Chapter 10
When Chloe arrived at the ranch and saw Jack across the pasture, she felt a trill deep inside, but was still slightly shocked by what had happened. She watched as he crossed the pasture toward her, a big smile on her face, but that smile quickly faded when she saw his face. Instead of the warm greeting she’d expected, it looked like the old Jack was back, the scowl on his face evidence of his displeasure. Searching her mind for a reason for the look, her heart sank when instead of greeting her with a hug and a kiss like she’d expected, he simply launched into a report on the sick sheep.
Mystified by his behavior, she did the only thing she could do and pretended that nothing was wrong when inside she was dying. By the time she left the ranch, it was all she could do not to cry, her emotions so close to the surface a frozen smile was the only way to maintain her composure. As soon as she’d driven far enough away that she couldn’t be seen, she pulled her truck over and cried. Again she’d let a man trick her to get his own way, evidently he really meant what he’d said about not worrying about tomorrow.
Once she’d cried herself out, she put the truck back in gear and headed out for her next appointment, her stomach cramped from the pain of rejection. Deep down she’d know that she was making a mistake, but once again she’d let herself be fooled, but unlike with Brandon she wasn’t going to let Jack’s deception destroy her life. In fact, she decided, she’d ignore it just like he had, pretend that the night meant nothing to her either.
As strong as her resolve was to ignore the hurt Jack had caused, it still managed to surface several times that day. It would hit her at odd times when she wasn’t expecting it, gradually realizing that it was as much the loss of what she’d thought was going to be something wonderful as it was the fact that she’d been deceived that had her upset. It was like getting just a taste of something especially yummy only to have it taken away before you’d eaten your fill.
By the end of the day, she was exhausted but knew that unless she vented some of her frustration she’d never be able to sleep that night. There was only one person she wanted to talk to, strangely enough the one person who had recommended that she sleep with Jack. Michelle picked up on the second ring, her voice full of her usual enthusiasm for life, but as soon as she heard Chloe’s voice she knew that something was wrong.
“What’s happened?” She asked immediately.
“Nothing new, I just made a mess of my love life.” Chloe answered, barely able to keep the tears at bay.
“Oh, honey tell me what happened.”
Chloe recounted as much as she could about their night together, the tears flowing freely by the time she was done. “I never dreamed he’d treat me like this. He didn’t say a word about us, just pretended it didn’t happen.”
Michelle took a deep breath, then said, “I’m so sorry I ever suggested that you have sex with him. I don’t know what I was thinking, he really is as bad as you said.”
“Oh Michelle, it’s not your fault. I think it would have happened whether you suggested it or not. I just wish I’d been smart enough not to let my feeling go past the physical.” Chloe said, feeling some of her pain easing with her tears.
“How deep are those feelings?”
“Honestly I don’t know. I thought I was falling for him and that he actually cared about me, but I guess that was just wishful thinking.” Chloe said, taking a deep breath as her tears began to abate.
Michelle was silent for a long time, then she said, “Maybe you should look at this as a learning experience, find the good in what happened and focus on that.”
Chloe thought about her words, then realized that maybe Michelle was right. If she took that kind of approach Jack’s rejection might not hurt so much. “You might be right.” She finally said.
It was true that Jack had given her something wonderful, the knowledge that she had passion inside her, the kind of passion that made sex a wonderful thing. He’d also taught her that letting go sometimes could be a wonderful thing, but she also knew now that she’d have to be careful not to confuse her physical desire with love because they were two very different things.
“I’m sorry things turned out this way Chloe, but just remember there’s someone out there who can make you feel like Jack did and give you the affection you deserve. He’s out there just waiting for you.” Michelle said, some of her usual enthusiasm returning to her voice.
When Chloe hung up the phone, she felt much better. Not only had Michelle helped her put some perspective on what had happened with Jack, she’d begun to get angry. He’d behaved like a jerk, used her emotions to get what he wanted, but it was never going to happen again. No matter how much she wanted him, he was nothing more than another immature man who only thought of himself and his own pleasure.
Jack watched Chloe walk away knowing that he’d hurt her, it was clear in the set of her shoulders and stiff way she was carrying herself. He wished he hadn’t had to do it, but he just couldn’t see any other way, staying involved with her was just not possible because he might start to care about her. There was no room in his life for romance or a relationship and all the drama that came along with them.
But as she drove away, he had to admit to himself that he had already started to care, their night together showing him how wonderful they could be together. It was going to take all his will power to stay away from her, but it was what was best for Josh, he’d already had so much happen to him in his short life the last thing he needed was to be in the middle of Jack’s love life. Some day when Josh was older he’d be able to have a life of his own again, but right now Josh was what was important.
Chloe and Jack managed to find a way to work together, each burying the feelings that surfaced every time they were together. It had been over a week since that night and Jack’s conscience was getting the better of him. He knew that Chloe deserved an explanation but he couldn’t seem to find the words. Finally, he couldn’t take the hurt in her eyes any longer and decided to try and talk to her.
Chloe had just given the sick sheep a clean bill of health and was packing up to leave when Jack said, “I need to talk to you, I’ll walk you to your truck.”
