Beautifully Damaged (Beautifully Damaged series) by L.A. Fiore (18)

Several days after Trace’s birthday I still had not told him about Dane’s visit to Clover. I couldn’t help but think that Trace was being overprotective. Not that I could blame him, considering what he and Chelsea had lived through. But his overprotectiveness made it hard for me to predict how he was going to react. My gut was telling me this confession was not going to go well but I had promised that I would tell him if Dane approached me. To not do so was wrong. I steeled myself for the encounter and walked down the hall to his office. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my thighs before I knocked lightly on the door.

“Come in.”

He was looking up, probably because I had yet to speak, and the smile that spread over his face took me aback. Just two months before he wouldn’t have done that: smiled so naturally and unguardedly. He was healing, whether he knew it or not.

“What’s up, beautiful?”

I moved toward him and placed my hands on the back of one of the leather chairs that sat just in front of his desk. “I need to tell you something.”

He leaned back in his chair but his focus was completely on me when he asked, “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, but I should have told you before and I didn’t because I didn’t want to ruin your birthday.”

Trace stood and moved from around the desk to take me into his arms.

“Ember, just tell me.”

I pressed my face into his chest and closed my eyes as I sought additional strength because I knew as soon as the words were out he was going to go berserk. I took a deep breath and said it.

“Dane came into Clover and I had the sense it was specifically to see me.”

The gentle stroking that Trace was doing to soothe me stopped as he went completely still. I risked a look up at him and saw that he was clenching his jaw and his eyes had turned hard and cold.

“When?”

“A few days before my outing with Chelsea.”

He pulled away from me and put some distance between us, since he probably couldn’t trust himself to not throttle me because I kept this from him. He reached the other side of the room before he turned back to me and asked, “What did he say to you?”

“He said that he was glad my guardian was no longer an issue and that he planned on finishing what he started.”

Trace was clenching his fists so hard that the tendons were bulging and turning white from lack of blood flow. His voice was soft, menacingly so, when he asked, “Did he touch you?”

“He grabbed my wrist, but Kyle dumped a glass of bourbon on him.”

“You should have told me. I asked you to tell me if either of them approached you and the day I asked this of you, you looked me in the face and lied.”

“I know and I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to ruin your birthday.”

“And if he had gotten his hands on you and hurt you, don’t you think that would have fucking ruined my birthday? If he had played out whatever sick fantasy he’s got in his head, don’t you think that would have ruined my fucking birthday?”

He fell silent as his body just pulsed with rage. Trace reminded me of a rattlesnake that was poised and ready to strike. Not at me, I hoped. He grabbed a paperweight from his desk and hurled it across the room with such force that it got embedded into the solid oak door. He started from the room and I knew that if he left the house, as angry as he was, he was going to kill someone.

“Please, stay here.”

He moved down the hall with determined strides as I hurried to catch up to him.

“Calm down first. I don’t understand why you are reacting like this.”

I had never seen Trace like this. I’d seen him unreachable but it was the rage that accompanied the remoteness, a rage that made him appear almost calm, that scared me. I knew that part of what was fueling him stemmed from his past and his inability, at least in his mind, to protect his sister.

“There’s more; Heidi was with him.”

He stopped, mid-stride, and turned his head to me and I could tell we were thinking the exact same thing: What the fuck?

“For what it’s worth, she seemed genuinely upset that we didn’t stay together. It was weird seeing them together. I know you’re mad, but I honestly don’t understand why.”

“Because a few days after this you went out alone with Chelsea.”

“I didn’t then and still don’t believe she was in any harm.”

He took a few steps closer to me before he hissed, “What would you have done if it hadn’t been Lena who approached you that day? What if it had been Dane or Todd or both? You knew what they tried that night at Sapphire. If they’re capable of that, who knows what else they’re capable of. You didn’t just put yourself at risk, you also put Chelsea at risk and she’s been through enough.”

And then he turned and walked out.

I just stood there staring at the door, unable to get my feet to move because I was really fucking angry too. I suppose if I was being completely truthful, there was a nice dose of hurt there as well. I had always thought myself a mild-tempered person, but Trace had the power to make me deliriously happy, heartbreakingly sad, and really fucking angry. I’d cried more since I’d known him than I had in all of my life up to that point. There really is some merit to the expression, “there is a fine line between love and hate.”

I’m not sure how much time passed, no more than five or ten minutes, when the door opened and Trace walked back into the apartment. He closed the door behind him before leaning back against it. The look of contrition burning in his eyes made my heart sigh. He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as he looked at me.

