An hour later, I’m standing in my kitchen, staring at the tub of frosting that held so many promises and wondering how things could’ve gone this wrong. One moment we were feeding each other dessert, making plans for the evening, and the next he’s dumping me.
Fucking coward.
With heavy legs, I walk across the kitchen, grab a spoon from the drawer, and take a big, hefty bite of icing. My eyes roll back in my head when the thick chocolate hits my tongue.
I could’ve had so much fun licking this off Rex.
Carrying it with me into the bathroom, I take another bite, not feeling at all guilty for the extra calories. Every time a man hurts a woman, he should send her a tub of this icing. It should be a requirement. Sorry I don’t want to see you anymore. Here, enjoy this amazing sweetness. Or Sorry I lied to you. Here, drown you sorrows in chocolate fudge. Yup, that sounds pretty fucking fantastic.
What’s the big fucking deal? I ask myself as I re-pile my hair into a knot on top of my head. So what if he doesn’t want to be with you? You ended your two-year drought. Allowed a mega-hot guy to push your sexual limits, and now you can walk away without any attachments, which is exactly what you wanted.
Slathering moisturizer on my face, I work it in, frowning.
Yes, that’s what I wanted. But somewhere along the way it changed—my feelings for him changed, and foolishly, I thought he felt the same way. He said he felt the same way. I gave him the naked truth. I assumed we were on the same page.
I guess that’s what I get for assuming. I can almost hear my dad say, “You know what they say about assuming. It makes an ass out of you and me.”
Frustrated, I change into my pajamas, put the icing away—after two more licks—and brush my teeth. Shutting off the light, I crawl into bed, pull the covers up to my chin, and close my eyes. A second later my chin begins to quiver, followed by a sting in the back of my nose.
No. He does not deserve your tears. You are so much better than him.
I flip over in bed, situating my pillow, and those damn tears start to fall.
The more I think about Rex, the harder I cry, but for the life of me I can’t stop thinking about him. The way his dark brown eyes went heavy right before he kissed me. Feeling his soft lips worship my skin. Hearing him whisper dirty things in my ear. The touch of his skin.
Oh, for the love of God, woman, stop it.
Stop doing this to yourself.
Sleep evades me as the clock on the wall pushes closer and closer to midnight, and I’m seconds away from giving up on trying to fall asleep when the intercom buzzer goes off. Sniffing, I open my eyes. There are only two people who would buzz at this hour: Erin or JJ, and my guess is one of them forgot their key and can’t get in. This has happened on more than one occasion since I’ve moved in. I’m half tempted to ignore it just to teach them a lesson when the buzzer sounds again.
Oh, fine.
I fling my legs over the edge of the bed and grab a Kleenex from my nightstand.
“I’m coming. I’m coming,” I mumble, though no one can hear me. I blow my nose, toss the Kleenex in the trash, and wipe the tears from my eyes only to realize it’s pointless. My eyes are puffy, my nose is probably red, and there’s no way to hide that I’ve been crying.
Clearing my throat, I press the button next to the speaker. “Let me guess, you forgot your key?”
“Shae.”
I yank my hand back as though the intercom is on fire.
“Shae,” Rex says again. “Let me in. We need to talk.”
I press the button to talk. “Go away, Rex.”
“I can’t. Not until we talk,” he says gently.
“There’s nothing to talk about. You broke up with me.”
“I know you’re upset, but—”
“I’m not upset,” I lie, refusing to let him know he has the power to hurt me.
Oh my gosh. I gave him the power to hurt me.
There’s a pregnant pause, and I step closer to the intercom.
“I fucked up, Shae.” He sighs. “I need to make it right, and I would really like to do that in person.”
I shake my head. “Not tonight, Rex. It’s late, and I’m tired.”
