Chapter 20

They entered the bowling alley Friday night. Neon lights and disco balls lit up the dark alleys, and music blasted through speakers. Already some of the guys were there.

Nick glanced down at his shirt, pale pink with a black collar. On the back it read SPARE MY HEART with a picture of bowling pins. Hallsy, Rico, and Chaser were wearing the same shirts, as they were a team. The other guys had on equally hideous shirts—some fuchsia and lime green, another team’s red and gray with leopard-print trim.

Jodie’d fallen over laughing when she’d seen what he was wearing. “Oh my God.”

“I know, I know.”

“I wanted to wear a shirt that says I LIKE BIG BALLS, but apparently this is a family event.”

He’d laughed too. “Damn.”

He greeted his teammates and various wives and girlfriends. Jodie went to get them sodas from the bar while they got organized before the fans arrived. The team had arranged for signed hockey sticks and jerseys, which would be given away, and they all had their Sharpies ready for autographs.

Brick looked at Jodie, then turned and scowled at Nick.

Nick shook his head and walked up to him. “Come on, man. Get over it.”

“You two are a thing now?”

“Yeah.”

“So you didn’t just ask her out because I wanted to?”

“Come on. I don’t play games like that.”

Brick nodded, his mouth pursed. “Okay. I wish you well.”

Nick almost wanted to laugh. “Thanks for your blessing. It means a lot.”

“Now you’re bullshitting me.” Brick laughed and slapped his shoulder. “Fuck off.”

“We good?”

“Yeah.” Brick was already perusing the crowd, no doubt looking for the hottest woman to pick up. And nearly every woman in the place was eyeing him. “We’re good.”

The Ice Crew girls—all with big hair and shiny lips—arrived wearing the skimpy outfits they wore to clean the ice during games. A local television station was there filming, right now talking to Pacman. After the night he’d gone in net in Stoykers’s place and performed so well, Coach had given him the start the next two games. He was riding a hot streak, and everyone in the world apparently wanted to talk to him about it.

People started to arrive, kids bouncing in excitedly, followed by their parents. A local radio personality was there to emcee the event, and he took the mic to introduce the players, grouped into their teams of four. Jodie stood with Kendra and the other WAGs on the raised area behind the bowling lanes, all of them laughing at the comments the emcee made about the players.

Then the competition started.

“Hey, Duper! We can put up the kiddie bumpers if you want!” Hallsy called upon seeing Duper’s gutter ball.

“Ha-ha.” Duper rubbed his nose with his middle finger, turned away from the people watching.

Nick laughed and hefted the bowling ball he was about to throw. He’d never been much into bowling, but he managed a strike on his first throw. “Yeah!” He punched his fists into the air.

Later, he wandered over to check the scores of the guys playing in the alley next to them. “Dudes, this isn’t golf, you know. Highest score wins.”

“Funny.”

When Rupper went to throw a ball and nearly slipped and fell, Duper called to him, “Your shoes too big, Rupper? Bowling shoes not stylish enough for you?”

“Hey, it’s tough carrying this much awesome and a bowling ball,” Rupper retorted.

At one point, Lovey Dupuis, the team captain’s wife, held up her cellphone and called to her brother Duncan Armstrong, known as Army, who also played for the Aces, “Hey, Duncan! Mom called—you left your game at home!”

Everyone roared with laughter. Including Nick. He met Jodie’s eyes. She smiled at him and something in his chest shifted. Damn. He was having fun.

When the bowling was finished, the players mingled with the people who’d paid the higher ticket prices that guaranteed them to meet players and get autographs. Even though Jodie was hanging with the WAGs, he was aware of her presence as he talked and smiled and signed autographs. People were friendly, eager to talk about the playoffs, since there were only a couple of games left in the regular season, and the evening wasn’t as bad as he’d imagined it.

When his duties were done, he headed toward the bar, ready for an adult beverage now that people were leaving. Hallsy joined him there and they ordered beers, including ones for Kendra and Jodie.

“So. You and Jodie.”

“Yeah.”

