Brazen

“The case will work itself out, my boy.” Mom sets soup down on the counter near my elbow.

The smell of the broth makes my stomach roll, and I push it away from me to escape the stench.

“You need to eat, Brazen.”

I don’t respond because I know she’ll push, and I can’t sit here and argue with her about it.

“We need to talk, baby, mom to son.” She pushes, even without me saying anything.

“I love you, Mom, but I can’t handle anything else right now. Whatever you have to say can wait.” I’m going back to bed where no one can talk to me or try to force-feed me.

“Brazen Hale, you’d better sit and listen to your mother. I know things are tough and that you’re going through a lot, but you will not speak to me in a manner of which I didn’t raise you to behave. Now, sit, eat, and listen to what I have to say.”

She’s giving me the total mom face right now, the one I’ve gotten my whole life when I misbehaved.

I sit, pull the bowl in front of me, and take a slurp from my spoon. The liquid lunch tastes like battery acid sliding down my throat, but I know when not to push the woman who raised me, and this is one of those times. Across from me, my mom leans over the counter, and her eyes soften as I struggle to get down the chicken noodle soup.

“My baby boy, I love you with every fiber of my being. You have more pressing down on your mind and heart than any person should, and I understand that, but we need to adjust our focus.”

“What do you mean?” I push the bits of chicken around with my spoon.

“Grieve, and feel every bit of agony that is hitting you. I’m not saying not to. Hopefully, that’ll get easier once the cops find Matt. What I’m saying is that you need to remember that girl who is napping in your bed, too.”

Noah fell asleep about an hour ago after she got back from doing whatever it was she’d been doing to keep my head afloat with work. I honestly don’t know what she’s been doing with my business because I haven’t asked.

“Noah’s been with me constantly. What are you talking about?” I wouldn’t have made it through the first hour after we found the blood if it weren’t for Noah’s support or her ability to predict all my needs.

“That girl is more than with you constantly. I’ve never seen anything like the way she looks at you and takes care of you. She has put all your needs ahead of hers. She’s burning the candle at both ends to make sure nothing reaches you that could cause you more pain or stress. I know you don’t think I know, but I’m aware of how much of a mess you were the first couple of days, and I’m more than certain you didn’t treat her like you normally would. I’m not stupid, Brazen. I know there was a whole lot of alcohol being consumed after you got the news. The way she’s still there for you after whatever happened in those first couple of days shows a lot. I’ve always let you make your own choices when it comes to the people in your life, and I’ve never spoken up about your love life much either. But this? This, I won’t stay silent about. I need to step in.”

Guilt hits me for that day Noah spent with me in the tub.

I don’t remember most of it, and I did apologize to her already, but was that enough? I was in rare form. How rare is anyone’s guess. I didn’t push for details.

“Am I screwing things up?” Quickly, a new kind of panic surfaces within me.

“No, from what I’ve seen, you could push that girl so much further before she breaks, but I just want you to be aware of your relationship with her. Be the man I taught you to be, and put your grief aside at least for a few minutes a day and check in with her. Show her your heart, and make sure she knows how much you appreciate her.”

“You don’t think she knows?” How could she not? She’s everything to me.

Because you tried to push her away like a drunken fool.

“It doesn’t matter if she knows. It’s your job to always, always—no matter what is going on—make sure you remember to show her. That’s the man I taught you to be, and you need to be that person, no matter what is going on in your life, especially with a girl like Noah.”

I think my mom just put me on blast.

“So, what should I do, Mom?”

The eye roll I receive tells me that was the wrong question to ask.

“Give her some attention, Brazen. Check in on how she’s doing. I’m not going to hold your hand. You know what to do. Grow a pair, baby boy.” She drops the knowledge, grunts, turns, and leaves the kitchen.

On top of the wisdom she just handed down, she also gives me another gift. I smile for the first time since Noah found the blood near the side of my house.

My mom is a fucking character.

No time like the present to listen to my mama, so I push the almost full bowl of soup away and head into my bedroom to see my girl. She’s curled up on my bed with the covers pulled up over her head. I move in slow, but the bed creaks as I lie down beside her, and she stirs. The covers fly off, and Noah practically jumps when she notices me.

