Cassie

7 weeks later . . .

 

“That one’s not big enough,” Eli insisted with a pout.

“Any bigger than that, kiddo, and we’ll have to cut a hole in the ceiling for the top of the tree,” his dad told him.

“But I want the biggest tree.”

“This one is plenty big,” Nikolai said, sidling up next to the tree. “See, it’s taller than me.”

“But what about that one?” Eli pointed at another tree across the lot.

Nikolai sighed, his breath visible in the chilly air, and then the three of us, in our heavy coats, gloves, and scarves, trudged over there. Nikolai and Eli spent ten minutes arguing about whether the tree was too big for their ceiling. In the end, Nikolai cut the tree down and the tree farm people came over with a trailer to haul it to the machine that wrapped the thing in a sort of netting, so they could load it into the back of Nikolai’s truck. I was just along for the ride. Grandmama had put up her fake tree the day after Thanksgiving. Nikolai was the only person who seemed to think it was acceptable to wait until Christmas was only a week away to put up a tree and start decorating.

All my life, my family had had a fake Christmas tree. This was the first time I got to be a part of picking out and cutting down a real one. It was entertaining to say the least. The thing was monstrous. Nikolai was probably right, and it wouldn’t even fit in the house, but it was fun watching him struggle to get it out of the truck and curse the whole way up the drive and onto the porch. I helped the best I could, carrying the top of the tree, while Nikolai had the bulk of it. Eli stood back and watched us both, holding back his laughter, which I think he knew his dad would not have appreciated.

Somehow, we managed to get it inside, and through to the corner in the dining room where we’d placed the tree stand after deciding that was the best place for it. When we stood it up, the top of the tree scraped across the ceiling. I saw the tick in Nikolai’s jaw. I stifled a giggle. He didn’t say a word, but we hauled it back outside where he cut the netting away, trimmed a few inches off the trunk and then took some of the limbs off around the bottom. This time when we got it inside, it went into the stand with room to spare for the angel on top.

We were all wet and cold and tired from our adventure. We persuaded Eli to take a warm bath while I made hot cocoa. After we were all warmed up, Nikolai dumped the bags of lights and ornaments we’d gone out and purchased the day before, onto the carpet in front of the tree and told us to go to town, that his part in all this was done.

“You two wanted a tree. You got a tree. Now, you two can decorate the tree,” he said when I gave him a bad time. He left us to the decorating and found a football game on the TV.

When the last ornament had been placed, I grabbed a chair, so Eli could climb up and put the angel on top.

I hit the button to flip on the lights and Eli jumped down from the chair. “Look, Dad!”

Nikolai glanced over his shoulder, and then stood and came around the couch to stand beside us. He tucked an arm around me and rustled his hand over Eli’s hair. “You guys did good.”

I had to agree. The colored lights bounced off the shiny ornaments and cast a beautiful glow about the room. The angel shone brightly on top, and the smell of pine, or fir, or whatever kind of tree it was, permeated the air.

I leaned my head on Nikolai’s shoulder and squeezed his hand.

“Now we’re ready for Christmas,” Eli announced, still admiring our tree.

“I think you’re forgetting something.”

Eli tilted his head and a puzzled frown tugged at his features. “What?”

“Do you remember those special things Aunt Nora’s mom made for us?”

His face lit up, “Oh yeah!”

“Go get them. The hooks are already on the mantle.”

Eli darted into the kitchen and I looked at Nikolai. “Did Mrs. Scott make you guys stockings?”

“She did. But not just us.”

Eli reappeared holding up three big stockings. He took them over to the mantle and hung them one by one. The pattern on the first one was green with darker green trees and snowflakes falling to a snowy ground, and a big jolly Santa Claus carrying a sack of toys. Across the top, “Dad” was embroidered in gold. The one that hung in the middle was blue with snowmen, and across the top in silver was, “Cassie.” The last one was red and featured an adorable bunch of scarf wearing animals—a polar bear, a penguin, and a reindeer. Eli’s name was embroidered in gold above them.

“I get a stocking?” I practically squealed.

“Of course you do!” Eli exclaimed.

“You can’t be the only one who doesn’t have one when we come downstairs on Christmas morning,” Nikolai added.

I looked up at him. “Am I going to be here on Christmas morning?” I’d stayed most nights in the past month, but I figured Christmas morning would be for the two of them.

“Eli and I discussed it, and we think that since your parents are in town and staying with your Grandmama, and she won’t be alone on Christmas, you should spend the night and be here for Christmas morning. And then we were thinking you could spend every night here.”

My mouth fell open, but words didn’t come out. I snapped it closed and then let what he’d said truly sink in. “Every night.” I said slowly.

Eli was nodding his head excitedly like a maniac.

