Hot Pits – When cars are on the track, it’s said to be “hot-pits” where only crewmembers and racing officials are allowed into the pits for safety reasons.

 

The skies opened up and the rain poured down onto the track. I was soaked inside the car, watching the steady stream of water trickle inside my car as the entire field sat red flagged in turn four.

“I need a beer. This is boring.”

Kyle chuckled over the radio, but didn’t respond.

I was bored out of my fucking mind. I hated rain delays. I was from Washington so you’d think I’d be used to rain. We’d been sitting here for the last forty-five minutes, and I couldn’t understand why they hadn’t pulled us onto pit road.

The most entertainment I had was watching a helicopter try and land in this mini hurricane that seemed to be blowing through.

“I’m starving,” I complained again.

“The race has been called,” Kyle announced. “It’s scheduled again for tomorrow.”

“Thank God, now I can eat!”

I fired up the engine. The pace car led us down pit lane.

“Take the car to the—”

His voice came to an abrupt halt the radio went dead. I pressed the button a few times thinking maybe the rain was messing with the interception. It just cracked.

“Kyle?” I asked. “Kyle? You there?”

“Um... yeah, I’m here.” He paused. “Take the car to the hauler.”

“Oh, okay. Don’t we need to take the car to the garage?” If it were a rain out and under the halfway point, we’d be racing tomorrow. Why would I take the car to the hauler?

He was silent for a few moments, his voice sounded considerably different when he spoke. “Shane and Mason will take care of that. Just go to the hauler.”

That was strange.

“What’s going on?”

“Jameson, please take the goddamn car to the hauler,” Kyle stated in a monotone voice.

Something was wrong. I could tell by his tone. Something was definitely wrong.

My heart began beating erratically, and I found it hard to keep the car within the 10 mph speed limit through the pits.

When I pulled up to the hauler, Spencer, Alley, and Aiden were standing outside, under the cover of the awning. The rain had increased to a steady patter.

Their grim expressions told me something was wrong.

Sway wasn’t with them.

I began ripping the hoses, followed by my belts, before I even stopped the car.

“Where is she?” I grabbed Alley by the arm when she walked past, tossing my gloves and helmet inside the car. “Goddamn it, answer me!” She started crying as Spencer stepped between us.

“Jameson, let her go,” Spencer demanded, scowling for good reason.

Alley looked over at me, her mouth turned down as tears slipped. Her eyes focused on mine abruptly, wide with pain.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

“Jameson, you have to calm down before I tell you what I’m about to tell you.”

Oh, well that was really going to make me calm down now.

Are they fucking insane?

“Just... tell me already,” I barked back. “This is as calm as I get!”

“Emma’s with Sway. She—”

“Where is she?” I interrupted, impatiently looking to everyone for answers. “Why isn’t she with you?”

“She...” Alley started crying again and looked at Spencer.

“Jameson... she fell down the stairs in the terrace seating. They’ve transported her to St. Joseph’s hospital in Nashua.”

I felt sick. My stomach dropped out, my heart stilled, and I could almost feel the blood drain from my face. Alley’s voice sounded garbled and distant, even though she was standing right next to me, and I could feel her hand on my face. She continued to yell my name, but my response was frozen in my throat.

Sway was hurt.

I fell to the ground... oh, God... please no... don’t take her from me.

Spencer and Aiden rushed over to me as the sobs broke through.

I suddenly felt the rage boiling inside me. I knew Darrin had something to do with this.

All the warnings, all the words between us over the year flooded my thoughts.

Never did I think he’d actually hurt her. It never crossed my mind. And, all this time, the warning was there. But, most of all, I had pushed him toward that. I had baited him to the one thing that had the power to destroy me—Sway hurting. The worst feeling of all, I knew it now, something he’d known all along.

A burning pain ripped up my veins and tore through my body. I clenched my teeth at the onslaught of pain. I was absolutely furious that he went after her, the one person on this Earth that I loved more than anything—he went after. He knew that without her, there was no me.