She wasn’t sure what to expect, more flattery or some lame excuse but she didn’t need either so she said, “That’s okay, just say what you need to here.”
Jack hadn’t expected Chloe’s response, so he faltered when he said, “I wanted to explain about the other night....” but Chloe cut him off with a wave of her hand.
“Don’t worry, I understand it was one night, no need to explain. We’re both adults.” She said, then turned and walked away.
Jack was so shocked by her dismissal that he didn’t go after her. He’d thought that she was upset about the way things had gone, but maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe the connection he’d thought they’d shared had only been in his head and not real, but it had felt so real to him, so different from what he’d shared with Isobel. That was when the enormity of the mistake he’d made hit him. With Chloe it was different than it had been with Isobel, different in the best way possible, and he’d pushed her away.
As he finished his chores for the day he thought about how different Chloe was than Isobel. He should have known from the very beginning that Isobel was too good to be true, but he’d been so in love with her from the very first moment that he’d overlooked what had been so obvious. By the time he realized that she was nothing more than a self-centered spoiled brat, it had been too late, he’d married her, made a promise.
His brother’s had encouraged him to divorce her as soon as they all realized what she was like, but Jack had been stubborn, saying over and over again that he’d made a promise. Now he saw just how stupid that had been, but at the time it felt noble. When Isobel’s father called the other morning it had brought back all the pain and hurt of Isobel’s treachery, but Chloe was nothing like Isobel. She was kind and caring, dedicated to her job in a way that he could only be impressed with, but most importantly, she didn’t seem that impressed with the money that came with the Montgomery name.
Climbing onto the four wheeler to go get Josh he found his thoughts in a jumble. He wanted Chloe more than he’d ever wanted a woman, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready to let another woman into his heart. Isobel had wounded him badly, so badly that he’d hurt Chloe when he turned away from her, the one thing he’d never meant to do. She’d put her trust in him and he’d destroyed it in one of the cruelest ways a man could. The time they’d shared together had been magical but he’d ruined it, now he might never have a chance to fix what he’d broken.
After he picked Josh up, he found himself heading for Honey Hills and Marissa’s advice. He hadn’t been in the canyon for very long, but it was clear that Marissa was the one everyone turned to when they had a problem, and he had a big problem. She met him on the porch, a big smile on her face, but it didn’t take long for her to see that something was wrong.
“Jack, I’m glad to see you but I have a feeling this isn’t just a friendly visit. Come in and tell me what’s wrong.” Marissa said, taking Josh from his arms and giving him a quick inspection. “Josh looks fine so it must be the sheep.”
Jack followed her into the house and nodded when she handed the baby to the nanny who swept Josh into her arms and gave him a big kiss, making him laugh. They went back to the kitchen and Marissa pushed him down into a chair, then busied herself putting together a pitcher of iced tea and a plate of cookies. She poured them each a glass of tea then put a cookie on Jack’s plate trying to give him time to collect his thoughts.
“The sheep are fine.” He finally began. “It’s about....oh heck I’ve done something really stupid....I...”
Marissa waiting patiently for Jack to get his thoughts together. “It’s Chloe, I...well....I might have done something to hurt her and I don’t know if I can fix it.”
It didn’t surprise her that Jack was coming to her about Chloe, she’d seen the relationship blossoming and knew it was just a matter of time before one of them did something stupid. Although they were a perfect match, they had both been hurt in the past and those scars were still fresh for both of them.
“You’ll have to tell me what happened if you want me to help you.” Marissa coaxed.
“I don’t know if I can, it’s stupid and kind of embarrassing.” Jack said, not able to meet Marissa’s eyes.
“Jack, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to talk to me. You’re not the only one who’s made mistakes, it happens to all of us. I did something stupid once that almost cost me the love of my life, I know where you’ve been, talk to me.”
Hearing Marissa admit that she’d made a mistake with Scott made it much easier to finally open up. It even gave him the slightest bit of hope that maybe he could fix what he’d done. He wasn’t even sure where to start, but Isobel seemed to be the most logical place, so for the first time since he’d come to the canyon, he told his story, discovering that it didn’t hurt as much to talk about it as it used to.
“Jack you’re an intelligent man, you keep saying that the rational and logical thing to do is to cut yourself off from the world and take care of Josh. I want you to think about what kind of life that’s going to be for both of you, by cutting yourself off from the possibility of love. You’re denying both of you and Josh the chance to love someone else. Don’t you want your son to have a mother? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone?”
It took Marissa’s words a moment to penetrate his brain, he’d been thinking one way for so long he had to concentrate to see what she was getting at. “Jack,” she continued, “you’re teaching Josh that when someone hurts you the solution is to shut yourself off. Is that what you want?”
Those words penetrated his brain immediately, “God no, that’s the last thing I want.”
“Now tell me what happened with Chloe.” Marissa demanded, the stupidity of men and their egos making her short with Jack.
Marissa waited patiently for Jack to speak, although it cost her, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what he’d done but she wasn’t going to help him. “I don’t want to tell you this because it makes me look like a total jerk.” Jack began, then told Marissa what he’d done.
