Getting on the bus and going to classes this morning has a dreamlike quality. I keep getting lost inside my head, in the memories of Jarett and me from the night before. Talking to him, lying in his arms, sharing so much pleasure with him… his kisses, his scent, his body pressed to mine, his low voice late into the night, answering questions I’ve been dying to ask.

Answering and yet keeping so much back.

And now he’s gone back to his life. To the gang. I didn’t ask him if anything changed for him. How can one night change anything?

But it has, for me. It peeled away my doubts, my uncertainty about him. Even if I don’t know everything about him yet, I believe what I told him: you don’t need to know much to know you like someone.

My heart knows him. I should have listened to it from the start.

But how to reconcile that with the fact he didn’t promise anything will change? I know I should give him time, though God, patience was never my strong suit. I stare at my phone and will it to ding or ring with a message from him.

I want to hear his voice again. I’m so smitten it’s ridiculous. Gone, head in the clouds, head over heels.

So when Sydney pops up in front of me on my way to one of the campus cafeterias, I almost jump out of my skin.

“Holy crap, woman.” I tap my chest, telling my heart to slow down. “You scared me to death.”

“Sorry. I was about to call you, see how you’re doing.” She has her copper curls done in a braid. She flicks it over her shoulder and winks at me. “And Jarett.”

A blush creeps up my neck. “Uh, he’s okay.”

“You’ve been with him again, haven’t you?” She grins at me like a mischievous imp, and links her arm with mine. “Tell Syd all about it. You know you want to.”

I do. I’ve always told her everything, and I’m bursting to tell someone, anyone, about my feelings, my thoughts, my questions.

Sydney, though? Not so sure I trust her anymore, not like before.

I’ll just have a coffee with her, I decide, and make small talk, then I’m off home.

* * *

“Holy shit, he made you come twice before he did? Not something you’d get with most guys, trust me. And aw boy, he said that to your mom? About nobody wanting to adopt him? That’s so sad.”

Yeah, my resolution not to tell Syd everything held all of five minutes. I had too much gathered in my chest not to let it out. I felt like I was going to explode.

And ended up spewing up every little detail to Sydney. Feels like old times.

“He sounds so nice,” she says, eating the foam off her latte with her spoon. “Like any girl would wish her boyfriend to be.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I whisper, stirring my coffee that has long gone cold.

“Aw.” She puts her spoon down. “I’m sure he’ll ask you. I have a gut feeling. That boy is so in love with you.”

“I wish I could be so sure.”

“You are. You love him, Gigi.”

My face warms. “What gave me away?”

“You look so happy when you talk about him. Can’t fake that.”

No, I can’t, can I? “I don’t know what to do,” I confess.

“Call him.”

“No way. I can’t. He’s…” I push my mug away. “He’s caught up in bad things.”

“So you’ve told me. But you decided he’s worth it.”

“Worth what?”

She looks at me like I’ve caught the stupid. “You, girl. He’s worth having you. That’s big, you know. I’ve never heard you talk about someone like that. It’s like every word comes from your heart.”

I bow my head. “It does,” I whisper. “But the gang…”

“Show him.”

“What?” I blink at her.

“Show him what it could be like, without the gang. With you. You see…” Her gaze goes kind of distant. “If you’ve spent your life fighting, you don’t know what peace is. You don’t know what kindness is.”

“He’s kind,” I protest.

“Good.” She smiles. “Then there’s hope for him. Help him, Gigi. Convince him he can live this life, that even if he loses everything, he can still have you. Do it now, before he gets in too deep with the gang, before he gives up his life for the only cause he knows. Show him there’s more to life.”

“And since when have you become all-knowing?” I say, my voice shaking.

“I’ve always been all-knowing,” she says with a wink. “Chin up, girlfriend, and go get your man.”

“Jesus, I don’t know,” I whisper. “I sort of kidnapped him last night. I’m sure repeated kidnappings are frowned upon by the law.”

“He didn’t seem upset, though, did he?”

“No.” I shake my head. “And he didn’t tell me why he was standing out in the rain. I’m worried about him.”

“Listen to me, Gigi.” She leans across the table. “Listen to your wise friend who will get her own ducks in a row someday. Don’t wait for him to call. Not now. You made the last move? So what? Make the next one, too. Why do we have to wait for the men to come after us?” She highfives me. “Power to the women, girl!”

Sighing, reluctantly smiling, I highfive her back. “Yeah.”

She makes it sound simple. Too simple.

But she has a point… Why not call him? He has a lot going on in his life right now. I’ll just check on him, make sure he’s okay.

* * *

By the time I gather the courage to call, it’s after my last class, and it’s getting dark outside. I ring his number as I walk toward the bus stop, and slow down when it goes to voicemail.

Disappointment hits me. I realize then that I’d been holding my breath, waiting for his low, deep voice to come over the phone. Hoping for a hint of a smile when he spoke to me to show his pleasure at my call.

Oh come on, Gigi. He’ll call back.

Caught up in thought, I’ve passed by a vaguely familiar door, and stop. A bar. Wait a minute, isn’t that where he works?

Two guys stumble out, and I grab the door before it closes and enter.

Yeah, this is the place. What was the name of the bartender I talked with last time? David, right?

But he doesn’t seem to be there. Jarett either, for that matter. A woman approaches me from behind the bar and smiles.

“What can I get you?” she asks.

“I was hoping to talk to Jarett, if he’s here,” I say, glancing around. “Is he working tonight?”

“Jarett.” Something shifts in her expression, and I’m not sure if it’s anger, or regret, or both. “He doesn’t work here anymore.”

“What?” That snaps me back to attention. “Since when?”

