~ Ava

For a long beat, I merely stared at Ares in shock. I had listened to his entire tale without a single word, emotions churning so powerfully within me that they threatened to make me sick.

It all made sense now—the womanizing, the playboy jaunts, the relentless spending sprees... even obsession with his company. It was all a bid to make him forget the pain of his past. Ares Wolfe’s greatest secret was that he was human, just like the rest of us, and being in control kept him from going off the mortal coil.

I had asked him to give up that control more than once now, and I realized how difficult it must have been for him to do so. Guilt curdled harsh and sour in my belly, even as my heart broke for him. What the hell kind of monster would rob him of his own child? I couldn’t even begin to imagine what he must have been through.

Slowly, I made my way through the mountain of cushions to his side to cup his face. The sorrow in those gray eyes of his made my chest tighten and I lowered my mouth to press a chaste kiss against his lips. “Ares... none of that was your fault,” I finally spoke in a low, reassuring tone. “Not one bit.”

“No,” His reply was intense—anguished. “You don’t understand. If I could have kept a tighter rein on her... if I could have changed the way she felt... If I could have been there for her, regardless of the breakup...  I could have kept her from getting rid of the kid. I know I could have…”

“Ares, there’s no way you could know—”

“My old man was a rat bastard, Ava,” Ares cut me off softly, his eyes gleaming with quiet rage. “I would never treat my child like that. Ever. A kid needs to be cherished—loved and spoiled and appreciated and I want... I want...” Ares words faltered as his eyes slid tightly closed, a single tear sliding over his chiseled jaw.

Immediately, my heart swelled as I took him into my arms, holding him close. The man was twice my size—immense, muscled, powerful and one of the most influential men on the planet. But, in that moment, he was also one of the most vulnerable. “Shhh.” I hushed him softly, stroking his hair as I fought my own tears. “You’re right, Ares. You’re absolutely right. One day you’ll have kids, and I know you’ll be an amazing father. Look at you... you rose above your circumstances to get to where you are... that’s no small feat.” The man’s burly arms wrapped around my waist as he held me tightly, his face pressed against my neck. There were no more tears, but the tension in his body spoke volumes of the grief he suppressed.

This wasn’t what I planned. I told myself I’d be with Ares one last time before I dropped the bomb... but now, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. He needed me and, after watching him open himself up to me the way he had, I wondered if I could really let him go. This man was more, so much more, than anyone gave him credit for. He was sensitive, talented, intelligent, funny, and so human it stole the life from me.

I wanted to be there for him. Maybe he thought he couldn’t love again, but perhaps he could trust... and with time, who knew? If I kept him close and allowed him the control he sought every now and again, things could be intimate between us.

Things could be right.

That was really all I could ask for.

**

Ares ended up staying the night and most of the next day. Though he sobered soon after our discussion and insisted that he was all right, I knew better than to take his word for it. He was still hurting inside, and so I took it upon myself to take care of him. For a few hours, it wasn’t about us being publicist and client, or even a powerful man and his lover. We were equals. I made him dinner with the bare bones ingredients in my pantry and he insisted it was delicious, though I knew he had to be lying through his teeth. We showered together in an effort to clean up from the luxurious love we made in front of the fireplace and only ended up going at it again in the shower. The second time was more Ares’ flavor: rough; frantic; and explosive but that was what he needed and so I gave it to him.

My bed was far too small for him but he slept pressed up against me, his breathing deep, soft, and even and, as I watched him, warmth filled my chest. Despite what I told myself about this man; despite all the warnings and promises I made, here I was, confused, hopeful, and scared, all at once. As long as Ares needed me, I would try to be there. He needed someone who understood, and right now, that someone was me.

Eventually, however, the real world intervened. Both Ares and I had to go to our respective offices the next day, and I never found it so hard to leave my bed as when Ares was in it. Ultimately, however, he rose as well. While I made him coffee, he hovered over me in the kitchen, stealing kisses and groping the softer parts of me until I was aching and unsteady, completely incapable of concentrating. The only way I got breakfast made was by shooing him out of the kitchen—and then, I only just managed.