When he’d finished she looked at him for a long time, “It’s a miracle she still talks to you.” she finally said, then added when Jack’s face fell, “but if she feels the same way you do she’ll forgive you.”
It was almost comical to see the change in Jack face, “Do you really think so?”
“I do, but you’re going to have to be honest with her. Tell her everything, even how much you were hurt.”
Jack wasn’t wild about the idea. It had been hard enough to tell Marissa, and telling Chloe was going to be really difficult. Marissa must have known what he was thinking because she said, “Don’t let your pride get in the way of fixing what you did. Chloe is a good woman; she might be young but she’d done more in her life than a lot of people much older people have done. Jack she’d been hurt too. I don’t know the details but someone broke her heart.”
“I’ll do it, but I don’t know when. She wouldn’t even let me walk her to her truck the last time I asked, and I’m not having this discussion in front of everyone.” Jack wined, making Marissa think of a little boy.
“I guess this is where I come in.” Marissa said, her mind spinning with possibilities. Then it hit her, “We haven’t had a barbeque in quite a while, summer is going to be over soon, it’s the perfect excuse.”
“You’re going to plan a barbeque just so I can talk to Chloe? Isn’t that a bit much?” Jack asked, suddenly afraid he’d bitten off more than he could chew.
“Do you have a better idea?”
There was nothing that Marissa loved more than planning a party so by the end of the week she’d picked a date, hired the caterer and notified everyone in the canyon. To make sure that Chloe was there, she told her that it was a welcome party for all the new residents of the canyon. She and Jack concocted a plan that would allow him to get Chloe away from the party and alone so he could talk to her.
When Chloe heard about the barbeque she tried to sound excited like Marissa wanted her to, but it was hard to summon any enthusiasm for anything but her job these days. As much as she’d tried to put Jack behind her, consider their time together a learning experience, it was impossible. She’d let him so far into her heart that it was going to be a long time before she got over him. Maybe it would have been easier if it had been more than just one night but deep down she knew that it wouldn’t have mattered.
There was something inside Jack that called to her, each time she saw him that attraction between them still sprang to life but he ignored it like it wasn’t there. She desperately wanted to ask him why he’d turned away from her, what she’d done to cause it but she didn’t really want to hear the answer, knowing that it would only hurt her more to hear him say he was just satisfying his needs or something equally hurtful.
But Marissa had made it clear that she was expected to be there, a welcome from the canyon for all the new residents couldn’t be missed by anyone. So she kept her schedule clear for that day, dreading seeing Jack and Josh in a social situation for the first time since he’d hurt her. She’d just have to keep her distance from them, which shouldn’t be all that hard to do since there would be lots of people there.
On the day of the barbeque, she chose her outfit carefully deciding that looking good that day would go a long way toward helping her enjoy the fun. Her ego had taken a hit thanks to Jack and it was time to rebuild a little of her self-esteem. She pulled a sundress from the back of her closet, one she rarely wore because it left a lot of skin exposed and tried it on, deciding it would be the perfect thing.
Sliding on her favorite sandals, she looked at herself in the mirror and decided that she’d wear her hair down, something she rarely did. It fell in soft waves around her face, accentuating her eyes and softening her face, skipping makeup she left the cabin determined to have a good time at the barbeque. It was time to stop letting Jack mess up her life, she’d had a taste of what could happen between them, but it was time to move on.
Jack had planned everything for the night of the barbeque very carefully including scouting out a romantic spot where they could talk alone. What he had to tell her was not pleasant but he knew that the only hope he had of making things right was telling her the truth. It wouldn’t be easy and he hoped that the romantic setting might help him plead his cause.
After he’d left Marissa’s house that day, he’d begun to doubt her plan, even to doubt what he thought he was feeling for Chloe. But when he got home that night she was just getting home as well and they were forced to wave to one another across the yard, one look at her told him all he needed to know. Not only was he attracted to her, but now he felt something more, not only hope but the beginning of what he thought was love.
He’d once been sure that he loved Isobel but what he’d felt for her hadn’t been love, it had been infatuation, and now he knew all too well what that felt like. But the infatuation he’d felt for Chloe in the beginning had mellowed to something deeper, something that deserved to be explored before he simply threw it away. Now he knew that love involved so much more than what he and Isobel had shared.
It amazed him to realize that although he was 35 years old, he still didn’t know what real love felt like. Sure he loved Josh but that was a different kind of love, nothing like what he was feeling for Chloe. Just thinking about her made him smile, the way she took over in a crisis, the way she cared for every animal in the canyon as if they were her own, and especially the way she jumped in and helped with Josh that night.
He didn’t know how or why, but he knew that this was his chance to find the kind of happiness that he’d been looking for with Isobel. Chloe was just the kind of woman he could spend his life with. Why it had taken him so long to see that still mystified him and the worst part was that in the process he might have ruined his chances with her. The day of the barbeque he was at Honey Hills long before the other guests arrived so anxious about the night to come that he couldn’t stay home.