Jesse floored the gas pedal, projecting the chaos raging inside of him onto the vehicle he was currently abusing. He flew down the dirt road through the mountain pass like the demons of hell were chasing him, and perhaps they were, at least theoretically.

Unconcerned with the danger he was putting himself in, Jesse sent the vehicle careening wildly around a corner. He was hard to kill, if not impossible. Unless the thing burst into flames, which wasn’t very likely despite what the movies would like you to think, he would survive this day. And for the first time in his life, he wanted to survive. He needed to survive. His being alive didn’t just affect him anymore. Shea’s life now depended on him, too.

For a moment, the overwhelming responsibility of it felt like one of the boulders teetering on the edge of rock above the road had worked its way loose and landed on his chest.

The sun was well in the sky now, and for a moment he felt a flash of fear. Had she listened to him and gone inside? Had she made it in time? But deep down he knew Shea was safe. He would feel it if anything happened to her.

Especially now.

The road began to climb, but Jesse didn’t let up on the speed. Yanking the wheel to the right, he suddenly veered off the road and stomped on the brake, sending the back end spinning around in a tight circle. When the SUV finally skidded to a stop, the back tires were balanced precariously on the edge of a drop-off. Jesse got out and slammed the door behind him, leaving the vehicle rocking and small rocks cascading down the side of the cliff beneath the tires.

Walking to the edge, he stood beside the back tire and looked out over the valley below, breathing in the cool mountain air. The breeze had a bite of winter coming down from the snow-capped peaks towering above him, even though it was months away yet. The birds sang back and forth between the hemlock trees below, welcoming the new day. And the morning sun warmed the back of his bare neck.

Amongst all that natural beauty, Jesse clenched his fists at his sides, threw back his head, and released the pent-up frustration, anger, and hurt he’d been hoarding inside for months now. Flocks of black clouds rose from the trees as birds took flight in every direction. Small animals scattered, fleeing through the underbrush surrounding him. Even the wind picked up, spraying him with lingering raindrops that clung to the trees as it whipped around him.

When it was all out, and his voice was hoarse from screaming, Jesse closed his eyes and took a deep, meditative breath. A master at locking down his emotions, his fists slowly opened again as he pushed down and sealed away anything that lingered, deep inside where no one would ever see it. He had to be thus, or he wouldn’t have survived as long as he had in this world of bloodthirsty vampires. Creatures who could tell exactly what you were feeling by the slightest uptick in your heartbeat, the faintest blush on your cheeks, or the tiniest whiff of fear, and would rip off your head before you could blink.

Once he had pulled it together again, Jesse put his mind back to the task at hand. He recalled what he had overheard in Shea’s thoughts, this time from a more logical perspective, one that wasn’t affected by things like sorrow or feelings of inadequacy. She was unhappy about what fate had decreed for her, and afraid of losing all those she cared about because of it. It was completely understandable. And as a vampire, those things she felt were so raw, so magnified, so overwhelming, she was unable to look past them.

He would have to help her.

Jesse began to pace back and forth, rapidly creating a list of everything he had learned about his female so far. Ideas were formed, ways to possibly ease her mind and spirit, and discarded just as quickly as he thought of them. In the end, he came to only one conclusion: she needed to learn to trust him, before their relationship could go any further, before she would allow him to help her. And he was determined that it would be so, whatever it took, for an endless lifetime without being able to touch his exquisite vampire was not going to work for him. As titillating as the past night together had been, it wasn’t enough. Would never be enough. And he knew Shea felt the same.

But to earn her trust, he would have to tell her everything—who he was, why he was here, what he had done. And hope she would accept him for the male he was. It was not something he looked forward to. Jesse was not ashamed of any of it. He had his reasons, and they were sound. But they were not reasons that others would easily understand. And especially not one such as Shea.

It was good that she had agreed to come with him on this trip. They needed this time together to work out what was between them, before worrying about presenting their mating to the rest of the world. Yes, this was good. Shea would come to care for him, despite all he had done. He was certain of it. She had to. Fate decreed that it would be so.

Resolved in his decision and knowing that Shea would be sleeping, Jesse stayed where he was a while longer, enjoying the peace that being in the presence of nature always brought him. He would think more on what to say to his female on the drive back to his home. A way to convince her that this was not wrong, that they were not wrong. No matter what anyone else said or believed. But for right now, he needed the stillness to regroup. In the upcoming days, their survival would depend on his ability to control his reactions, inside and out. He could not allow his emotions regarding Shea to get the best of him, or he would ruin everything.

