Chapter 23

Jodie’d gotten up at an ungodly hour to catch an early flight back to Chicago. After a busy day of meetings, including some tense negotiations with a potential client, they’d had dinner with another client. Then she and Kendra had taken the opportunity to get together with old friends for drinks, which had gone late into the night. It had been a successful but exhausting day, and she’d slept the whole flight back.

With only her carry-on, she bypassed the baggage claim and headed out to take the train home. Once seated, she pulled out her phone to text Nick and see where they were. He’d mentioned not taking Zyana to daycare today. If she was feeling a bit under the weather it would probably be good to stay home.

She gazed out the window at the traffic they were passing by on the interstate, waiting for a reply to her text. It was taking a while, but no big deal. She wouldn’t be home right away anyway. She checked some emails and replied to them, perused Facebook and Instagram, nodding in approval when she saw their new ad in her feed. Fiona had done a good job—subtle and tasteful, and it was getting lots of engagement.

She got home with still no response to her text. Well, maybe Nick and Zyana were just hanging out at home. Or maybe Nick had taken her to daycare, and he was at a practice or meeting and couldn’t use his phone.

The coach house was empty. Zyana must have been feeling well enough to go to daycare, and Nick must have gone to the arena. He’d answer her when he could.

She unpacked her small bag, wondering about going into the office for a while. Despite the progress she’d made on the lube, there was much to do, not only on that project but on the new vibrator they were designing, plus the to-do list that had arisen from their meetings yesterday. She’d just grab something to eat first.

She was toasting a bagel when the door opened. Her head swiveled around to see Nick step in, carrying Zyana.

She frowned. Was Zee wearing pajamas? Her gaze slid to Zyana’s face, flushed and glassy eyed. “Oh my God.” She rushed over to them, her heart hammering. “What’s wrong?”

Now she stared at Nick. He almost looked as bad as Zyana, his face drawn and tense. “She has an ear infection.”

Jodie slumped in dismay, dropping her head. “Oh no. Not again.”

“This has happened before?”

“Yeah.” She looked up at Nick. “She’s super prone to them, had them all her life.”

“Shit,” he muttered.

“Did you take her to the doctor? Is that where you were?”

“Yeah. Then we stopped and got the prescription filled.”

“Antibiotics.”

“Yeah.”

“You okay, sweet pea? Come here.” She took her daughter from Nick, pulling her close against her.

Zyana wrapped her arms around her neck. “I missed you, Mommy. I don’t feel good.”

“I know, sweetie. I know.” She rubbed her back through her jacket. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Let’s get you settled on the couch.”

She hurried over and sat, removing Zyana’s shoes and jacket. Nick shoved his hands into his pockets, his shoulders hunched as he hovered nearby.

“There you go.” She propped a cushion under Zee’s head and tucked the soft throw around her. “Want a Popsicle?”

Zyana nodded.

Jodie stood. “Are you okay?” she asked Nick as she walked toward him. He looked terrible.

“Uh…” He shook his head. “I have to tell you something.”

“Okay.” She went on her toes and kissed him, then whispered, “I missed you.”

He sighed. “You’re going to hate me.”

She continued to the kitchen and opened the freezer. “Why?”

He followed her and spoke in a low voice. “I didn’t know she had an ear infection.”

She grabbed a Popsicle she kept stashed away. “You knew she was sick.” She pushed the freezer drawer shut. “You took her to the doctor.”

“Yeah.” He rubbed his eyes, which were red. “But I was too late.”

“What?” She frowned. “Hang on.” She hurried over to Zyana, unwrapping the frozen treat. “Here, sit up a bit, sweetie.” She got her arranged and gave her the Popsicle, then returned to Nick. “Okay, what do you mean you were too late?”

He closed his eyes and tipped his head back, lines of strain around his eyes and mouth. “She wasn’t feeling well yesterday, but I took her to daycare anyway.”

“Did they call you?”