“I walked away again.”

“Yes, and a good thing too, because I was inches from slugging you.” I held his gaze and added, “You came back.”

A ghost of a smile teased his mouth before he replied, “I suppose that’s progress.”

“It is progress.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe you’re right, maybe I’m overreacting, but I failed someone I loved before. I can’t make that mistake again.”

“You didn’t fail her. You were both in an impossible situation, but thanks for caring.”

He moved from the wall and walked over to pull me into his arms.

“I need some time to cool off. I’ll be in my office.”

“Okay.”

He pressed a kiss on my forehead before he released me. He was halfway to his office when I called to him, “I know this is hard for you, going against instinct, but I’m glad you came back.”

He stopped and looked back at me from over his shoulder. “On the contrary, it was surprisingly easy because I was coming back to you.”

My heart swelled with love as I watched him disappear into his office and then I did a little victory dance. Progress.

Later that night I was making dinner when I heard the door to Trace’s office open. The sound of his footsteps down the hall made my heart flutter. I turned my head just as he appeared in the doorway. His hands found the pockets of his jeans. The oddest expression washed over his features. He looked uncomfortable, almost nervous.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t be upset with you for not being completely forthcoming when I haven’t told you everything either. I called your dad and asked that he and your uncle come for a visit this weekend. There’s one more thing that I need to share with you and your family.”

I studied him and realized that it wasn’t nervousness; it was panic. “Trace?”

“I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to tell you and I’ll admit that I’ve procrastinated because there really isn’t a good way to say what I need to say.”

His expression changed as that empty look—the one he got when his past pulled him down—crossed over his features. I won’t lie, I wanted to demand that he tell me whatever it was he had to say, but I bit my tongue because of that look. “Please don’t look like that. Whatever it is, whatever you have to say, we will deal with it together.”

He didn’t hesitate to wrap me in his arms before he whispered, “God, I hope that’s true.”

Friday night arrived and when I heard the bell I started to the door, only to find Trace already pulling it open for my dad and uncle.

“Hello, Shawn, Josh, please come in.”

“It’s good to see you, son,” my dad said and then he turned to me.

“Emmie.”

“Hi Daddy and Uncle Josh. What a treat to see you two in the same room.”

My dad looked embarrassed before he said, “You get your temper from me.”

I laughed as I hugged him.

“Where’s mine?”

I couldn’t help the grin, since my uncle always had a way of making me feel like a little kid again. I hugged him hard before I led them to the living room. Once they were settled, I started to the kitchen to get the iced tea, but Trace stopped me.

“I’ll get it. You stay and catch up with your family.”

Trace’s remoteness was another survival mechanism. He was distancing himself as a means of protecting himself. What the hell did he have to say that worried him so? I watched him go before I joined my dad and uncle on the sofa.

“It’s nice to see you two have worked it out,” my dad said as he studied me closely. “You look happy, Ember.”

“I am.”

“Do you have any idea what Trace wants to talk with us about?” my uncle asked.

“I don’t, but I know he’s worried about our reactions.”

“He sounded a bit off when I spoke to him earlier in the week,” my dad said.

Trace walked in at that moment and set the tray on the table. He settled in the chair opposite us and rested his elbows on his knees. His head was down and I had the sense he was working out how he wanted to say whatever it was he had to say. He lifted his head and looked directly at my dad.

“It isn’t by chance that I know your family.” His eyes moved to mine before he added, “It also wasn’t simply that chance meeting at Sapphire that made me interested in you. That meeting wasn’t really by chance at all. That night was the first time we spoke, but it wasn’t the first time I saw you. I knew you grew up in Fishtown, knew when you got your scholarship to U of D, and I knew the exact day you moved into the city.” He looked down for a moment.

“I own Clover and it was through me that you learned of the opening. I didn’t get your job for you; I only made sure you knew that there was a position. I should have told you, when we first met, that you worked for me. Telling you only a half-truth was still lying to you. In order for me to tell you the truth, I was going to have to explain how I knew of you to begin with and I just wasn’t ready to have that conversation. I am now.”

His confession had me almost speechless. Almost. “Go on.”

