Chapter Eighteen
Kelsi
“I’m going to apply for a loan,” I announced to Hannah and Kendall while we were working in the barn.
“You’re going to buy the ranch?” Kendall said excitedly. “I knew you would. This is going to be perfect. Are you okay if I still move away, though? I can stay and help you out if you need me to.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” I laughed. “I’m just going in to talk to them about the loan. I have no idea if I could even qualify to get it. It’s more of an information search than anything else. I’ll let them run the numbers and see if it’s a possibility.”
The mood in the barn was upbeat and excited as we spent the morning talking about all the possibilities of the ranch. I told them about my idea for a theater camp and some other things I was thinking about. It was fun to fantasize about everything, yet I was still really nervous about what the bank was going to have to say.
“I don’t have credit. I’ve always paid for things with my savings account. I’m not going to get too excited until I talk to them.”
“That’s reasonable, but no credit is better than bad credit. I think they will want to give you a chance. It would be easier for them if you just took things over. They wouldn’t have to wait for a sale and they already know that you’re going to take care of the property. It really is the best possible solution,” Hannah said as we sat at the picnic bench for a little while.
“What time is your appointment? Do you want me to go with you?” Kendall asked.
“No, I’m good. I think it’s about time I started doing things on my own.”
My stomach churned at the thought of doing it all on my own. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t have a business set up or a good understanding of the financial situation that was going on. But I had to take the first step and talk to the bank if I was going to move forward with possibly getting a loan. It was scary, though; almost as scary as when I decided to be a single mom.
By ten o’clock, I was dressed nice and heading into town to visit with the bank manager. She was a nice woman and had seemed very interested in talking to me about the property when I called her.
I sat in the parking lot for nearly 10 minutes after I arrived, since I was early and I didn’t want to seem too eager. I remembered my father once saying that banks only liked to loan people money when they didn’t need the money. So, my plan was to try and seem like I didn’t need the money when I actually desperately needed it.
“Hello, Miss Sullivan, I’m Kirsten Blackwell,” the sharply dressed woman said as she stuck her hand out to shake mine.
She was younger than me, but much more sophisticated looking than I was. Her black pencil skirt looked like it was made of expensive fabric and it matched her suit coat exactly. I was intimidated almost immediately as we sat down in her large corner office and started to discuss my family’s land.
“Thank you for seeing me. I’m not sure how this whole process works, but I wanted to come see you and get it started.”
“I’m very excited you’ve decided to apply to get a loan for your family ranch. It sounds like the perfect solution for a very difficult problem. You do know that your parents have an option of passing the current mortgage over to you and you could just continue the payments. There is currently a $30,000 late fee, but once that is paid, the loan will be up to date and you could move forward with regular payments.”
“The problem is that they really should get some money out of the property so they can retire and I don’t have that kind of money to put upfront. I was hoping I could get a new loan in my own name so they could move on.”
“That is certainly an option. We could talk a little more about it if you’d like. Basically, I’d have to run your credit report, and we could go over what information we have from there. Is that what you’d like to do?”
“Yes, I think that would be a good start. Then if there is something I need to do or fix, I could try and do that right away before I took on a loan.”
Kirsten just smiled kindly at me and pulled out a long application out of her desk for me to fill out. It didn’t look like this process was going to go very quickly at all.
“That’s a really big form.” I laughed.
“This is just our preliminary application. We will run this through the system and then we can talk about your options. If it looks good, I’ll have a lot more information to get from you while we do the official application.”
“Can I just fill it out right now?”
“Sure, let’s go to the back room and you can take all the time you need. It’s nice to do this process at the beginning so we can set up the best plan for you and your credit history.”
I followed Kirsten to the back room where there was a big conference table and eight chairs all around it. I didn’t like the sound of the bank looking at my credit history, but I was there already, and I was ready for them to do what had to be done so I could move forward. Owning the ranch was such a big dream of mine, I could hardly keep my hand still as I started to fill out the paperwork.
Three hours later, I was back in Kirsten’s office and we were ready to go over my information. The room seemed much smaller this time, and I felt like it was also a lot warmer. My pulse raced as she sat down across from me and I tried to figure out what it was she was going to say. She was very good at hiding behind her emotionless face though because I had absolutely no idea if she had good new or bad news until she started to talk.
“The good news is that your credit is unremarkable. You don’t have any negative points on there, and that is rather surprising for someone in this day and age,” Kirsten said as she smiled at me and then looked back through the stack of papers she had on her desk.
“And the bad news?”
“There is some bad news,” Kirsten continued on. “Without a significant income history and with the current negative cash flow of the ranch, it won’t be possible for us to give you a loan. Whomever takes over this property will need to be cash flow positive and ready to input a significant amount of money to update the infrastructure of the property.”