It was nearly noon by the time he climbed back inside the SUV and eased it away from the overhang. The back tires skidded on the edge before they caught traction, but eventually they caught hold and he was on his way.

Back at his home, Cruthú pulled her head out from under her wing to greet him when he eased the door open and came inside. He smiled to see her settled on the bed within the curve of Shea’s sleeping form, as she used to do when the vampire was his “guest.”

He wondered what Shea would do if she knew how the bird snuck over there after she was asleep to snuggle with her. With a wild animal’s intuition, Cruthú always knew right before she was about to awaken, and would return to her perch before Shea became fully conscious.

Jesse pulled his wet sweater over his head and off. The rain had returned on his way home and he’d gotten caught in the deluge on his way in. As fast as he was, it had soaked him through before he could get under cover. Quietly, he eased open his dresser drawer and got out a change of clothing—black fatigues and a black pullover. He picked up his boots, and with a whispered request to the raven to stay with Shea, let himself quietly out of the room.

He headed deeper underground through passageways he knew like the back of his hand. There was no need for lights. The darkness didn’t frighten him. He felt at home in the shadows, much more so than in the light. It wasn’t long before he heard water slapping against the stone sides of the underground spring, and a few seconds later he entered a small cavern.

With a wave of his hand, torches flared to life along the wall, illuminating the small room. The air was warm and damp, the water heated naturally from the spring below. This room was located directly beneath his own, and helped to keep the temperature regulated. It was the reason he had chosen it out of all the others Leeha had carved out of the mountain.

Removing the rest of his clothing, Jesse eased his body into the water and swam over to the far side with long, powerful strokes, until he encountered a natural shelf just beneath the surface of the water to sit on. There were bottles along the edge of the pool, and he picked one up and dumped some of the contents into his hand, then began to scrub himself clean, starting with his hair. It was getting long, and he made a mental note to take a knife to it in the near future.

A scene came to life in his mind: him sitting in a chair with a towel draped over his bare shoulders as Shea’s long, elegant fingers ran through his hair, snipping off the ends. The peacefulness of it filled him with longing, but he would have to be patient.

Dipping beneath the surface, he rinsed his body and hair. A runoff carried the sudsy water away down to a trickling stream. He had no idea where it went. Maybe to hell.

When he was finished, he swam back over to the other side, intent on returning to Shea and getting some rest himself. He put his palms on the rocky edge, about to lift himself out, when something drew his eyes upward.

His lovely vampire stood in the entry to the cavern, wearing nothing but one of his black T-shirts. It hung to her mid-thigh, and he let himself enjoy the sight of her shapely legs. The dark color emphasized the paleness of her skin, her dark hair, and bright eyes. Cruthú was perched on her arm, her silky head cocked to the side as she stared at him with one black eye.

A lovely witch of the dark arts and her medium.

He eased his body back down into the water, unsurprised that she’d found him there. She was familiar with the cavern from her previous stay, although he had always given her privacy when she had used it to bathe. Yet, he didn’t feel the need to do so now. “You should be sleeping, Shea.”

She didn’t argue with him. She didn’t say anything. However, she didn’t have to. He knew what she wanted. He could feel her need for him from where he was, and not only for his blood.

“Come inside. Would you like to join me?”

Her eyes flicked over the surface of the water, then to the steam rising from his skin in the flickering light of the torches. Still she didn’t speak.

Jesse let her be. She was battling within herself again, and he didn’t have to read her mind to know it. But she would have to be the one to decide, with no more coercion from him. After a moment, she took a hesitant step forward, then another.

He could make it easier for her by turning his back and swimming away, but he didn’t. Instead, he followed her every movement. Jesse needed her to come to him willingly, and he wasn’t going to pretend that the stakes were less than what they were by turning away. He didn’t speak again until she was at the water’s edge. “Would you like to feed?”

The change that overcame her was instant and furious. Her posture tensed, changing into that of a hunter. Her lips pulled back from razor-sharp fangs that shot down into her mouth so fast they seemed to suddenly appear out of nowhere. Her features sharpened, the cheekbones becoming more prominent, the jaw sharper, and her green eyes glowed so bright they appeared almost white as they tracked his every tiny movement. Through it all, Cruthú perched on her arm, not so much as a feather ruffled in response.