“Days ago. A pity. He’s a damn good bartender, even if having to peel women off him every night was getting tiresome.”

She’s pissed with him about that.

She has a crush on him.

Do all the girls he knows have a crush on him? Jesus.

I force my hands to stay relaxed at my sides, even as irrational anger warms me up from the inside. Did he kiss her? Did he hold her?

“Boss fired him because he missed too many shifts with his mom being so sick,” she goes on. “I heard he landed a job at a fast-food place not far, if you’re looking for him.”

She’s eyeing me, a calculating gleam in her eyes.

“Where?”

“Across the street, two blocks to your left. Burnt Burgers, or Fun Burgers, or something. I can never remember the name.”

“Thanks.”

“No worries. Tell him… tell him Suzie says hi. And that I hope he’s okay.”

“Sure.” He never talked about this Suzie gal. “You and him are friends?”

She shrugs, looks uncomfortable. “I’m not sure.”

Whatever that means. “Okay, Suzie.”

I turn around to go, but she comes around the bar and stops me. “Wait. Tell him I’m sorry. Please?”

“What for?”

“I may have cost him his job. I didn’t cover one of his shifts like he asked me to. I was upset with him, and… and the boss got furious when nobody showed up and fired him. My fault. Jarett never said he was interested in me, I just assumed, and… anyway, tell him I’m sorry.”

She disappears into a back door of the bar, and I’m still staring after her.

Well, okay. Not sure how to feel about all this. Pity? Fury at her for costing him his job? Or at assuming he wanted her?

Come to think of it, isn’t that exactly what I’m assuming right now about myself?

Crap…

* * *

I trudge across the street and down two blocks, until I locate Fat Burgers. I guess this must be the place. I press my nose to the glass of the front window, trying to see inside, but no Jarett. Okay.

I could go inside and ask.

Ugh, no way. Enough with this search, I’m getting a weird stalkerish vibe. Let him call me back. Let him be the one to make the next move, and also let Sydney say all she wants.

This is so hard. I never knew that loving someone means to hold back, not to push, to pretend not to worry. To tie your own hands so you can let the other person be free.

If he doesn’t call back, if he doesn’t care about seeing me, talking to me, then that’s his choice.

I never knew loving someone is the same as letting someone go with the hope they will come back.

Hurrying to the bus stop, I blow into my hands to warm them. The days are getting colder. Taking out my phone, I stare at the blank screen. No missed calls. No text messages.

Is that a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, or is it all in my mind? Is my worry over something real, or is it just nerves because I’m scared that last night meant nothing to him—when it meant so much to me?

That I mean nothing to him, when he means everything to me. It scares me so badly.

Last night he didn’t say anything about losing his job and getting another. Is this why he seemed so upset? Was it because of his mom? Was it something else?

I want to ask him.

I want him to come to me on his own terms, without me asking again, to tell me what’s on his mind.

So stupid of me. I should have known that being in love is to lose one’s mind.

* * *

My phone rings late in the night, interrupting the music I’m playing, and my heart leaps the moment I see the caller.

He called me back.

With butterflies crashing about in my stomach, I connect the call. “Yeah?”

“Gigi.” Oh God, his voice. So deep. Sexy. “You called me. Is everything okay? Are you okay?”

Crap, and it looks like I managed to worry him. “Yes, everything’s fine.”

“Okay.” He breathes out. “Good. Gigi…”

“What?”

He’s silent for a few beats. “I can’t fucking stop thinking about you.”

“Yeah?” I swallow hard, my heart pounding fit to burst out of my chest, and my body clenching.

“I wanted to call you, but I got caught up in something. Did I wake you up?”

“No.” I smile up at the ceiling. “I was awake.”

“Awesome. I had to see you. Couldn’t wait any longer.”

I sit up in bed. “Where are you?”

“Outside.”

“Outside, where?”

“Your house.”

No frigging way. Jumping out of bed, I rush to my window, open it, push open the shutters and look down.

And there he is, in the garden below, his face a pale oval in the light from his phone. He glances up and grins, his teeth glinting white.

For someone who’s had sex with this guy several times already, I feel strangely like a girl on her first date, all jitters and excitement churning in my belly, and a sense of wonder.

That he’s here. Right here, outside my window. That he wants to see me.

I gesture at him to go to the door, and I rush downstairs to open it for him. He fills the opening with his height and broad shoulders, and I’m struck speechless while he gives me one of his crooked smiles. His eyes crinkle at the corners.

A blast of cold wind hits me, ungluing my tongue from the roof of my mouth. “Come on in.”

“You sure?” He looks past me. “Is your mom inside?”

“Mom’s on a date.” At his confused look, I grab his hand and pull him inside. “She’s not here. And even if she were, she’d want you to come in, so there.”

“Okay, okay.” He laughs as I close the door and turn to face him. It’s a dark, delicious sound that tightens things deep in my belly and sends a throb between my legs. “What about your brother?”

“In his room, listening to music.”

“You and him, you seem to like doing that an awful lot.”

“We do. It’s our escape.” I tug on his hand, trying to ignore the need to wrap myself around him like an octopus. “Would you like some dinner? We have leftover meatloaf and pasta.”

“No. I just wanted to see you.”

Aw shucks. I should pinch myself, see if I’m dreaming. With the way my dreams have been going lately—with Jarett in them, lots of Jarett—it wouldn’t surprise me.

“You want to watch a movie? Or maybe—?”

“I wanna lie down with you,” he says, stopping me. He drags me to him and cups my face with one big, strong hand. “I wanna hold you. Like last night.”

How could I ever say no to that?

This boy has my heart, and now he’s making sure nobody else can ever have it.