After we ate and before he left, Ares graced me with a long, lingering kiss that said everything he couldn’t. That he’d miss me. That he didn’t want to leave. I kissed him back for as long as I could without wanting to fall into bed with him all over again, and then I let him leave.

Despite the fact that he’d only been in my apartment for a single night, the small space felt somehow emptier without him. I got ready for work quickly, slipping into a Chanel sheath he’d bought me even though I wasn’t scheduled to meet with Ares that day. Dressing up reminded me of him and how he looked at me when I stepped into his office, wrapped in designer duds.

As I left my apartment, my phone buzzed and I grinned, thinking it might be Ares. When I turned the screen on, however, I faced a text message from my mother.

Good Morning, Dear! Just a quick reminder that the gala is this weekend! Hope you’re excited.

I groaned inwardly at the very prospect. I was the exact opposite of excited. But, I didn’t have to deal with that now. I had an entire week of work ahead of me—and at least one or two meetings with Ares. That meant a whole five days of peace before I’d be forced to face the music.

And I could certainly contend with that.

Unfortunately, the week didn’t play out as smoothly as I planned. As I’d officially been contracted with Ares for two months and his stockholders were pleased with the overall revamping of his image, the company took their cut that Tuesday. I’d been so elated with my gigantic paycheck that I’d almost forgotten that the company was due fifteen percent. When I checked my bank account the evening after the transaction, I cringed. I’d have to curb my spending a bit in the coming weeks if I wanted to make sure I had all the cash for a down payment on the townhouse.

On Wednesday, I was scheduled to meet Ares downtown but got a text message from him apologizing, citing that he had to reschedule. Apparently, he was needed on site in Toronto, and he’d be out of town for the next two days... which meant that our next meeting was a no-go also. I hid my disappointment, wishing him a safe journey.

During the next two days, whenever I wasn’t occupied speaking with Ares’ stockholders or dealing with daily activities in my own office, I contemplated calling him. Ares had told me that he didn’t do relationships—or, at the very least, that they were hard for him, which meant I shouldn’t bother him—I shouldn’t badger him and I certainly shouldn’t give him the impression that I needed him.

While his contract did provide for me, I tried to tell myself there was nothing more I needed from him—and it would do well to have my behavior reflect that. When he wanted me, he would call. He would make himself available.

So, somehow, I refrained.

On Friday night I perched on my couch, watching an appearance I scheduled for him on re-run. While he looked amazing in a turtleneck and khakis, I missed those suits of his. The ones that clung to his body perfectly and made him look absolutely scrumptious.

Goddamn it. I needed something else to occupy my time. It was hard enough to be all but sitting smack dab in the middle of the last place Ares and I made love, but pining for him? That was uncharacteristic, even for me. By late Friday night, I was looking for any distraction—any at all.

I should have been more careful what I wished for.

Lilah called me around ten in the evening—what was it with her and all these late-night calls? Certainly, it was Friday, but my sister was downright predictable when it came to her schedule. She should be safely tucked in by nine-thirty.

After the pleasantries had been exchanged, she immediately peppered me with questions about the gala. “Did you get a dress for the gala yet, Ava?”

Sighing, I fidgeted with the hem of my nightgown. “Maybe?”

Lilah exhaled an exasperated sigh. “You haven’t, have you? That fancy new contract and all that money in the bank and you can’t even spare any for our mother?”

I winced. It wasn’t that I was avoiding buying the dress. I’d just had a busy week. The matter completely slipped my mind. “I’ll pick up something tomorrow morning.”

Lilah made a frustrated sound in the back of her throat. “Do you need me to come with you? The last time we let you pick your own dress—”

“I can find a dress, Lilah.” I cut her off, working hard to keep the irritation from my voice. “You might be surprised.”

“Lovely. Surprise me, then.” In the wake of the supposed heart-to-heart we had after my argument with Meredith, she’d gone back to being catty and difficult to deal with—but I told myself this was a single event. Once I made it through the following night, I wouldn’t have to deal with them for another long stretch—until they needed me to make another appearance somewhere to remind their friends that I did, indeed, exist.

I managed to get off the phone by promising that I would find a dress both proper and jaw-dropping before trudging down the hall to my bedroom. I spread out in bed, getting comfortable as I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep.

