CHAPTER 29
Cora Chapman
I SAT ON MY COUCH, curled up. I tried to imagine being back in New York. I’d moved back home for something new, something easier. And because I’d missed the place. My life was a thousand times more complicated now. Maybe I could move to the city and start over again.
What had I expected? Why was I so surprised?
It’s not like I could ask Landon to stop picking up Logan from school or to avoid me at all costs in public. That would be irrational and stupid. The worst part was the mothers staring at me from the parking lot. Why were people such assholes?
It wasn’t like I was whoring around. I wasn’t selling myself or hitting on their husbands.
Principal Williams had given me several stern looks afterward, but what the hell was I supposed to do?
I took a sip of some hot tea I’d made. It was bland and bitter. Everything was dull—my carpet, the walls, the town, the whole damn world. I’d picked up the phone three different times to call Landon, and then remembered he didn’t have a phone. Maybe it was a good thing in this instance. It made me think about things, and I’d talked myself out of driving over there more than once.
Jimmy Fallon was on the TV and I didn’t even laugh or smile at him. How could someone not smile at Jimmy Fallon? I DVR’d all his shows and binged on them when I was in a rut. He was always my fallback plan. If Jimmy couldn’t cheer you up, you were fucked.
I heard a car, but assumed it had pulled up at a neighbor’s house. It sounded like it was a few lots over. I needed Landon. I needed his arms and his presence. Not in some codependent, reliant on him to take care of me kind of way. It wasn’t like that.
I just missed him. I missed the people around him. The whole Lane clan. I’d been a part of it. I’d never experienced family like that. Hell, I even wanted to see Joe. I wanted to hear him call Landon asshole. Any of those things would’ve turned the colors around me back to brilliant—shocked my heart back to a normal rhythm.
The door of the car shut. It came from in front of the neighbor’s house.
I’d had my hopes up for a brief second that someone was coming to see me, but I was lying to myself. Landon had to focus on saving his family, his life. His life! If circumstances were just normal, maybe I could afford to be more wishy washy with him, but it couldn’t happen now.
I’d told him to go. He didn’t want to, but he did it for me. My troubles paled in comparison to his. Part of me got a little angry that he’d gone when I told him to go. I didn’t like that about myself. It was stupid. If I wanted him to stay, I should’ve told him to stay. It wasn’t fair to put him in that situation and then be upset with him about it.
I hated my irrational thoughts. Hated them!
I couldn’t help how I felt though. I’d heard Logan ask to go home. It broke my heart. Destroyed me and I just couldn’t speak after that. Couldn’t face anyone. Landon did what he had to do. What he needed to do. I would never ask him to choose between me and his son. Never. Logan was the number one priority, and he should be. It had all just happened so quickly, and my mother had said the same thing to me the day I told her I was going to be a teacher and move to New York. That I was an embarrassment. I’d tried to tell myself she didn’t matter. Her opinion wasn’t important. But at the end of the day, she was my mother. I craved her approval and wanted her to love me and be proud of me. And then I saw Logan’s tears and I just shut down.
Footsteps pounded up my walkway.
What the hell?
My heart kicked at my ribcage like a mule.
I glanced over to the door. It wasn’t locked. Why wasn’t it locked? I was such an idiot. It could be a reporter. A marauder. I wanted to slap myself for thinking the word marauder.
I hopped up and ran over to lock the door. The sound of footsteps disappeared.
I stood in front of the door and it yanked open right before I could bolt it shut.
My heart froze for a brief moment in time that couldn’t be measured in seconds, only in some foreign unit that existed when you transported to a dimension separate from reality.
“Why isn’t your door locked?” Landon glared at me.
“Why did your footsteps suddenly stop making sounds?” I folded my arms over my chest.
“I saw you get up and run to the door. Assumed you’d forgotten to lock it. I made sure your mission failed.”
“Well, umm—” I looked away and shook my head.
“Grab your stuff.”
“Excuse me?” I gave him some attitude, but at the same time stepped aside so he could walk through the door. A few reporters had been circling the neighborhood the past week and I didn’t want someone jumping out of the bushes.
Landon walked in. “You heard me.”
“And where are we going?” Why was I putting up a fight? I’d just been daydreaming about seeing him and now I was pretending that he couldn’t just whisk me away. Was my subconscious trying to remind me that I needed to keep him away for his own good? Maybe it was what I needed to do. It wasn’t what I wanted, but he’d be better off without me. I wasn’t good for him right now.
He yanked me close to him and put both of his palms on my face like he always did. He was pure power and finesse. He could get hot enough to melt steel and at the same time heat just enough to warm my soul. I wasn’t sure how I didn’t end up a puddle on the ground. He was whisking me away all right. Jesus. It was useless trying to fight it. We were opposite poles of a magnet, a constant force pulling on one another—had been since day one. I lost it. I couldn’t fight him anymore and I broke down into tears.