“No. But when I picked her up they said she was really tired and hopefully wasn’t coming down with something.”

“Okay. She couldn’t have been that sick then, or they would have called you sooner.”

She studied his face. He was really upset about this.

He swallowed. “After I gave her the Children’s Advil, she seemed better. Not as hot. She went to sleep.”

She nodded, watching him.

“She woke up in the middle of the night complaining that her ear hurt. I gave her more Advil. I thought that would help again. But this morning…” His jaw tightened. “There was…stuff coming out of her ear. Blood.”

Jodie gasped, her hand flying to her throat.

“I took her to the doctor right away. Sorry, I didn’t know if you had a pediatrician here in Chicago—I just took her to the closest urgent care clinic.”

“That’s okay.” Her eyes were wide, listening.

“They told me her eardrum ruptured.”

“Oh no!” Her hand went to her mouth, her gaze flew over to Zyana. “Oh my God!”

“I know, I know. They said she’s okay.” He was trying for reassuring, but clearly he was disturbed. “They said it should heal up, and it shouldn’t affect her hearing.”

“Oh.” Now both hands covered her mouth. “Oh, my poor baby.”

“I’m sorry, Jodie.” He looked away, shoving a hand into his hair. “So sorry.”

She rushed over to Zyana. “Let me see your ears, sweetie.” She turned Zyana’s head and peered at them both. They looked okay, but an ear infection was in the middle ear, as she’d learned. “Do your ears hurt?”

“Just dis one.” Zyana lifted a lethargic hand to her left ear.

“Oh. My baby.” She smoothed her curls back from her face. “You’ll be okay though, now you have medicine.”

“Here’s the medication.” Nick pulled a small bag from his jacket pocket. “She should have some right now.”

“Right.” She stood and hurried back to the kitchen to open the bag. “I always give her the first two doses close together to try to zap the bacteria. She must have been in so much pain.”

“Fuck,” he muttered again. “I’m sorry. So sorry.” He shook his head. “I should go.”

“Oh.” She was focused on measuring the dose of the liquid medication. “Okay. Just hang on, I’ll give her this and—”

But he was already out the door.

She stared at the door, frowning. Apparently he wasn’t good with sickness. She shook her head. She had to give Zee her antibiotics and make sure she was okay.

“Here you go.” She got the medication into her daughter, then let her continue sucking on her Popsicle. She tucked a kitchen towel around her in case of drips. “Do you want to watch TV?”

Zyana nodded.

Jodie found one of her favorite kids’ shows, ran upstairs, and got the thermometer, checked her temp—still a little high at 99.9. She’d give her more Advil, only she didn’t know when Nick had last given her some. Shit.

She texted Nick to ask him. He answered quickly. Sorry should have told you. She had some at 8:00.

Okay, it was too soon for more. Thanks.

She returned to Zyana with a cloth soaked in cool water, and gently wiped her face. She was done with the Popsicle, so she also wiped her sticky fingers, then got a clean cloth to lay on her head.

“Doing okay, sweetie?” She stroked Zee’s hair.

“No. I am sick.”

“I know.” Her lips quirked. “You’ll feel better soon, now you’ve had the medicine.”

“I hope so.”

She rolled her lips in on a smile. Her daughter was a tough cookie. “Does your ear still hurt?”

“Yes.” Zee touched her ear and pouted. “A lot.”

“I’m sorry. Those mean bacteria are making you feel bad. The medicine will kill them.”

“I want them to die.”

Jodie nodded, still trying not to smile. “Yes.”

“I need some woot beew.”

Jodie’s eyes widened. “Root beer?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “It will make me feel better.”

Jodie pressed her fingers to her mouth, trying not to laugh. “We don’t have root beer, sweetie, sorry. You could have some juice.”

“All right.” The grudging acceptance had Jodie pursing her lips. Milking it? She wouldn’t put it past her smart little girl.

The smart little girl was asleep not long after that.

