Elle couldn’t remember leaving the farm. She couldn’t remember the drive home. She couldn’t even remember how she’d gotten to be there, sitting on her couch, wrapped up in her pink and green terrycloth robe with a cup of steaming hot tea clutched in her hands. She had a feeling it had something to do with Honey, who was sitting on the couch next to her, but her memories were so fuzzy that she couldn’t be sure.
A lethargy had fallen over her like a blanket that was just too heavy for her to shake and it took an inordinate amount of effort just to raise the tea cup up to her lips and take a small sip of the hot liquid.
She did remember the fight, though, earlier at the farm. That she remembered in crystal clear, agonizing detail. Elle shook off the thought, unable or just unwilling to dwell on it anymore, at least not at the moment. She looked over at Honey, whose gaze was focused on the T.V. There was another black and white movie playing. He must have found it in her collection and put it on. For her. To comfort her.
Suddenly, Elle knew exactly what she wanted. What she needed. She needed him. Honey. The one person in the world who had every made her feel safe, made her feel like she wasn’t so alone. Made her feel like someone cared.
Slowly, methodically, she set down the still full tea cup, the effort to drink it too much, especially when she had something else entirely on her mind. Elle turned towards him and he looked over questioningly.
“Elle, do you need something? Can I get you anything? More tea?” he asked, and it was as if he was talking too fast, or her mind was moving too slow. Maybe it was both. She didn’t care.
“No, no tea,” she whispered, reaching out and holding his hand in both of hers.
“Did you want a hot bath? I could get one going for you–” Honey cut off abruptly as she leaned forward placing one, delicate finger across his lips, staring up into his dark, endless eyes so that he could see the intent in hers. The desire.
“I don’t want tea, Honey. I don’t want a bath.” She looked up at him. She might have been smiling. She wasn’t sure. It seemed so hard to make her body do what she wanted it to do. “I want you to kiss me.”
“What?”
“You heard me. I want you to kiss me,” she said again, still staring up at him as her fingers fumbled with the tie that secured her robe. His hands where there in an instant, halting her less than graceful movements.
“Stop. Please, stop Elle,” he said, growling the words as he squeezed his eyes shut, “Believe me, there is nothing more in the world that I would rather do right now but…” He opened them again, gazing at her with something soft in his eyes this time, “You’re in shock, Elle. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Wouldn’t be fair?” she scoffed, “No, what’s not fair is being dropped in the middle of a problem that was never mine. What’s not fair is watching my best friend’s dream and livelihood destroyed in front of her. What’s not fair is being hurt and afraid and–” she paused, drawing a deep breath to calm herself, once more settling back into the icy nothingness that consumed her.
“I know, Honey. I know I’m in shock. But I also know that I want you. Right now. I want you more than I can even say,” she leaned forward, just barely pressing her lips against his, Honey’s slack as she whispered the words against them, “Please, I need you. I need you to hold me. I need you to make me warm again. I need you to make me feel alive again. Please Honey, Please…”
Elle was afraid that he wouldn’t listen to her because he still didn’t move as she spoke, as she pleaded with him to kiss her back. She was about to pull away, a deep sadness rolling through her when she felt it. Soft at first, like the touch of a feather against her skin, but then there it was again.
Honey’s hand had swept up, as if of its own volition, to sweep across the skin of her cheek, down until he could hold her chin in place as he tilted his head and ravaged her mouth. This wasn’t a gentle kiss, there was nothing sweet about it. And Elle reveled in it. It was exactly what she needed. Somehow, he knew that she didn’t want soft and sweet and gently.
As he moved it was if he knew her desires even before she did. He tore at the sash to her robe, throwing it unheeded to the floor and the robe itself followed soon after. She was left bare and open to his searching gaze and wandering hands.
He kissed her, hard and fast, his tongue thrusting into her mouth in the same rhythm that her body called out for. And then his fingers were there, sliding between her thighs exactly where she needed him. He thrust, first one to find her wet and ready, and then two deep inside her. Faster and faster, each time brushing against her clit with his thumb her first orgasm hit her like a steam engine, cracking open the shell of icy numbness but she still needed more.