Adrenaline coursed through my veins, burning like acid, begging for release, his words haunting me.

I snapped out of my trance at the sound of an engine starting beside us.

“Where’s Emma?” I shouted. “I need to go with them!”

I looked over my shoulder when I heard the vociferation of my team getting the car inside the hauler as quickly as they could.

“Hold on a minute.” Spencer caught me in an iron grasp before I could leave by myself. “You don’t need to see that... believe me. Emma asked that you not go.”

Had everyone lost their goddamned minds today?

“What? If you think I’m staying here you’re—” Alley was suddenly in my face.

“Jameson?” She forced me to look at her. “Jameson? Look at me!” I turned my head reluctantly toward her. “She’s... okay.” Sobs broke through again. “You just... you don’t need to see her right now.”

 “What aren’t you telling me?” I shouted again, she flinched. Spencer wrapped his arms around Alley, giving me a warning look to stop yelling at her.

“Jameson,” she took a long pause, “Sway was pushed down the stairs... by Darrin... the baby wasn’t moving. They... have to run some tests so they air lifted her ten minutes ago.”

I gasped at her words. Spencer, who had actually been rather quiet through all this, besides glaring at me for yelling at Alley, immediately began screaming profanities and went running back inside the hauler.

I could explain what happened to me in that moment as she spoke those words. I couldn’t move. My heart began pounding horribly. Pain so strong, so rough, so real, I didn’t know if I could move... without exploding. I stared at Alley, numb. My knees went out on me again. For a second I thought I would surely die with the anguish. I shook with grief, with overwhelming sobs. I found it difficult to think... to imagine... his hands on her. In that instant, each second, each breath, each excreting emotion... threatened to overtake me.

I felt an abnormally detached feeling as I rose to my feet, moving dream-like. The awful pressing feeling in my chest grew tighter, more painful. I felt sick.

Spencer came running out from the hauler. “Let’s go!”

No one hesitated as we all ran to the Yukon parked beside the hauler.

“Alley, do you know for sure they are taking her to St. Joseph’s?” Aiden asked, climbing into the back seat with me. I was too numb to speak—I wasn’t sure I could.

Why had I let Van take the weekend off? Why wasn’t I with her?

“Yes, I’m positive Emma and Jimi told me St. Joseph’s because...” she paused looking back at me, “they said with the baby only being seventeen weeks gestation, it would be the only hospital that could help her now.”

Alley leaned over to comfort me, but I pushed her away, shaking my head violently. I didn’t want anyone to touch me.

It seemed like it took days to reach Nashua. I hadn’t spoken a word since we left. When Spencer pulled up to the ER entrance, Aiden and I jumped out while Alley and Spencer parked.

“What room is Sway Reins in?” Aiden asked the front desk as we ran through the waiting room.

The young receptionist behind the counter smiled glancing at my racing suit I was still wearing.

“Umm, let me see.” She began looking through the computer. “Do you know when she arrived? I’m not finding anything.”

“I don’t know when she arrived,” he huffed back at her. “They brought her by helicopter.” Aiden was being way more patient with her than I would be.

“Do you know her date of birth?”

Oh, for Christ’s sake, you have to be fucking kidding me!

I snapped.

“Her name is Sway Reins. She is twenty-three years old. Her birthday is September 13, 1980. Now look in your fucking computer and tell me what goddamn room she is in!” I shouted back at her, slamming my fists on the counter in front of me, shaking the computer, pens and brochures gathered on the counter.

She flinched back at my harsh tone and gasped.

Yes, lady, I have aggression issues... deal with it. Everyone else does.

She glared. “She is not in a room,” she chided, rolling her eyes. “She is in the trauma center. No one can see her right now. There is a waiting room for families over there.” She pointed to where we could wait.

Aiden cursed the whole way to the waiting room about how rude she had been to us. I, on the other hand, was numb again. All I wanted to do was be there for her and, instead, she was all alone up there with God knows who caring for her and our baby.

