Beautifully Damaged (Beautifully Damaged series) by L.A. Fiore (6)

The morning after the most intense sexual encounter I had ever experienced, there was a delivery for me. I opened the box to find two dozen cake pops and a note that simply read, “Thinking of you. —Trace.”

My body still hummed from his touch and just thinking about him I ached for his touch again. With the Creep, if he didn’t come he got nasty and blamed me for not being woman enough to turn him on. The whole of our lovemaking was all about getting him off. But Trace, all he had been thinking about was bringing me pleasure, even to the extent of denying himself the same.

Or had he? I knew he had been turned on, I felt him, but maybe a man like Trace needed more stimulation or someone with a voracious sexual appetite to bring it home, so to speak.

Or worse, what if he regretted it? What if the reality of me left him wanting? I couldn’t think about it or I’d drive myself insane. I grabbed a cake pop and headed to my room to work on my book.

I checked my e-mail first and saw I had two messages from websites Professor Smythe had inquired about on my behalf. Disappointment filled me to read that both responses were the same, a thank-you-but-no-thank-you. It was a long shot, this idea of the professor’s, but I tried not to get too discouraged. I launched into my book and lost myself in my work.

There was radio silence when it came to Trace. A whole week with no word. I followed his lead and didn’t attempt to contact him either. It hurt. We shared something incredible and then he went off the grid. Lena’s warning played in my head—he only wants sex. I hadn’t wanted to believe her, but I couldn’t help it now. It was painful but it seemed my fears were justified, I was just not that interesting to him. Talk about a blow to the ego, he didn’t even get sex from me before he backed off.

It was while I pondered that depressing thought that Lena came home. She saw me sprawled out on the sofa and pushed my legs over so she could join me.

“You look depressed. What’s wrong?”

“I think you were right about Trace.”

“What do you mean?”

I sat up and curled my legs under me. “Last week I went over to his apartment.”

“Oh, Ember. Tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”

My cheeks burned with embarrassment as I replied, “Technically, no.”

“What does that mean?”

How did I say in words what he did to me? I answered honestly, “He pleasured me with his mouth.”

A naughty smile curved her lips as she settled back against the sofa. “Ah, a little sixty-nine action. I didn’t think you had that in you, Ember.”

“It was one-sided. He never actually took off his clothes.”

Her eyebrow rose slightly before she asked, “And you?”

“As naked as the day I was born,” I confessed.

“So what’s the problem? Was he not any good?”

“He was amazing but I haven’t heard from him since.”

“Oh.” True concern showed on her face. “Did you get any sense from him that night?”

“I was embarrassed that I had, you know…and he hadn’t. But he told me he loved bringing me pleasure. He even suggested that I stay the night, but I had to get out of there. He sent me something the next day and at the time I thought it was a sweet gesture, but now I think it may have just been a token, you know, the cliché of roses after a hookup.”

“I’m so sorry, Ember, but based on everything that I’ve heard about him, I can’t say I’m that surprised. You’re sweet and innocent, not really the kind of woman that would stir the blood of someone so virile.”

Hearing my fear repeated back to me was like taking a sucker punch to the gut. Lena didn’t seem to notice my reaction as she continued, “Look at the silver lining.”

“What silver lining?”

“You didn’t walk away empty-handed. You had the best sexual encounter of your life. I think that’s enough to make your time with him worth it. Now you need to focus on moving on to someone who’s more your speed.”

“Why do I get the sense that you have just the person in mind?”

“Because you know me so well. He’s a friend of Todd’s and I think he’s perfect for you. Come to dinner with us, let’s do a double date. We haven’t had one of those in so long.”

“I hate blind dates.”

“I know but you need to get out and socialize. The worst case scenario, you just have a good meal with friends, but maybe you and Dane will hit it off. Please come?”

My thoughts turned to Trace and Lena knew it when she asked, “How long has it been since he made your toes curl?”

“A week.”

“With no word?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s time for you to move on because he has.”