Jodie sat near her, watching her sleep, her heart full of love for her precious girl. She hated it when Zyana was sick. She wanted to take all her pain away, and felt helpless to do so.

So much for going in to the office. But that didn’t matter. Her baby was more important. And anyway, she could do some work here at home.

She wanted to go over to Nick’s place to find him, but she couldn’t leave Zyana, so she texted him. She’s sleeping. She’s okay.

He didn’t answer.

She wanted to know more about how their time had gone, other than Zee getting sick. Damn. Why’d this have to happen now? When she was away? She’d never mentioned to Nick that Zyana was prone to ear infections—why would she? So that was probably why he was freaked out.

Her eardrum had burst. Jodie pressed a hand to her heart. Hopefully the doctor was right, and she’d be okay. There’d been other times where Zee hadn’t shown any signs of being sick until she was really sick. The pediatrician they’d seen in New York had commented that she must have a high pain tolerance, to not complain until the infection was so bad that she was running a fever and very ill.

Jodie sat at her desk and tried to focus on work, but she was concerned about Zyana, keeping an eye on her, and worried about Nick and why he’d left so fast and hadn’t answered her text. Didn’t he care about Zyana?

She knew he did. She would never have left her daughter with him if she hadn’t seen how much he cared. How well he treated her.

Well, luckily it was the weekend. Zyana would be feeling better in a day or two, based on how she usually responded to the antibiotics, so she should be fine to go back to daycare on Monday. But they wouldn’t be going to the game on Sunday—the first game of the next round of the playoffs. She wrinkled her nose in disappointment. Ah well. They’d gotten used to cheering for Nick from the stands, but they could cheer for him from home.

---

Nick locked himself in his house and focused on nailing pieces of the wainscoting in the living room using his power finish nailer. He’d already measured, cut, and given the pieces one coat of white paint out in the garage, so now it was a matter of installing them.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about Zyana and Jodie.

He was queasy with worry about Zyana and racked with guilt. She’d ruptured her eardrum while he was looking after her. Jodie’d been horrified when he’d told her what had happened. She’d never forgive him, and he didn’t blame her.

He set his level on one of the bottom finishing pieces and squinted at it. He used a couple of shims to lift it slightly at one end…there. Perfect. He continued nailing.

Why had he been such an idiot as to offer to look after Zyana? And Jodie…she should have known better than to allow it. He was a complete fuckup.

He shook his head, pausing to apply some wood glue to a join. He fit one mitered edge against the other, checked with the level, and continued nailing.

He had to end things between them. He’d been ignoring that last text from Jodie, not wanting to face her again.

Then he remembered her saying to him, if they were going to be together, she had two requests. You have to tell me if you want to end things. No ghosting. Just tell me. And I’ll do the same.

And he’d agreed to that.

He sucked in a breath, pausing, crouched on the floor. He bent his head. He had to tell her. He had to sack up and face her.

He kept working though, making his way around the room until all the bottom pieces were installed. Now for the chair rail. He measured twenty-two inches and marked the corners of the room, then snapped a chalk line. He’d already found and marked the studs, but he used a pencil to transfer the locations to the chalk line. Then he set about nailing those pieces in place.

Nick caught himself at one point about to use the wrong piece of wood and sighed. He needed to focus.

Right.

The sour ache in his gut was making it hard.

Jesus. He had a Stanley Cup playoff game in two days. He needed to get his head on straight.

When would he talk to Jodie? He couldn’t keep ignoring her. But Zyana was sick. Maybe it would be better to wait a couple of days.

No. He was bullshitting himself. He had to do this, not just for her, but for himself. He’d be a wreck for the game if he didn’t get this over with.

Fuck. He didn’t want to do it. But it was for the best. For all of them.

He worked all afternoon until his back was aching. The room was looking good though. He had the bigger pieces in place including the stiles. He’d work on the smaller pieces, like the picture frame moldings, tomorrow. He also needed to fill the nail holes with wood putty and sand them, but his plan was to wait until everything was done and do it all at once.

