I sat on the couch looking out the front window at the dark clouds rolling in. I heard thunder in the distance, and rain pounded on the glass.
"You need to decide, Tatum. I need to let them know in two days, or else this opportunity will be gone. I want you to move with me." Parker placed his hand under my chin, lifting my head so he could look into my eyes. "Please don't let this be the end of us. We are great together."
I swallowed hard. He had received an offer from the Emerald Bay Police Department. It was only a short eight-hour drive away, and he had to decide in forty-eight hours. I looked away from his crystal-blue eyes—eyes that would make any woman weak in the knees. "I'm not sure I can, Parker. I just got the job at that magazine. It won’t look good if I change my mind and tell them I’m leaving. I'd also have a hard time leaving Elliott so soon after us losing Mom and Dad. I'm all he has now."
Stroking my hand as he held it in his, he placed his arm around me and pulled me into his muscular chest. I tried hard to hide the tears, but they escaped anyway.
"I know everything in your life has changed, and quick at that. I don't want you to feel as if I'm leaving you as well because that's not what I'm doing. If you're unsure about moving right away, how about we try a long-distance relationship? I'll go find us a place, get through the training and get on my feet, and then you can move down with me? It will give you time to put out resumes in the area. In the meantime, you can get experience working here, possibly get a referral." He wiped the tears from my face. I had always loved the feel of his warm, strong hand on my cheek. "Please, love, don't cry."
I thought about what he had suggested. The option sounded good, but something in my gut told me it wouldn’t work. I wasn't sure if it was the fear of another major change in my life that was causing me to feel sick, or the fear of losing him. I was also afraid that in the time we would be apart that he would meet someone else. We would be looking at six months at least before we would be together, and a lot could happen in six months. "I know you have been through a lot of shit in the past year, and a lot of adjustments. Please don't shut me out. Talk to me, tell me what you're thinking." I could see his hopes disintegrating the longer I remained silent.
"What if it doesn't work out? I mean, it is long distance. It's not like we can be with one another every weekend. We’d be lucky to see one another once or twice out of the six months. Neither one of us can afford to fly or drive back and forth."
"No, you're right. But once my training is over in six weeks, I'll have blocks of time off and will be able to drive back here and stay with you."
"But I can't guarantee I'll have those days off and won't have work in the evening to do, so you'll be sitting here watching me."
Parker leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. "I would rather sit here watching you than not have you in my life."
"Parker, I am serious."
"So am I. It’s only six months."
"I don't know, Parker." I looked up into his eyes and couldn't stop more tears from falling from my own.
"So then, what you're saying is this may be it for us?" I could hardly hear the words he muttered as he stood up.
"No, Parker, that's not what I am saying. I'm trying to be realistic."
I watched Parker walk toward the door. I didn't know what I was saying. A big part of me didn't want to be without him, even for a short period of time. I knew we could work through pretty much anything. The other part of me knew letting him go to concentrate on his new career was the right thing to do. The last thing he needed was to be worrying about me. I tried to take a deep breath, but felt choked.
"Doesn't sound like it. I've worked too hard to give up on this opportunity, Tatum. You seem to be making excuses. Elliott will be applying to the same force I am, and once he gets his call, he’ll move away too. You’re using work as a crutch to fight what you want because you're afraid."
Everything he was saying was true. I was afraid of another change, and it was killing me inside.
“I'm sorry, Tatum, but I have to go, and I'm sorry if you are not okay with it. I guess if this is it for us, then so be it."
Parker stopped and turned before he walked out the door and gave me a look I wished I could wash from my memory forever. "This"—he waved his finger between us—"is breaking my heart."
I stood to go to him. I wanted him to wrap me in his strong arms. And feel that embrace that, over the last couple years had healed the worst pain.
"I've got to go."
Tears poured down my cheeks, and my body shook. I went to the window and watched him walk down the front walkway, his head held low, and like that, he walked out of my life. I had never thought I would feel the pain of losing someone again so soon after Mom and Dad died. I especially never thought it would be Parker.
That night, Parker asked Elliott to drive him to the airport. Elliott told me that they were going to remain friends, even though we had broken up. I hoped they always would. After all, they had been friends before we started dating, and he was a good influence for my brother.
I was lying in bed when my phone rang. Parker’s picture populated my screen. I knew I had made a huge mistake by not going with him or at least trying to make it work. I was too overwhelmed to deal with it right then, so I let the call go to voice mail. I curled up into the fetal position on my bed and cried. The last time I had laid this way, Parker had held me while I cried, not once letting me go throughout the night. How I longed to feel him behind me.
After an hour of tears, I played the message he had left. "I'm sorry that we ended things the way we did and without a true good-bye. I know in my heart that one day, we will find our way back to one another. I hope it doesn’t take too long, but it will be what it will be. If you need me for anything, anything at all, please call or text me. I wish you luck with everything and want you to know that I love you."
My vision grew cloudy with tears, and my chest hurt. I couldn't help myself. Without hesitation, I dialed his number. I wanted to tell him I had made a mistake and would be on the next flight out, but it went straight to voice mail.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and hung up my phone in time for the front door to open and Elliott to walk in. He gave my shoulders a squeeze as he walked by the couch. "How about we watch a movie?"