Hillary
TRUE TO HIS WORD, MAC did make me sleep last night. And I’m grateful, really. But damn, all day I’ve been thinking about tonight, and I can’t tell if I’m more nervous than horny or the other way around.
I’m in the bedroom when I hear the front door open. I take a deep breath and one last look in the mirror. Here goes nothing.
I pause in the doorway and wait for him to notice me.
He looks up from the newspaper he’d brought in with him and his mouth goes slack. Then a slow smile builds across his face. “Wow,” he says in a voice that sounds deeper than usual. “You look...wow.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding. “Thanks.” Wow is exactly what I was going for.
I will myself not to trip as I enter the room the rest of the way. I haven’t worn heels in a long time, and these are particularly precarious, but also make my legs look miles longer than normal. I hope my hips are swaying sexily, and I’m not actually loping strangely as I walk.
Finding a dress in my closet that still fits was also a challenge. I’m rounder everywhere than I used to be, but I have to say my tits look amazing even if the dress can barely hold them. I just need to not breathe very much. It will be fine. I’m sure of it.
I hope.
Mac is staring and swallowing hard, his Adam’s apple doing double-time. That’s good, right? He opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again before he says, “Are you going out? I thought we were having dinner here?”
I laugh. “We are. I just wanted to make it feel special.” I try to cover the growing wistfulness in my voice. “You’ve never seen me in anything but pajamas and sweats.”
“That’s not true. There was the gown...you wore in the hospital.”
“Ha-ha.”
He saw me naked, too, but we’re circling that territory very carefully, it seems.
He’s having a hard time keeping his gaze off my boobs, so I guess the dress is working. And also I could have skipped the heels and he wouldn’t notice. He’s not looking at my legs at all.
“I feel under-dressed. You look so pretty, and I’m wearing jeans. Should I go—”
“No! I just wanted to...” Oh my God. Am I about to cry? Please tell me I am not about to cry. Why am I crying?
This sucks. When am I ever going to get my own emotions back from hormonal overload?
“Hillz?”
I wave my hand. “I’m fine. I don’t even know what’s upsetting me. I just feel like you’ve been so great, and you deserve to have someone pretty and who at least tries to impress you, and I used to be better at the glamour stuff.”
He gently pushes my hair off my face. “Baby, you don’t have to impress me with pretty clothes. You’ve got me on the line already, remember?”
I sniffle. “I just wonder if we had met differently, like in a club on a Saturday night...I just wanted to make sure I would have caught your eye.”
“First of all, I didn’t go to clubs before we met, so I never would have seen you. Second, you caught my eye before we met. I avoided you for a couple months after that.”
“I did...wait...you avoided me?” What is this new and interesting information?
He sniffs the air. “Are you cooking?”
“Sort of. Don’t change the subject.” I go into the kitchen and open the oven where the takeout is keeping warm. “I couldn’t cook and spend most of the day trying to get ready for this date, so you get rigatoni from Mama’s.”
“I love the rigatoni from Mama’s.”
“I know, duh. That’s why I ordered it.” I start dishing us up. “Now why did you avoid me?” I’m dying to know.
“Because I was attracted to you and I didn’t want to be.”
“Why?”
“Well, you were packing.” He makes a round gesture over his stomach. “I didn’t know if you had a boyfriend or husband. And...I knew you were too good for me. You’re like sunshine, and I live under heavy clouds.”
Sunshine. He thinks I’m sunshine. And he’s wanted me for a long time. And what the hell am I afraid of?
I kick my shoes off across the room and march right up to him, framing his face in my hands. “I want you to know something.”
“What?”
“I love you, Mac Stryker. I wanted to make tonight special so I could tell you and wow you with my pretty dress and the makeup and I even brushed my hair. I don’t know if you’ve seen me with brushed hair in the last two months. And I still want tonight to be special, but I did all this because part of me was scared that if I didn’t make it special, I wouldn’t be enough. But when I look at you, really look at you, I know I don’t need to be scared. I feel your love, and I hope I can make you feel the same.”
“I love you.” He pulls me into his body. “I love you so damned much.”
He kisses me, and I realize dinner is going to wait.
Of course, Kenzie starts crying. He touches my forehead with his. “We’ll pick this up again when she goes back down.”
I nod. I’m going to have to change out of the dress first, since it’s not nursing friendly.
Such is my life.