Noah

“What are you doing out here? It’s a little hot for that, isn’t it?” Brazen comes up behind me, edging closer to the fire.

“I’m cleansing,” I tell him. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“That’s great, but I’m going to need a little more information.”

I guess it’s only obvious to me. Crickets chirp in the night, and the flames warm my face. I step back to avoid singeing the hair on my arms and inhale a deep breath.

“I’m letting go. Or rather, I’m burning the past.” I hold up a familiar old envelope.

“The letter from your mom?”

“Well, it isn’t my wish list for Santa. That would have more purpose in my life.”

“Are you sure about this, Noah? There is nothing in that letter you might want someday?”

His hand touches mine, and I look up at him.

“She was never part of my life. Why should I hold on to something that only reminds me of the pain she caused me?” I’m sure. I’m really sure about this. I’ve thought on and on about it.

“Okay, then do you want company?”

“Always, when it’s you asking.”

The handwriting on the outside is recognizable. Not because I had loving notes put in my lunch box or because the person who addressed the letter helped me with my homework. The penmanship is only familiar because I’ve stared at the envelope every day for weeks. Well, not anymore, not after tonight. I’m ready to let go of these words that have chased me. I lift the first page from its confines and let it fall from my fingertips. Slowly, the edge catches fire until the entirety is engulfed.

A small weight lifts from my chest.

I throw in another, bowing my head and enjoying the scent of burning paper.

“I’m proud of you, Noah.” His arm drapes around my shoulders.

“I’m proud of me, too.” I toss in another sheet and then cuddle in closer to him.

“Should you say something?” he asks with eyes on the growing fire.

“It isn’t a funeral. What would I say?”

“You can say anything you want. This is your cleansing.” He encourages me to let out my emotions.

I’m safe with him to say whatever I feel in this moment.

“Okay, let me think.”

I bend the envelope in my hand and think about what’s running through my mind. I’m still learning everything there is to know about the freedom to live my life. Six months ago, my whole life basically existed within one location. I never had a job or even thought about paying a bill. The relationships in my life were cordial and clinical. I saw very little and wondered about my abilities. It’s hard to know what you’re capable of when you aren’t challenged. I never felt loved or really like I belonged.

Now . . .

I’ve come.

I’ve seen.

And, damn it, I’m conquering.

I have free range to sort out my emotions on my own. I can walk down the sidewalk and literally smell the roses. I can go here, there, and everywhere. I have a job, and I’ve already started my classes to get my real estate license. I’m loved by a few, and I reciprocate intense feelings as well. I am strong. I am able. I’m ready for anything thrown my way.

I’m ready to let out how I feel and share it with Brazen.

“Sometimes, people hurt other people. It can happen on purpose or by accident. You can harm people out of fear, hatred, or selfishness, and it can make lasting impressions. My mother caused me great distress. She really did, but the choices I make for my life are my own. I no longer want to literally or figuratively carry around the weight of this letter or her choices. As I burn these pages, I’m letting go of how she affects me. I’m deciding that I am stronger than her weakness.”

And it feels damn good. It’s absolutely brilliant actually.

“Does this mean we’re crossing off another item from your list? Are you forgiving your mom?” Brazen grabs the last page from the envelope and helps to fuel the fire.

He’s helping me and standing by my side while I heal and release the ugliness that’s been trapped for years inside my heart. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to stand by my side while I purge.

“Yeah, I forgive her. Everything that we are is perfect, and I don’t want that tainted relationship to follow me into our future. You mean more to me than any sort of old resentment could. Living my best life with you is all I care about.”

I throw the envelope into the fire, and the flames eat it, sending up tiny embers of burning paper. I tilt my face upward to the sky. I am free. With this purification, I am completely unaccompanied by the burden that kept me captive in the orphanage and the affliction locked inside my heart.

“I knew you’d get here, Noah. Do you know I discover something new I love about you every day? I’m not just talking about the big things like this. I mean, every day, you amaze me and show me something new about yourself.”

I turn to face him and rest my hands on his shoulders while his fingers run through my hair. I can never get enough of the look he’s giving me right now or how it makes me feel. It’s like he can tell me everything he needs to say and everything I want to hear through his eyes. It’s like he’s telling me that I’m his world.

“If every girl could see themselves the way you see me, the world would be a better place.” I’m so damn lucky that I’m the one he sees as his perfection.

“You’re the woman of my fantasies, better than I ever could have thought I was waiting for.”

His nose brushes against mine, and then my legs grow weak.

I’m a girl who glorified romance movies. Prince Charming was a dream while I waited in the highest tower of my castle. Okay, it totally wasn’t a castle, but I was still trapped. Back then, I never could have dreamed up Brazen, but with my past burning in the fire behind me, I take his hand and know that what’s to come will be better than any fictional romance I’ve ever seen or read about. I have him in real life.

My prince in a dirty tool belt.

Reality is good.