By the time Thursday rolls around, I’m itching to see Shae. I haven’t spent time with her since our bike ride last week, though not for lack of trying. Josalyn offered her some more hours, and Shae couldn’t turn them down. So, between her work and my work, we just haven’t been able to connect. But we’ve made it a point to talk several times each day, which has only solidified our connection and made me miss her that much more.
I practically pounced on her when I picked her up for the cake tasting this afternoon, and it was amazing to watch her in professional mode at the bakery. Granted, I had a little trouble keeping my mind focused on flavors of cake, but I can’t believe how much I enjoy being with her. Until now, I’ve never enjoyed getting to know someone, yet Shae has me practically on cloud nine.
This must be evident to those around me, judging by Dante’s look when Shae and I walk into Vault after the cake tasting. We’re hand in hand, laughing.
“You two look awfully cheerful.”
“Who wouldn’t be?” Shae collapses onto a barstool. “We just stuffed our faces with some of the best cake I’ve ever had.” She smiles and hands Dante a purple box. “We brought you some samples.”
He opens it and takes a bite of the red velvet first, then works his way through the rest of the samples.
“Oh, God,” he moans. “They’re all good. Which one did you guys choose?”
“All of them,” Shae says excitedly. “We couldn’t pick just one. So instead of a cake, we’re going to have tiers of assorted cupcakes.”
Dante nods, swallowing his bite. “Sounds great. Where are we with the rest of the plans?”
I walk around the bar, grabbing a water from the cooler. I offer it to Shae, but she shakes her head. I take a drink as she explains what all she has done for the party thus far.
“Everything is ready to go. I gave your menu choices to the caterer, and he offered to let us come for a tasting prior to the party. If I can coordinate time with one of you in the next few days, we can do that.”
“I trust you,” Dante says, waving her off.
Her eyes shift to mine, and I lift my hands. “I’m all yours. Name the time and place.”
Shae smiles and gives me a heated look. Goddamn, she’s so beautiful I can’t help but walk around the bar and get one more taste of her sweet lips. The faint taste of chocolate frosting lingers on her mouth, and I groan.
Dante starts coughing, and I grab another bottle of water, passing it to him.
Twisting the top, he takes a swig. “Thanks.”
“Sorry,” Shae says, sheepishly. “Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s gonna take a lot more than that to make me uncomfortable, sweetheart.” Dante clears his throat and levels me with a steely look, one that tells me we’ll be talking later.
“What else have you got?” he asks.
“Nothing. Everything else is good to go,” Shae reports. “Invoices should be coming in soon, and I’ll forward those to you when the time comes.”
“Just have all the bills sent to Rex.” Dante smiles mischievously.
“Speaking of bills,” Shae adds, “you still owe me a shit ton of books.”
Dante’s laugh booms through the room. He lifts his hand, and Shae gives him a high five.
What am I missing? “What do you mean I owe you a ton of books?”
“Dante said if I pull this party off, you’ll fill my Kindle with all the romance novels my little heart desires.”
“Did he?” I look to Dante, who shrugs and turns toward his office.
“She’s your girl. I figure if you’ll be the one reaping the benefits of all the romance novels she reads, you should be the one to buy her the books.” He disappears around the corner.
“Romance novels?”
She crinkles her nose. “Did I forget to mention that I love to read?”
“Romance?”
“And erotica,” she adds.
Erotica. Moving closer, I erase what little distance is between us. Shae’s body relaxes against mine.
“I think I need to hear more about these books of yours.”
Her tongue darts out to wet her bottom lip. “Maybe if you’re good,” she whispers, “we can act a few scenes out.”
Oh, sweet Shae, you have no idea what I have planned for you.
She runs a finger down the front of my shirt, and her touch lingers at the waistband of my slacks. “Maybe after dinner tonight?”
“About dinner… There’s been a small change of plans.”
“What? No.” She pouts, jutting her bottom lip out, and I bend down, sucking the soft flesh into my mouth.
“Don’t worry, you’re not getting rid of me that easily,” I tell her. “I’ve just switched up our plans a bit.”
“Well, are you going to tell me what we’re going to do?”
“No, it’s a surprise.”
Her smile falters. “Rex, you don’t have to keep doing this.”
I pull her in for a hug. “You don’t even know what I’m going to do. Go home, put on something comfortable, and I’ll get in touch with you a little bit later.”
“Will you at least give me a hint?”
“No.” I tap her nose, turn her toward the door, and smack her ass. “Now get going. I’ve got a few things to finish up here, but I’ll see you soon.”
Dante walks out of his office as Shae is leaving. Once she’s out the door, he turns to me, lips set in a firm line.
“We need to talk.”
“I’m busy.” I’ve already set my plans for tonight in motion, but there are still a few things I have to get ready, so I make a beeline for my office.
“Rex. Dude, wait up.” Dante falls in step beside me. “What the hell is going on with you?”
“Nothing.” Pulling out my keys, I unlock my office door. Dante follows me inside.
“Nothing,” he repeats. “What are you thinking, dating someone like Shae?”
My good mood dissipates as fast as the words leave his mouth. “Watch your fucking mouth, Dante,” I warn, taking a step forward.