Jesse, on the other hand, responded to the changes in his female in a way that was nearly as predatory. His entire body instantly hardened, his sex swelling painfully as a wave of lust burned through his blood until he had to grit his teeth so he didn’t burst from the pool and drag her back in with him. His heart pounded and his breath left his lungs on a sharp exhale. The urge to expose the side of his throat nearly overwhelmed him. “Come here, Shea.” He had to clear his throat to continue. “Come in with me.”

“I can’t.” Even as she spoke the words, she squatted down next to his arm, her sharp gaze zeroing in on his pounding pulse.

In a flash of movement, Jesse raised his arm and brought the inside of his wrist down hard against the broken stone edging the pool, slashing the skin. Blood ran down his arm, a trickle of bright red that fed into the spring. “Come into the pool so you can feed.”

The acoustics of the cavern made the preternatural growl appear to come at him from every direction at once. The small hairs stood up on the back of his neck, while at the same time he gripped his sex with his free hand to try to ease the discomfort of his erection. Shea flashed her fangs at him and cocked her head, her eyes glued to the wound.

Jesse waited with the patience of a thousand men, and he was soon rewarded when Shea lowered her arm so Cruthú could hop off and yanked his shirt over her head. She knelt before him like a goddess of old, bare as the day she was born: a vision of pale, seductive softness, accentuated by the shadows thrown from womanly curves. Her dark hair fell over her shoulder to cover one lovely breast, but as she leaned forward, the other swung free, begging for his mouth. Jesse had to clench his jaw to resist, but his eyes burned with hunger as they roved over every inch of her.

Lifting his wrist above her mouth, he turned it so the blood flowed sideways. It dripped between her lips and down the corner of her mouth.

Jesse watched, fascinated, as her tongue flicked out to catch his lifeblood. Something swelled with satisfaction within him, that he could provide for his female, that her very life depended on him.

Shea moaned, a sound halfway between pleasure and pain that tore at his heart. Swinging her legs out from beneath her, she dropped into the water beside him. “I want more.”

Without even thinking about it, Jesse smashed his wrist down onto the rock again, reopening the wound until the blood flowed. But when he held his arm up, she wouldn’t drink. “Shea?”

“I want more,” she repeated. “I need more.”

She wasn’t speaking of her thirst anymore. Jesse heard the longing in her voice. It matched what was in his heart. He dropped his arm beneath the surface. The water stung like holy hell, but he barely flinched, his entire being focused on the female in front of him. “I know. But until we figure out what’s happened to you, this is the best we can do.”

There was a flash of anger in her eyes just before she looked away. “It’s not enough, Jesse.”

She was angry with him for something he had no control over. “Shea, look at me.”

After a slight pause, she did.

He fought the urge to pull back, away from her accusing glare. “You know that I had no part in this mating, right? What’s happening between us, it’s fate, not magic. I would never, ever, do anything to cause you any pain.” The next part hurt like hell to say, but it was the truth. “If there was any way I could undo what has been done, I would do it. For you. So you wouldn’t have to go through this. Please, believe me.”

The anger slowly drained from her face, leaving only sorrow in its place. “I do. I’m sorry.”

He let out the breath he’d been holding, but his mind spun. There had to be something more to this mating. Had to be a reason the fates had chosen him, of all creatures, to be her mate.

Could it be?

Shea held on to the edge of the pool. “What?”

“I want to touch you.” His words made her eyes close, and when they opened again, he almost wished he’d kept his mouth shut, but he wouldn’t take them back.

“I want you to touch me, too.”

The words were spoken like a dirty secret. It angered him. But now was not the time to deal with it. He shook his head. “No. I mean, I want to try actually touching you. Right now.”

She pushed away from him so fast, a wave of water sloshed over the edge. “No! You can’t!”

Refusing to give up, he eased toward her. “Just let me try, love.”

“Jesse, no!” Her voice dropped to a whisper as tears filled her eyes. “Please. Don’t.”

“Shea, I only want to see if—”

She cut him off. “But I don’t. I don’t want to know. Because if you try and nothing has changed, it will only make it all worse.” She shook her head. “I’m not ready to know.”

He struggled to understand her logic. “But what if it doesn’t?”

“It will.”

“You can’t know that.”

Turning away, she dipped down under the water and came up on the other side of the pool near the runoff. Pushing her wet hair off her face, she wouldn’t look at him.

“Shea…”

“No, Jesse. I can’t. Not right now.”