“I’m sorry. I’m so—”
I tried to keep apologizing and he cut me off.
“Don’t. Not now.” He stared into my eyes for a long time. Stared like he really saw me—saw everything. His voice lowered to a rumble. “Home. Mine.” And then he did the one thing that sealed us up into a pretty package with a bow. He kissed my forehead.
It only took two words and a kiss. Two words and a kiss on the forehead for me to know my future was safe with him. That I was forgiven. I would grovel even more later because he deserved it, but I knew right then. He didn’t try to kiss me anywhere but that one light, gentle kiss. It was the epitome of controlled, raw power. He didn’t scoop me up in his arms and carry me out across the threshold. He didn’t try to hold my hand.
I smiled at him because he knew what I needed, and it was the most intimate moment of my life, even more than our first time or that first kiss on the cheek, or the second kiss where he took everything from me with a powerful embrace. He didn’t want to distract from the decision at hand. Didn’t want to persuade it with relationship theatrics, with body parts, and sexually charged chemicals and emotions. The decision was mine.
He wanted me fully cognizant of what I was doing. He took a step back and stood in front of me. “Ready?”
I wrapped my arms around him and tried to crush his ribs, tried to pull myself into him and join our souls together. His arms fell around me and squeezed. I nodded against his chest. “Yes.”
“Mine. Always.”
“Always.”
We gathered my stuff and left. He didn’t kiss me or hold my hand. He helped me carry a few things and load them in the car. I sat down in the passenger’s seat. He moved his gaze back and forth between the open car door and my wandering eyes.
I could still get out. I could still get away. He was waiting for me to close the door and end the charade all on my own.
My lungs filled with a deep breath and I squeezed my eyes shut. Then I reached over and shut the door.
Landon’s hands went to my face and his mouth was on me in a flash. Like he’d been caging a beast while waiting for me to get in the car. His hands were powerful and hungry and searched my body while he stole my breath with his mouth. His tongue entwined with mine and I hadn’t realized just how hungry I was for him. His hands were on my face and shoulders and back, and he yanked me into him, each second more ferocious than the next, until we finally parted.
His right hand stayed on my thigh and my hand stayed on top of it. He kept glancing over to me and then back to the road. It was us. Together again. The sun had set, but everything was brighter again, more brilliant, even in the dark. My life teetered back into equilibrium.
WHEN WE GOT BACK TO Landon’s place, he put the car into park and glanced over at me. “Stay there.”
He got out and walked around. It was dark out but lights in the house illuminated his hulking silhouette as he circled the car. The door flew open and his strong, calloused hands were on me in an instant.
He hoisted me out and had one arm under my shoulders. I bent my legs and he scooped me up into the air with his other arm hooked beneath my knees. I was weightless to him, like a feather in his arms.
He carried me up the steps and across the threshold. Somehow, he got the front door open with little effort. I’d always been skeptical about that in the movies. It’s like they always cut away from it, but how did the guy get the door open while holding the love of his life on his wedding night?
Landon did it, though. Just like in the movies. I had no idea how, like he just willed it to happen. When it swung open it was crooked and a few screws were busted on one of the hinges. I stared at it and back at Landon.
He shrugged. “Broke it coming after you.”
Jesus.
When we walked in, Janet, Joe, and Logan sat at the table, eating dinner.
“We started without you, asshole.” Joe smiled.
“Ms. Chapman!” Logan practically shook in his chair. He turned to Janet. “May I be excused for a moment?”
Janet nodded and smiled. “Go on.”
His chair flew backward, and Landon sat me down just in time to get tackled.
Joe stood up. He paced across the floor and stopped a few feet in front of me. His face was a little pink and I wasn’t sure he knew exactly what to say. “Happy you’ve returned.”
I grinned. “Thanks, Joe.”
He turned to Landon. “Enjoy tonight. Work starts tomorrow.”
Landon nodded. “I know.”
LANDON HAD TUCKED LOGAN INTO bed and Janet had gone home. Joe was off doing something. I wasn’t sure anybody ever knew what it was.
Landon walked up behind me. “He’s out in the shed.”
I shook my head as he strolled past and came into view. “Stop trying to act like you always know what I’m thinking.”
Landon smirked. “He’s planning.” He sat down on the bed next to me. “I stuck an old TV out there earlier. With a DVD player.”
“Aww, you did something nice for him?”
“He bought Logan a Batman toy when we were in Vegas. Logan still hasn’t shut up about it.”
I glanced out in the direction of the shed. “That is freaking adorable.” I took my earrings off and placed them on the nightstand. “So, the other two fights are out of the way now, huh?”
Landon’s smile disappeared. “We need to talk.”
He took both my hands in his.