“Are you okay? Do you need something?”

Okay, my mom really did me a favor. She couldn’t have been more right. Noah appears so frenzied and on edge that the trepidation in her voice is like a slap in the face. Noah is kind and will give and give and give regardless of her own needs and wants, and I’ve taken advantage of someone I love.

“Lie back down, baby. Everything is okay.” I try to fix the mess I’ve created.

“Brazen, are you okay?”

She touches her hand to my face, and I lean in to kiss her lips.

“Not really, but that’s to be expected, right? Neither of us is feeling great right now. My emotions don’t fall solely on your shoulders though. We should be a team, and I’ve been failing on my end. I love you, Noah, more than I thought I could ever care about someone. No matter what’s going on, that’s important to me, too.” And, apparently, I’ve lost sight of that while I’ve been grieving, which is ending now.

“You lost … Sunday was your best friend. Things are supposed to be tough. I know you love me, and I’m here for you because I love you back just as much.”

I pull the covers down, taking my time as I reveal more and more of Noah’s skin. Her T-shirt is bunched up around her torso, and her tiny lounge shorts reveal so much of her legs that it drives me crazy. She shivers as I expose her skin to the cool air.

“Brazen, you don’t have to do this.”

The protest rings in my head like an alarm.

“What do you mean?” With the sheet fully removed, I straddle her hips and look down at her while she bites her lip and rests her hands on my knees.

“I don’t need us to be intimate to know you love me. You don’t need to push yourself to show me you care. We have all the time in the world.”

That final blow hits me hard. How could Noah believe that being with her would ever come from forced effort on my part? I could be bleeding to death and still want to spend my final moments inside her. I guess I’ve been neglectful in more than one area lately.

“Baby, I wasn’t coming in here to give you a quickie. I wanted to check on you, give you a massage, help you relax, and just spend some time with you. Sure, maybe that would have led to sex, but not because I thought I could come in here and keep you placated with my dick. Is that really what you thought—that I was coming in here to keep you pacified?”

Her cheeks heat up. “No, that isn’t what I … damn it. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”

A small smile lifts the corner of my lip, and it feels foreign. “Good. But, no matter what is going on in my life, I will want everything about you, physical or otherwise. I guess I’ve just been a little preoccupied, and if you don’t know this about our relationship, then I’ve really fucked up.”

“Brazen, no, I’m sorry. You came in here for me, and I’m only making things more difficult—”

I cut her off with a kiss. I can’t listen to her apologize for my bullshit.

I hold the kiss until she relaxes under me, and then I pull back. “Turn over.”

My voice is firm, and Noah listens well. Hastily, I tear her clothes from her body, and she lets out a startled gasp.

When she’s naked, I run my hands down her spine and lean down to whisper in her ear, “Let me take care of you.”

My hands push against her muscles, and I rub and stroke every inch of her back until she is moaning into the pillow. Then, I kiss along her flesh in the wake of my hands and try to keep my hard-on away from her.

“Thank you for being you and for everything you do for me.” I clearly make my gratitude known. “I love you, Noah.”

“I love you, too,” she chokes the words out through her emotions.

With my hands on her, I’m reminded that it has been some time since we’ve been intimate, and after all the miscommunication during this conversation, I want her to understand that this isn’t just about sex. I need her. I crave her and because I want to reconnect in every way I know how. It isn’t about obligation. It’s about love.

I rise from the bed, stand to remove my shorts, and grab a condom. Noah lifts her head and starts to turn over.

“Don’t move,” I tell her with a smirk.

She watches me with the side of her face against the bed and a grin that matches my own on her lips. I return to her after I’m free of clothing and suited with protection.

I pin her arms behind her back, and she cautiously looks over her shoulder at me.

“Trust me,” I beg.

She softens, allowing me to hold her wrists.

“Keep your hands still.”

I release her so that I can touch her elsewhere. Everywhere.

My eyes worship her body as I spread her legs further apart. She lets herself be vulnerable to me, and that’s exactly how I want her today. I want to demolish any barriers or preconceived notions. I want her to truly know she’s mine, that she can trust me, and that I’ll always be here for her. With my hands on her ass, I lean down to taste her sweet pussy.