“You said you probably wouldn’t see her again.”

“I was wrong.”

“You look happy, man.”

Nick gave him a crooked smile. “I am. And it scares the shit out of me.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I don’t know.” He bowed his head. “Being happy, I guess.”

Yeah, that was it. “Happy” might not even be the best word, but he didn’t know what was. All he knew was he hadn’t felt this good…maybe ever. This contented, yet energized. This cheerful and hopeful and…shit. Being happy fucking terrified him, because he knew only too well how it felt to have that yanked away from you. The only thing that made him happy that hadn’t been taken away from him was hockey, and he still felt guilty about that because his brother deserved it more than he did.

Hallsy nudged him with his shoulder. “You deserve happiness as much as anyone.”

He wasn’t so sure of that. “We’re just having fun for now. It’s not that big a deal.”

“Uh-huh. Look. I get it. I know how it feels…remember? I was so fucking happy with Kendra, and it made me feel like shit because I thought I was betraying Ariana. You told me yourself—there are no guarantees in life. So don’t let guilt and fear hold you back from letting yourself be happy.”

Yeah, Nick was full of great advice when it came to other people’s lives. He glanced over at Jodie, talking animatedly to Kendra and Lovey, waving her hands around. He shook his head, smiling. She did love to talk. Her spirit and energy pulled at his heart.

She caught his eye and smiled. He lifted the beer he’d bought for her to show it to her, and said to Hallsy, “Come on.”

They headed over to the women.

Jodie took the beer he handed her. “Thank you! We were just talking about the game tomorrow night. Last home game of the season.”

“Regular season,” he corrected her.

“True.” She wrinkled her nose. “There probably aren’t tickets left, hmmm? I bet Zyana would love to go to a game.”

“I can get you tickets.” They were all allotted family tickets that would be released for sale to the public if not used.

“Really?” Her eyebrows rose with excitement.

“And it’s an early game,” Kendra said. “Six o’clock start, so it’s better for Zyana.”

“Oh my God, she’ll die.”

“Just make sure she knows she can’t play,” Nick joked.

“Nick bought her a little hockey set,” Jodie told Kendra. “She just loves it. She’s crazy about hockey.”

“Baby puck bunny,” Kendra said with a laugh.

“No way!” Jodie’s eyes widened. “She’s going to play hockey.” She paused. “Maybe. I might be a tad too protective to let her play hockey. I wonder if she’d settle for figure skating?”

“Or speed skating,” Kendra added. “But you wouldn’t really stop her from playing hockey if that was what she wanted, would you?”

Jodie made a face. “Probably not. I’m trying not to make my fears and insecurities her fears and insecurities.”

What fears and insecurities did Jodie have? She seemed so confident and together.

“You could just start with skating,” Nick suggested. “Could go either way.”

“How old do you have to be to take skating lessons?” she asked. “She’ll be three in May.”

“She could do it next fall,” Nick said.

Jodie nodded. “Skating and ballet. She loves to dance.”

“That’s the perfect combination for figure skating,” Kendra said.

“Except no pairs skating,” Jodie said with a grin. “Those women are crazy letting their partners throw them up in the air.”

“I wanted to be a pairs skater at one point,” Hallsy said.

Everyone gaped at him.

“What? I was taking figure-skating lessons to improve my skating. I was a horny teenager. I liked the idea of putting my hands all over a girl. Have you seen the things those pairs skaters do?”

Kendra smacked his shoulder lightly. “Oh my God.”

Hallsy grinned.

“Hey, guys.” Rupper’s wife, Sidney, popped up beside Lovey. “Everyone’s coming over to our place. You in?”

“Not me.” Lovey rubbed her huge belly and made a face.

Kendra glanced at Hallsy. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He nodded.

Nick looked at Jodie. He’d be fine heading home…but hell, Jodie was having a good time, and it was fun hanging around with her and his buddies…She nodded, and he said to Sidney, “Yeah, we’re in too.”

“We can’t stay too late though,” Jodie said regretfully. “We still have to pick up Zyana.”