I stared down at them for a few seconds. “So, let’s talk.”
He looked away. I saw fear in his eyes, but I knew there was no way he’d ever tell me that he was scared.
“I need you. Need us to be good.”
I exhaled and stared off at the wall. His house felt more like home than mine. “We’re good.”
He stared long and hard. “Right now, yeah.” He paused. “I know I’ve said this before, but things are going to get bad. They’re going to get really messy. We have to be able to count on each other.”
“You can count on me.”
Landon shook his head. “Don’t say it unless you mean it.” His voice hardened.
My stomach twisted. What was his deal? I got in the car. I loved him. What more did he want from me? I knew I’d made him leave, but I was there now. My decision was made. He couldn’t get rid of me if he tried.
“My family doesn’t have a choice. They’re in this no matter how bad I want them out of it. I would do anything to get them as far away from me as possible right now if they were safe, but it’s not an option for them. It is for you.”
I shook my head. “I don’t get it. You came and got me. I got in the car. You did everything to get me here. Why are you trying to scare me or push me away now?”
He dropped my hands and stood up from the bed. He kept looking at me and then staring off at the wall. “I don’t know. I’ve never been in love before. Not like this.” He stopped, and his jaw tightened. His arms bulged against the thin fabric of his shirt.
“I need you to know that last time…” I shook my head at him. “It was just a perfect storm. And I’m sorry that I put you and Logan through that. I am so deeply sorry.” Hot tears pricked at the backs of my eyelids. “It was all meant for my mother, and you and Logan just got hit with the shrapnel. I never meant to hurt you.” I grabbed his hands and tried to show him how much I meant what I was saying with my eyes. “I’m so sorry, babe. I was so excited for our date, and thought it was the sweetest thing. I was up in the clouds, and I think that’s part of why it all hit me so hard when my mom yanked me back down to earth.”
He looked down at my hands then stared back up at my eyes. My stare that told him how much I needed him and how much he meant to me.
I shook my head.
He wiped away my tears with his thumb. “Don’t cry. When you hurt, I hurt.”
I sniffled. “I don’t mean to make excuses. I’m so sorry for that too. I’m so sorry. I’m just trying to explain. I was ashamed to be in front of anyone at that moment. And then I was ashamed to try and see you after that. Too much time had passed, and I didn’t want to mess with your head, so I stayed away. Convinced myself I’d only hurt you again and even worse the next time. I couldn’t do that to you. I could barely look at Logan in class. And I just—” I nearly broke down again. Couldn’t talk. I covered my mouth and sobbed.
“Just stop.”
My heart dropped into my stomach.
He shook his head at me. Glared at me, even. Then dropped down to his knees on the floor in front of me. Put himself beneath me like he always did. Fell down and elevated me on a pedestal I didn’t deserve. “I forgive you.”
“You do?”
He nodded. “I love you. You’re mine. I’ll always forgive you.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so s-sorry.” I tried to stop sobbing.
He took my hand in his. Glared up at me. “That’s the last.”
I wiped my eyes with my forearm and regarded him with a confused look. “Last what?”
“The last apology for what happened. I don’t want to hear another one.”
He held out his arms and I pretty much fell into them. He swallowed me in his huge biceps and I finally felt safe again—didn’t want him to let go, ever. I could understand why Logan was always running to Landon for hugs. Something about being curled up in Landon, pressed up against his granite chest—I felt completely protected, like nothing in the world could hurt me.
“I need you to know that I will keep you safe. No matter what. I will march through hell and take a thousand bullets through the heart to protect you, Logan—my family.”
A tear rolled down my cheek.
“I need you to believe that. You are mine. You are everything to me.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“So, when things get bad the next few weeks, and they will get bad, I need you to remember this. This moment. What I’m telling you right now. This right here. This promise. This pact we’re making. It’s you and me. All or nothing. Because no matter what we say right now, at some point you’re going to want to quit. Maybe more than once. You’re going to want to pack your shit and go. You may even hate me at times.”
I wanted to tell him he was crazy, that he was foolish. That I wasn’t going anywhere. But I knew myself. He was right to be worried, especially after all that’d happened. He promised me, though. I believed him. If things got rough—though I didn’t know what he meant, really—I’d find Logan, find Janet. I could occupy my time somehow, some way, to take my mind off things. I’d take a deep breath and walk it off.
“It can’t get any worse than what my mother did.”
“Tell me you’re in. I need to hear it.”
I wanted to scream it from the rooftops, but I needed him to know I took everything he said seriously. I waited about ten seconds and stared into his eyes the entire time. Sometimes silence was more powerful than words. I wanted my eyes to tell him everything he needed to know.
“I’m in.”
“Tell me you’re mine. I want to hear you say it again.”
“I’m yours and only yours.”
Landon smiled and then his lips smashed into mine.