know that Jake forgives you, too. He is at peace and he is watching you from Heaven.”
Chris suppressed a sob.
“I am sure that you are very guilty. Now you must forgive yourself. Just know that I still love you.”
“I love you, too. And I want us to be a family again. I got married and – I wish that I had had a wedding. A proper one, with you and Grampa there.”
She paused. “Congratulations,” she said finally. “I would like to meet your new wife….Can I see you sometime soon, Chris? Can we sit and talk?”
“I can fly to Austin tomorrow and meet with you,” Chris said excitedly.
“Please do. I think we need to sit down and talk. Perhaps you can bring your wife.”
“She – she is working tomorrow.” Chris glanced up at Chanda with regret in his eyes. “But you will meet her soon. Whenever you like. I can even bring you back here to meet her.”
“That sounds good.” Aunt Carol exhaled long and hard. “I need to go. I’m sorry, Chris, but I am just very overcome right now. Please come tomorrow, all right?”
“Can I see Grampa?” Chris added. “Is he still living with you?”
“We will visit him at his assisted living home together,” she assured him. “Good-bye, Chris….I love you.”
Chris hung up and sobbed for a long time. Chanda held him as he cried. Finally, he gently pushed her away. “I have another call to make,” he reminded her.
She nodded. “You can do it. You are doing so well. See, that went well, didn’t it?”
“Aunt Carol was my favorite. I can’t bear to hear what Aunt Linda and Uncle Jerry have to say. They’re much…different.”
“Call them,” she urged. “It may go better than you assume it will.”
He found their number and called them. But he received an error tone. He sighed in frustration. “Just when I was ready,” he grumbled.
“Can you look it up?” Chanda asked.
“I suppose so. I guess they moved.” He went to his computer and looked up a phone book. When he found their number, he nodded. “They did move.” He swiveled on the chair to face Chanda. “Can I have a moment, please, honey?”
Chanda nodded. She looked stung that he didn’t want her there, but she seemed to understand his need for privacy. He didn’t want to be humiliated in front of her. His stomach twisted in knots as he dialed the new number with courage that he didn’t know that he had. Chanda had only unlocked something that he had wanted himself anyway: to make amends.
The phone rang three times. Just as Chris almost lost his nerve, Aunt Linda answered. Her rough voice was unmistakable.
“Hello, Aunt Linda?” his voice trembled embarrassingly.
She was silent.
“It’s Chris,” he managed.
“I know who it is,” she responded crisply.
“Oh. I…”
“Is this some part of a twelve-step program? Making amends?”
“Something like that,” Chris said forlornly. “Only it’s not a program. I wanted to do it of my own accord. I know that you are – hurt. I know that I tore this family apart with what I did. But we have all suffered so much. I don’t want to be apart any longer.”
Aunt Linda was silent again. The suspense was killing Chris. At last she said crisply, “We are aware that it was an accident. But what I – what we cannot forgive is how you were involved with him in drugs. If you hadn’t been messing around with those bad people, this never would have happened.”
“I just don’t understand why you get that idea,” Chris faltered. “There were no drugs on the scene.”
“Oh, Chris, don’t lie to me,” she snapped. “We all knew what you two were. What you two were up to. He would still be here if not for your poor choices.”
“Those were poor choices he made himself. I have worked very hard to forgive myself, and I still kick myself every day. I miss him, you know?” The amount of emotion that this venture had unearthed scared Chris, as he felt as if he were losing complete control. But as he started to cry, he could sense his aunt softening.
“We all miss him.” She sighed long and hard. “It never felt right that you were in jail and couldn’t come to his funeral.”
“I don’t think I could have handled his funeral.”
“But he was your brother. You needed to go. It didn’t seem right.”
“I’m just tired of missing him. And I miss you, too. I miss my family.”
She was quiet again for a long spell. Then she said, “What is going on with you? Have you cleaned up?”
“Yes! And I got married. You would like my wife. Her name is Chanda.”
“Ah. I’m guessing she set you up to this?”
“I wanted to do this on my own. She just gave me the courage.”
“I see.”
“Who’s on the phone?” Chris heard his uncle call.
Aunt Linda covered the mouthpiece, but he could still hear. “Chris.”
“Our nephew Chris?”
“Yes.”
“What the hell is he calling for?”
“He feels guilty. He’s trying to reconnect. Be nice.”
“Well I’ll be damned. I never expected him to call in a million years. I’m not sure if I want to allow him back into our lives, Linda.”
Aunt Linda got back on the phone. “Thank you for your call, Chris. But your uncle and I need some time to process.”
“All right.” Chris swallowed. “Thank you.”
“Mhm. Bye.”
The call went better than he had assumed. He set down his phone and called Chanda into the room.
“Well?” she asked expectantly.
“It went all right.”
She threw her arms around him. “I’m always here for you,” she assured him. “I feel so much about this. I hated that we had only a stranger at our wedding.”
“You will meet my family, Chanda. I want to show you off to everyone. I want my family in my life again. And I want to start a new family with you.”
The look on Chanda’s face puzzled him. She seemed happy, but it was like she was holding something back. “OK,” she finally said, with an enthusiastic nod.