Chapter 1
IT WAS AN exceptionally beautiful morning in San Diego. Bright fuschia bougainvillea vines covered the Spanish style First Presbyterian Church in the downtown Gas Light district. People filtered into the weathered building wearing black, since this was no wedding, but the funeral for Navy SEAL Jake Green’s father. It was the church Jake and Ginger had been married in, the same place his parents had attended church, along with the rest of the country club crowd who were not Jewish or Catholic. Ginger had the girls dedicated there when they were old enough, but he was never a regular attendee.
The service had been preplanned and paid for by Burt Green himself prior to his death. Jake knew his father had been on a roller coaster ride, with the recent “downs” outweighing the “ups” of his personal life, as well as his business life. A prominent and respected broker in town, the Green & Green name was synonymous with old money and status, even though the company had fallen on hard times recently. Jake didn’t think his father anticipated his heart attack and subsequent death, but it was as if he wanted to ease a little of the firestorm that would be created in the aftermath, and so at least he planned his own funeral and didn’t leave any room for anyone else’s input, good or bad.
But the family had overruled him, and urged Jake to speak, which was a noted departure from the order of service. Jake’s mother, Adele, talked down her other son, Gerud, when he felt left out of the process. It was a foretelling of future events. Jake took his spot at the lectern, sucked in air and let the exhale calm his nerves. This was the last thing he wanted to do. Public speaking was not his strength. He’d much rather jump out of an airplane at midnight, landing in a quiet cove and swimming to shore silently with his Team buds from SEAL Team 3.
“My father and I had a very close relationship, made closer the more we stayed apart.”
Jake waited for the snickering to die down. There wasn’t anyone there to object, and he doubted his father was anywhere at all, since he didn’t believe in the afterlife.
The audience was peppered with mostly people he’d seen only a time or two, and others he knew by reputation or by his father’s descriptions from the Country Club crowd. Burt Green was a larger than life character on all fronts. He lived hard, he played hard, and he died hard, according to what Ginger had told him. But the hardest of all was the way his dad lost. That was never anything done with any kind of grace or decorum. It was as if old Satan himself pulled Burt down through the black ooze of a tar pit in the center of that one horrible investment in the Hawaiian Golf Course shopping mall that threatened a lifetime of good investments. He could nearly hear his father screaming under the bubbling goo. And still blaming his other son, Gerud, for the mistake.
Jake glanced over at his father’s casket just to make sure Burt wasn’t really screaming obscenities. Then he made a mental note to get an appointment with Coop’s father-in-law, the shrink, to discuss some of Jake’s residual PTSD. He wanted a drink too so it was time for another meeting and he really didn’t want to go.
Several from his SEAL Team 3 were in the front seats to the side, which required some of the family having to sit in the second row. Jake nodded to Coop, who gave him a lopsided smirk, as a thank you. He needed those guys right in front of him today, and he was glad Coop knew enough to make it so.
He gripped the lectern edges because people started coughing. He’d taken too long to give them sentence number two of the eulogy.
“I used to think he was the most fearless man on the planet. Nothing my dad couldn’t handle, even if it didn’t exactly turn out the way he’d intended.”
There was another small rumble of titters. Were they making fun of his dear old dad?
“I think he cared about things very deeply. About people very deeply. But he worked very hard not to show it. His costume and his game face got stuck and after awhile, it was a permanent fixture to him. But one thing was for sure, he loved his grandkids probably most of all.”
The front row burst into grins. It was filled with Jake’s three exes and his children. Karlene kissed the squirming two-year-old Aaron on her lap, as Monica gushed and then kissed her treasure, the sleeping baby Samantha in her arms. Those were his most recent exes. Karlene had been his wife for nearly a year but Monica he never married. He glanced at Ginger, who had been his first wife, and mother of his oldest two red-headed daughters, sitting together like three angels on a perch, next to his mother, Adele. Ginger was the one he never should have left. And now he was going to try to negotiate his way back to a more permanent station with her again.
So, although it would be easy to talk about his father’s flaws, Jake knew he had even bigger ones. This was a reminder to him that life was short, and that he’d better work overtime to plug those holes while he had the strength to do so, before the whole boat sank.
He noted that his brother, Gerud, was sitting in the second row, next to Belinda Matheson, the Green & Green receptionist and personal assistant to his father, and rumored to be his dad’s sometimes mistress. And next to her was an older woman who looked like she could be Belinda’s older sister. While he watched, Gerud put his arm around sweet Belinda’s shoulder triggering a scowl on the attractive older woman’s face.
“He’d be the first one to tell you he was a self-made man. I’ve seen first hand the value of not quitting, and my father was certainly not one of those, even when it might be in his best interest. He wouldn’t give up. He didn’t give up on people, even those who irritated him endlessly. I don’t think he ever forgave, and he certainly never forgot. It took a lot to impress him, and he liked people who didn’t have to try very hard. Being genuine was a big thing to dad. And he didn’t like pretending, except to keep someone from getting hurt. He lived with his mistakes and honored those who were loyal.”