With a growl, Elle pushed against his shoulders, pressing him back until he was sitting on the couch facing forward once more and wasted no time straddling his lap. She growled again though, frustration filling her as she tore at his clothes. Finally, he was stripped and as naked as she was, her hand automatically sliding over the hard length that jutted towards her.
Honey hissed out a sharp breath and Elle marveled at the sense of power that filled her. She ducked her head, swiping her tongue over the head and was rewarded with another pained sound from Honey.
“Elle, please. I can’t last if you do that,” his voice was rough as he pleaded and she eased back, looking up at him through a fringe of dark lashes. A part of her, the devilish part, wanted to suck him into her mouth again just to see if he was telling the truth, but a bigger part of her needed him, all of him, every inch that he could give her.
Finally, she capitulated, digging for his jeans, and the stash of condoms he always kept on him. She grabbed one, tearing it open and rolled it onto his thick erection, barely waiting to straddle him again, lowering herself in one, quick move until he was as deep as he could go.
She drew in a harsh breath as the feeling of it, of him, rolled through her, widening the crack, letting in more of the warmth and fire and need that drove her to hitch her hips against him. Over and over, faster and faster she took him deep inside, feeling him in her, surrounding her, like he was a part of her. A necessary, intrinsic part like her lungs, or her heart.
Elle closed her eyes tight at the thought, trying to focus only on the intense pleasure that winged through her body with every roll of her hips and the harsh groans that it drew from Honey’s throat. She loved that sound.
Adrenaline caught at them both, pushing them harder and faster until they were flying apart, clinging to each other as they shuddered in each other’s arms. Elle cried out Honey’s name over and over but she wasn’t even aware as ecstasy exploded through her body. But slowly, slowly, the real world came crashing down and as the pleasure faded the memories returned. And as they did all she could do was cling to Honey and pray that she would survive the storm.
*********
Honey held her tight, his heart pounding a furious pace. He didn’t know what else to do. He could feel her hot tears make tracks down his chest and he didn’t know what else he could do. So he tightened his arms around her, and held her as close as he could, trying to wish her tears away just by force of will. But no matter how hard he tried, it didn’t stem the flood.
She’d been numb, unfeeling since he’d brought her home, but now that shield was gone and all the emotions had come flooding back, overwhelming emotions. He knew, because he felt them too. The paralyzing fear when he’d seen her in Scorpion’s grip. The impotent anger and the sheer, mind numbing terror. And he’d realized something in that moment. Something that had shocked him to his core, something that had pushed him forward and had him throwing that punch no matter that the guy he was going up against was bigger and stronger and could probably take him down with one good hit.
“I love you,” Honey said, the words falling out of his mouth before he’d even realized he’d said them out loud.
“What?” Elle said, drawing back so that she could see his face.
“I– Elle, I’m in love with you,” Honey said, and now that the words were out there, he found that he couldn’t stop, that he didn’t want to stop, “I love you. I’ve loved you since the first moment you walked into the clubhouse. I knew it instantly, like a lightning strike or…or a message from heaven. I just knew.”
Honey stared at her for a long moment, and she just stared back, her eyes tracing over his face looking for…something.
“Well, aren’t you going to say something?” he asked with a nervous laugh, forcing a shaky grin across his face but it faded slowly, but completely as he watched the panic flit across her features like a hummingbird. Quick, almost too quick for him to catch, but he knew her now. He knew her better than he knew himself, better than she realized and he saw it. And it hurt worse than any of that giant Scorpion’s punches ever had.
“Well, fuck,” he muttered with another laugh, this time laced with bitterness as Elle looked away, slowly sliding from his lap.
“I– I’m sorry, Honey. I’m so sorry…” Elle stood there, her arms wrapped around herself as she hurried to grab her robe and put it back on but Honey still didn’t look at her again. He couldn’t. Because he knew if he did he would start bawling like a little baby and although there wasn’t a lot of things that could make that moment any worse, that was definitely one of them. So he stared at the wall like his life depended on it, as the woman he loved turned around, and ran away.