Chapter Twenty-Three
Nate
Keno might have been kidding about that comment he made the other day on our hike, the one about me hanging out with him because I was on the outs with Abby, and it might have been true at the time, but things had changed since then.
He was a cool guy; I wasn't sure if I was giving him enough credit. There was no other way our paths would have crossed than if I hadn't come to Lanai. On top of that, if things were different and he lived in LA, I don't know whether he'd be the sort of person I hung out with.
I didn't have friends. Not real ones, anyway. Your friend wasn't someone who only had something to say to you when there was something you could offer them. They just liked you.
Keno might have been becoming my friend. I felt like Abby was my friend, in a lot of ways. She cared about me. She went out of her way to do stuff for me. She didn't let me keep hurting myself when I wanted her, too. I didn't want to be her friend, though. Not just her friend. Keno could be my friend. I wanted her to be more than that. How much more? It wasn't worth asking since she wanted nothing to do with me now.
I came to the bar more often now, but not to drink in the morning like a crazy person. It was pretty early, but there were still some people lounging around the pool when I passed by it to get to the bar. I said hey to Keno, seeing him in his usual spot. He asked me what I had going on today. Nothing, as usual.
“I was going to head out to the beach. The waves look good today,” he said.
“You want to swim?”
“Surf,” he said. “You’re coming with me.”
“I don’t know how to surf,” I said.
“You’re still coming with me,” he announced, coming around the bar.
“You mean right now?”
“No time like the present,” he said.
“Can you just leave? Aren’t you working?”
“Hawai’i is the freest state in the US; you can do whatever you want here,” he said, laughing.
Shit. Okay, if he said so. I was down. I hadn’t spent much time at the resort’s beach, but I looked at it from my suite every day. I had seen people surfing. I had never done it a day in my life, but why not? Keno was cool.
After giving me a Surf 101 lesson on the beach on our rented boards, we went out on the water. It was a lot harder than he made it look. I watched him more than actually managing to do it myself, but it wasn’t a bad way to spend a morning. He sat on his board and paddled over to me.
“I don’t know if this is my sport, man,” I said.
“You should learn. Girls love it,” he said, laughing. Since he had brought up girls…
"I talked to Abby the other day," I told him.
"That's great. How'd it go?"
"Not good," I admitted.
"She refused to talk to you?"
"No, it wasn't that. I went to talk to her at her desk. I asked her to go out with me. She gave this bum excuse about not being able to see guests personally. That isn't true, is it?"
"Whether it's true or not, that was a really convenient time for her to bring it up," Keno remarked.
"I fucked up. I want to see her, and she won't even give me the time of day."
"You miss her."
"I just want to see her again. It wasn't fair, what I did to her. And it didn't even do anything. I still feel like shit."
"I don't know what you're waiting for, brother," Keno said.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you don't have to do this to yourself."
"I already tried to talk to her. I have to try something else. I don't know. I'll think of something."
"How long will that take?" he asked. "You said it yourself: you’re leaving, she’s staying here. You only have so many days till you have to get on that plane."
"You want me to go to her house and refuse to leave until she agrees to talk to me?" I asked, getting frustrated.
"You remind me of a story I heard once about a man. He was like you, a good guy. He had a good life and he was happy, but he was missing something. He was alone. He wanted a woman, a wife he could spend the rest of his life with. He knew his life was good the way it was, but he couldn't help thinking and dreaming about the life he could have when he finally found her.
“So he started planning for it. He started planning the life he was going to have when he finally found the woman of his dreams. He planned everything: the home they would build together, the family they would raise, even the conversations they would have together, every day for the rest of their lives. He wanted everything to be perfect when he finally found her, but there was one problem.
“He planned for so long, it was all he could think about. He never did all the things he planned to do. He never took time away from his planning to go out and actually find the woman he wanted in the first place. He died with nothing but his big book of plans."
I looked at Keno, pausing because I was sure he was about to keep going. The hell kind of story was that? He died alone in the end anyway?
"He didn't get her in the end?" I asked.
"He was focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of going out to get his girl-"
"He spent all his time figuring what he would do when he got her," I said. "What does that have to do with me?"
"You're him, Nate. Or you're going to be if you let yourself spend all your time thinking about what you could have with Abby, instead of going out and getting her. You're leaving, yeah, but you know what? You're here now. You need to act now and stop planning."
"Was that story supposed to make me feel better?" I asked.
"No. It's supposed to warn you. You're focusing on the wrong thing, brother. You're thinking about that girl when you could be kissing her."
"I can't just go up to her without thinking about what to do first."
"Just watch how long you wait," he said simply. "Watch how long you make her wait, too."
I thought about that while watching him catch a wave. The story had been cool or whatever, but just telling me to hurry it up before she got over me would have worked just as good. Would have taken a lot less time, too. He was a talker, that guy. He had a lot of stories.
He was completely right, though. It sucked and it was a little embarrassing, but he was right.
What I wanted was Abby. If I wasn't careful, I would make it to the end of my vacation without ever getting her. We stayed on the water a little while longer before heading back up to the hotel, me to my suite and Keno back to work.
I took a shower when I got there, finding my way over to the piano after. No more planning, I thought. A plan’s useless unless it actually gets you what you want. The music came to me before the words and finally I was writing. No more planning.