“After my parents died, I moved to Manhattan, a move orchestrated by my uncle. For the first year, I lived at the orphanage with Lucien and Rafe. At the time I didn’t understand why he put me there instead of using the money we had to set me up in a different situation. But I get it now. It wasn’t like a normal orphanage; it was strict and Sister Anne, for the short time that I knew her, was a miracle worker. I was really fucked up when I first arrived, getting into nonstop fights. She got through to me, probably the only person who could. She helped me work through my pain and after a year of being self-destructive, I pulled my shit together. Got Chelsea settled, got emancipated, was able to do so from a trust fund my mom set up for me. It was then that I started looking into the two people who were my parents. I had no love for them but they were my parents and how they died never sat right with me.

“While I was going through my dad’s papers, I learned that in the early eighties he used to work a factory job in Fishtown before he and my mom moved to Ohio. I found an article from years later that was tucked away with his papers about a hit-and-run and when I dug a little deeper, I realized the car that had been seen fleeing the scene matched my dad’s. I found receipts from a garage for repairs on that car and it was then that I put it together. It didn’t make sense why his car would be in Philly when we lived in Ohio, but I couldn’t argue with the proof in front of me.”

I felt my heart drop just as my dad stood. His face was turning red and his hands were fisting at his sides. My uncle, I think, was in shock.

Trace didn’t seem to notice—he was so lost in his purging. “That was when I sought out your family, sought you out. I felt responsible and, since he was no longer around to make amends, I felt that I should. I wanted to help you but I didn’t know how until you got older and then it came to me. I had all of this money, their money, and it seemed only fitting that they fund your schooling so I sponsored your college scholarship. Even when you moved into the city I tried to keep my distance, but I helped whenever I could to make sure you were happy.”

He stood and started pacing. “I didn’t plan on meeting you that night at Sapphire, but I wasn’t sorry that I did. And, yes, I made myself more visible to you after that, because the woman I saw that night was sweet, but brave. You were unlike anyone I’d ever known and I needed to know you better.”

He stopped and looked me right in the eyes. “I fell in love with you and by then I was afraid if I told you the truth that you, all of you, would hold me responsible and hate me for it. I don’t deserve to find happiness with you knowing how much my family has cost you.”

I was having a bit of trouble following Trace, only because his words were causing a long, painful pull on my heart, but I needed to hear him just say it. Before I could ask him to do just that, my dad did so and the tone of his voice was not one that I’d heard before.

“We would hate you for what, Trace?”

There were tears in Trace’s eyes as he held my dad’s hard stare before he whispered, “My dad was driving the car that killed your wife.”

My dad’s voice sounded pained when he asked, “How old were you when you put it all together?”

“Sixteen. I should have told you sooner. I never should have slept under your roof and accepted your hospitality knowing what I did. I was terrified that once Ember knew what linked us, I would lose her.”

My heart ached. “And as a sixteen-year-old, who was struggling to deal with your own abuse and the medical care for your younger sister, you sought to ease the pain of a little girl you never met because you felt responsible for your dad’s actions?”

He turned to me before he replied, “Yes.”

I lowered my head because my tears were coming too fast for me to control. My dad and uncle were equally quiet. When Trace spoke, he sounded defeated, which made me look up at him.

“I’m sorry I deceived you, all of you.” He turned his focus on me before he said, “I do love you, Ember. I always will.”

I grabbed his arm as he tried to walk out of the room.

“My tears are for you, not me.”

He looked completely baffled by that comment and the look was so adorable that a small smile touched my lips. I didn’t see my dad move until he was standing just in front of him. My heart started pounding. There was only one thing that could make my very reasonable father go over the edge and that was his wife; he had cast my uncle out for three years for merely suggesting that he marry again.

My stomach tied into knots. And then my dad pulled Trace into his arms and hugged him. I was so surprised, my jaw dropped. When my dad stepped back, there were tears in his eyes.

“It was your dad driving that car, not you. The fact that you sought us out and felt responsible speaks to your character, son. You are a good man.”

My dad turned to me. “I’m going to go back to the hotel. I need some time. I’ll be back in the morning.”

My uncle shook Trace’s hand before he followed my father out.

“That couldn’t have been easy and it took a hell of a lot of guts. Thank you for telling us because, even after all this time, knowing what happened to Mandy brings a measure of closure.

“I have some news to share with you so we’ll both come back in the morning, if that’s okay.”

Trace walked with me to the door as we saw my dad and uncle off. What a secret to hold on to, but his confession explained a lot, like how I kept running into him when we first met considering we lived in Manhattan. I grinned at the thought. Trace had been stalking me and that fact didn’t bother me at all.

“Ember?”

“I imagine you must feel a lot better getting that off your chest.”

“Not until I know how you feel about what I said.”