 

As I walked around the hospital aimlessly, I eventually found some vending machines so I decided to get some water for Aiden and me. My throat felt so dry.

Soon enough, I approached the hall leading to the critical care units. A security guard stood firmly outside the doors. Sizing him up I contemplated the variety of ways I could take him down to get to Sway. It wouldn’t be hard, but would surely cause a scene. He had a gun but, at this point, that wouldn’t stop me. He also had pepper spray and a taser. I’d experienced both growing up with Spencer and Sheriff Taylor. Reluctantly, I continued walking in the other direction because the last thing I needed right now was to cause a scene.

After another long two hours of waiting, my dad and my mom came walking down the hall. He was still dressed in his racing suit, as well. Aiden and I looked at each other. I felt nauseous again. Under the queasiness, I felt assuagement that they had been with her.

“Boys, come with me.” His voice was cold, detached. I had never seen my dad behave this way before.

Mom, in tears, moved past us and held up her cell phone. “I think it’s time we call Charlie.”

I nodded and drew in a shaky breath, my hand reached out for the wall beside me.

“Where’s Emma?” Aiden asked him as we began walking with him.

“With the police,” he answered, refusing to look at me as he kept walking toward the long hallway that led to the ICU.

“What are the police doing?” Aiden was trying to get him to give more information, but it was apparent that wasn’t going to happen. I could tell from the look on my dad’s face they weren’t doing a goddamn thing, making my anger peak once again.

“Right now, nothing; there’s nothing they can do until we hear from Sway exactly what happened. They have issued a warrant for his arrest, but nothing has come up.” He opened the door to a secluded room.

“Aiden, I need to speak with Jameson alone for a few moments. I will be right back.”

Breathing heavy, I tried to catch my breath. Gasping for air, I reached for the table to steady myself. My dad noticed. His eyes were watchful of my every motion.

He closed the door behind him and walked over to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Jameson,” he gasped, pulling me into a tight hug.

I twisted away, needing confirmation. Looking into his eyes, I hoped to see encouragement in them that she was all right, but was not finding it.

“Is she ...” I couldn’t finish, gasping.

Please tell me she’s still alive! Please tell me my angel is still breathing!

“Son, they are doing everything they can for her and the baby.” His face was solemn. “I’m sorry.”

“Dad,” I warned.

He closed his eyes for a long moment before speaking in a low, strained voice. This was hard for him, too.

“For now... they are both... stable.” He took a deep breath.

He didn’t look very fucking convincing. If there was ever a point in my life where I thought enough is enough, it was right now. I couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t.

“Jameson, she fell down two flights of stairs and landed on her stomach.” He paused, taking a deep breath, his eyes looking up at me, deciding if he should continue. “Her arm is broken in three different spots, along with two bones in her hand and a few ribs. When she arrived, she was unconscious. There was a bad cut on her head that required about nineteen stitches. Your mom and I arrived about twenty minutes after she got here. The MRI showed no skull fractures or anything of that nature, so that’s good. About a half an hour ago, she woke up. But they had to sedate her when they told her they needed to run some tests on the baby. The ultrasound showed the baby is alive, but it also revealed a placental abruption, meaning that the placenta is separating from the uterus.” I gave a blank stare. “It’s caused the baby to go into distress, and Sway has lost a great deal of blood.”

I tried to understand what he was saying, but it was difficult.

“Can I see her?” I asked, my voice trembling from my body shaking so badly. I could feel the warm tears running down my cheeks.

“Jameson, you need to stay calm, okay, and no, you cannot see her right now. No one but doctors can.” I shook my head violently, trying to comprehend what he was telling me. “Listen to me, son,” he demanded, framing my face with his hands, forcing me to look at him.

