Chapter Ten
"And this is the filter that detects any pathogens or foreign particles and analyses them before breaking them down to the atomic level." Zon's hand felt heavy in her own as he showed her the quarantine section for any new food or water taken on board. "Sometimes we have to jettison those atoms back into space, though. You wouldn't believe the weapons people create."
Lisa struggled to pay attention. All this should be fascinating, but she was too preoccupied by what she had learned of Zon's feelings for her. His starmate. She had to admit it had a nicer ring to it than soulmate; something more universal, maybe. But it was still terrifying. Yes, she had already planned to stay with Zon for the foreseeable future, but that was because she didn't know anything about this new world she had found herself in.
And we're having a baby together, she reminded herself. It wasn't like she could just leave him…
But love made things so much more complicated! She wasn't entirely certain that she believed that love was real, and not just a product of chemicals released in the brain. What happened when those chemicals ran out? What happened when Zon got bored of her and decided she wasn't his starmate after all?
Her arms wrapped around her middle as she turned and walked away, not even bothering to try to pay attention anymore. Tears filled her eyes as she thought of all the things that he could do with her after that. She was valuable. Who was to say that when she wasn't exciting anymore, when he got tired of constantly protecting her, he wouldn't just sell her again?
I'm his pet, not his starmate. He could tell me anything and I'd believe him.
Zon's large hand closed around her waist, tugging her out of the room they were in. She let him pull her along despondently.
The warlord took her back to their room, where he shut the door with a bang and turned her to face him. His mouth was set in a thin, angry line and his nostrils flared. For some reason, Lisa was actually happy that he was angry with her. It was crazy, she knew, and there was no reason that she should be happy to see him angry, but she was.
Maybe there is something wrong with me. I like him being angry with me. I like it when he's a little rough when we have sex.
But she loved it oh so much more when he was gentle and kind with her, or when he gave her that smile that nobody else could elicit. When he held her hand in his and kissed her forehead, it all made her glad to be with him, made the ache of losing her world and family a little less painful.
"What is going on with you?" Zon grasped her shoulders. "Ever since I told you we were starmates, you have been acting like somebody is going to die. Please tell me what is going on in your head. I hate seeing you in pain. Is it Earth? Are you just realizing that you will never go back?"
"It's not Earth," Lisa mumbled.
"Then what?"
Tears began to fill her eyes. Stupid pregnancy hormones. Zon looked even more alarmed at that and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly.
"Did you change your mind about the baby? Do you—"
"No."
A long pause. Zon's breath was shallow. "Do you want to leave?"
Lisa shook her head.
"Then what?"
"I don't want you to leave me." Her voice was raw.
Zon pulled back, eyes wide. "Why would you think I am going to leave you?"
"Because one day you're going to wake up and realize I'm not that interesting."
"How can you say that? You are the most fascinating woman I have ever met. You're beautiful, intelligent and strong, and when you make up your mind nobody can budge you." Zon cupped her face. "I would like nothing better than to spend the rest of my life with you."
More tears. "You really mean that, don't you?"
"Of course."
Lisa wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. She didn't want to cry but found herself sobbing anyway. "I was only ever able to count on my brother before," she whispered. "Our parents died when we were young, and we were put into foster care. We went from home to home and were adopted twice. But nobody ever kept us. Nobody ever wanted us. And when I started dating… it was the same thing. I wanted forever and they just wanted a fling."
Zon's arms tightened around her.
"It was always my fault when we broke up. I was boring, too stubborn, I gained weight, I lost weight, I worked too much… Nobody would ever stay with me. My brother was the only person I could count on." She looked up at him, tears still rolling down her cheeks. Zon wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb, a furious expression on his face.
"If I could, I would take those men and tear them apart. Your fault? If they couldn't see what a wonderful person you are, then it's their fault and they ought to have been flogged for it."
Despite her tears, Lisa giggled. "That's what Tom used to say. Well, not the flogging. That it was their fault that they couldn't see how wonderful I was. I always thought he just said it because he had to, because he was my brother." Her lip trembled. "I miss him."
"I know." Zon gently kissed her. "And I know that will never go away. Sometimes I still wake with this ache in my heart after dreaming about my parents. But it will get better. I promise."
Lisa mopped her face and laughed, embarrassed by her meltdown. "I'm not usually like this, I promise. It's these stupid pregnancy hormones."
"Anything that makes you that beautiful can't be stupid."
A crooked grin emerged, and Lisa's heart jumped. Despite the remnants of tears still on her face, a swirl of heat filled her belly. Pregnancy hormones! She clutched Zon tighter, her gaze steady on his face. He saw what she wanted and grinned, picking her up. Her legs circled his hips, and he pushed her dress–a piece of clothing he referred to as a 'var'ki', as opposed to his more masculine 'var'kin'–up around her waist.
"We don’t have long," he murmured, shifting aside his own clothing. "We'll be at the United Species summit soon."
"Then you'd better be quick," Lisa replied, clinging to his shoulders.
Nerves churned briefly in her stomach. Zon was confident that his fleet could fight off anybody who came after her, trying to steal her from him, but he wanted her to be a proper citizen with rights, making it illegal to sell her, and the United Species was the only way she could be granted those rights. That in itself ought to have been enough to reassure her of his feelings towards her, but she hadn't been thinking straight.
In the next moment, though, his hand was between her legs, preparing her for him, and her head fell back, thoughts of everything except what was happening in that very moment fleeing from her brain. She clung to her alien warlord, moaning, grateful that he had found her at that auction.
His arms tightened around her as he looked into her eyes, swapping kisses back and forth as he filled her.