Chapter 10
Birdie found herself tiptoeing in early. She felt wonderful.
She told herself that a few times, but she didn’t. She felt extremely nervous.
“Marley?” she called, knowing he was in there.
“Birdie, where were you all of yesterday? I tried calling you a million times. I was worried!”
Birdie found herself grabbed in a bear hug that made her feel even guiltier. “I know, I’m sorry, Marley. I… God, I don’t know how to say this.”
Marley felt as if a bucket of icy water had been dumped on his head. He knew this was bad.
“Let’s sit down,” said Birdie.
Worse and worse, thought Marley.
“Marley,” said Birdie, when they were both sitting down, “you know that Adam and I… Oh, hell, we eloped. We got married in Vegas yesterday.”
Everything inside Marley froze. “You what?”
“Got married,” said Birdie, and laughed, showing him the ring.
Marley finally found his words. “It’s only been a day. You can get an annulment.”
Birdie frowned. He must be in shock, she reasoned. “Marley, I’m not getting an annulment. We’re happy. We’re in love. Marley, he loves me so much. He needs me. I love him.”
Marley shook his head. “Birdie, the man has been playing with you. I should’ve done this before. I met Richard yesterday. His brother.”
“Oh, is he nice?”
Marley stared at her. “You’ve married a man without even meeting his family. Birdie, what’s wrong with you? Never mind. It can all be sorted out. I was wary because of Adam’s reputation. But yesterday, Richard told me that he decided to marry you because you would make a suitable daughter-in-law for his mother and grandmother, and a good mother for his children. He married you because his father expects him to, and soon. He married for duty, Birdie. Not love. He told Richard that he had chosen you, as coldly and methodically as you choose a cut of meat for a stew. He doesn’t love you. He deceived you.”
Birdie felt her entire world tilting and dipping.
She rejected the idea.
Shaking her head, she got up, angrily. “I think I know how my husband feels better than you, Marley. I don’t know what you’ve got against him, but you’re wrong. You’re wrong!”
Marley was also standing up. Birdie went toe to toe with him.
“If I’m wrong, why don’t you ask him? Why don’t you ask him if this is true? Why would I lie to you, Birdie? I’ve watched out for you for years. I’ve done everything I could to make you happy. I’ve loved you for years, given you time. Even if you go and marry some other man, do you think I’d do anything to jeopardize your happiness? I have to tell you the truth. You deserve more than he can give you. You deserve to be loved, Birdie. I’m sorry.”
Marley turned and walked out, leaving Birdie shattered.
She hadn’t known. She hadn’t known how Marley had felt, for so long. No wonder he was angry. He was lashing out because he was hurt, thought Birdie, desperately trying to make herself believe it. But there was a part of her where the doubts had been sowed, and now she knew she would never stop wondering.
*****
Birdie was blissfully happy. She had been married for four weeks, and she was, strangely enough, planning her wedding. She had been accepted into Adam’s family with great enthusiasm, and some shock, though apparently, only Richard knew that they were already married.
Adam couldn’t keep his hands off her. She loved that. Every night, she felt as if she were a bride all over again. He made her feel desired and special in ways she had never felt before.
He never seemed to make any demands of her.
She had moved in – kind of – with him, and he had asked her to make his condo hers, too. She could do it all up in frilly pink laces, if she liked, he told her. That had made her giggle, and they had ended up in bed together.
The tattoo had come out beautifully, too. Adam had gotten over his nervousness and now sat like a model client. He’d even started teasing her about giving him a little tramp stamp. That day, they’d had their last sitting, and Birdie had finally told him what it meant to her – she had risen from the ashes, too. But he had known that. She loved how she hadn’t had to explain. He knew her.
Of course he loved her. He had told her so. He acted like he loved her. He needed her.
Damn Marley for making her doubt everything!
Things between Birdie and Marley were a little strained, though. She kept expecting Marley to apologize to her. But he hadn’t. He simply refused to be a part of the wedding, too. He didn’t want to watch her make the biggest mistake of her life for the second time, he had told her.
Birdie was angry with him. No matter how he felt, about Adam or about her, he was supposed to be her friend. He was supposed to be there for her, as she had been there for him, so often.
As she watched the sun set, waiting for Adam to come home, Birdie told herself, again, that she was blissfully happy. But it seemed a bit forced. She couldn’t seem to make herself believe it as easily as she had before.
When she felt hands on her waist, she jumped before she realized that it was Adam. Birdie leaned back against him, gently.
“You nearly scared the life out of me,” she admitted as she rested her head against him, savoring the feel of his hard body against hers.