His brow furrowed as though he was in pain, too. “This is part of the reason I wanted to speak with you alone. You need to stay calm for Sway and the baby’s sake. You can’t go doing anything stupid right now, but... they have to perform another test—” He stopped mid-sentence when my eyes shot to his. “Jameson,” he warned in a deep stern voice he reserved for threatening people. I knew the voice. I’d perfected it as well.

“Oh, my God.” I shook my head violently, ripping away to pace the floor. “Don’t fucking say, please, don’t fucking say it!” I shouted back at him.

“They need to perform a ra—”

I was out the door before he could finish the sentence.

I was livid. Fucking livid.

Every emotion I’d felt since they told me she’d been hurt was multiplied by a thousand and exploded in a burning incinerator. I was so fucking angry, my entire body shook uncontrollably. Each step was an effort not to crumble to the ground. I reached down and pulled my phone from inside my racing suit, dialing Spencer’s number.

He answered on the first ring. “Spencer?”

“Have you heard from Emma?” he questioned immediately. I could tell he was concerned by the tone of his voice. “How’s Sway?”

“She’s being sedated because the baby is in distress.” My voice was so cold, monotone, I wasn’t sure it was mine. “Where are you?”

“Alley and I got a few hotel rooms for everyone. We’re in the parking lot. Should we come inside?” I could hear Alley in the background grilling him with questions to ask.

“Tell Alley to come in. I will meet you outside.” He caught on to exactly what I was getting at.

I could hear Alley again, “No, Spencer this is a bad idea.”

Neither of us listened.

When I got inside the Yukon, Spencer drove away.

I had no idea where to find Darrin, but I had to.

Once we were on the freeway, Spencer spoke. “I know what you’re thinking, and I couldn’t agree more.” His blank stare focused on the road.

I felt my phone vibrate, drawing me from my thoughts.

I saw it was Emma so I quickly answered. “Where are you? Are you with Sway?”

Emma sniffed, and I could tell she was still crying. “Jameson,” her sobs marred her tone. “I’m so sorry. I should have never let her walk alone, I’m so sorry.” Her voice was trembling, ready to break any second if she thought I was upset at her.

“Emma, it’s not your fault.” My voice cracked. “What happened? Do... you know?”

“I haven’t seen her since we arrived. When we arrived they took her away because the baby wasn’t moving around.”

“That’s...” my sobs broke through again, “that’s not what I’m asking, Emma. No one will tell me what the fuck happened, and I know they are keeping it from me, so please spare me the goddamn bullshit and tell me what happened!” I was yelling by now, and I really wasn’t meaning to but, at that point, nothing could control me.

Emma inhaled a shaky breath before speaking. “Sway had said she had to go to the bathroom, so she left. When twenty minutes went by and she hadn’t returned, I went to look for her. When I found her in the stairwell, she was bleeding everywhere—from her head, body. She kept vomiting over and over again and then eventually she passed out.” She paused. “Jameson?”

“Yeah,” I croaked, trying to control my sobs.

“It was Darrin. Sway was conscious when I found her, and she kept repeating Darrin’s name. She also kept asking for you, but she wasn’t making any sense, just mumbling.”

“Was she um... did he ...” I couldn’t even form the fucking word to ask. I couldn’t say it. I didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want it to be true.

“We don’t know,” Emma cried. “Her pants were ripped off, and she was bleeding from there, but it could have been from the fall.”

Rage hit me like a wrecking ball when she said that. I hung up the phone, not waiting for any more to be said. Tears streamed down my face. I had no idea at this point if Sway was all right or how the baby was, and that was the worst feeling of all. Not knowing.

Thankfully, Spencer gave me my privacy and looked out the window as I silently cried to myself. How would I ever survive without her? I tried once, and it didn’t work. I couldn’t live without Sway. I needed her to survive, and as unhealthy as the bond was, it was a vital one for me.

The rain hung on, rolling over the windshield, morphing into a river of despair I followed, feeling it carry me.

An internal combustion engine goes through four cycles, known as: the suck, squeeze, bang, blow process.