He pulled her against him, sliding his arm around her waist and kissing her temple, his heart expanding in his chest. “Okay.” She liked socializing and having fun, but he loved that her daughter was always her priority.

---

Zyana loved the game, even though she fell asleep in the last period. They’d had junk food, and Jodie gave in and bought her a little Aces hoodie, which she insisted on wearing. And why not? Nearly everyone else at the game was wearing an Aces jersey or shirt of some kind.

The Aces won, but it was almost anticlimactic, as everyone was thinking ahead to the playoffs. Marc Dupuis, Jared Rupp, and Max weren’t even playing, the coach deciding to give them a rest before playoffs started.

After the game, there were some awards given out and jerseys presented to fans because of it being the last home game of the season, but Jodie didn’t stay for all of it, making her way out of the arena with a drowsy child.

Kendra had been sitting near her with some of the other wives and girlfriends, and they’d hung out during the intermissions, but Kendra was going down to the Aces Ladies lounge to wait for Max. “Come with us,” she’d said to Jodie.

Nick hadn’t said anything about that. She didn’t think she qualified as one of the “Aces Ladies.” “That’s okay,” she’d said. “I don’t think Nick is expecting us to be there. We’ll just head home.”

She paused at one of the exits, moving out of the way of other people to get Zyana’s jacket and mittens on. It was spring but still cool at night, and they had a bit of a walk to the bus stop that would take them back to the Loop where they could get a train home.

Zyana rubbed her eyes. “Mommy, where’s Nick?”

“He’s, um, probably changing. And maybe talking to the TV people.”

Zyana was awake but quiet on the bus, then dozed off again on the train. Finally they were home, and she was tucked into bed. Jodie glanced at the clock. It felt like a full day and it was late for Zyana, but it wasn’t even ten o’clock. So she headed back downstairs for a glass of wine and curled up on the couch with some nice music and her e-reader to relax before she went to bed herself.

She’d just finished her wine when a knock sounded on the door. She uncurled her legs and padded over to it. It had to be Nick…she peeked through the window and yes, it was him.

She opened the door. “Hey.”

“Why didn’t you wait for me to drive you home?” His eyebrows were pulled down over his nose.

She tipped her head back and stepped aside for him to come in. “You didn’t say you were going to do that. I didn’t know what you did after the game.”

“Shit.” He turned to face her, pissed-off energy radiating from him. “I thought you’d know. Didn’t Kendra say something?”

“Yes, but you hadn’t…and Zyana was asleep and I didn’t know how long you’d be. I wanted to get her home.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry.” He cupped her face in both hands and kissed her. “Should have been clearer.”

“I’m sorry too. I never thought.”

“So you took the train alone at night?” He scowled again.

“Yes. It was fine.” She smiled. “I’m a big girl.”

He snorted. “Grown up, yes. Big, no.” He shook his head and rubbed his nose against hers. “Next time you come down and wait for me.”

Next time…“Okay. Um…do you want a drink?”

“Yeah.”

“Come sit down.”

The little house was mostly dark, except for the lamp in the corner where she’d been sitting. Music played softly from her speaker, a favorite mellow playlist on Spotify.

“Beer or wine?”

“Is it red wine?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll have some of that.”

She refilled her glass and poured him one and carried them over to the couch where he sat.

“Thanks. Did Zyana have fun?”

“Yes!” She told him about their evening and the funny things Zyana had said. “And she loved it when the man sitting beside us told her that in the ‘old days’ hockey pucks were made out of frozen cow poop.”

Nick burst out laughing. “I didn’t even know that.”

“You played well tonight. I think.”

He chuckled again. “Yeah. I did okay. Played a lot, though.” He rubbed his face. “Coach is giving me a lot of minutes.”

“You can handle it. You’ve got great stamina.” She winked.

“Ha.” Then he sighed. “Sometimes I worry about letting the team down. Tonight Coach juggled the lines and moved me up to the second line.”

“What does that mean? Is that good?”

“It’s good, but it means he puts us out against some of the other team’s best players.”