I didn’t get very far. After two minutes of lying silently in the darkness, Ares was there. I imagined him slipping into bed behind me, pressing the length of his body up against mine so I could feel the hard strength of him. He would kiss my neck until I squirmed as his hand snaked down between my thighs... much like my own was doing now.

I was wet.

Achingly so.

Biting my lip, I began to touch myself—though it was nowhere near as earth-shattering as when Ares took me into his deft hands. When I came, it was with his name on my lips, and when I came down, the guilt kept me from sleeping for a long, long while.

The next day passed in a blur. I woke early in hopes of finding the perfect dress well before noon—but the task was easier said than done. Macy’s frustrated me, Saks intimidated me, and Century 21 seemed a bit low brow for what my mother and sister were obviously looking for. After no small amount of hesitation, I found myself back at the shop where Ares had first taken me to spice up my wardrobe. When I went inside, I half-expected the clerk to treat me like chattel. After all, Ares was nowhere to be found and I was dressed casually—in jeans and a baggy t-shirt.

The red-head, however, greeted me like an old friend and soon had me set up with an armful of dresses that took me half the afternoon to try on. When I finally found one I liked, the price tag made me swoon. I remembered how easily Ares had brought a whole handful of similarly priced garments and agonized for a full half-hour over whether or not to buy the dress before I decided, screw it. I didn’t have time to be indecisive. The damned gala was in three hours and I still had makeup and hair to do.

When I prepared to check out, however, the clerk waved my card away.

“No worries, Ms. Parker. I’ll charge it to Mr. Wolfe’s account.”

My eyes widened at the very prospect. “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly—”

“He called the store and instructed that, if you ever to come back, to charge all your purchases to his account.” She smiled mischievously. “You wouldn’t want to get me in trouble, would you?”

And just that easily, she slid me into a niche between a rock and a hard place. Still completely wary of the entire process, I let her charge the fifteen-hundred-dollar garment to Ares’ account, wondering how many ways he was going to kill me when he found out.

That said... the dress was absolutely stunning. It was an emerald green that brought out my eyes, the back was cut low while the front was fairly conservative, revealing only a hint of cleavage. I rushed to the salon to get what I hoped was a fancy looking updo, and then to a department store counter to get my makeup professionally done. By the time I got back to my apartment, there was a scant hour left before I had to be off to Tribeca where the event was being held.

I slipped into the dress and rummaged through my bureau to find some suitable jewelry. Eventually, I came up with a gold necklace hung with a tiny emerald—one of the last gifts my father had given me before he died. With a rueful smile, I fastened it around my neck before adding some diamond studs, and then I was on my way out the door.

Of course, my taxi got caught in traffic. Under any other circumstances, I wouldn’t have cared. I might have even enjoyed the leisurely car ride. Instead, I tried not to bite my nails as I imagined how pissed Meredith was going to be when I showed up half an hour late.

Sure enough, when I arrived, I had barely stepped into the ornately decorated ballroom before my arm was taken in an iron grip and I was steered off to the side.

“You’re late.” Meredith didn’t even bother with the pleasantries. She was dressed in a white gown that hugged a figure kept well in check by daily jogs and yoga classes. The rope of diamonds around her neck couldn’t be described as anything other than ostentatious and her hair was pulled back tightly from her face, making her look older than she was. “Come here, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

As if I could refuse.

I let her drag me along, smiling at everyone she told me to smile at and greeting those who she couldn’t afford to ignore. Ultimately, we ended up in a corner of the crowded ballroom where Lilah waited with her snooty fiancé. While the man might have been handsome, he wore a permanent sneer on his face, making it look as if he’d always smelt something bad. He was clad in an Armani suit that hugged his slender form and I couldn’t help but compare him to Ares’ tall, muscular body in my head. My sister was at his side—I had never seen them holding hands in public and they weren’t now. In fact, I didn’t think I had ever seen them even be remotely affectionate with each other.

But I was fairly certain Lilah wasn’t marrying the man for love. He was a Wall Street hedge fund manager, and she was his arm candy. That said, she looked pretty damned gorgeous in a short blue cocktail number, with her hair draped long and sleek down her back.

