Bella

When he left, the bungalow just felt—empty. Sad even. I clicked on the TV for some company, throwing myself on the couch with a pint of Cherry Garcia. Who was I kidding? I was living for the clock to say seven a.m., when the impatient honk would come, and I would be back on the bench seat of the truck with Garrett Love.

Looking down into the pink carton, I wondered if there really was something to what Garrett had told me. That protein and vegetables were the clear winner over a dinner of delicious ice cream. Putting my half-eaten carton back in the freezer, I grabbed a container of the stir fry Garrett had made. ‘Microwave for two minutes’, the bossy but perfectly lettered handwriting on the lid boasted.

“What the heck? Maybe it will be good.”

I took the lid off, as per my instructions, and re-heated the beef, broccoli and peppers swimming in sauce.

When the two minutes were up, I took the clear dish from the microwave, blowing to cool it. Taking a bite, I was surprised at the savory flavors that burst in my mouth. The man could cook.

I devoured the food, realizing that afterward I felt satiated. Usually, post ice cream dinner, I just felt empty and guilty.

Changing channels, I flipped to a show that was about a dating game—how well two couples knew one another. Sadly, I realized though I had slept with Garrett, letting him enter the most intimate folds of my body, I did not know much about the trivial things, the important things about his personality. Without hesitation, I picked up my cell phone beside me and dialed the number to ‘Boss Man’, Garrett had programmed it into my phone just before he had left me for the night.

“Hello?” he answered on the first ring.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Blue.” He answered decisively. “But not the bright blue like the sky on a cloudless day. The deep blue-green that the ocean turns to before a storm. Do you know that blue?”

“Yes. I have a necklace with a gemstone that is about that color. A dark blue-green sapphire.”

“Did an old boyfriend give it to you?”

“Ex-husband actually.”

“I’ll have to fix that.”

“How?”

“Give you something prettier. From me.”

I smiled into the phone.

“I sent you something. Did it get there, yet?”

I looked to the quiet front door. “You only left an hour ago. What could it be?”

As if by magic, there was a knock at the door.

“Is that them?

“Is that who?” I stood from my seat, going to the front door. When I opened it, I revealed two big, strong men, and between them on a dolly was a brand-new Whirlpool washing machine.

“Oh my gosh,” I cried, covering my gaping mouth with my hand. “It’s a washer.”

“There is a dryer too. I called over at the local appliance store and they were more than happy to deliver at the last minute. Seems they had a surplus. Call me later.”

“Okay—um thanks!”

I showed the men into the completely empty laundry room that had come with the place—luckily the one room I had managed to not fill to the brim with absolute crap. Knowing I would never be able to afford my own washer and dryer I had kind of left the room empty like a shrine, willing the appliance fairies to look down upon me fondly and one-day grace me with the gift of a clothes washer.

I handed the men a twenty-dollar bill as they left, sweating from their exertion. Picking up my phone and dialing Garrett’s number, I held it between my chin and my shoulder blade as I hurried to pick up the huge black plastic garbage bag in the kitchen and haul my dirty clothing to the new washer.

“Hello?”

“It’s amazing,” I gushed as I filled the washer with garment after garment of filthy clothing.

“Just don’t overfill it on your first go,” he chuckled.

I paused, my hand clutching two shirts hanging over the machine. “Oh—can you do that?”

“Yes. There should be a fill line on the lid to guide you. Do you need me to come over and show you how to work it?”

The idea of Garrett back in my apartment made my pussy clench and a wetness fill my panties. But I could do this alone. And God knows I needed a shower before I let that man anywhere near me again.

“I got this.”

“Just don’t overfill it. You don’t want to break it.”

“Okay, okay. I got it!”

“Are you getting sassy with me, young lady?”

“No, sir,” I answered quickly as I stuffed two more pairs of jeans in the bright white tub of the washing machine.

“Are you overfilling it?”

“No way.”

“I’ll spank your ass if you break that machine on the first day I gave it to you.”

I pulled one of the dirty pairs of jeans out of the tub of the washer. “I’m not. Now, tell me your favorite food.”

“My mom’s brisket. Or my mom’s pie. Or her meatloaf. It’s a toss-up.”

“So, you are a mama’s boy.”

“No, that’s my brother, Wes. But damn, my mama can cook.”

I laughed, “Well, I know I could never compete for your heart in that arena. I’m a hopeless chef.”

“Bella Buchanan, you already have my heart. There is no competition.”

Silence. How does one respond to that?

“Bella?”

“I’m here. I—feel the same about you, Garrett.”

