Chapter 5
GERUD WAITED NERVOUSLY for his mother to return to the big house. He made himself a drink and sat at the dinette table in the kitchen, overlooking the backyard and pool. The view of his mother’s gardens and the turquoise water normally had a calming effect on him, even as the alcohol dripped into his bloodstream. But this evening he was furious and wanted answers.
He heard her car pull up into the garage and remained seated as she walked through the kitchen door.
“Hope I didn’t scare you,” he said, sullenly. He noticed his words were already beginning to slur. He hadn’t eaten any lunch before the reading so he was getting hammered on just one stiff drink.
“I saw your car outside, Gerud. I’m glad you’re here.”
He doubted that and felt he was on uncharted ground. It was like a giant earthquake had shaken his world, put back the pieces, but nothing was familiar or recognizable. He crossed his arms over his chest.
“So, what was all this, Mom? What did I ever do to earn Dad’s wrath?”
“Oh sweetheart, I’m so__” She hovered closer to him and he put his arm up.
“Don’t touch me. I don’t need any mothering, if that’s what it can be called.”
Adele tossed her purse and keys on the kitchen countertop and went in search of a drink for herself. When she returned, she pulled up a chair opposite Gerud and stared across the table at him.
“I need answers. What the hell happened? What does it mean, ‘for reasons only your mother knows?’ What did I do to piss him off so much?”
“It’s not anything you did, Gerud.”
“Well, there’s something you’re not telling me, and I want answers and I want them right now!”
Gerud watched as his mother jumped in her chair, blinking her red eyes.
“He was under a lot of stress. He wasn’t thinking right, Gerud.”
He tried to remember what had gotten his father so off kilter, but finally gave up. “So, how come I was cut out of the will? I worked with and for the man for what the last six, seven years? And he treats me like this?”
His mother downed the rest of her drink quickly and then rubbed her right temple. “I have some news you might not like to hear, son.”
“Oh boy, more good news. I can hardly wait! Might as well get it all over with in one day. Please.” He held his palm out to her, asking her to proceed.
“Burt Green was not your father. Your father is Rob Peterson, and we’re going to go visit with him as soon as you’re able.”
“You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me.”
“No, I’m not. I should have told you—”
“Damn straight. So is that what sent him to the hospital, then? You guys have a fight and you screamed at him and told him he wasn’t my father? Or, did he know all along?”
His mother hung her head sheepishly to the left, and then closed her eyes as the tears started streaming down her face. With great effort at composure, she spoke softly in almost a whisper, “No. Bob Fellows told him just before—that afternoon he had the heart attack. I never got a chance to speak to him about it or anything else.”
Gerud could see she’d been wounded. He also couldn’t understand why she’d withhold that information from him. “So, out with it. Give me all the sorted details.” When she continued to stare at her fingers on the tabletop, it irritated him. “Damn it, Mom. I deserve to know everything!”
He knew she was ashamed because she wouldn’t look at him in the eyes. He began to manufacture a host of other things that could be so, things that could be even worse, wondering if he had been conceived as the product of a rape, or some other horrible event.
“Mom! I fuckin’ went out on a date with my fuckin’ sister. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Can you even imagine—”?
“Stop it, Gerud. She’s not your sister. She’s not even related to you. She’s not related to me either, so quit being so melodramatic.”
He did the math and agreed. It had been what he was thinking all the way over here, the one thing that bothered him more than anything else and the reason he needed to dose himself on the Scotch. But, if Burt wasn’t his father, then Belinda wasn’t his real sister either.
Thank God for small favors.
“Your father lives in LA. He came to the funeral to pay his respects. I didn’t see him, or I would have introduced you.”
“And I’d have punched him in the nose, too.”
“Which is why Bob Fellows discretely preoccupied us both until the gentleman left. Jake met him.”
“Of course, Golden Boy met him. I suppose Jake knows all about this too.”
“Yes, he does.”
“Okay, that’s all I can handle today.” Gerud got up and put his glass in the kitchen sink. “Jake has a dad, the dad I thought was my dad. But Jake got to meet my dad. But me? No, I was sheltered from all this. But Jake is the one who can do no wrong. The pure son. Not the son from an illicit affair. That’s what it was, right, Mom? An affair? A fling?”
“Just stop it right now, Gerud. You’re being a child. Sit down and I’ll tell you the whole story.”
The fury and pain pulsed in his veins so fast he thought he was going to burst. “You can skip it. I don’t need to hear it.” He turned to go, passing the dinette table on his way to the front door, when his mother shouted out to him.
“He’s dying, Gerud. Your father is dying.”
“Oh I see. So, the man I thought was my father, whom I buried last week, and grieved over, turns out not to be my father after all. A man whom I don’t know, and who is actually my real father, is now getting ready to check out. So, I’m Oh for two.”
“Stop being so selfish. He wants to meet you. And it was never his idea that you not know him as your father. It was my decision. So you can heap all that blame on me.”
She was shaking, barely able to stand. In that moment, he saw her pain and the distress all this had caused her, and he felt sorry for her. He couldn’t bring himself to give her a hug, but he could return to the table.
He sat back down in his chair and folded his hands together. “I’m ready to listen.”
She sat as well, grabbing a napkin from the holder and dabbing her eyes again and then blew her nose. She reached for, and was given Gerud’s drink. She took a sip and then sighed.
“Okay. Rob Peterson was a man I worked with at the office. Your dad was off most of the summer on a safari with some friends from the club. They also went golfing in Scotland. I was left with running the whole business that summer, as well as taking care of Jake. I was busy, and I guess that kept me from thinking too much about what your dad—what Burt was doing. Rob was a good friend, and, well, we got very close.”
It wasn’t the story he was expecting.
“Believe it or not, Gerud, I was happy. That was probably the best summer of my life. And then Burt came home, and everything went back to the way it was before, except I was pregnant. I didn’t have many choices back then. Of course, I couldn’t even conceive not raising you, so I never told Burt he wasn’t the father. Rob had to move away, which was only reasonable. It was hard having him here with me being pregnant. Burt seemed to be more settled, and I just thought everything would turn out. I made a mistake, Gerud.”
“And so now he wants to meet me.”
“Yes. He’s a very decent man. He never imposed anything on you or me. He let me control all that.”
“So do I have other brothers and sisters?”
“I really don’t know. I never talked to him after a few months of him moving away. He knew your name and your birthdate. That’s all he knows.”
GERUD DECIDED TO stay overnight in the house with his mother. They watched the late news together, drinking tea after she made them a light supper. She’d called his father, who was unable to come to the phone, but she arranged with an attendant to have she and Gerud meet with him tomorrow.
They retired after giving each other a hug.
“No more secrets, please, Mom, okay?”
“No more secrets, son.”