Jake’s mother was in the half state of shock and poised ready to spring out to defend her husband, thus defending her own reputation, if Jake went too far. So she looked to be on the edge of an eruption of some kind. Jake smiled at her.
“Mother, you did an awesome job being his wife. It wasn’t easy to do.”
Adele Green was forced to smile, even though her right eye twitched and her jaw clinched. She shrugged as if to show anyone sitting behind her that it was all in a day’s work, and water off a duck’s back, as well as a dozen other trite comparisons one might think up.
“You were a good team. The only one brave enough to be his partner.”
The room was silent, a lot of people holding their breath. Jake knew there were secrets and pledges of keeping the secrets. Burt was adept at making alliances, stringing friendships and opportunities together to form a netting good enough to ensnare just about anyone. He’d been unfaithful to his mother for years and just about everyone in the room knew it, and would pretend to his mother they didn’t have any idea about it.
Adele sucked in air and for a moment Jake thought perhaps she was going to shut down the whole affair.
“I guess if there’s any takeaway here, it would be that none of us knows how long we have. Some of us seek danger as part of our job responsibilities.”
He nodded to his front row comrades and they very almost imperceptibly returned the nod.
“Others take risks in the corporate or banking world. My father was not one to run away from those risks or the mistakes he made. He didn’t make many. He didn’t tolerate incompetence, but he didn’t expect perfection because he was imperfect. He was sometimes too abrupt for a young boy, but one thing I can say is that he made me the man I am today, and for that I’m grateful.”
Examining the sea of faces, he tried not to look for approval. And he saw none. He saw no judgment from his Teammates. But they stood with him. They were there for him.
His eyes finally fell upon Ginger, who looked stunning in black, her red hair naturally made her whole face glow. He hoped the last thing he saw on this earth was her sweet smile transmitting all the love and passion he knew she bore for him. He’d been unfair, but unlike his father, he still had time to make total amends.
Forgive me, Ginger.
He said it to himself even though he’d said it to her many times in the last month, ever since their Las Vegas second honeymoon. And every time she’d forgiven him. He intended to spend the rest of his life being the man she thought he was.
His two girls grinned back at him, basking in the glow and certainty that their mother and their father loved each other. Again. And hopefully forever.
“I’m hoping that however you think of my father, you remember him as a fierce competitor who played at one hundred percent and enjoyed winning. It’s really the thing he loved more than the people in his life. But I honestly think he did it for the people in his life.”
Several heads nodded. Some dried their tears discretely with tissues. Adele did not cry one tear, her face still showing shock and dismay.
Jake turned to address his dad, lying too pink in the casket, with red lipstick he would have hated. His gray hair looked too stiff and filled with spray. He didn’t look like he was sleeping. He looked like he wasn’t there.
“Good-bye, Dad. You leave a big hole behind you and big shoes to fill. But none of us will ever forget you.”
He couldn’t say he loved him, because he really wasn’t sure that’s what he was feeling. Today, he didn’t want to pretend, or lie about anything. Jake knew his father would understand, even if the crowd wouldn’t.
THE RECEPTION THE Presbyterian Women threw reminded him of the wedding reception they’d done for his big day with Ginger. It had been without the lavish frills she so deserved. Ginger didn’t have living parents, so Jake’s family paid for everything. She’d insisted it be simple, so simple it was.
He was holding hands with his oldest daughter, Jasmine, who wouldn’t leave his side. Ginger shook hands with several of Burt’s friends, people she’d known from their early days of marriage. He noticed how well she was regarded. Jennifer was close beside her, soaking up all the praise and head pats from the fawning and adoring Club crowd.
His SEAL buddies were giving him a wide berth, and maintained their little enclave near the alcohol. He knew exactly what was going on too as they scanned the crowd for pretty girls. It was just a SEAL thing. Just something you did at weddings, funerals, or celebrations. It would always be the same.
Belinda and Gerud approached. Gerud was struggling, his eyes red, and his chest heaving. Jake had noted a slight argument with Monica earlier as they’d left the church when she’d tried to give him a hug. Something in Gerud’s demeanor told Jake all was not well with his brother. But Belinda Matheson brought him over and he was dealing with it.
“Jake, I thought that was a beautiful message. I think your father would have loved it,” Belinda said sweetly. “If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know.”
Gerud opened his mouth and took a deep breath, then blurted out, “Jake, you did him proud. I couldn’t have said it any better.” His gaze darted to the side in nervousness and then finally landed on Jake’s face. Jake held his attention for just a few seconds before Gerud looked away.
“You okay, man?” he asked as he placed a hand on Gerud’s left shoulder.
“Sure. Just emotional. That’s all. This was harder than I thought it would be. So final. I can’t get out of my head I’ll never see him again. I feel like he’ll just walk back in here and laugh at all of us.”
“Now that’s a frightening picture, bro.” Jake welcomed the chuckle he managed to elicit from his brother, which seemed to break the tension.