He holds up his hands. “See? This is what I’m talking about. I’m not looking to fight with you. I like Shae. I really do, but you’ve never been like this with a woman before, let alone with a woman who—”
I give him a look, and he sighs.
“I was going to say a woman who doesn’t run in our circle. She doesn’t know where we come from, what we’re made of, and I don’t need to explain to you how dangerous that is.”
Rolling my eyes, I open the bottom drawer of my desk and pull out two glasses and a bottle of scotch. I pour each of us a drink and hand a glass to Dante.
“I don’t give a fuck if she runs in our circle; I like her,” I tell him. “I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.”
“I can see that. But you barely know her.”
I take a sip of my scotch. “I know enough, and isn’t that the whole point of dating? To get to know someone? You didn’t seem to have any reservations about her when we talked before.”
“That’s because I didn’t think it would last.” Dante stares into his glass, swirling the scotch around. “She’s not like the women we’re used to.”
“Trust me,” I laugh. “I know. That’s what I like about her.”
“So you’re not just fucking around with her? This isn’t a game to you? Because her being a part of this life—our life—is a big fucking deal.”
“No, it’s not a game.” Setting my glass down, I cross my arms over my chest. I have no idea where he’s going with this, but he better get there, fast. “Why don’t you say what’s really on your mind. Did she say something to piss you off?”
“No.” His head snaps up. “That’s not it at all. She’s a cool chick, but…”
He pauses, probably trying to arrange his words in a way that won’t end with my fist in the middle of his face.
“She isn’t made for guys like us. She’s made for guys like that,” he says, pointing in the direction of the bar. “Guys who can afford to be members here. The kind with nine-to-five jobs who can give her two-point-five kids, a white picket fence, and a tire swing in the yard. A guy who will come home every night, a man who can provide a stable life.”
Fucking son of a bitch.
“We’re Ambrosis, Rex. Come on, think about this for a second. Forget everything you’re feeling, and fucking think about this.”
Pinching my lips into a tight line, I look away. I don’t need him to explain, and I don’t need to think about it. I get it. We’re tainted. As much as we want to be like those men—clean hands and a bright future—it’ll never happen. That’s not who we are. The blood in our veins is poison, and it all but assures our destiny.
I’ve tried to separate myself from that life—from my father’s life—but I’ll never be rid of it. The stigma of the Ambrosi name will follow me until the day I die.
Frustrated, I push off the desk and pace across my office. Goddamn Dante for giving voice to the concerns that have been running on repeat in the back of my head.
Tipping his head back, Dante takes the scotch in one gulp and sets the glass on my desk. “You and I, we’ve been around enough women to tell the difference between the good ones and the not-so-good ones. Some women are man-eaters, some are gold-diggers, and then there are women like Shae—perfect fucking angels we don’t touch. She’s on an entirely different scale, a scale we can’t even measure up to because whether we like it or not, we’ve already got blood on our hands, brother. And the way that girl looked at you just now? She’s all in, she’s for real, and if you’re not careful, she’s going to fall in love with your ass. Then one day she’ll expect the white picket fence and the tire swing and everything that comes along with it, and when you can’t give that to her, then what? Where does that leave her?”
Maybe I want all those things.
As soon as the thought passes through my head, I curse myself because it doesn’t matter what I want. That life isn’t in the cards for me.
“Listen,” he says, running a hand over his face. His eyes blaze with determination. “I’m not telling you to walk away from her. I just want you to realize what you’re getting in to—what sort of life you’re bringing her in to—because you know as well as I do that once she’s a part of this, there’s no turning back. She deserves to know. You need to think long and hard about what you want in this life, and if she’s in that picture, you need to come clean and tell her.”
Shit. He’s right. “I know.”
For the first time since I’ve allowed myself to want more with Shae, doubt settles heavy in my gut. I’ve somehow convinced myself to look past my last name, to concentrate on the man I’m trying to be instead of the man my father wants me to be, and somewhere along the way I started to believe we could make this work.
“Whatever you decide, just make sure it’s the right thing for both of you.”
Easier said than done, because Shae is what’s right for me. I can feel that deep in my bones. But what if I’m not right for her?
And if that isn’t a punch to the gut, I don’t know what is.
Dante squeezes my shoulder. “I’m here if you need to talk. And whatever you decide, I’m behind you, brother.”
I give a noncommittal grunt as he lets himself out of my office.
After he leaves, I pace some more, trying to clear my thoughts. But it doesn’t work, so I drive home in a haze and pace there.
Three drinks later, my thoughts are still a jumbled mess. Adding alcohol to the mix probably wasn’t the best idea, but I’m going fucking crazy because every answer I come up with leads to walking away from Shae, and damn it, I don’t want to walk away from Shae.
But as much as I hate to agree with him, Dante might be right. I hate it when he’s right.
“Fuck,” I growl, shoving my fingers into my hair. Am I ready to walk away?
No.
Fuck no.
But do I have a choice?
I pour myself one more drink, only this time, as the amber liquid burns a path down my throat, my thoughts shift in a different direction, bringing on a healthy buzz and some much-needed clarity.