Meri

 

“I think it is time to go home Sam. Is your driver still out front?”

“I am not leaving until you meet me in the other room. We have unfinished business since the restaurant.”

I couldn’t believe that he was saying those sorts of things to me. I knew what he wanted and when I checked his face, I could see that he was not going to be put off so easily.

“We are at a party. There is nowhere to do that sort of thing here, besides that, it wouldn’t be right.”

“I don’t worry about what is right or wrong Meri. That is wasted on people that care to be proper. I don’t have that problem at all.”

“I do, though I have never considered it a problem before.”

“What will it take for you to come with me? Just for a few moments.”

“Nothing Sam. This isn’t meant to be.”

He pulled me to him so fast that it took my breath away and in front of everyone that was around us at the party, Sam pulled me in for a kiss. It was a devastating touch and I wasn’t sure what to do. I could feel my body molding against his, I couldn’t stop it. I wanted him so badly and I finally couldn’t surrender my thoughts anymore. I was his, always had been and the more he touched me, the more I was lost in the moment.

I heard some ruckus behind us, people there were making comments and I pushed Sam’s chest away from me. I didn’t see anyone that I knew, but I was embarrassed nonetheless.

“Let’s go somewhere private Meri. I really think that we need to talk this through. I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I want to get back to what we are good again. I want to get back to when we were in Thailand together.”

“I can’t…”

He pulled me to him again and it was clear to me that Sam wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I liked to think that I could say it, but my voice and words failed me. There was only now and Sam’s arms around me.

When he pulled away the second time, my heart was going about a mile a minute and no matter how badly I knew this was a terrible idea, I moved with him towards the upstairs. I didn’t know what was up there, but I was sure that there was at least one room where we could be together for just a minute without everyone else around, watching us.

Sam pushed me into the first door to the hallway and it was a large bathroom with a shower.

“Do you want to take a shower while we get dirty?”

I was shocked by his words and the fact that he was locking the door behind him. “This really isn’t a good idea Sam.”

“If I don’t have you soon, I am going to lose my mind, Meri. I have waited for a long time for you to come around and you just aren’t. You have ruined me for anyone else. Why do you insist on pretending that you aren’t as head over heels as I am?”

Head over heels didn’t start to really explain how I felt. I loved him, but I was afraid of him more than I loved him. I was sure that something was going to happen, something terrible when he found out the truth. I wasn’t ready to tell Sam and this couldn’t happen, because then he would know. Then he would think that I was trying to do this. I don’t really know what I thought, but I knew that I wasn’t ready for this, even if my body was sure that I was.

“I care for you Sam, but there is no future with us. You know that I am not that experienced with all of this. I want what you can’t provide and every time we are together it reminds me of that. I know you want me Sam and I am flattered, really I am, but I want more.”

My hands shook as I moved my hair out of my eyes. It had taken everything for me to say that and I wished now that I hadn’t said a word of it out loud. It was what I wanted, more, but just saying it out loud was hard to hear. It sounded desperate and that was exactly how I was feeling. Sam made me feel desperate in every emotion that he gave me.

“What do you want from me?”

It was the typical answer to a question that didn’t have a right one. “I don’t want anything from you Sam. Just leave me be and let me just do my job.”

I moved to the door, dying inside but trying to hold it together long enough to get out of there without breaking down in front of him.

“I have let you be. Are you happy with how this is going?”

I turned back to him and I was going to say something, but I didn’t get a chance. He was next to me, kissing me gently as his hand moved my face upwards so that I could not get away. I didn’t want to, I really didn’t. I was filled with such confliction that only Sam and sex had brought into my life. Never had I been so unsure of what I was supposed to do next.

“You feel so good in my arms Meri. I have missed you so much. I think I am imagining things, but you feel different it has been so long.”

His hands were moving on my body and my breasts. He made a comment about how they felt bigger and I held my breath, waiting for the other changes to be noticed as well. I had started to notice a couple of months ago, but now it was noticeable for him as well.

“Meri is there something you aren’t telling me?”

