Chapter 25

Finn

Four years ago

I’m exhausted. Completely and utterly wiped. Being an intern in the ED is grueling. Long days and even longer nights with very little sleep in between. But I love it.

I’m only a few weeks in, but it’s incredible

After I graduated, I managed to secure an internship in the city. It meant Kelly and I didn’t have to move which is something she said she really didn’t want to do. Kelly is happy again. It took a long time for her, for us, to get there, but we have. I know we have. Things may not be perfect, but they’re definitely close.

Whenever I’m not working, which isn’t a lot, I do my best to be with Kelly. She’s still not working, which is perfect because that means any down time I have, Kelly is there. So I take her places she wants to go. Like shopping. Kelly likes to shop a lot, but I don’t care because it makes her happy and I like making Kelly happy.

Today I got out of work early. According my attending, Mike Sanders, I haven’t left the hospital in almost twenty-six hours. Honestly, it feels like longer. Mike made me go home and he didn’t have to tell me twice. I practically flew out the doors.

On the way home, I pass by a flower shop and stop to look at one of the bouquets in the window which caught my eye. Kelly likes yellow. It’s her favorite color which always struck me as an odd favorite color, but right now, looking at the yellow sunflowers in the window, I think it’s the best favorite color ever.

Two blocks after the flower shop, I find a bakery. Kelly loves blueberry scones so I grab a couple of those for her too. Today is a good day, I decide. And even though I haven’t slept in a very long time, I don’t plan on doing that when I get home. I plan on making love to Kelly and then spending the day doing something fun. Maybe we’ll go to a movie. Or a museum. Or walk through the park.

Might be a bit too hot for that walk though. Maybe I’ll take Kelly to the beach. That’s what I’ll do. Kelly looks amazing in a bikini and it’s the middle of the week so it won’t be all that crowded.

I smile, thinking about Kelly in that red bikini of hers the rest of the walk home. And when I get to our building, I wave to the doorman and hit the elevator. Less than five minutes later, I’m unlocking the door to our apartment.

It’s quiet. I don’t hear Kelly anywhere and I wonder if she’s out. I had this whole surprise-Kelly-thing going on in my mind, which is why I didn’t text her to tell her I was coming home.

Shit.

That’s not how this was supposed to go.

“Kelly?” I call out. No answer.

Sighing out, I walk into the kitchen and toss the box of scones onto the counter and go in search of a vase for the sunflowers. I’ll put them on the coffee table, that way when she gets home and walks into the main living room, she’ll see them.

I find a crystal vase which one of my mother’s pretentious friends got us as a wedding present, and fill it with water. Unwrapping the cellophane from around the flowers, I drop them into the water, set them on the coffee table just so and then head for our bedroom.

Maybe by the time I’m done with my shower, Kelly will be home. I haven’t showered in far too long either so that’s definitely in order. Maybe it’s better Kelly isn’t home to see me like this.

I strip off my nasty scrub top, dropping it to the floor before I walk across our bedroom and open the bathroom door.

And then I freeze, because Kelly is sitting on the closed toilet, with her head bowed down over her bent knees.

“Kelly?” She looks up at me, her eyes rimmed in red. “Baby? Are you okay?”

She’s surprised to see me standing here. Like she didn’t hear me come in the apartment or call out to her or even open the bathroom door. “Finn,” she says my name with a hitch in her voice. “Oh god, Finn. I uh…I didn’t know you were coming home now.”

“What’s going on? Are you sick?”

She shakes her head, a tear gliding down her cheek as she stares at me. “No, I…” And then she looks down and I do the same, and that’s when I see it.

The stick in her hand.

“Kelly?” I drop to my knees in front of her, staring down at that stick. “You’re taking a pregnancy test?”

I don’t know how to feel about this. I wish she had waited for me. Peeing on a stick to find out if you’re pregnant is something that couples do together, Right? It’s how we did it the first time. It’s not something you do in the bathroom alone when you don’t think your husband is coming home. She’s crying now. A lot harder than she was when I first entered the bathroom and my heart breaks.

Kelly is scared. Of course, she’s scared.

We already lost Logan and I’m sure she’s terrified something like that could happen to us again.

“I’m so sorry, Finn.”

I shake my head, removing the stick from her fingers. She lets me take it and when I see the word PREGNANT in small cap letters in the oval, I smile so goddamn big.

So. Goddamn. Big.

“Kelly, we’re pregnant!” I laugh a happy bubble of excitement and then I wrap my arms around Kelly who is still crying. “Oh, baby. I know you’re scared. I am too. But this is such a blessing. Everything is going to be fine.”

She shakes her head against my neck. Maybe she’s afraid I won’t be home and she’ll be stuck taking care of the baby alone? She has been complaining a lot about my hours and how she misses me.

“I get it, the timing isn’t great with me being gone a lot, but I’ll do everything I can to be here more. And my internship is only a year and then my hours should stabilize a bit. We always talked about having more kids–”

“Finn, you don’t understand,” she interrupts.

I pull back and cup her cheeks in my hands, searching her eyes. “Tell me, then. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”

She stares at me for the longest of moments as more tears pour from those pretty eyes of hers. “I’m sorry,” she finally manages. “I…” Kelly swallows hard and then wraps her arms around my neck, hugging me so tight. “I’m scared, Finn. I’m scared of so many things right now.”

“I know, baby. I know. Me too. But I’m here and we’re together and everything is going to be okay.”

Kelly nods her head against me and when she finally manages to pull herself together, we kiss and we smile and I show her the flowers and the scones. “Thank you,” she grins. “Blueberry is my favorite.”

I smile. I haven’t stopped smiling. “That’s why I got them for you.”

She nods. Takes a bite. Swallows it and says, “I’m sorry for hiding the test from you. I was scared and I didn’t know how to face this. I think I’ve suspected it for a while. Things have just been so different. So…out of sorts.”

“And now?” I ask.

“Now I have a lot to think about. But maybe I’m a little less scared. Maybe I can find my way through this and figure everything out,” she says, but she can't quite meet my eyes.

Kelly and I kiss and I tell her I love her. She tells me she loves me too, even if she still won’t meet my eyes.

Everything is perfect.

We’re perfect.