You intake air, compress it, spark, and then it’s blown through the exhaust. It’s not much different than the human respiratory cycle working in tandem with a beating heart.

A few things were vital to an engine. Without them, you were parked. You needed suction, a way to compress the air, a way to create spark and a way to blow that air out. A number of things could go wrong once you had that.

Maybe it was an electrical problem, ignition, compression, or mechanical—the point was that more than one thing was needed for an engine to run successfully. There were a lot of deciding factors.

Most people needed a lot of things to feel alive—to feel fulfilled in life—but you actually only needed one thing to live.

Just as a car needed an engine, you needed a beating heart. 

When someone or something threatened your heart, you responded on instinct. Humans, animals, and even engines all responded in one of those two ways.

You fought or gave in. 

Even an engine, when pushed to its limit, blows. Animals, they attacked. Some may say it was instinct and we couldn’t control it... or could you?

One thing was for sure... I couldn’t when instinct and adrenaline overpowered everything I thought I knew. Not when it came to my reason for living, for feeling alive.

I could fight or give in.

“It’s your call,” Van replied, leaning against the brick wall.

After driving around for three hours, Van had called and said that he found Darrin at a bar right outside of Loudon, having a beer with Mike Tanner. It was such a normal thing to do, but not for someone who just... I couldn’t even think the words without wanting to kill him.

How far would I go to protect her?

The answer: I would do anything.

I was ready for him and, once and for all, I would finish this with him. Regardless of the action, this was my fight to finish.

“He dies,” was my only response before I stormed inside the bar.

Anger, infuriating anger, threatened to overtake me.

When you thought about it, anyone could be considered deadly when they’re angry.

I mean why wouldn’t they be? After all, it was a deadly sin, right? Some didn’t even know it was a deadly sin. 

But the thing with anger that most failed to realize was the power it held. Anger could take down everyone and everything you’d ever known and loved from the pure fury. And that was what made it a deadly sin.

“Jameson, don’t,” my dad warned, stepping in front of me as I walked inside. I don’t know how my dad and Kyle found us, but they did.

“Let go of my arm,” I growled as he tried to hold me back. My breathing was ragged and coming out like something resembling a bull’s right before he charged.

 

SPENCER

 

I knew this was wrong, encouraging him to do this, but it was also my little brother. I would do anything for him—even kill another man.

I would never question his intentions behind it. I would support him.

And Sway, well, she’d been like my sister since they met. I would also do anything for her.

Dad eyed the two of us, but my eyes focused on Jameson’s, red from the tears.

A chill ran through me. Even at his angriest, and I have seen him angry, he had never looked this way before.

Dark lashes shadowed his eyes, but I knew the green was raging. Jameson had never looked so fiercely intimidating as he did right then. His jaw set in a firm hold, eyes had that hard, defying stare he got when he was so intently focused that he wasn’t backing down. His hands fisted, waiting. There was no other option for him right now. This was the only outcome he would settle for.

I couldn’t blame him, though; if this were myself or Alley and my son in the hospital... he’d die for sure.

As a man, nothing could threaten your family, nothing.

 

 

“You’ll ruin your career if you go through with this.”

“Don’t you fucking get it?” Tears spilled over. I stepped forward. “She is everything to me! That baby is everything to me! I’d walk away from it all right now if she asked me to, so fuck my career.”

He pushed in front of me as Kyle stood, blocking, on the other side.

“Jameson!” he screamed in my face. “He’s already in trouble. Let the police take care of this. He broke the restraining order.”

“IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” I roared back. I could feel the veins in my neck pulsing, my fists clenching as my heart pounded. “He doesn’t deserve jail! He deserves more!”

Everyone in the bar turned to look at me, including Darrin.

My stare locked with his. He was waiting for me—I knew that.

It was his plan all along. Take her to get to me. Eye for an eye.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Darrin asked, standing and knocking beers aside. “Shouldn’t you be comforting your broken girl and child?” With a bitter laugh, he casually took a drink of his beer.