Sam had moved back and he had a look in his eyes that told me he finally got it. It was scary to think that he finally knew, but there was a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I had worried so much about it and now I wasn’t sure how to feel. He had this look on his face that I couldn’t fathom and I wondered what was going through his mind.

“I didn’t plan to tell you anything Sam.”

“You weren’t?”

I shook my head and moved back towards the door. I wanted to get back downstairs because this privacy was not what I had expected or wanted for that matter.

“You are pregnant?”

I shook my head. There was no sense in lying. He was going to find out eventually or he was just going to think that I was getting fat. Either way I didn’t figure that I would be bothered by him too much over it.

“Yes I am.”

“And it’s mine?”

That got a reaction before I was able to temper it. I couldn’t believe that he had just said that to me, but in another way I guess I could. He was with women that were more experienced than I was. I felt like he should have known better though. I was a virgin when we were together the first time. That should have been a clue for him that I wasn’t the type of woman to have multiple men in my life.

“Yes it is yours Sam.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I have been with no one else.” I was letting him get to me, even though I shouldn’t have.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Did you really want to hear something like that?”

Sam wasn’t sure and I could tell he was working through his own feelings. “Yes, I do. I want to know that I have a child in this world. I don’t have any kids. I have never let that happen before, but with you it was different and so unexpected that I didn’t even think about it.”

“Well we should have been more careful. But it is too late to get rid of it, so don’t even ask.” I was close to tears just thinking about him saying it. I was sure that was why he didn’t have any kids now. That he had taken care of them all. Sam’s expression told me that it wasn’t the way it was.

“I would never suggest such a thing. That is my child you are carrying. I never have been much for family, Lord knows that I wasn’t expecting one, but I am happy. It’s about time I start thinking about my legacy and who I am going to leave this all to.”

He was talking about his lineage and not too much about the baby. I was happy that he wasn’t freaking out. I had a harder time coming to grips with it than he did it seemed and that made me feel a little better. Maybe I should have just come to him when I found out instead of avoiding him like the plaque lately.

“Well now you know Sam.”

“Is this why you have been avoiding me?”

I could have said yes. It was clear that he wanted to think that was the reason, but it was just one in a wave of many. I knew that while he may be happy to have an heir, it didn’t mean that he was going to give me the more that I wanted and dreamed about.

“It’s part of it. I won’t say that it is the only reason. That would be a lie.”

“What else?”

“I love you Sam and I shouldn’t. I think I have loved you since you saved me in Thailand. What am I supposed to do with that? You are a man of many talents and just as many women. I know that I can’t compete, so it was easier to just get out of the race. I figured you would have moved on by now. I am not sure that you haven’t.”

He sighed and leaned back against the marble sinks. “I haven’t moved on, but I won’t say that it is from a lack of trying. I want to get you out of my head, I really do, but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards. The more I try, there you are again. I don’t want to get over you and now I don’t have to. Now we are going to be together.”

“Why, because I am pregnant?”

“Yes.”

The answer was so simple, but it didn’t seem all that simple to me. What does all of that mean?

“We are going to be together because I am pregnant?”

“Yes, we will get married now. We would have before, just not so soon. I can’t have my son being born out of wedlock. I won’t let that happen.”

It was worse than I thought. “I don’t want to get married because we forgot to use a condom a couple of times Sam.”

He was getting frustrated and it made me feel a little better to know that I was not the only one that was feeling that way.  Sam pushed off of the sink and moved back to me, pulling me closer to him and kissing me until I couldn’t think straight. “Don’t you get it Meri? I am in love with you. I have been for a while. I want to marry you and now you won’t tell me no. It was meant to be, can’t you see that?”

His words were what I wanted to hear, I wanted nothing more than to marry Sam. He was everything that I had ever wanted in a man. It was something that I never thought was possible, but now it was. I didn’t know how to feel about it, but I knew that I was getting everything that I wanted.

My body melded with Sam’s and I didn’t try to stop him when he set me on the edge of the marble and started to kiss me some more. I was in need for his touch, as well as his words and I started to shake. “God Sam, I have missed you so much.”