Reagan Ann pushed the tiny cart with the tall red flag through the store, its wheels squeaking and clicking against the tile. Freddie couldn’t decide if it was a design feature meant to alert other shoppers that there was a five-year-old with a shopping cart on the loose, or if the wheels were in need of some grease. After Reagan Ann narrowly dodged T-boning an elderly woman pushing a shopping cart, Freddie came to the conclusion that it was a safety feature. There was definitely danger in letting a tiny human operate a shopping cart, and the universe at large deserved to be made aware of it.

“Reagan Ann,” Freddie warned as softly as he could after the near collision. “Remember what I said when you asked if you could have a cart?”

“You said that I needed to keep my eyes on the floor ahead of me, and to be careful around corners,” Reagan Ann said, frowning. “And I was looking, Daddy, I promise! I really was! I’m sorry. Please don’t take my cart away from me.”

Freddie dropped a hand on her narrow shoulder and squeezed. “You’re not in trouble, sweetheart. I just need you to be careful, okay? Move slowly, don’t make turns too sharply, and be aware that there are other shoppers here today, okay?”

“Okay.” Reagan Ann brushed at her eyes with the back of her hand. She sniffled, but otherwise held herself together. “Can I keep going? I can keep pushing the cart? I don’t wanna have to give it back. I wanna keep pushing it...”

“You can keep going. You made a mistake, but what do we do with our mistakes?”

“We learn from them,” Reagan Ann said with a little more hope in her voice than before. “I’m learning, Daddy. I am.”

“Then that’s all you need.” He bent down to kiss the top of her head, and she cooed for him. Then, laying it on extra thick, she abandoned her cart to hug him tightly. “I love you, Reagan Ann, even when you make mistakes.”

“I love you, too, Daddy,” she said. She smiled up at him, detached from his leg, and returned to the cart. “Now let’s go find dinner!”

Dinner, Freddie was pretty sure, was going to be macaroni and cheese from a box. He was too exhausted to fix anything special, and money was tight. They’d be eating a lot more pasta in the next few weeks. He hoped he could get Reagan Ann to eat rice and beans. Saving on groceries would be a big help, and getting foods he could set in the rice cooker and forget about for a while would be helpful. He needed to make sure he had the cash on hand for two months’ worth of security deposit. He’d been approved for the rental home, but because he had no stable source of employment or income, he’d been asked for a heftier initial deposit to compensate.

Money was tighter than it had ever been before, and Freddie had begun to consider getting a full-time job again to pay the bills. He didn’t want to be a corporate wage slave, but he couldn’t deny the perks. Not worrying about high self-employment taxes was a huge plus, as were the benefits he would receive. Health insurance for himself and Reagan Ann was over a thousand dollars a month, and handing that expense back to an employer would be a definite perk.

Reagan Ann turned down one of the grocery store aisles. Freddie followed her, not paying close attention to what was going on. His thoughts were divided between what they’d need to buy to get through the next few weeks, how much money he could afford to spend on food like that, and his current employment situation.

He barely noticed when Reagan Ann came to a sudden stop, but he did notice when she gasped, then bolted from her cart.

“Reagan Ann!” Freddie cried after her. He gave chase immediately, his heart pounding with sudden fear. If she got lost in a place like this...

But Reagan Ann didn’t go far. She skidded to a stop in front of another customer, and it wasn’t until Freddie stopped behind her that he saw who it was.

Luke.

“Luke!” Reagan Ann exclaimed. She grabbed his hand, mortifying Freddie in the process. “Hi Luke! Hi!”

“Hi Reagan Ann,” Luke said with the same, easy smile he always had. It made Freddie feel worse. He knew that he’d been wrong, and there were hard feelings between them, but it looked like Luke had moved on without issue. “It’s good to see you.”

“I missed you!” Reagan Ann gushed. “I keep asking Daddy when you’re going to come over. I want to go to the park again. I want to go to the movies! Do you think we can go to the movies again? I miss you soooo much.”

Luke’s smile grew, and it pierced Freddie’s heart like an arrow. When he smiled for Reagan Ann, there was such genuine emotion in his face that Freddie knew he wasn’t faking it. Luke adored his daughter.