Standing next to them was a handsome man that I didn’t know—his gray suit was obviously designer, and it complimented his blue eyes. Dark brown hair swept back from a wide brow and his mustache and goatee were neatly trimmed.

“Here she is!” Meredith singsonged, dragging me toward the man in question. “Thank you for being so patient. My daughter can be a bit scatterbrained sometimes.” I rolled my eyes discreetly as she proceeded to introduce us. “Ava, darling, this is Hamilton Carmichael, the surgeon I told you about. Hamilton, this is my daughter, Ava.”

Before the man could take my hand to shake, I immediately balked, turning to eye my mother incredulously.

“Mother, can I have a word with you? Somewhere in private?” This time, it was me who dragged her in the direction of the washrooms. When we reached the tiny marble alcove, I whirled on her, my face flushed. “I thought I told you I didn’t need a date!”

“Oh, nonsense, darling.” My mother waved the words off as if they were so many annoying mosquitos. “Hamilton’s a charming young man, Ava. I know you’ll like him.”

“Mother...” I groaned, at a loss. I wanted to argue—to tell her that there were no circumstances that could coerce me into spending an already painful evening with a man of her choosing—but the look on her face gave me pause. There was hope there, and desperation. Inwardly, I groaned.

This was supposed to be her night. They were honoring her with an award and it was her time to shine. Though my mother and I might not get along very well, it would be beneath me to cause trouble for her today. Besides, all I had to do was spend time with the guy. I didn’t owe him anything else, despite what Meredith might have told him.

Reaching up, I toyed with the small emerald around my neck, praying to my father to give me strength. “Fine. I’ll entertain him. But only tonight and only until the event is over.”

“Wonderful, darling!” I wasn’t sure she heard anything other than what she wanted to, but Meredith beamed, moving forward to envelop me in a rare hug. “I know you two will hit it off.”

By the time we returned, Lilah and her beau had gone off somewhere to hobnob and my mother was close behind them—meaning that I was immediately left alone with super-surgeon and my future husband, Hamilton. Reluctantly, I held out my hand. “Sorry for running off like that. I needed a little emergency pow-wow with my mother.”

To my surprise, he laughed softly. “I understand completely. Parents can sometimes be completely overbearing.”

“Right.” My reply was faint and surprised. What would he know about overbearing parents? For all intents and purposes, he was probably exactly what his parents wanted... at least, that’s the impression I got. “Your parents on your back about being a surgeon much?”

Hamilton winced. “They wanted me to be a banker... you can’t imagine the hurdles I had to jump through to practice medicine. I wanted to help people... handling someone else’s dirty money doesn’t appeal to me.”

Now I was even more surprised. Though my own mother was a surgeon, I didn’t hear her talk much about helping people. She was far more concerned with taking prestigious patients and the paychecks that came with them. “I suppose I shouldn’t tell you that Lilah’s fiancé is a banker, then.”

Hamilton rolled his eyes, the corners of his mouth turning upward in amusement. “Guy’s about as interesting as a piece of burnt toast.”

I couldn’t help but giggle. “That’s about what his cologne smells like.”

By now, Hamilton was grinning. “Shall we get some champagne and continue this conversation in the awards hall? I can’t imagine your mother would like you missing her recognition for treating the mayor’s heartburn.”

This night might just be better than I thought. I had never in a million years imagined my mother might choose someone compatible with me but maybe, just maybe she had misread Hamilton—just like she misread me.

As the night went on, my intrigue with Hamilton grew. He was funny and self-deprecating—two qualities my family wouldn’t know if they were slapped in the face with them—and he seemed to genuinely care about making a difference. He was a pediatric surgeon and dealt mostly with babies born with treatable defects. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t impressed when he spoke of performing open heart surgery on a baby only hours old... that had to take guts, and heart.

Hamilton wasn’t too bad on the eyes either. He was no Ares—he lacked the bristling bulk and the pretty boy air—but he was quietly attractive in a way that drew me to him. I saw other women looking my way throughout the night and found myself silently pleased that they were envious of me.