Her arousal lingers on my lips as I continue to speak through our personal moment, hammering home my point, “Being able to taste you is something I’ll never take advantage of.” I lick her until her ass is squirming against my nose. “Every second I get with you is a gift.”

Firmly, I suck on her tender flesh and swirl my tongue like it’s performing a dance. Her clit swells in my mouth, and her wetness slides down my throat. Her moans drive me insane. Noah always tries to quiet her passion, but when she lets go, it’s something she can’t control. The moment when she cries out, really pushes the sound from her lungs, a sense of satisfaction takes over me. I lick Noah long past the point of her coming in my mouth. I’ve missed the taste of her orgasm, and I don’t want to move from between her legs. There is no rush for us.

“That was incredible,” Noah says.

But I’m not done.

I kiss from her clit to her tight hole toward the back, and surprisingly, she doesn’t tense. I keep going and kiss from her wrists, which are still pinned behind her back, to her shoulder. My tongue sneaks out against her neck, and I press my weight against hers. She purrs, and I feel it in her pulse against my lips.

“You’re mine to take care of. I am yours to have certainty in. Let me push you, Noah.”

“Anything, Brazen. Give me all of your intensity.”

Turmoil has ruled our lives lately. Stress and devastation have taken over our world. In the middle of all that, once I pulled my head out of my ass, Noah and I experience one of our more intimate erotic moments.

“I will always take care of you. Every time I touch you, trust that your pleasure and safety are in my mind. Every day we spend together, have faith that I want what’s best for you. We all have faults, but my purpose in life is your protection—heart, mind, and body. You come before anything, Noah.”

My lips leave her skin, and I lift to take my place behind her once more. My fingers graze across the curves of her ass, and I line my cock up with her opening. With just enough pressure, I grab on to her wrists and pull her arms closer to my waist while I push inside her. Her insides grip my cock, causing us both to call out.

“I’m going to be rough with you because I think we both need the release. Because I want you to know that, no matter how our love is being shown, it’s the only thing I’m sure of. Because I want you to trust me in every position and with everything we share.” I keep my hips motionless as I speak to her.

My heart beats a mile a minute as I prolong the pleasure we share between us. The muscles in her ass flex as she waits for me to move.

“I believe. I trust. I love you!” Her fingers wrap around my wrist, and she squeezes.

I push on.

My hips roll against her.

With one hand, I use her pinned arms for leverage.

I thrust up and can’t get enough of being inside her.

Grunts fall from my lips as the cheeks of her ass move with my motion.

My pace builds until I’m slamming against her. I let go, leaving her arms behind her back but bring my own to her ass. I spread her cheeks open so that I can better see our connection. I press down on her hips and angle her to me so that I can go deeper. My cock steadily slides in and out of her, and every motion engulfs my mind. I push into her wetness, and her arousal drips thick between us.

“I love you, too, Noah.”

She shakes below me as her pussy clamps down on my dick. Her fingers scrape against the skin of her own back. My hands harshly palm her ass. Her feet kick against the bed behind me, and she chants cries of euphoria mixed with my name. As Noah finds her climax, I reach my own. Together, we find the bliss between us.

High.

Elevated.

Soaring.

When Noah’s tremors and whimpers subside, I push in and out of her a few more times before I collapse beside her. I pull her toward me, kissing her lips with so much heat that it scorches my lungs, and she sighs against my lips.

“How could something so raw be so personal?” she asks me.

“It isn’t how our bodies move; it’s that our bodies are together. Any way we come together should be inherently intrinsic.” I push the stray hairs from her face. “We’ve been through a lot lately. We both know it, and it has taken its toll. I’m still in pain, part of me might always be, but that never means you aren’t important.”

“I know that, Brazen. I promise, I do.”

I’m going to have to remember to thank my mom for the tough love. She definitely saw things that I couldn’t through my grief.

“So, how do you want to spend the rest of our day?”

Whatever she wants, it’s hers.

“I want to stay in bed with you,” she tells me. “Will you tell me a story about you and Sunday? Something happy, a good memory of your friend.”

I have an arsenal to choose from because we did everything together. Even though I miss my friend, the thought of talking about Sunday to Noah doesn’t feel hard. It actually feels like an amazing way to spend the afternoon.