“I’m sure he knows what he’s doing. That you can handle it.”

For a moment he didn’t say anything. “I always feel like it should be Aleks. He was a better player than me. It should be him getting the opportunities.”

She pulled in a slow breath, centering herself. “You can’t change things, Nick. Aleks isn’t here. You are.”

He stared down into his wine. Had she said the wrong thing?

Then he lifted his head and gave her a long look. “You know what? You’re right.”

She released her breath and smiled. “Of course, I am.”

“You know what else?”

“Um…what?”

“I’m shit at taking my own advice.”

She huffed a laugh. “We probably all are.”

She set her wineglass on the coffee table and moved to straddle him on the couch. She held his face between her hands and looked deeply into his eyes. “Your coach wouldn’t be playing you like he is if he didn’t think that. This is the playoffs. Don’t let your feelings about Aleks stop you from playing your best. You have to have confidence in yourself.”

“Wow.” He swallowed, setting his hands on her thighs. “Our playoff theme is ‘trust each other.’ Duper came up with it because of all the new players we have who’ve been called up.”

“You have to trust yourself first.”

He sucked in a long breath. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“And what do you think Aleks would be saying right now? I mean, I didn’t know him, but I know he loved you. He’d want you to go all the way. To win the Stanley Cup.”

“Yeah.” His voice rasped. “He would.” He rested his forehead against hers. “God, Jodie. You make me feel so much better.”

She just smiled, but her heart rose up into her throat.

“You said something Friday night…at the bowling alley. About not wanting Zyana to have your fears and insecurities.”

“Mmm.” She shifted off him to sit beside him again, snuggled against him.

“What fears and insecurities do you have? You seem like you have your life all in order. You’re a great mom, a successful businesswoman. And sexy as hell.”

She reached for her wineglass. “I have lots of fears and insecurities. I’m afraid of flying.”

“Huh.”

“And spiders. And big dogs.”

He nodded.

“Mostly my insecurities are around being a single mom. I don’t regret my decision. I told you before, I thought it through and made my choice. I was determined to do my best and make it work. But the truth is…it’s hard.”

“Being a parent is probably the hardest thing in the world.”

“Yeah. But doing it on your own…is really hard. It’s exhausting. I mean, I know being a new mom is exhausting for everyone. I made sure I had a mom squad—some real-life friends and an online community I’m still part of—and I know all moms get exhausted, even ones with partners. One day I was sitting on the toilet crying because I hadn’t had a shower for four days and I just wanted to go to the bathroom by myself, and Zyana was screaming outside the door.”

Nick smiled and stroked her hair back. He was a good listener.

“And sometimes it’s lonely. Not even just for the hard things, like when I had to do all the middle-of-the-night feedings, and when Zyana got sick and I was scared and worried. But the day Zyana took her first step…there was no one there to share it with. Kendra, yeah, I called her and she was excited, but it’s not the same. When Zyana learned her ABCs and I thought she was the smartest kid in the world…you can’t brag to most people, they just roll their eyes. I wished…” She cleared her throat. “It would be nice if there was someone else there who was as proud as me.” She sighed. “There are lots of times when I wonder if I overestimated my ability to do this, even though I thought I’d prepared myself. It’s overwhelming and hard. I knew it would be hard, but sometimes it’s more exhausting and frustrating than I ever expected. And sometimes it’s actually…boring. I know I’m not the only mom who feels like that, but even so, you hate to admit that.”

“Yeah.”

“Like I said, I don’t regret it. I love Zyana so much and can’t imagine life without her now. But those are my insecurities.” She wrinkled her nose up. “I’m a fraud.”

“No, you’re not. You’re real.”

“You told me that before.”

“Yeah. Real. And honest.” He touched her face. “I…like that about you.”

“Thank you.” Their eyes met…and held. Something warm unfurled in her chest, stealing her breath.

Damn. He was praising her for being honest, but there weren’t many people she’d open up to about her biggest fears like she just had with him. She felt safe with him. Accepted.

She liked him too. So much.