As soon as my dad heard his voice, he let go of me, his hands falling to his sides as he stepped back.

It was as if he was silently telling me to go for it.

“Looking for you,” I growled, making my way to the table, completely forgetting everything around me. He asked for this. This was what he wanted, and he was about to see just how violent I could be. I grabbed the edge of the table and sent it flying toward the wall leaving me standing directly in front of him. “You didn’t really think you’d get away with that, did you?”

“I gotta say, Jameson.” The bitter laugh returned as he focused on me, “seeing her crying and beggin’ for me not to hurt the baby was,” his expression grew black, “everything I’d hoped it would be.”

Anger pulsed through, trembling, begging to be released. I wanted to kill him.

I wanted him to die the most painful death imaginable for even touching her and my child.

“You have to be the dumbest motherfuckers I have ever met,” Spencer said darkly, shaking his head, taking another step closer to Mike.

Dad, Kyle, and Van stood protectively by the entrance to the bar, blocking anyone from coming in.

Darrin chuckled as he took another drink of his beer, casually, as though he wasn’t fazed. “You don’t have it in you to kill me.”

“Watch me.”

I was so angry I wasn’t paying attention when he swung, hitting me in the jaw. I couldn’t feel it. I was numb. I jumped on him and began hitting him as hard as I could and envisioning Sway’s broken body with every punch. Darrin struggled violently underneath me, but his attempts were useless. He knew where to hit me, though, and connected a few blunt blows to my ribcage; I could feel the sharp pain shooting throughout my body as my rib snapped under the pressure.

It was nothing compared to the pain I was already feeling.

I welcomed the pain.

I wanted to feel physical pain over this crushing emotional pain.

Spencer had knocked Mike unconscious. He lay bleeding profusely from his mouth—appearing to be missing some teeth.

Darrin squirmed under me again, and I punched him once more, shattering his jaw, knocking him unconscious, but I couldn’t stop. I kept hitting him and repeatedly slamming his head against the ground until I felt someone pulling on me.

I wanted to kill him.

I wanted him to feel the pain I was feeling. I wanted him to feel the physical pain Sway was feeling.

I needed to kill him.

I needed him to feel this, too.

My gaze shifted behind me.

Aiden.

“Jameson, you have to stop,” Aiden urged, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “You’re killing him.”

“That’s... the fucking point, Aiden,” I growled back, continuing to hit Darrin.

The fury had consumed too much of my rationality.

I had no control left.

Aiden grabbed a hold of my suit yanking me backward with the help of Kyle.

“Stop, Jameson!” he yelled. “If you kill him now, you’ll never see her.”

He was right.

I knelt there, trying to calm down and stop the scene from replaying in my mind, but I couldn’t. The images wouldn’t stop.

I fell back to my knees, struggling to breathe, covered in Darrin’s blood. He was starting to stir slightly. I had half a mind to kill him now, but restrained myself. I couldn’t leave Sway.

I reached down and yanked him forward by the collar of his soaked black t-shirt. Blood spilled from his mouth as he tried to speak.

I struggled with myself not to snap his neck and end it. But, then again, I didn’t know if that was something that actually worked or it was just in the movies.

“Don’t you ever touch her again, you hear me?” I leaned closer. “Do you fucking hear me? Next time, you will not be walking away from this. I will kill you! Do you understand?” I growled into his ear as Van walked in. I don’t know how I expected him to answer; he was out cold. Maybe even dead.

“I’ll take it from here, Jameson. You need to leave before someone realizes you were here,” Van advised, slowly walking over. “Jimi is waiting for you.”

Spencer and I shuffled to the door.

“What are you going to do to him?” Spencer asked Van, wiping blood from his hands with his shirt.

Van ran his hand across the back of his neck, his eyes hard and tense as he looked into the darkness of the parking lot. “It’s probably better if you two just leave.”