I knew she was right, so I reluctantly accepted her invite.

Lena and I caught a cab to a popular eatery in the Village where Todd and Dane were waiting. I noticed Dane first since he was looking at me like I was a particularly delicious morsel. I had to curb the urge to look down at myself to see what he was ogling, since I was dressed very conservatively in wide-legged black trousers, a burnt-orange blouse, and black sandals. I forced a smile before I said, “Hello, Dane. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, Ember.” His moist handshake left me wanting to wipe my hand on my pants.

As the hostess showed us to our table, I tolerated Dane’s hand at the small of my back, but I had to give him credit, he had manners. He pulled my chair out for me before taking his own seat. Orders were placed and then Lena and Todd started whispering, which made Dane look at me expectantly. I silently cursed my so-called best friend before I asked, “What do you do?”

“I’m currently in between jobs.”

Unemployed, fabulous.

“Are you from around here?” he asked.

“No, I grew up in Philadelphia.”

“Really? So what brought you to New York?”

“I’m a writer.”

“Ah, how’s that going?”

“To pay the bills I work as a waitress at Clover.”

“Clover, nice place…too rich for my blood, though.” His warm brown eyes sparkled and then drifted lower. Too low. Jerk.

I was curious how he knew of the place. But Todd had taken Lena and probably bragged about it. “Mine too.”

“Have you always wanted to be a writer?”

Before I could answer, Lena spoke up from across the table. “Em’s been writing since we were kids. I can still see her with her secondhand clothes and knotted hair. Her dad and his friends always loved everything she did.”

Could she be any less flattering to me? I thought as Todd asked, “Is she any good?”

Hello, I’m sitting right here.

“Well, she certainly tries really hard.”

My gaze met Lena’s angelic one, but I didn’t miss the contempt burning deep in those green eyes.

“The academic scholarship to college that I won through the New York Times would suggest that some in the literary world would put me in high regard.”

“Oh, don’t get upset, Em, I’m just playing around. Of course you are a very talented writer.”

I didn’t know why I never saw it before, but my dad and Trace were right. Lena was not acting like much of a friend. Dane reached for my hand under the table and lightly squeezed it and I found the gesture to be oddly comforting.

After dinner we went to Sapphire and while Lena and Todd dry humped against the wall, Dane and I sat at the bar. Luke was working and he winked at me as he made our drinks. Once they were placed before us, Dane turned to me and lifted his glass to mine before taking a sip.

“I hear you play the piano.”

“I do, yes.”

“I’d like to hear you sometime.”

“Yeah, okay.” I held his gaze as I asked, “Did you know this was a blind date?”

I saw the grin a second before he answered, “I did, yes.”

We spent the next half hour talking and though on the surface Dane seemed like a great guy, he was almost too agreeable, moving right up into my personal space. When he excused himself to use the restroom, I was actually grateful for the reprieve.

“How are you doing, beautiful?” I looked up into the smiling gray eyes of the bartender.

“Hi, Luke. Can I hide behind there?”

“Sure thing.”

He leaned over to rest his arms on the bar before he asked, “Blind date?”

“Yes.”

“And how’s it going?”

“I wish I was home in my pj’s eating ice cream.”

His laugh pulled a smile from me before he said, “If you want to hide, you better do it now because here he comes.”

“My father taught me never to cower,” I offered with a little smile.

“I think I’d like your dad. Do you want another drink?”

“Water would be great, thanks.”

“You got it.”

Dane slid back into his seat with his hand coming to rest on my thigh.

“Are you about ready to go?”

“Ah, I was just getting a glass of water.”

“I’ve got to be up early, but I’d like to see you home, safe and sound.”

“Oh, okay. Where are Todd and Lena?”

“They’ve already left. They’re staying at Todd’s tonight.”

Luke returned then with my water.

“Thanks, Luke,” I said as I reached for the glass. I saw the look that Dane gave to Luke. He seemed almost too much in a hurry to leave.