Was this what a real, functioning relationship looked like? When two people laughed and joked and drank together and had a lot in common? I hadn’t been on a date like this in all my adult years and it was comfortable. It promised stability and staying power... something Ares would probably never be able to give me. If I followed my feelings for Ares, who knew where I would end up. I was already pining for him when he was busy—wanting to call him when I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to turn into a clinging wreck of my former self. I’d be stuck waiting for the man to come to me on his terms... and if I was honest with myself, I could only see that fostering resentment further down the line.

I didn’t know Hamilton very well, but what he represented: easy banter; comfort, and companionship; that’s what I wanted. Only very rarely did I get these things with Ares. Did I really want to spend the rest of my life waiting for them?

Ultimately, Hamilton was so charming that I managed to banish thoughts of Ares from my mind—if only for a few hours. I genuinely enjoyed myself. I giggled when Hamilton secretly made fun of the pompous way my mother accepted her award, and when he did his best to feign interest when my sister’s fiancé engaged him in conversation. By the end of the night, my mood was light, and I even agreed to let the man drive me home.

His gleaming Lamborghini seemed a contradiction to his easy personality and, in hindsight, something about it should have tipped me off. However, I was a little tipsy, and happier than I’d been in a long time—so I merely enjoyed Hamilton’s company and even the allure of his fast, expensive car as we sped towards Brooklyn.

When we arrived at my apartment, he walked me to my door, every bit the gentleman. “Thank you for letting my mother set us up.” I beamed up at him. “I had a really good time.”

“I’m glad.” Hamilton returned my smile with one of his own. “Maybe we can go out again sometime.”

I nodded, suddenly shy, despite the way we’d been talking and laughing all night. “I think I’d like that.”

Then, all at once, he was leaning in to kiss me. Almost automatically, I stepped back, surprised. That, I hadn’t been expecting. When the man eyed me reproachfully, I realized that I owed him an explanation. “I’m sorry, Hamilton. I’m just... I’m in a difficult place right now and I don’t really think I’m ready for this.”

“Oh, come on.” His good-natured smile still firmly in place, Hamilton winked at me. “We had an awesome night. Just a little kiss to seal the deal. You’ll like it, I promise.” With that, he took hold of my shoulders, lowering his head in a second attempt. This time, my hand came up to press against his chest, staying his advance with a frown.

“No, Hamilton. Really, I don’t want to.”

And just like that, the façade dropped. Hamilton’s smile collapsed into an irked frown as he sighed long-sufferingly. “Jesus, you are stubborn. Just like Meredith said.”

My eyes widened in incredulous anger. “Excuse me?” When I tried to jerk away, however, Hamilton’s grip on me only tightened.

“Ava, let’s be honest here, I’m the kind of guy you need. I know all about your history and you’re barking up all the wrong trees.” I was far too shocked by the bullshit he was spouting to even attempt a retort, so I merely let him spew, each word making me more and angrier. “You’re the least successful in your family and with your attitude, no one in our circle will be able to tolerate you for more than two minutes. I’m trying to be nice to you here, just give in. I’m the only chance you’ve got at making it in the world and you should be grateful that I can even pretend to be amused by your little hippie act.”

I gaped, completely and totally nonplussed. What the ever-loving hell? So, this entire evening, every minute of it, had been a complete and total sham? My brain worked to process the notion for a good thirty seconds before my fury brought me reeling back to the present. I jerked myself from Hamilton’s grip sharply, glaring daggers at him.

“I should be grateful? Dear God, Hamilton, you’re a two-faced snake. You should be grateful I spent an entire evening with you before realizing what you really are. Newsflash: I don’t give a rat’s ass what you or anyone else thinks of me. You want to define high society? Fine, let me break it down for you. With a mouth and morals like yours, you’re about as affluent as a gutter-rat and far less attractive. Now,” I took a deep breath, my blood rushing in my ears. “Get out of here. And don’t ever contact me again. Ever.” I turned on my heel to unlock my apartment, and a surprised cry escaped me when Hamilton grabbed my arm, jerking me back into his hard embrace.

When I met his gaze, the anger I saw there made my blood run cold. “Get the hell back here you little snipe,” he snarled, incensed. “I’m not fucking done with you.”