“I don’t know what movies are in the theaters right now. I haven’t been looking. Maybe you and your dad can take a look, and you can decide on something, hm? I’m sure that your dad would love to take you when he isn’t busy working hard to make sure you’ve got everything you need.”

We haven’t even said hello to each other... we haven’t even acknowledged the other person exists. If he hates me, he’s doing such a good job of not showing it to Reagan Ann. But maybe...

“No.” Reagan Ann scowled. She looked over her shoulder at Freddie with what Freddie could only describe as contempt. He wasn’t used to seeing his cheerful daughter look like that. “Daddy is always busy. Always.”

Reagan Ann had never mentioned anything about his hectic schedule before. When she felt lonely, she came to sit with him in the kitchen, and they talked and laughed. He’d promised that when she was older, she could help him decorate the cupcakes... but until then, she’d been learning through observation. He’d thought it was enough, but he guessed he was wrong.

“I don’t think that’s true,” Luke said.

“I do.” Reagan Ann shuffled a little closer to Luke. “That’s probably why you haven’t come to see me. He’s busy all the time. He doesn’t have time to play with me anyone. Not you, not me.”

“You’re being too hard on him,” Luke insisted.

“No!”

Luke looked at Freddie. It was the first time he’d acknowledged that Freddie was there. Freddie didn’t think he looked hostile or otherwise displeased. Instead, he looked regretful. Almost as soon as their eyes met, Luke looked away.

“Well, it’s okay to feel the way you do,” Luke said. “You’re entitled to all of your emotions, and no one is allowed to tell you otherwise... but I know for a fact that even if you feel like your dad is too busy, he’s doing it because he loves you and wants to care for you.”

“I miss when we had fun with you,” Reagan Ann said. She’d asked about Luke before, but she’d never been so candid with her thoughts. It broke Freddie’s heart to think that his little girl was suffering in silence. He wished he had known sooner. The whole point of him working from home was so he could spend time with her, but if she was feeling neglected when he was at home, maybe it was better he return to the workforce.

“There will be fun days coming up again soon,” Luke promised. “Hard times don’t last forever. I know it feels like they do, but you’ll see.”

“I hope so.” Reagan Ann sighed dramatically. “So can we please see a movie if I get Daddy to look at the theaters?”

“You’re going to have to ask him, kiddo. I can’t promise anything.” Luke winked. “And I’ve got to get going. I’ve got some frozen food in my shopping cart, and I don’t want it to melt before I get home. Melted ice cream wouldn’t be fun, would it? All warm and sour?”

“Icky!”

“I think so, too.” Luke mussed Reagan Ann’s hair. “It was nice seeing you again, little miss. I’ve got to get going now.”

“Bye bye, Luke.”

“Bye!” Luke smiled at her — one of the genuine smiles that broke Freddie’s heart — then spared Freddie one more look. When their gazes met, Freddie’s heart skipped a beat. He wanted to blurt out an apology, but his tongue tripped, and his mind refused to focus. His body short-circuited when Luke was so close, looking as good as he did. Freddie couldn’t hope to think straight. “Bye, Daddy.”

Freddie opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Luke passed him by, then disappeared down the aisle.

“I miss Luke, Daddy,” Reagan Ann admitted with another sigh when he was gone. “Can we please go out to see a movie together soon? Please?”

“We’ll see, baby,” Freddie murmured. His pulse was off the chart. “We’ll see.”

* * *

Aaron gifted them the futon. For now, it was where Reagan Ann would continue to sleep. She didn’t seem to mind it, and it fit in her new room nicely, but Freddie still felt terrible that he couldn’t afford to buy her a new bed for the moment. The insurance payout he was waiting for was taking its sweet time to process, and, as always, there were complications with his claim.

He wasn’t getting as much money back as he should have, and it only served to drag his spirits further down.