“If you’re in a rush I can catch a cab.”

“No! I mean that wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me.” He’s worried about being a gentleman when he’s spent most of the night undressing me with his eyes?

There was definitely something weird going on with Dane and I knew I wasn’t the only one to sense it, because Luke kept glancing over at me.

I finished my water and as soon as my glass touched the bar, Dane immediately reached for my hand and pulled me from my stool.

“Ember.”

I turned to see Trace in his favorite outfit of faded jeans and a T-shirt. And the sight of him made me feel both joy and bitterness. Eyes that looked almost possessive made my bitterness turn into something darker.

“Trace.”

He reached up to touch me but I moved out of his reach. I noticed, as he pulled his hand away, that he balled it into a fist as he turned toward Dane. His eyes took on the properties of the metal they resembled, hard and cold.

“Who’s your friend?”

As if it was any of his business, but I heard myself answering, “Dane.”

“How do you know Dane?”

It was rude to talk about someone when they were standing right there, as I well knew from earlier that evening, but something in Trace’s manner made me curious enough to ignore manners and answer honestly.

“I don’t, really. This is our first date.”

His eyes turned to mine and, damn, I had to give Dane some credit for not peeing his pants because Trace looked positively murderous.

“You don’t know him at all?”

He wasn’t the only one feeling murderous. Why the cross-examination when the man made it very clear he wasn’t interested in me? Or was he? I decided to provoke him. “Not yet.”

That answer pissed Trace off even more because he slowly turned his head to Dane and took a step closer to him. “So Dane, are you partial to your face?”

“Seriously, you’re going to punch him in the face because I’m on a date with him?”

“Not the sole reason, but it certainly isn’t working in his favor.”

“How very caveman of you.”

He moved until we were nose to nose. “I’m not marking my territory, I’m looking out for you.”

I deliberately provoked him again when I asked, “Why exactly?”

“You know why,” he hissed.

“I don’t know anything of the sort. What I do know is that actions speak louder than words and your actions are crystal clear. Now, if you’ll excuse us.”

I didn’t wait for Trace’s reply as I pushed past him and headed for the door. I forgot all about Dane until I heard him say from just behind me. “Maybe we should call it a night.”

The icing on the cake, the man I’ve been trying to ditch all night was now giving me the brush-off. I abruptly turned to Dane and practically shouted at him, “Fabulous idea.”

I had just reached the door when I was stopped by a hand wrapping firmly around my arm. I knew by the fire that burned through me it was Trace.

“We need to talk, Ember.”

I felt like a belligerent child when I said, “I don’t have anything to say.”

“I do.”

There was a part of me that wanted to run away, the part desirous for self-preservation, but a larger part of me wanted to hear what he had to say. I was once again setting myself up for a nasty fall but I couldn’t deny the simple truth: I was falling in love with Trace. He seemed to know I’d acquiesced and his hold on me loosened.

“You can’t go home.”

I turned to him as my breath halted in my lungs. Damn I had missed him. Disgust replaced longing, knowing that I could be so easily swayed by just a look. I rallied to harden myself to his appeal. “And why not?”

“I overheard Todd in the men’s room. His friend, your date, actually paid Todd for an evening with you.”

“What?”

“I don’t know the specifics, but I do know that Todd guaranteed you were easy and Dane paid for the introduction.”

My anger at Trace was trumped by a rising fury I felt when I thought of Todd. I knew the bastard was desperate for cash, but to actually pimp me out! What the fuck? The emotional roller coaster continued as I felt a pang of sadness for Lena. When she found out her boyfriend tried to prostitute me, they’d be over. As much as I didn’t like Todd, I knew Lena really did.

“Ember?”

My sadness intensified when I realized that Trace’s need to talk with me wasn’t at all about us, and neither was his need to rescue me. I had to get the hell out of there before I did something truly appalling like cry. I started past him again. “Thanks for the warning.”

“Come home with me.”

I was getting whiplash from Trace’s moods. “You’ve done your part. You came to my aid yet again. There’s no need for charity. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.”