“Yes, I know the infrastructure needs work. I could put together a business plan for how I would do that if I could get a loan. I have a friend who is really good at business and he can help me with all of that.”
Nothing that I was saying seemed to interest Kirsten at all, though; she continued with the flat facial expression and barely nodded her head as I talked. There had to be another option; I couldn’t be the only family member to try and take over the family business and not have a long history of credit.
“I’m sorry, Kelsi, I’ve looked through the property financials several times and I even ran everything past our district manager. We decided we will only be taking cash offers or outside financing for the property because of the risk level involved.”
“I don’t know what you’re saying, what does that mean?”
“It means we expect to sell the property to a well-financed buyer who will not need a loan through us.”
“So, I don’t even get a chance?”
“I know your heart is in the right place, Kelsi, and if banking was based on that alone, I’d give you the loan right this second. But we are a business, and we have to look at the bottom line. If you’d like, I can put in a good word for you with any potential buyers and ask them to keep you on to manage the ranch. Many buyers are looking to expand their portfolio without actually running the property themselves. You could end up with a hefty salary and still be in charge of the ranch if you play your cards right.”
“I would be working for a stranger,” I yelled as I stood up and grabbed my purse. “You aren’t here to help people; you’re only here to help people who don’t need you!”
I stormed out of the bank and made it almost to my vehicle before I broke down in tears. I had actually thought there was a possibility of me getting a loan to buy the ranch. Maybe they would need me to put a big down payment, or possibly they would want me to have the business plan developed; I was ready for those options. What I was totally unprepared for was the bank manager suggesting I would make a good ranch hand to whomever ended up buying the property.
My hands shook as I started the car and I decided to sit in the parking lot for a few minutes as I gathered my wits about me. My anger was boiling over still when I got a call from my mother.
“Hi, Mom,” I said as I took in a deep breath and tried to play it off like I was doing just fine.
“Will you be home soon? I’ve heard some news.”
“Yes, I’m just leaving the bank. What’s up?”
There was a long pause and I instinctively knew what had happened. My stomach ached and churned at the news I anticipated my mother telling me.
“Mr. Pace passed away early this morning. It sounds like his whole family was there with him, and he went peacefully in his sleep,” my mother said somberly.
“I should go check in with Tyler,” I said as tears rolled down my cheek.
“Okay, dear. I’ll see you later.”
As soon as I hung up the phone, I started to sob uncontrollably. It wasn’t just that Mr. Pace had died, it was that I lost the loan and that Tyler was going to be leaving. Everything bad had happened in that one morning. I’d gone from feeling like I was on top of the world to feeling like I could barely move I was so beaten down.
After about 20 minutes, I had gathered myself together enough to drive out of the parking lot of the bank, but I still wasn’t sure if I was ready to stop by Tyler’s house. How was I going to offer support to him if I was still a total disaster? Instead, I decided to drive around for a little bit and clear my head.
An hour later, I ended up driving right up the road toward the old Decker farm house. I loved that house and its wraparound porch. It was calming to sit there and look out over the deserted property, and it was a safe place to go where I knew I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone or interact with my own emotions if I didn’t want to.
The paint was chipping away so badly on the porch that I could see bare wood in several spots. But I sat on the porch swing and looked at the chipped porch floor and took in the calmness as I tried to piece together my life.
I was lucky; I knew I was lucky in some aspects of my life. I had my parents, my health, and I knew I wasn’t going to be hungry or homeless. The stressors I had going on were going to pass and I’d find my way, I knew that much; but it didn’t lessen the overwhelming feeling that encompassed my thoughts that day.
The vibration from my phone going off over and over again finally woke me up out of my daze, and I reached into my pocket and answered the call. I felt numb as I held the phone up to my ear and softly waited for the person on the other end to talk.
“Hello?” I heard Tyler say. “Are you there?”
“Oh, hi. Yes, I’m here.”
“Where are you? I went to your house and your mother said you hadn’t come home all day.”
“How are you? I’m so sorry, Tyler,” I said as I tried not to cry.
The last thing he needed was me to be crying when it was his father who had passed away. I took to counting the floorboards on the ground as I tried to distract myself and think of anything other than the loss he was going through at that very moment.
“Where are you?” he asked me again.
“I’m at the Decker farm,” I said. “But I…”
“I’ll be right there,” he replied and then hung up before I could say more.
I had no idea where he was or how long it would take him to get there, but I waited on the porch for him. I had nowhere else I needed to be. I wouldn’t even have my ranch for much longer; I’d have to find some other job and some other place to live most likely. Unless my parents happened to figure out a way to keep their house while selling the rest of the ranch. But did I really want to keep living with my parents? I was a mother now, and I needed to provide some stability for my son. I had to grow up sooner or later, and maybe this was all just one big push to get me to do what I needed to.