He stood, arching his back with a hand there to stretch out stiff muscles. He’d need to stretch well tomorrow.

He washed up, dread turning his stomach to a stone at the thought of going over to the coach house. His limbs felt heavy and stiff.

He gathered up the toy hockey set Zyana had left there since he had more room in his house, along with a couple of her plastic cups. He paused in front of his fridge, eyeing the art stuck there with magnets…colorful, crazy drawings Zyana had done and presented to him. His heart constricted hard enough to choke off his breath. Goddammit.

He headed over to the coach house. The late-afternoon sun was obscured by clouds, the air damp and cool. It looked like it was going to rain.

Jodie answered the door with a half-smile on her lips, her eyes curious but wary. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He lifted the things in his arms. “Brought some stuff back.”

Her eyebrows tugged down, but she stepped aside. “Okay.”

He walked in and set the cups on the island, the hockey sticks, net, and balls on the floor near her desk. He glanced over at the couch, where Zyana was sitting up looking at some books, still with the blanket tucked around her. She looked a little better—brighter eyed, and her hair had been brushed.

“Nick!” She waved. “Hi.”

“Hi, princess. Feeling better?” He walked toward her.

“No. I need woot beer, but we don’t have any.”

He glanced at Jodie. “No root beer, huh?”

She smiled wryly. “Unfortunately, no.”

He set his palm gently on Zyana’s forehead. “You feel cooler. That’s good.”

His knees went soft. He almost dropped to the floor, wanting to gather the brave little sweetheart up in his arms in relief and gratitude. Luckily, she’d survived his inept care. He drew in a big breath, then turned to Jodie. “Can we talk for a minute?”

“Sure.” Her eyes became guarded, and she moved to the kitchen, where they could keep an eye on Zyana but have a quiet conversation.

He followed her and set his hands on the island, gripping the edge of the stone so tightly it hurt. “I’m glad she’s okay. I want to apologize again for not taking better care of her. I think it just proves what I told you—I can’t be responsible for other people. I’m no good at that.”

She blinked, her lips parting.

“I shouldn’t have offered to look after her. And you and I should never have gotten involved. I feel like shit about this.” He rubbed the back of his neck and swallowed. His gut churned nastily. “But you made me promise to tell you if I wanted to end things, and, well…I want to end things.”

Her mouth quivered, but she just stared back at him. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I need to focus on hockey right now. This is messing with my head. I just don’t have it in me. I’m sorry.”

She sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth, and her eyes shone. Shit. She was going to cry.

But she didn’t. Her throat worked, but she nodded. “Okay. I understand. Thanks for being honest.”

“You both need someone who can take care of you. And that’s not me.”

Her eyes narrowed and flashed. “What?” Her shoulders went back, and her chin lifted. “What?” She glared. “That’s where you’re wrong. We don’t need anyone to take care of us.”

“I just meant—”

“I don’t need anyone in my life,” she continued through a tight jaw. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want anyone in my life. But for sure I don’t want a coward.”

He jerked back as if slapped.

Her face was flushed and her eyes still looked shiny, but her chin was set, her mouth firm. “Goodbye, Nick.”

He couldn’t move. Walking away from her was so fucking hard. His feet were glued to the floor. His skin was hot, his insides frozen. His breath came in short, shallow bursts that weren’t giving his brain enough oxygen, because he couldn’t think. All he knew was, he felt like his chest was being sawed open with a rusty blade.

He gave a short nod, willing himself to move. “I’m sorry. Bye, Jodie.”

He glanced over at Zyana. Probably better to not make a big deal of it with her. “Bye, princess.” His voice came out rough and rusty.

“You awe going?” She lifted her head.

“Yeah.” He attempted a smile, his eyes burning. “See you.”

“Bye, Nick.”

He walked out into the rain. He turned his face up to the sky as he trudged the path to his back door, letting the cool rain mingle with the hot liquid escaping his eyes.