There was an edge to his tone when he said, “It’s not charity. I would like you to come home with me.”

“The last time I was there, it didn’t end so well.”

He ran his hand over his hair in frustration before he said, “I acted poorly, but I was thinking about your best interest. I was trying to do right by you.”

“How is ignoring me in my best interest?”

“You deserve better.”

“I completely disagree, but why the change of heart?”

His words were that much more powerful with how simple they were. “Because I fucking miss you.”

My heart cracked open and I fell for him the rest of the way. It was stupid and self-destructive but I heard myself saying, “I’ll stay tonight.”

I had the sense that he was asking me to stay for longer than an evening based on his reaction, but he seemed to know my concession was a victory for him so he stayed silent.

Like I observed before, people parted to let him pass. It made it easier for me to see the looks on their faces, particularly the women, who were not at all happy to see him leaving with a wallflower like me.

When we reached his apartment, he led me down the hall and opened a door to a bedroom with a large oak bed situated in the middle of the room. The walls were painted the same gray as the living room and, again, I was surprised and pleased with the room’s quiet elegance. But, I wondered as I had the last time I visited, how the hell did he afford this place? He was asking me to stay with him so he needed to be more forthcoming about himself.

“Trace, how can you afford to live here? There’s no way an amateur boxer could make rent on a place like this.”

He was uncomfortable, but he knew my question was fair when he said, “My family comes from money.”

From the size of this apartment, he wasn’t just talking about money, he was talking about MONEY. Montgomery…I wasn’t familiar with any prominent New York families with that surname but clearly there were some somewhere.

I was pushing it, but I asked anyway. “Why are you so vague when it comes to your life or your past?”

His jaw clenched before he said sharply, “The past is the past and I want it to fucking stay there.”

“Fair enough.” I wanted to pry more, but Trace was clearly done sharing. My thoughts turned to Lena. She was going to be a mess when she learned of Todd’s deviant behavior. I knew I looked forlorn when Trace asked me what I was thinking.

I exhaled rather sharply before I replied, “Lena is going to be brokenhearted when she learns what Todd tried to do tonight.”

“How do you know she doesn’t already know?”

“Lena may have her flaws, but she’s not capable of that.”

I knew he didn’t agree. “If she stays with him, you can’t live there.”

“She won’t.”

“What if she does?” I was about to object when he said more firmly, “Humor me, Ember, what if she does?”

I honestly didn’t know. My name wasn’t on the lease, so I wouldn’t be hunted down if Lena couldn’t make the payments on the apartment, but where the hell was I going to live? With what I was contributing for our shit apartment, I would be lucky to get a cardboard box by the river.

“I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“You could stay here.”

“I don’t think that’s such a great idea.” My dad was always an option, but it was a point of pride that I wanted to make it on my own. I guess I could double up at Clover to make some extra cash but then that would seriously cut into my writing time. And if I did get a journalism gig, I would have to cut back my hours. There was no entry-level journalism job that would pay what I was making in tips at Clover. I really needed to find a roommate. And the idea of living in close quarters with a complete stranger made my stomach twist into knots.

“It doesn’t have to be permanent but it will give you the time you need to figure out your next move. Think about it,” Trace said.

I wanted to stay with him. It was crazy, ludicrous even, but I did. Not that it mattered because Lena was going to break up with Todd and she would need me to help her get back on her feet. As wonderful a notion as living with Trace Montgomery was, it was never going to happen.

“I’ll think about it.”

“My room’s across the hall and the bathroom, as you know, is the last door on the left. I’ll get you a T-shirt and some boxers to sleep in.”

He returned with my sleepwear and I turned to him as he stood there filling the doorway. I wanted him and the intensity of my desire for him, after how our last encounter went, was startling. Though he was still watching me, I offered him a smile before I said, “Good night.”