“Well good. Then our relationship is off to a great start.”

“Yes, it is.”

Silence.

“Bella?”

“I’m thinking.”

“What about?”

“Well, how do we navigate this relationship. You being my boss, s… spanking me when you deem necessary, and you being my boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend? I never agreed to that.”

Crickets on my end of the line as my heart dropped into my stomach. Had I assumed too much? Was this—thing between us that felt like forever to me, just a fun fling for Garrett?

“Bella, I’m kidding. I haven’t had sex for ten years. I was waiting for you. Of course, you are my girlfriend. If you will have me, that is.”

“Yes, of course, I will have you. Is that the question at hand?”

“So, boyfriend, girlfriend, boss, employee. Does that sound about right?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not going to stop riding your ass at work. You know that, right?”

“Yes.”

“You are okay with that?”

“Yes.”

“And with me spanking your ass? Though it doesn’t really matter whether you like it or not because it is going to happen.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“What’s your favorite song?”

Did he really have to ask me that? Of all things to ask me. “It’s I Want to be Like You from The Jungle Book.”

Silence.

“Happy now?” Hysterical laughing took over the other end of the line. “What were you expecting? Something sophisticated?”

“No—not sophisticated. Just, I don’t know. This century? Maybe something you heard when you were older than twelve?”

“Well, that’s my favorite and it isn’t changing any time soon, so there.”

“Okay then.”

“Okay.”

“By the way—totally off subject but my mama has two blueberry pies for you when Oliver comes to visit you next. And a quarter of beef flank but I told her it might be wasted if I’m not the one who shows you how to cook it.”

“You told your mom about us?” A cold sweat covered my brow.

“Yes.”

Silence again on my end of the line as I thought I was having a mini-heart attack judging by the intense beating of my heart.

“Bella? I swear I will drive over there, throw you over my knee and spank your ass if you think, even for a second, you are about to have commitment issues in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation.”

“I’m not.”

“Then why the silence, what is the issue?”

“I’m just not sure she will…”

“What?”

“Like me.”

Silence.

“Bella, why wouldn’t she like you?”

“I don’t know. Because I can’t cook. Can’t take care of myself. I was a self-centered alcoholic until the last five years of my life.”

“I’ve done some heinous things and she still likes me.”

I sighed. “It’s different to forgive the sins of your son than to forgive the sins of your son’s new girlfriend.”

“That was five years ago.”

The truth finally tumbled out. It was a whisper, but it was the words I had longed for years to finally admit.

“I’m not worthy.” Of love, of forgiveness, hell, even of someone liking me. I had spent the first five years of an unhappy marriage drinking away my sadness, then given my son to my husband, letting him have a new family that did not include his birth mother. I was trash. I was less than trash. I was a bad mother. And I didn’t deserve love.

“You are. You are worthy of love and so much more. Devotion. Adoration. Tender loving care. And I will show you your worth. That, I can guarantee. And I know you will do nothing but argue this point with me, Bella, and so I will say goodnight. You rest in the knowledge that you are worthy.”

There was a dull click on the other end of the line. I hung up the phone and threw myself onto the sagging couch. The thrum thrum of the washer dulled the pain as it whirred and whirred on the spin cycle.

Maybe he was right. Maybe I was worthy. Of forgiveness, of love. Would I have a brand-new washer and dryer sitting in my once empty laundry room if not? I don’t think so.

Setting the alarm on my phone for six a.m. the next morning, I fell asleep on the couch in my clothes, the inane answers to the dating game playing in the background.

* * *

The next morning, freshly showered and hair blown dry, I waited anxiously by my front door, peeking out the little window in the top hoping to spy Garrett’s truck.

My heart skipped a beat as the shiny grey body of his truck pulled into the drive. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door, unable to hide the huge smile that spread across my face at the sight of its driver.

As I climbed into the truck, I saw that Garrett’s smile matched my own wide grin. His white teeth flashed against his tanned skin, his dark hair looking especially gelled to perfection today.

“Morning, Bella. You get some clothes washed last night?” he asked putting his arm around me unnecessarily as he reversed down my driveway, his eyes looking in the window behind our heads.

“Some, not all, but I’ll get to it tonight, I promise.”

One brow raised in my direction. “And the dishes?”

Oops. “Those too.”

“What did you eat for dinner?”

I brightened, knowing I had the right answer for that one. “Stir fry.”

“Did you like it?”

I willed my nose not to wrinkle up in its usual fashion at the thought of the broccoli. “It was pretty good, actually.”