The cozy house with the stained glass windows looked bigger than it was without furniture to fill it. Freddie had gone thrift shopping, and he’d found some cheap household essentials, but he hadn’t found everything they needed to make their new house feel like home. There was a kitchen table and an old, sagging couch, a few kitchen supplies, including utensils, plates, and bowls, and their bedroom necessities. Reagan Ann had the futon, and he’d found a second-hand queen-sized mattress that was in rough condition, but sleepable. With a mattress cover and some extra blankets, Freddie made the most of it.

He wished Luke had been there to help him move it.

Once upon a time, Luke had stood in the house with them. Freddie imagined him standing in it now, strikingly handsome and ever-charismatic. With his sunny smile and his mischievous eyes, he could light up any room.

I should have said something at the grocery store. He was right there. He didn’t even look angry. It was my chance, and I blew it.

Freddie covered his eyes with his hands and sighed. He was resting on his bed, postponing the baking he had to do for the day. It was still early in the morning — around four — and as long as he was in the kitchen by five, he figured he’d be fine.

If I’d said something, maybe Luke would be in bed with me right now, complaining about how hilly it is. He’d be making me laugh. Or, maybe, he’d be grumbling about getting up early on his day off, and he’d be kissing me to try keeping me in bed a little longer...

Hot lips on his. A sturdy male body weighing his down. Luke’s erection brushing his, making him crave more... Freddie bit his lip, and his hand wandered down his body until he cradled his semi-hard cock. All it took was a few strokes to get it to full mast.

He let out a breath of air between his teeth and let his hand do the work, stroking his erection through his boxers. The room had been too hot to sleep in pajamas, so he’d gone to bed almost-nude. Now he was glad for it. The silken fabric massaged his cock, and Freddie started to work his hips slowly to take further advantage of his palm.

If Luke was here, he’d already be pumping me, trying to get me to come. He’d whisper filthy things to me, and we’d curl up beneath the sheets together and wrestle for dominance until I let him take what he wants. He’d fuck me, slowly, making sure I feel it...

Freddie’s thoughts kept heating up, and he let out another hiss of air from between his teeth as pleasure sparked through him. He slipped his hand beneath his boxers and gripped his shaft while his other hand searched out the lube he kept near the bedside. He found it, popped the cap, and let his hand leave his cock so he could squirt some on his hand before he resumed. The cooling lubricant tingled, and his stimulation increased tenfold.

Oh fuck, it feels so good...

Freddie worked into his slick hand, fucking it if only so he could hear the sounds and imagine it was his body giving in to Luke’s needy cock. The tingling worked its way into his balls, and an icy chill swept through him that left him breathless. He rolled over so he was on his stomach and started to thrust into his hand, working his hips against the bed.

Good. So good. So fucking good!

Luke would make his eyes roll back into his head. Luke would make the regret and the pain disappear at once. Luke would fuck some sense into him and make him stop worrying so goddamn much.

Together, they could recover what Freddie had lost in the fire. Together, they could make a new life.

Freddie moaned. Orgasm was close, and he knew it.

He wanted it to happen when he was thinking of Luke.

His perfect, windswept blond hair. His smile. The whites of his teeth. His laugh...

Freddie grunted and rolled onto his back. He bore upward, imagining Luke on top of him.

He’d never had a chance to discover how Luke’s cock felt inside of him, or how wonderful it would be to trade on and off all night. He regretted it. He regretted so much.

Another muffled cry. In his mind’s eye, Luke was bare inside him, and he was getting ready to shoot. It was a fantasy Freddie loved to entertain, but never one he allowed to happen in real life. But the thought of Luke fucking him raw? Of skin to skin without latex in between? Or the risk he’d take in exchange for how hot it was to know he carried Luke’s seed inside of him even after Luke pulled out?

Freddie’s whole body tensed, and he came explosively into his hand. His cum flowed liberally, and by the time he was done, he was out of breath and exhausted.

It was almost four-thirty. He had to get up.

Freddie hobbled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. He cleaned up quickly, brushed his teeth and combed his hair, then reported to the kitchen to get to work. He had orders to fill, and no one was going to get them done but himself. Fantasies could wait. For now, reality was the most pressing.

Maybe, when he had a break in his hectic schedule, he could find time to make things right... with Freddie, with Reagan Ann, and with himself.