“Shae.” The gentleness in his voice is gone. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way. It’s your choice, sweetheart, but I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”
Before I can consider telling him no, my traitorous hand pushes the other button, allowing him up, and two minutes later a loud knock startles me. With my hands pressed to the door, I look through the peephole. Rex looks disheveled and upset, and a piece of my hardened heart softens.
But then I remember his words and his cowardice and the way he made me feel, and that prevents me from opening the door.
Self-preservation at all costs.
“Open the damn door, Shae.” A pause. “Please.” He knocks again, and I close my eyes.
My body hums to life at the sound of his voice, and it’s as though I can feel him through the door, feel the pull his body has on mine, which is why I can’t open it. Look what his stupid voice already made me do. One look at him and I’ll cave.
“I think you said everything you needed to say.”
He doesn’t immediately respond, and I push up on my toes, looking through the peephole again. He’s staring at the door, and even though I know he can’t see me, it feels as though he’s looking right at me.
“You’re going to open this damn door and let me explain. Then, if you still want me to leave, I will, but I will look into your eyes when I tell you what happened.”
Flicking the lock, I yank open the door. “What happened?” I yell. “It’s pretty obvious what happened. You broke up with me. Instead of choosing us, choosing to fight for us and opening up to me, you closed yourself off and took the easy way out.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“That doesn’t even make sense. Protect me? Are you fucking kidding? Protect me from what?”
“From me,” he roars, tossing his hands in the air. “I was protecting you from me.”
“No, I’m sorry, but that’s not a good enough reason, and it doesn’t even make sense.”
Regret fills his eyes. “Let me come in.” He reaches for me, but I take a step back.
“Is there another woman? Is that what this is about?”
“What? No.” His eyes widen, and I believe him because the truth is written on his face. “Babe, I would never do that to you—”
“You know what? It doesn’t matter. I’ve been left more times than I can count. What’s one more?” My voice is eerily calm, but I’m on the verge of crying.
Rex rushes forward to cradle my face in his hands, and I let him. I let him touch me because I need it even though I think I don’t, and my body instantly reacts. The touch of his skin against mine is a soothing balm. My heart rate slows, my breathing evens out. I hate that I have no control over my emotions when he’s around. I hate that he has this effect on me.
“Don’t cry.” He frowns, wiping the tears from my face with his thumbs. “It matters. We matter.”
I try to shake my head but his firm grip prevents me.
“Yes, it does. And you are going to sit down and listen to what I have to say.”
Nudging me into the condo, Rex kicks the door shut and walks me to the couch. But I refuse to sit down.
“You’re not going to come in here and boss me around and expect me to bend to your will.”
“Trust me, babe, I know you don’t bend easy, but I need you to hear me out. Unless you want me to tie you to the chair, you’re going to sit your ass on that couch and listen to what I have to say.”
Even after everything that has happened, the thought of him tying me up sets my body on fire. Instead of voicing that, I sit down.
He looks momentarily relieved as he sits down next to me. “I come from a horrible family, Shae. My father has done things—still does things I’m not proud of. At first I didn’t think much of it because I’m not him. I’ve worked my ass off to be the opposite of him, but it doesn’t change that he’s my father. After you left the bar today, Dante said a few things that struck a chord with me, and I got caught up in my fucking head trying to figure out the best thing for us—for you. At first I convinced myself you would be better off without me, but when you walked away from me tonight, I realized I’m not better off without you. And yes, I’m that fucking selfish. I’m selfish enough to tell you everything and hope to God you don’t walk away again, because these last few weeks, Shae, have been everything. I want more time for us to get to know each other, but Dante was right. You need to know what you’re getting in to.”
Fine. I can do this. I’ll give him a chance to tell me whatever it is he has to tell me.
“I’m going to grab a water,” I tell him calmly. “Would you like one?”
Rex nods. “Please.”
I pull two waters from the refrigerator, hand him one, and twist the top off the other.
“I’m listening,” I say, bringing the bottle to my lips.
“My father is part of the Salamanca crime family.”