As Tyler’s car drove up the long drive, I tried not to look at him. I was barely holding it together, and I couldn’t bear to see him upset or I knew I’d lose it for sure.
“There you are,” Tyler said with a huge smile on his face as he climbed up the porch steps. “I’ve literally been looking for you everywhere.”
“I’m so sorry, Tyler. I’m so sorry he’s gone,” I said as I lost it.
I wrapped my arms around him, and he held onto me as I continued to cry. My nerves were gone, my thoughts of the future were all confused, all I knew for sure was I wanted this man with me at that moment. It felt good to have his arms around me, and I didn’t want him to let go at all.
“You’ll be okay,” he said softly as his hands stroked my hair.
“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t be taking care of me. I should be comforting you,” I said as Tyler took his jacket off and placed it on the ground so we could sit down on it.
“He’s been sick for a really long time, Kelsi. I’m sad. I’m very sad for myself and my mother and sister. But I’m relieved for him. He spent the last few months barely able to move and in pain anytime his medication started to wear off. I never thought death could be a gift, but I honestly think he’s happy now. You know there was a little boy who passed away the night before, and Dad talked to him and told him they were going to play together. It was so much like my father to be comforting a sick child in the midst of him being sick himself. But I really do think he’s in heaven, and he’s going to be the best grandpa in the world to all those children who are up there.”
Tyler had a peacefulness about him that made me feel more peaceful as well. I was probably so emotional because of everything that was going on all at once. I knew his father had been in a lot of pain. I knew Tyler was right about his father being out of pain now.
“So, tell me, how are you doing?” Tyler said as he wiped the tears from my face.
“I went to the bank this morning; they won’t give me a loan. They wouldn’t even consider it. They said they want to sell the ranch to someone who has their own cash or financing. The bank basically only wants to do business with people who don’t need their money.”
“I’m sorry,” Tyler said kindly as I leaned up against him. “Maybe they won’t be able to find a buyer and you could come to them with some different financing in a few months. You know my mother was told it could take up to a year to sell our property. I bet your bank would reconsider you if they have to wait that long.”
“Maybe, but I think I’m going to give up on the idea. I think I’ll just take a job at the grocery store and go from there. It’s a steady income, and I won’t have to worry about taking care of Clyde. I won’t be rich, but I could be happy there.”
Tyler didn’t respond and seemed to be off in his thoughts. But I didn’t push it. Instead, we sat there in silence as we looked out over the abandoned property and tried to make sense of our lives. He wasn’t going to be in town much longer, and I was going to have to say goodbye to him. I wasn’t sure how I would be able to do that. I’d come to rely on him and our conversations a lot over the last few weeks.
“Have you ever been inside this house?” Tyler asked as he suddenly jumped up.
“No, I’m not going to break into the place.”
“I bet we could get in without causing too much trouble. Let’s try the windows,” Tyler said as he walked around the front porch and pushed on each of the windows.
“Why do you want to go in there? It looks creepy in there; I’m not going in even if you get the windows opened.”
“Oh, come on now, you’re not scared of a little old house, are you?” he teased. “If anyone should be scared, it should be me, I’m the one who actually was scared when we first came over here.”
“Yes, that’s why it seems odd to me that you’re trying to get into this old house. You know it could very well be haunted.”
“You’re trying to scare me now.” He laughed as he grabbed me and pulled me into the corner near the back door. “I won’t be scared off. I want to take you inside.”
“Take me.” I giggled.
“Yes,” he said with a totally serious look on his face.
“Tyler Pace, we are not having sex in this abandoned house,” I protested.
“Are you afraid the ghosts have security cameras?” He laughed.
Tyler had made himself laugh so hard that he could hardly stand up straight. It was funny to see him telling corny jokes and laughing, and I was really happy that his mood wasn’t as somber as I had expected it to be.
“I’m not going in there,” I said as I started to laugh with him. “You’ll have to find some other place to take me.”
“Challenge accepted,” he said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward his car.
“Not in your car again.” I rolled my eyes.
“Okay, then your car.” He shrugged.
“No. Let’s just go back to my house…wait, we can’t go there. How about your house…yikes, can’t go there either. Well, I guess we will just have to head over to the motel and deal with Heath and his gossip.”
“I can’t wait that long,” he said as he urgently looked around the property and tried to find a place for us to hang out. “I need you. I’ve got to have you right now.”
The urgency in his voice seemed to be about more than just the sex he wanted to have. Tyler looked like he was in need of some sort of release. His fists were balled up tight, and his lips pressed hard together. This was his form of anxiety. I could understand where he was coming from.