Sleep wouldn’t come as I tossed and turned for over an hour. I gave up and climbed from bed. I reached the living room and my feet just stopped because Trace was there sitting on the sofa. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes. I just can’t seem to sleep.”

“Can I get you something?” He grinned before he added, “I have tea.”

A warmth burned all the way down to my toes in response before I said, “That would be great.”

He stood and as he walked past me, he reached for my hand and pulled me down the hall to the kitchen. Once I was settled at a stool at the bar, he moved through the kitchen to make my tea.

“Couldn’t you sleep either?” I asked.

“I don’t sleep much.”

“Really?”

He was silent for a minute before he offered, “It’s habit.”

I held his gaze before I said, “And you don’t want to talk about it.”

There was the slightest of grins on his face when he replied, “No.”

“Okay.”

He turned from me to add water to the kettle. “Thank you for earlier.”

I saw his shoulders tense. “Todd and Dane are assholes.”

“Agreed.”

I watched as he lit the gas under the kettle before he turned and leaned up against the counter. “Is that why you can’t sleep?”

“I couldn’t sleep because my mind won’t stop.” I studied him for a minute before I asked, “If you rarely sleep then what do you do in the evenings?” And then I answered my own question when I realized what the most likely answer was for his nocturnal activities.

He read my thought when he replied, “Lately, I find myself reading or playing video games.”

Lately, like how lately? Oh, man, I so wanted to ask that, but I chickened out. Instead I gestured toward the living room. “So you don’t generally sit in the dark and stare at the wall?”

He laughed at that. “No, I was thinking.”

“About?”

His eyes flashed hot before he said, “You.”

He leaned toward me as his eyes moved to my lips and my heart immediately went into my throat. My response to him was self-destructive in light of our last encounter but I couldn’t help the overwhelming need I felt to crawl onto the counter to get to him. The sound of the kettle pulled us from the moment. Trace turned and busied himself with making my tea and I watched, completely unrepentant, at the play on his muscles as he did so.

“Would you like company, Trace?”

He turned back to me. “Yes.”

The next morning, smelling coffee, I padded to the kitchen. Trace must have sensed me because he froze with his bare back to me. His jeans hung low on his hips as thick ropes of muscles framed his spine. His shoulder blades were huge and his waist narrow. The tattoo started mid-back and moved up in a swirling scrollwork pattern over his shoulders and up his neck.

He turned to see me staring. As he moved, his muscles made it seem like the artwork was dancing along his skin. His voice, when he spoke, was hoarse.

“Did you get any sleep?”

“I did. It’s a very comfortable bed.”

Since I smiled and he grinned, I knew that we both had the same thought: us, that bed, naked. He seemed to recover faster than me. He leaned against the counter and pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

“Would you like me to come with you to your apartment?”

“Thanks, but I should go alone. It’s going to be very hard on Lena and she won’t want an audience to her breakdown.”

“Okay, but if things go south, call me. I’ll come get you.”

There was a part of me, as terrible as it was to admit, that wanted things with Lena to go south so that I could be here with him. I was sure that made me a horrible person, but if you couldn’t be honest with yourself and all that…

“Thanks for the offer.”

“How about if I make us some eggs?”

It wasn’t even a conscious thought as I took a step closer to him and replied, “That would be great.”

I returned home to find Lena already there. Based on the look of her, she wasn’t aware yet of Todd’s disgusting stunt. As soon as she saw me, a coy smile spread across her face.

“So I guess things went well with Dane.”

“Actually, quite the opposite.”

Her confusion was clearly evident. “Where were you, then?”

There was a smile playing around her mouth. I hadn’t seen humor like that in her for a while. This was going to be harder than I thought, but she needed to know the kind of man she was dating. Speaking of which, where was Todd?

“Is Todd here?”

“No, he went home earlier. What’s wrong?”

“I’m not really sure how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. Lena, Dane paid Todd so he could spend the night with me.”

The flash of anger was startling. I thought I understood her reaction until she said, “That’s disgusting and completely untrue.”