Adam could privately admit that she’d been scaring the life out of him lately, too. The last few weeks had been blissful – and terrifying. Richard had told him, shamefaced, about his conversation with Marley. Adam had been living in terror for the last few weeks, wondering when Marley would tell Birdie about that damn conversation.
Not a word of it was true. Not a word of what he had said was true. He loved Birdie. He loved her with a fierceness that shook him. But he had gone about all of it wrong, and he knew it. He didn’t want Birdie to know it. He wanted Birdie to accept what they had between them now, and not judge him for his motivations before he fell in love with him.
Before he had been ready to admit to himself that he was in love with him, because that meant that he was no longer in complete and sole control of his life. Nobody could possibly understand how important that had been to him, after he had lost control once and nearly died for it.
Except Birdie. Birdie would understand, if she came to know of it. But the waiting was beginning to get to him, turning him into a nervous wreck. He didn’t think he could stand much more of it. He might have to resort to a man-to-man conversation with Marley, even if they were evenly matched if it came to blows. Birdie would never forgive either of them for that. Marley was important to her, though Adam had begun to notice some stiffness between them.
It was making him even edgier.
So, he did what he always did, when he felt like it was getting to be too much. He kissed her neck, softly, and felt her heart beating faster as his hand moved up her to cup her breasts.
“Aren’t you hungry?” asked Birdie, but her voice was already throaty with desire. He smiled as he realized, again, how much she needed him, too. It was a reflection of his need for her.
“I am. For you, my wife,” said Adam, and Birdie was lost again.
She felt his head bend just a little and turned her face to meet his searching lips, as his hands rubbed gently over her breasts. She felt his lips brush over hers, so soft, before taking the kiss deeper. Birdie’s lips parted, welcoming the seeking touch of his tongue. She loved the rough texture of it, how it slid over hers so insistently.
She loved how his lips moved over hers, so possessively.
She loved how his hands moved over her body, safe and secure in his knowledge that she belonged to him. She loved him.
He belonged to her.
He did.
Birdie turned to him, pressing her body against his, needing to feel him, wanting to know how much he needed her.
She moaned as she felt his lips move down her neck, and she gloried in how she felt his erection begin to press into her.
He needed her.
He did.
Birdie’s hands slipped between them to undo his buttons, desperate to feel more. Her nimble fingers were quick, getting them undone and sliding her hand underneath to feel the strength of his chest.
Adam’s arms were around her, his hand on the small of her back and pressing her closer to him. Her head fell back as she felt his lips moving down her neck, slowly, finding and kissing every inch of it. She whimpered as she felt him cup her bottom and move her even closer.
His mouth kissing her, his hard manhood pressing against her – Birdie felt needed. She had to. He needed her.
But she needed to feel more.
Her fingers found his nipples and scratched softly over them, making him shudder. She loved making him shiver, the power it gave her.
Moving away, she smiled at him as, on the balcony, in the failing light of day, she undressed for him. She didn’t care if anybody else was watching. She shed her blouse, her shorts, and stood there in her underwear. She unhooked her bra and slipped it off, slowly, seductively, and watched as his eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched with the effort of not reaching out for her.
He needed her, she told herself, as she turned around and slipped her panties off, bending over at the waist and giving him an unforgettable view of her wet, swollen, needy pussy as she did so.
She felt him moving to her, gripping her hips, before she could straighten. She felt his cock sliding between her lips, moving gently, rubbing against her where she throbbed desperately with her need for him.
But Birdie wasn’t done. She wanted to feel his desperation for her.
Moving away from him, she smiled up at him before turning her attention to his erection. She had come to know it, so intimately, in every way. She wanted more.
Kneeling in front of him, she tugged his pants and boxers down to his feet. Birdie wanted him to feel her eyes on him, as she had felt his on her. She licked his cock, softly, gently, up and down the shaft. She moved her tongue around his head and tasted the salty liquid that beaded at the tip.
It meant that he needed her, she told herself.
Parting her lips, she took his head into her mouth and sucked on it, gently, softly, as her hands cupped his balls and fondled them lightly. She knew now exactly how much pressure he needed. She knew his pleasure, and she would give him more than he knew he needed.
She rocked her head slowly, taking him in slowly, just an inch at a time. She used her tongue to give him more, to slide over him, find that sensitive spot underneath that made him moan and tangle his hands in her braids.
She hummed deep in her throat as she took him in further, tightening her lips, tightening her mouth, and swallowed gently, making his hand clench in her braids.