Belinda’s ripple of laughter worked like glue, connecting all of them. She nudged Gerud. “Come on, let’s get something in your stomach.” She took Gerud’s arm and pulled him around and away.
He looked down at little Jasmine. “How are you holding up, Jaz?”
“I don’t know all these people.”
“That makes two of us.” He tussled her hair and caught a glimpse of Ginger smiling at him across the room as she talked with an elderly couple. “I’d say we go out for pizza afterwards, just the four of us. And maybe some ice cream. You up for that kiddo?”
“Awesome, Daddy! I’m going to go tell mom.”
She ran to deliver the news to Ginger.
A very frail older man walked up to Jake, resting his weight on a cane, having difficulty with his gait. He held out his hand, which was shaking in an involuntary tremor.
“Jake, I’m not sure if you remember me. Last time I saw you was over twenty years ago.”
Jake took his cool hand, more to steady the man. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember, sir.”
“I’m Rob Peterson. I used to work for your father way back then. I just wanted to pay my respects. Burt was a fair boss and I learned a lot working under him.”
“Thank you for saying so. I appreciate you coming.”
Peterson turned with difficulty and searched the room. “Your mother was such a help to him in those days. I used to tell her she was a better salesman than Burt was.”
Jake chuckled at that. New information about his parents and a slice of life he’d never encountered before.
“I don’t imagine he’d like hearing that.”
“Oh, most definitely not. I never told him this. I wanted to pay my respects, but I don’t see her anywhere.”
Peterson adjusted his stance carefully.
“I’m not well, so I’m afraid I can’t stay, but you give her my regards, will you?”
“Sure. Rob Peterson?”
“That’s right.”
Jake watched him shuffle across the room and out the sunny glass doors, where an attendant was waiting with a wheelchair. They departed from view.
Monica saddled up to him and didn’t stop until her large breasts brushed against his upper arm. Samantha was grabbing for her hair and then smiled as she noticed her daddy and raised her arms up to be held. Jake took her and bounced her up and down, which made the happy child giggle.
“Look at you, little princess. So pretty.”
“She sure knows her daddy all right. No mistaking that smile. It’s reserved only for you.” Monica’s big eyes and oversized plump lips attempted a major flirt in front of the whole group. All it did was make Jake uncomfortable.
The baby grabbed Jake’s tie and tried to pull it into her drooling mouth.
“Whoa there, darlin’. That’s not exactly on your menu.” He pried her arm loose, turned the child around so she faced the room and just bounced her.
“So how’ve you been, Jake? You should stop by, now that you’re home.”
“I will, Monica. I’m doing fine.”
“You staying with Mom?”
“No, I’m over at Ginger’s. I’m sure you know we’re getting back together.”
“Yes, incredible as it is, Gerud told me this. So, you’re gonna make the same mistake one more time?”
Jake knew the mistake had been leaving her in the first place. “I think this time I’ve learned my lesson. If she’ll have me.”
She responded to the baby’s searching arms again and pulled her to her ample chest. “Well, when that doesn’t work out, my door is open. For now. But I wouldn’t wait too long. We had some good times, Jake. Not exactly cheating if you’re screwing your ex-wife now is it?”
“Monica—”
“Whoa there! Jake! Where’ve you been hiding this lovely lady?”
Teammate Ollie Culbertson was holding a long-necked beer and knew it wasn’t improper to give Monica the attention she wasn’t getting from Jake. Two other Team guys stood by in case he needed assistance.
“And she makes pretty babies, too,” said one of the other Team guys. “This one of yours?” he said as the baby outstretched her arms to him. “Hey there little angel.”
The baby was coddled and bounced around amongst a handful of SEALs, which drew Monica over to the group and left Jake alone.
Adele made her way over. Jake threw his arm around her shoulder and she leaned into his chest. “Ah, Jake, I can’t believe he’s gone. I spent so many years fighting with him, and now, I’ve just got this big empty house. Why don’t you move on home, honey, and spend a few days with your dear old mom?”
Jake wanted to say yes, but he knew it wouldn’t be good for either of them.
“I’ve already promised Ginger, Mom. But we’ll come over and visit. The girls would love to swim. We’ll make it a family thing.”
“Very well.” She detached from him. “I’m getting tired. I hope people start to leave.”
“Mom, this is for them. A chance for them to pay their respects. Let’s let them do this.”
She tilted her head from side to side.
“Hey, there was a guy here who said to say hello to you. You used to work with him at Dad’s office before you retired.”
Adele’s head flipped up quickly. “Who?”
“Said his name was Rob Peterson.”
Her eyes widened. “Rob Peterson was here?”
“Yes, mom. He said he was looking for you. But he asked me to tell you he stopped by.”
She searched the crowd.
“He’s gone, mom. Someone with a wheelchair took him just outside that door.” He pointed to the glass doors that led to the parking lot.
Adele left him without saying a word and stood at the door, examining the parking lot. But she didn’t go out. Standing with her face and hands pressed against the glass, Jake thought his mother looked like a little girl lost, poised somewhere between her past and her future.