Her denial took me by surprise before I countered, “It’s not. They were overheard talking about it at the club.”

“By who?”

“Trace.”

It wasn’t anger but pity that crossed over her face in reaction to that. “And Trace told you this? The same trustworthy man who fucked you then dissed you. That guy? How do you know he wasn’t just being a macho prick? The sight of his plaything with another guy made him lie to you to get you away from the competition. Is that where you were, at Trace’s? Did you sleep with him?”

How was this spiraling so far out of control? She was twisting everything around. My temper spiked. “No! Whatever you might think of Trace, he wouldn’t make something like that up.”

“And whatever you might think of Todd, he would never do something like that.”

“How can you say that when the man is constantly gambling, losing more times than he wins, which has him always looking for where the next buck is coming from? Hell, Lena, he takes you out and leaves you in questionable situations to go bet away his savings. His bottom line is money and pimping me out is exactly something Todd would do.”

I knew I had gone too far when I saw her expression completely close off. She walked past me to her purse. “I think you need to move out. I’ll stay with Todd for a couple of days to give you time to get your stuff out.”

“Lena, please don’t shut me out. I get that you’re mad, but what if I’m not wrong? If he was willing to pimp me out then how long before he does the same to you?”

There was no humor in her laugh. “Do you even hear yourself? Your cunt is so wet for that bastard that you’ll believe anything he tells you. He doesn’t even like you, he sure as hell doesn’t respect you, and yet you’re willing to toss our friendship based on his word. His word, Ember, a man with a reputation that makes Lucifer look saintly. You’re a fool.”

I had never received a verbal slap before and that hurt, especially coming from her. Lena didn’t know me anywhere near as well as I thought she did if she believed my motives could be so shallow.

“And you are so confident in Todd and his motives that you have no doubts? You saw Dane eyeing me when we first arrived at the restaurant. He was looking at me as if I was a sure thing. And later when we were getting ready to leave he was acting so oddly that even the bartender picked up on it. He was waiting to get me home, because he had been assured by Todd, and paid for the pleasure, that I would drop on my back and spread them wide for him.”

“I don’t know what’s happened to you but I want you gone by the time I get back.” And without another word she slammed the door.

My stomach roiled and I just made it to the toilet before I threw up my breakfast. I dropped onto the cold tile floor and pulled my knees up to my chest as I rested my head back against the wall. What was I going to do? Lena’s words were pounding in my head and a part of what made me so ill was the idea that she wasn’t wrong. What if Trace had made it up?

The man I thought I knew wouldn’t do such a thing, but I didn’t know him all that well. He had loved me and left me and only reappeared when I was out with another man. Was it possible that he only approached me last night to mark his territory?

No, I refused to believe that of him. I may not know him well but what I did know was that he had been nothing but a gentleman to me. I didn’t believe he would make up something so repugnant just to stake a claim, especially since he could have had me and chose not to. I should have called Kyle and crashed with him but I couldn’t make myself do it. As foolhardy a decision as it was, I wanted to take the chance on Trace. I reached for my phone.

“Ember, how did it go?”

“She kicked me out. She said you made the whole thing up. You didn’t, did you?”

There wasn’t even the slightest of hesitations when he said, “No.”

“I don’t have anywhere to go,” I whispered.

“Yes, you do.”

“Are you sure you want a roommate?”

“Yes.”

With a sigh of relief I said, “I’d like to stay with you.”

“Good. I’ll be there in about an hour.”

Before I could say another word, the line went dead.

I was in my room piling my clothes on my bed when the doorbell sounded. Trace was standing in the hall with boxes, packing tape, and a smile. “I double parked the truck so I’m going to have to go down in a bit and move it.”

He thought of a truck and boxes—in my state I hadn’t. I moved into him, pressing my face against his chest. I hadn’t meant to cry but I was feeling overwhelmed. His arms wrapped around me and held me close. He didn’t offer platitudes, only held me until I pulled myself together. He reached for a few boxes and handed them to me before grabbing a few of his own. “Lead the way.”