“You guys want me to move in?” I asked, wanting to make sure I really was understanding this.

Eli came to stand next to his father and they were both grinning at me.

“That’s the gist, pet.”

“As in live here. With you guys?”

“Well, we’re not planning to move out, so, yeah.”

“But . . . are you sure?”

“We wouldn’t be asking if we weren’t.”

“But—”

“Not buts. It’s just yes or no.”

“Don’t you want to live with us?” Eli asked.

“I can’t think of anything I want more, but now I don’t know what I’ll ask Santa for. I just got everything I wished for.”

Eli grinned and threw his arms around my waist, squeezing me tightly. I squeezed him back and told myself not to cry, but I could feel the tears building anyway. When Eli let me go, Nikolai pulled me in for a kiss. I stopped it at the last second with a finger on his lips. I leaned back, his arms locked around my waist. “You’re really, really sure about this? Because living together is about as messy and complicated as it gets.” We argued only marginally less these days. He was still stubborn and arrogant and bossy, and I was totally, completely in love with him.

“Pet, shut up and let me kiss you,” he murmured against my finger, and then reached up and caught my wrist, dragging my hand away from his mouth.

“Living together is just so big, I want to make sure you’ve thought it through, because once I move in, you’re not getting me to move back out.”

“We’re both really, really sure. I’m not asking you this lightly. I’ve thought about it, including how it affects Eli, and I want to be all in. I love you and I want messy and complicated as long as it’s with you.”

He loved me?

He loved me?

I mean, he’d sort of implied it more than once over the last month, but he hadn’t said it, said it.

“Okay,” I smiled and let him kiss me this time, the fluttering in my stomach and chest out of control. I couldn’t help the excitement that bubbled up and spilled out in a crying laugh as he lifted me off my feet and spun me in front of the tree. When he set me back down, I wiped at the happy tears that had spilled over. “I love you too, both of you.”

Eli smiled big. “What about the other surprise, Dad? Are you going to give her the—” Nikolai clamped a hand over Eli’s mouth before he could say another word.

“Let’s save that one for a little later, kiddo,” he said and then he winked at me. My heart fluttered wildly, and I laughed again.

It wasn’t until I was in the car, on my way back to Grandmama’s that I realized I had to tell her I was moving out. And my parents were here, so that meant telling them too. They’d only met Nikolai and Eli once when they came over for dinner last week after my parents got to town. I think they liked Nikolai. I know they loved Eli, but what would they think of me living with them? My stomach sank.

I was incredibly anxious as I sat them all down in the living room. And then I just blurted it out.

I couldn’t have been more surprised when Grandmama jumped up excitedly and grabbed me to her, squeezing me almost as hard as Eli had.

“I’m so happy for you baby girl!” she cried. My parents’ reactions were a little more reserved. They wanted to make sure I wasn’t rushing into it and that I’d fully thought it through. Grandmama surprised me again, by shushing them and telling them not to get in the way of love.

“When it’s right, it’s right and there’s no sense trying to stop it or slow it down,” she said. “And if these two stubborn fools couldn’t get in their own way,” she winked at me and squeezed my hand, “I don’t think anyone or anything else will either.”

I smiled at her gratefully, “But are you sure you’ll be okay here by yourself?”

“Don’t you worry about me,” she waved her hand, but I couldn’t help it. I was worried, and I felt badly about leaving her.

“About that,” my mother said. “We have some news as well. We’ve decided Florida isn’t really for us. All that sunshine,” she turned up her nose. “We’re moving back home.”

“What?” I cried.

“We never should have left,” my father said. “Florida is nice for a vacation, but this is home.”

All my wishes really were coming true.

And I realized something else, thinking back on the conversation I’d had with Reggie about endings. Even though this seemed like a pretty good one, it wasn’t. It was still only just the beginning. The end of one chapter, is really just the start of the next one.

 

***

 

This couldn’t be it.

No.

This couldn’t.

Why didn’t he see? Why didn’t he see that we belonged together? He was mine and I was his. We were supposed to be a family. Everything I did, I did for them. Why didn’t he understand that?

It was her fault.

She ruined everything.

Cassie Rogers.

She took everything from me.

“How are you doing this morning, Sarah?” Dr. Loomis sat down across from me at the table and I dragged my gaze away from the window.

“I shouldn’t be here,” I seethed.

“Sarah, you know why you’re back here. You’re not well.”

“I don’t belong in here,” I hissed. “I belong out there. With him.”

“Why don’t we talk about him, Sarah, and that night he saved your life?”

I jerked my head side to side.

“No? Then how about a game of chess? You like to play chess.”

I gave a nod.

Moves and countermoves. That’s all it was. I just needed another move. This wasn’t check mate.

 

 

The end. For now.