Her hands were on his ass, squeezing, feeling how tight his muscles were. She felt the slight scarring along there, and tried to remember not to squeeze his tattoo.
But he moaned, he pressed his face closer, his hips started moving, and Birdie couldn’t think of anything but him, his taste, how he filled her.
Too much, thought Birdie, too soon. She wouldn’t be done so quickly.
She moved away, pulling away from him.
“Lie down,” she told him.
He didn’t care that the tiled floor was hard. He did as Birdie asked, his erection standing up, quivering, desperate for more attention.
Birdie kissed his knee, kissed her way up the tattoo that they’d created. She kissed his hips, making him jerk as she got closer and closer to his hard cock again.
She kissed the tip of it and moved away, making him sigh.
“Birdie, please,” he said, and his whisper was more proof of his need for her.
He did need her, she told herself, as she moved over him to rub her breasts on his hard dick. She rubbed her nipples across the tip of it, and she felt it all the way to her desperately needy pussy.
Adam could hardly breathe as he watched Birdie rub herself on him like that. He had never seen anything that brought him so close to losing all control.
Birdie moved down to take his cock inside her mouth again. This time, she moved, bobbing her head up and down, sucking it in earnest. She felt Adam’s hips thrust, moving, as he sought more. She held his hips down, insistent that she move at her pace.
“Birdie, I need you, please,” said Adam again, and she needed to hear it.
She pulled away, and before he could protest, she was straddling him, holding his erection in place as she sank onto it, enveloping him in her hot, wet, tightness that made him gasp in undeniable pleasure.
She was moving, rocking on him, grinding on him. He held on to her hips and let her set the pace, take her own pleasure from him.
She started riding him, her hips pumping, and he held her hips, moving her faster, harder.
Birdie’s eyes were on his, as she rode him, harder, faster. Their bodies were sweaty with passion and with the effort as they reached for more with every move. Her hands were in her hair, her head back, her back arched as she rode him, her muscles pulling and clenching at him, taking him further than he had gone before.
Adam had never seen a sight more beautiful than Birdie, riding him, her breasts moving with every thrust, lost in the heat of the moment. Her rich, dark skin was bathed in the dusk sunlight. He looked down to see his cock sliding in and out of her pussy, and he could see that his need was matched by hers.
“Adam,” whispered Birdie, urgently, and he moved her faster. She braced herself on his chest and bent down to take his lips in a long, hard kiss as she moved harder, faster, until she took herself over the edge and screamed his name, her body shuddering as she climaxed.
Adam held her hips and raised her, his hips bucking as he thrust into her, over and over again, until he joined her in that mad tumble that left them breathless and sated.
Birdie melted onto him, but she couldn’t find that peace she’d been looking for as she rode him.
The words were out in that unguarded moment, before she could stop them.
“Was it true?”
Adam knew. He knew what she meant.
But still…
“Was what true?”
“What Richard told Marley. What he told me. Was it all true?”
Her eyes were on his, damp, large, and so trusting. Adam wanted to lie. But in that moment, their bodies still joined, he trusted that they would find their way through it.
“Birdie… Birdie it wasn’t like that. It was true, then, but it’s not true anymore.”
Birdie felt her heart break, just a bit, as she drew away from him and got up. She could hardly feel her legs. It didn’t matter.
She picked up her clothes.
“Birdie, please, give me a chance to explain.”
Birdie turned around, her eyes full, her heartbreak so plain to see in their stormy depths.
“Not now, Adam. I’m going home.”
Adam got up now, urgently, as Birdie got dressed.
“Birdie, you’re home. You’re here. You’re home.”
“No, I’m not,” said Birdie, and she left, taking her shattered trust and her broken heart with her.
Birdie went where she always did when she was sad. She went home, and found Marley.
Marley read what had happened in her eyes, and said nothing. He simply opened his arms to her. Birdie walked into them, and all the tears she has held inside until she got home spilled out. Wracking sobs were wrenched from her until Marley thought they might break her apart. Helpless, he held her and said nothing, and felt his heart breaking a little, too.
Because Birdie might have come to him, but he knew this grief. He knew her. He knew that she loved Adam, beyond any doubt. Even if, in time, she accepted him as a lover, and accepted his love for her, she would never love him this way. She would never again love this way.
Adam had her heart, whether either of them liked it or not. All he could do was hold her, and offer what comfort he could, as he always had.
In that moment, as he held his crying love, he accepted that she would never be his. She deserved to be loved. She deserved to let herself love without hurting.
The only way he could let that happen would be if he let her go. So, he absorbed her pain into himself and let himself feel it all, and shed the tears for both of them, for what would never be.