I walked to him and reached for his hands. “I don’t remember my mother. Knowing who killed her will give my dad and uncle closure, but for me, I made peace with her death a long time ago. My tears earlier were for the young man you had been, who, even coming from the nightmare that was your life, still sought to ease the pain of another.”

I saw the tension drain from him as he started to pull me to him, but then he stopped and asked, “Why were you just grinning?”

“I couldn’t figure out how we kept running into each other when we first met. You were totally stalking me.”

“Takes one to know one.” He grinned back at me.

I laughed out loud at that and then I sobered. “That had to be unimaginably hard for you to hold on to that secret. None of us hold you responsible. The silver lining is that we got each other.” His lips brushed over mine, tasting and teasing, before he angled his head and took the kiss deeper. My hands came up to grip his shirt as I leaned into him and kissed him back. His tongue swept into my mouth and tangled with my own, making my knees go weak. My hands moved to wrap around his neck so I could pull him closer and kiss him deeper. When his mouth pulled from mine to run hot, wet kisses over my face, I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of being with him.

He lifted me into his arms and walked me to our bed before he placed me down and immediately covered my body with his own. He reached for my hands and pulled them up over my head as his mouth moved over me. He lifted my shirt and ran his tongue around my navel before dipping in, causing my body to jerk as my hips instinctively rose up off the mattress.

“Please, Trace.”

“Anything for you, sweetheart.”

The following morning, when my dad and uncle arrived, they both looked surprisingly good. My dad followed me into the kitchen.

“Are you okay, Daddy?”

“I am. Honestly, it’s closure and I didn’t realize how much I needed it until I found it. How’s Trace? That couldn’t have been an easy burden.”

“He’s okay. Part of the hold that his past had on him was keeping that secret and now that he’s purged it, he seems more at peace. I think he’s finally ready to let go of his past and be happy.”

“He deserves that.”

“Yes, he does.”

A few minutes later, Trace and my uncle joined us in the kitchen. We all settled at the table before my uncle said, “I want to share what I’ve learned so far.” My uncle’s eyes moved to Trace. “I need to know how much you’re comfortable with me discussing.”

Trace went completely still. I reached for his hand that was resting on his thigh. He squeezed my hand before he turned his attention back to my uncle and offered, “I’m learning…” he looked at me before he added, “how to deal thanks to Ember.” He looked back at my uncle before he added, “Full disclosure is fine with me.”

“Very well, but for the record I want to say what your dad did was depraved and how your mom did nothing was just as bad. You were one brave kid and I’m honored and proud to have you as a part of this family.”

Trace’s throat worked and his eyes looked suspiciously moist. “Thank you, sir.”

“Your dad was into some serious shit. He was a gambler, but he wasn’t very good—owing markers all over and many of which were to some rather unsavory characters. He had a string of girlfriends, most of whom later claimed that he was abusive, and he couldn’t hold down a job because he was hostile and aggressive. Your mother had money—apparently quite a bit of money—that was given to her from her mother’s side of the family. Most of the people I talked to had trouble recalling her—she was completely lost behind her husband. My guess is your dad was the target and your mom was collateral damage. I’ve a long list of people who need a closer look, so when I have more I’ll let you know.”

Trace asked, “Did you find anything on Charles Michaels?”

“Nothing that throws up any flags. He’s ambitious, a hard worker, and unyielding. On paper, he’s a straight arrow, but I agree with you that there’s more to his story. He’s arrogant enough to commit murder and believe he’ll get away with it. I’m going to keep digging. I don’t believe in a perfect murder. It only takes one little mistake.”

Uncle Josh asked, “Your uncle knew what was going on in your house, didn’t he?”

Trace sounded menacing when he replied, “Yes, and he let it go on for years. If he killed my parents, it didn’t have anything to do with my sister and me.”

“The man should be hung up by his short hairs for that, the bastard,” said my uncle. “As far as I’m concerned that crime is far greater than murder.”

My dad started to rise. “I agree, but enough shop talk. I say we challenge these young folk to a game of billiards.”

“Oh yeah, I want a chance to win back all the money that I’ve lost to Ember over the years,” my uncle said.

Trace and I both stood as I looked into my uncle’s laughing eyes. “Never going to happen, old man. Not only did you teach me everything you know, but I also have my ace in the hole—Trace.”

My uncle and dad continued to talk smack as they made their way to the front door. I leaned into Trace and held his tender gaze before I added, “And I’ll never let you go.”