After Clyde was born, I was so overwhelmed that I could hardly sit still at all. I would have gone out and had random sex if I felt like I looked good, but instead I took to running on the treadmill. I had so much anger and sadness that all I wanted to do was get every ounce of energy out that I could. I would run and run until I literally couldn’t run any longer, then I’d feel back in control again and ready to take on my day.
“Fine, break into the house,” I said as I finally figured out how badly he needed a release.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, let’s do it,” I said as I grabbed his hand and we went back up to the front door.
I needed some release, too. It had been one hell of a day, and I didn’t know what the future was going to bring. I didn’t know how long Tyler was going to be in town; I didn’t know how long I’d get to stay living at my ranch. My anxiety was coming out in tears, but I welcomed the opportunity to have a mind-blowing orgasm and hoped it would serve a calming purpose for me too.
Tyler wrapped his coat around his arm and then smashed his elbow into one of the panels on the front door. It was a small, six inch-by-nine-inch panel and just large enough for him to reach in and unlock the front door.
The house was less creepy than I thought it was going to be as we walked through the downstairs rooms. I had expected them to be covered in scary cobwebs or have dust all over the place, but they were just empty rooms without anything exciting going on.
“I thought it would be scarier,” Tyler said as we walked into the kitchen.
“Me too.”
“Where did the family move to?”
“I’m not sure. I thought the coast, but I can’t really remember. The kids could be scattered around a bit.”
“Come here,” Tyler said as he motioned for me to come over to the large stone island in the middle of the kitchen.
“That looks a little tall,.” I laughed.
“We can make it work.”
“What about the upstairs? Do you want to go up and see if they left any furniture?” I ventured to ask.
“No way, it’s haunted up there.” He laughed.
Luckily, it was still light out or even the downstairs would have seemed scary. But with the afternoon light shining in, the downstairs looked rather unassuming.
“Look,” I said as I pointed to the patio furniture that was piled up just inside the back door. “Now we are talking.”
Tyler grabbed one of the lounge chairs and a giant cushion that went on top of it. He threw it in the middle of the kitchen and fell back onto the chair as he pulled me with him. Our lips found each other and frantically moved as we both got to work removing our own clothes.
“I can’t believe you made me come in the haunted house,” he joked as he pressed his jeans down.
“You’re not blaming this one on me.”
“Get on,” he said breathlessly as his hands grabbed my hips and pressed me up so I could guide him inside of me. “Shit, protection.”
I couldn’t help it and started to laugh at how hurried we were and how neither of us had brought the protection inside. With a raised eyebrow, I slid to the bottom of the chair and shook my head no. There was no possible way I was running outside naked to go find a condom.
“Fine, I’m going,” Tyler said as he jumped up and ran outside with his penis throbbing and his body shaking in the wind.
“Oh, my God, I can’t believe you just did that.” I laughed as he ran back into the house and to our chair.
“What a guy will do for love.” He laughed as he slid the condom on and grabbed me as he fell back to the chair.
It wasn’t the right time to ask him about the love statement, but I had to admit I was starting to have a lot of feelings about him, too. Even though I knew he was going to leave soon, I couldn’t stop myself from loving him. The big question was going to be how I handled things when he actually left, because at that moment, I couldn’t imagine ever being able to let go of him.
“I’m going to rock your world,” I said in my best sexy voice as I straddled him and slid on top.
Our bodies moved together feverishly as we thrust and rocked until we were both drenched in sweat. Making love to Tyler was like something out of a dream for me. We worked together perfectly and seemed to be able to anticipate each other’s next move without needing to talk at all.
I latched onto him with all my strength as I felt my legs shiver and my orgasm growing from deep inside of me. Tyler gently held onto my hips and urged my body to stay where it felt the pleasure as he moved slowly and watched me give into the pleasure as I screamed out in total delight.
“I love watching you,” Tyler whispered in my ear and then tugged on it with his teeth. “You’re the sexiest woman I know.”
As we both fell back in exhaustion, Tyler searched around us for our clothes and pulled a few pieces up to cover us and keep us warm. It wasn’t the most romantic location in the world, but I was going to remember this time with Tyler and I knew it could be the last time we were together.
“Do you have to go back to Alabama?” I asked.
There was a long pause as Tyler thought about what he wanted to say to me. It looked like he had intended to say one thing, but then backed off and decided to say something else.
“Yes, but I don’t have to stay forever. I’ve got flexibility. I can come back. I don’t know how it will work; I just know that I would really like to figure something out.”
“Let’s not worry about that right now. We’ve got all the time in the world,” I said as I pressed my lips against his.