He let himself cry it out, too. He needed to.
Birdie’s sobs finally subsided, though the tears wouldn’t dry. She felt as if she might never stop crying. The hurt was so big that she could hardly bear it.
“You were right,” she whispered, finally.
“You don’t know how much I wish I weren’t,” said Marley, his eyes haunted as he watched Birdie bravely try not to fall apart.
*****
It had been thirty-two days since the day she had left. She knew, because she had got flowers – not roses – on each day, and from each bouquet, she had pressed one flower.
But she didn’t take his calls. She didn’t call him back. She refused to see him at all.
She jumped when somebody walked up behind her, but it was Marley.
“Come,” said Marley.
“What? Can’t, studio is open.”
“Studio is closed. Come, or I’m heaving you over my shoulder and taking you,” warned Marley.
When Birdie didn’t even point out that there was no way in hell he could possibly do that and she could break him in half if she wanted to, Marley’s heart broke a little bit more.
Instead, she let him take her hand and guide her outside, and into a car. Birdie didn’t even notice the car.
“Where are we going?”
Marley shrugged. “Does it matter?”
“No,” admitted Birdie, and settled back, her eyes closed. The cool air on her face did feel good. She hadn’t been sleeping well. She hadn’t been sleeping at all. She dozed off.
“Birdie, we’re here,” said Marley, waking her up gently.
She woke up with a start and looked around. She blanched.
“Marley!”
His name was a betrayed accusation on her lips.
“I know. Just… Trust me. Trust me, Birdie. Please.”
Birdie wanted to run away. She wanted to be anywhere but where she was – because she was at the park where they’d planned to make their vows to each other, in front of everybody who mattered.
It was supposed to be her wedding day.
Birdie fought him, tooth and nail, as he finally heaved her out of the car.
“Don’t be a coward,” panted Marley, finally.
That did it. Birdie would take anything but accusations of being a coward. Stiffly, she followed Marley inside to what was supposed to be her bride’s quarters. She had seen it all.
What the hell was he supposed to do?
He shoved her into a room, closed the door, and left. Birdie’s eyes widened.
“Marley, what the hell are you playing at?”
“Birdie,” came a whisper, in a tortured voice that was still so dear to her that her heart trembled to hear it.
“What’s going on?” she asked, desperately trying to hold on to reality.
“Birdie, please, listen to me. Give me two minutes. Please. If you want to leave after that, I won’t stop you.”
Birdie was suddenly so tired that she couldn’t fight anymore. She sagged and nodded, leaning against the door.
“Birdie, I was a fool. I was a bigger fool that should be allowed to exist. After the accident, control became so important to me that my family was concerned. They thought that I was holding on to everything, burying myself in work, refusing to delegate, refusing to trust anybody. They thought that if I could find a good wife, I’d get better. They pushed me. But Birdie, I resisted that pressure for so long. I could’ve held on for all my life, if I had to. When I met you, you opened something in me. You made me need. You made me fall in love. But I was too weak to admit that to myself, so I used my family as justification for asking you to marry me. I was wrong. I realized I was wrong as soon as I put that ring you hate on your finger. But I’d already said all the wrong things to Richard. I was living in terror that Marley would tell you and you would leave me. With every day, I was waiting for the axe to fall. When it did, I knew I deserved it. But Birdie, I love you. I need you. The last thirty-two days have been worse than my accident, worse than everything. I need you. I need you, Birdie.”
Birdie heard the words, and she let them wash over her.
She closed her eyes. She felt him move closer to her.
“Birdie,” he whispered, and she opened her eyes.
He was on one knee, in front of her.
“Birdie, I love you. I love you so much. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you, trying to deserve you. I will never stop loving you. Marry me. Please.”
His heart was in his eyes. He had finally laid himself bare.
Birdie looked down at him and pictured a life without him, a life where she would be safe from being hurt again.
It was so empty that she never wanted to think about it again.
Kneeling down next to him, she leaned towards him, and kissed him, long, slow and sweet. She could taste the relief in his lips, and she could taste their tears, mingled.
“Yes, I will marry you,” she told him.
“Everything’s ready. Your dress is ready. Everybody’s here,” said Adam, hopefully.
Birdie finally smiled – her first smile in over a month.
This time, they were doing it right. She held him, and felt his heart beating against hers.
He needed her. He loved her, as she loved him. Finally, she knew that he loved her.
When you have love, you can always rise from fire, stronger than ever, thought Birdie, and she let herself be lost, and found, all over again.
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