He sighed with disappointment, but gave her a nod. “All right.” She wasn’t speaking of physical pain. She was afraid of the emotional pain of finding out for sure that he, her own mate, couldn’t touch her. “All right,” he repeated. Turning away, he got out of the pool, and felt the weight of her stare travel over him. He dried off and got dressed, clenching his teeth as he pulled his pants on over his erection. Leaving his towel by the edge for his stubborn vampire, he called Cruthú to him and left Shea to her bath, going out into the passageway to wait for her.

Perhaps he would bide his time until she was sleeping, and then he would try. But he immediately tossed the thought aside. No. He wouldn’t do that. If and when he tried his little experiment, he would do it with her permission. And only then. Because if he touched her and she didn’t jerk away in agony, he didn’t know if he could keep himself from ravishing her right then and there. And he would rather she was awake to enjoy it.

Shea joined him just a few minutes later, wearing his shirt again and still drying her hair with the towel. He didn’t say anything, just turned and led the way back to his room. “Are you still thirsty?” he asked when they were nearly there. “I believe there’s still some bagged blood around here somewhere I could find for you. It might help if you could manage to keep some down.”

She made a face, but said, “That would be great. Thank you.”

“I’ll be right back.” Leaving her in his room, he went to see what he could scrounge up.

A few minutes later, he returned with four bags of blood, the last of the stash.

Shea was sitting at the edge of the bed, near the foot in her favored spot. Like she was ready to run at the first opportunity. Seeing her there like that brought back memories of the last time she’d been there, and how beautiful he’d thought she was. She was even more so now, with her wet hair and bare legs and feet.

“This is all that is left,” he told her as he set one bag beside her and put the rest on the table.

She picked up the bag, but didn’t drink it. Only held it in her lap.

He cleared his throat. “I was thinking—”

Lifting her head, she waited for him to continue.

Setting Cruthú on her perch, he wondered why it was so hard for him to say what he wanted to say. “I wouldn’t be opposed to you drinking from others.” A fucking lie. “From women.” Still lying. “If it would help ease the thirst. I don’t want you to be malnourished.” That, at least, was the truth. “I don’t know that you will get enough, drinking from me this way.”

Shea stared at him for a moment like he’d lost his mind, then she blinked a few times and looked down at the bagged blood in her lap. “Um…yeah. Okay.” She shrugged. “I don’t know that it will work, though. The others, when they would try to feed off someone who wasn’t their…mate,” She seemed to nearly choke on the word. “They couldn’t do it. Not even Luukas.”

The breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding left him on a harsh exhale. “That’s good, because everything I just said was a complete and utter lie. The thought of you being that intimate with anyone else drives me fucking insane.”

The predatory stare was back. “I don’t want to drink from anyone else. I’ve never tasted blood like yours before.” After a tense few moments, she blinked, breaking the connection. Setting the blood on the nightstand, she stood up and got back under the covers.

Released from her hold, Jesse’s knees very nearly gave out. Seeing her at such a loss was ripping him up inside. He’d never seen her so disheartened, not even when he had imprisoned her in this very room. She’d always been full of life, which was maybe a strange thing to say about a vampire. But it was true. “Try to get some sleep,” he told her. “I’ve arranged for a plane to take us to China. It leaves tonight.”

She frowned up at him. “When did you do that?”

But Jesse just smiled. “Sleep, love. You’ll need the energy.”

“What about you? Where are you going to be?”

She looked down as she said it, her hands twisted in the bed sheet, trying to appear only vaguely curious. But he knew his answer was very important to her. “I’ll be right here.”

Her eyes closed, and without moving a muscle, Jesse dimmed the light with his mind until it was barely more than a nightlight. He went to the bed and pulled the blankets up over her, careful not to touch her skin. “We’ll figure this out, Shea. Just give me a little time.”

“You’d better hurry up,” she told him quietly. “I won’t last very long feeding the way we’ve been doing it. It needs to come straight from the vein, or it’s no better than drinking from a bag. It only prolongs my inevitable death.” Her eyes opened and met his. “Today is the first day of the rest of my short life.”

Jesse’s heart pounded in his chest. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I can’t survive like this. So you’d better figure out how to fix what’s wrong with me, and fast, or you’re going to find yourself a widow in a few months—if we’re lucky.”

Jesse straightened as she closed her eyes again, horror freezing the blood in his veins.

What have I done?