We spent most of the day packing my room. Under the circumstances, I was surprised to find I was actually enjoying myself. I had forgotten some of the junk I had brought with me and the walk down memory lane became comforting. Trace was across the room packing up my desk. At one point when I turned to him, he was just standing there looking at a picture of my mom. She was young in the picture, maybe in high school, and it was uncanny how much I looked like her. It was my favorite picture.

“What happened to your mom?”

“She died when I was three, a hit-and-run.”

He turned to me, his gaze searching. “I’m sorry.”

“I was so young that I really don’t remember her. Strange, isn’t it? Without photos to remind me, I wouldn’t be able to picture her face and I don’t remember her voice. My dad tells me stories all the time. For him, she was the love of his life and even twenty years later, he still mourns her loss, misses her every day, and loves her just as deeply as he had the day they married.

“She was my age when she died. They had been together for only six years, married for three, but their love was so strong that even the memory of it is enough for my dad. When I was younger, I couldn’t imagine loving someone with that kind of intensity, and knowing that the one you’re with is the only one you’ll ever want.”

Trace continued to stare at me. His expression was completely unreadable and his voice was barely audible when he said, “I can…”

My heart literally skipped a beat hearing those words from this man. “I can now too.”

“I better go move the truck.” And then he was gone.

It took two full days but we eventually got all of my stuff to Trace’s. My new living arrangement was going to be an adjustment, but I secretly loved that I was with him.

Lena hovered in the background of my thoughts. I hoped she learned the kind of man Todd was before the knowledge came back and bit her in the ass. But there was nothing more I could do because she was no longer taking my calls.

Two days after I moved in, Trace was at the gym so I made my way down to the basement. It was huge and a bit creepy, but it was well organized, which made locating Trace’s storage unit very easy.

We had moved my furniture in there already but I had a few more boxes of things that I wanted to store. I peeked into Trace’s boxes as I attempted to organize my boxes with his and that’s when I saw the old newspaper. I pulled it out and was surprised to see the date, 2001. The paper was from someplace in Ohio and the headline story was about a gruesome double murder. I noticed notations along the margins of the paper, but they were done in a form of shorthand I couldn’t read. I hadn’t recognized the names of the people in the article, but as I read it, I felt my stomach clench at the forensic but undeniably gruesome recounting of the killings. Why did Trace have this? Based on the condition of the paper, it had been read often. Was this what haunted him? I folded the paper and placed it back in the box, but a seed of foreboding planted itself firmly in my gut.

Trace and I tried to find our rhythm, and part of that included weekly chores like grocery shopping, which was definitely an experience. He tended to buy things in bulk and I understood this as I looked at him. Seeing him in all his hard-ass glory while he looked at the nutritional information on a box of cookies was so freaking adorable. His size alone required him to eat at least twice what a normal person would.

“What do you like better, cookies, cakes, or pies?” he asked.

“I like them all, but I rarely eat them, too fattening.” My cake pop fetish didn’t count, since they were so small they were almost nonexistent. Never mind that I tended to eat several at a time.

He took a step back and, quite intentionally, looked at me from head to toe and back again before a grin tugged at his mouth.

“You could stand to put on a few pounds.”

“No way, I’m heavier than I look.”

“Really?”

Faster than my brain could compute, he snatched me up over his head like a barbell and repeatedly pressed me as if I weighed no more than a sack of potatoes. Maybe it was my screeching, but he put me down and earned an applause from the people around us, which he accepted with a bow before turning back to me with a laugh. He really was a sight with his dark beauty and his six-feet-four-inches of muscles and tattoos. His humor let me see that boyish part he usually kept hidden. There really was so much more to Trace than met the eye.

His demons still haunted him and influenced how he felt about himself. I wished he would talk to me and let me in, but any attempt I made to talk to him about his past was very efficiently shut down. Could people truly be happy if they were unwilling to put the ghosts of their past to rest? I suspected no.