“Vegetables aren’t your thing, are they?”

“Not really.”

“Next time I’ll make a creamy butter sauce for them. That might pique your interest.”

“Doubt it,” I muttered. I detested all forms of the fibrous green stuff that grew out of the ground.

“You’ll learn,” he said, authority in his voice. “You can start at lunch. Carrie’s making Southwest Salad.”

Why did I have the feeling Carrie was making the Southwest Salad at the request of my commanding boss?

“I’ll manage. Somehow.”

“You’ll do better than manage. You will eat your lunch, or you will find yourself over my desk again.”

I sat quietly, my cheeks burning and my gaze holding on the passing landscape.

“Bella?”

Deciding to save my rear and change the subject instead of arguing the nutritional benefits of an ice cream only diet, I said, “Thank you for the washer and dryer—you really didn’t have to do that. I’ll pay you back, I promise.”

“They were a gift and you can’t pay back a gift. It’s a gift to me really. I couldn’t stand the thought of you at a laundromat by yourself at night.”

“How’d you know I go at night?”

Garrett groaned. “So, I was right?”

“Yes.”

“I just got the feeling somehow, that you would choose to make the decision that had your personal safety least in mind. And I guessed right.”

“It’s Poke Town for goodness sake. Safest town around.”

“Not at night. Not when you are alone. And the laundromat isn’t exactly on the safest side of town. I ought to…”

“You cannot punish me for things that I did before we even…” I didn’t know what we were to one another, boss and employee seemed too casual, but even after our conversation last night, I had a hard time believing he was actually my boyfriend “worked together.”

“I can, and I will if I deem it necessary.”

Time for a subject change before he pulled the truck over and bent me over the hood on the side of the road for having done my laundry at one in the morning. I wouldn’t put it past him.

“So, what is on the schedule for today?” I asked brightly, smiling and widening my eyes hoping I looked curious enough to take his mind off my bottom.

Giving me a long, sidelong glance, Garrett gave a ‘we aren’t finished with this’ sigh before answering. “Today is our donor open house. Potential donors come and visit the place, get a feel for what we do. It’s an important day to put our very best foot forward. The more long-term donations we can get committed to the program, the more families we can serve. The waitlist is currently as long as my arm.”

“When I was working for the tire store was when I first heard about Hope Reigns. I couldn’t afford the full tuition and Carrie gave Oliver a partial scholarship and worked out a payment plan for us. Was that covered by the donors?”

“Partially.”

“And how was the rest covered?”

“Other ways.”

I had a feeling that Garrett Love’s personal savings account was the ‘other way’.

“Do you ever have to turn families away?”

“I never do. Hence the waitlist. But without more funding, I can’t buy more horses or pay more staff, no matter how much I want to, there are kids who won’t be able to participate when they need it most. Breaks my heart. But on the bright side, that’s what today is about. If we work hard and get the right people bought into the program, they will open their wallets and we will be able to expand what we have now.”

Pulling under The Lonestar Cattle Company sign, we turned down the long drive that lead up to the ranch.

“How can I be helpful today?”

“You’re looking mighty pretty today, Bella,” Garrett said, flashing me what Wes had dubbed his Hollywood smile. “That alone might help our cause. But other than that, if you could mill about, get to know these people. Maybe even share your story if you feel comfortable. Tell them what Hope Reigns did for you and Oliver.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it. I wanted to talk to you about one other thing.”

My tummy did flip flops while I waited for him to speak. Maybe he had changed his mind about what he had said last night—about being my boyfriend.

Putting the truck into park, he cut the engine. Turning his long, lean body towards mine, he reached out, grabbing my hand in his. Eyes locked on mine, he spoke.

“I meant what I said last night, Bella. I’ve waited ten years to let something like this,” he waved at the space between our tense bodies, “into my life. And I don’t take anything lightly. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to be your boss and your boyfriend. And that comes with some things that might be challenging for you. I am pretty demanding. I expect you to obey me in your work life and your private life. I am a dominant person by nature and over the last decade have only become more so. I won’t put up with any of that dating crap some girls try to pull—I’ll spank it right out of you. But I will care for you and you will never have had a better boyfriend in your life. I can assure you of that.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “Sound good to you, Bella Buchanan? If not, you had best tell me so right now.”

To another woman, what Garrett had proposed may have sounded controlling, archaic, borderline crazy. To me, it sounded liked heaven and had me melted to my core.

“Yes.”

One brow raised in question. “You sure? This is what you want?”

“Yes.”

A grin spread across his face. Leaning down, he placed a gentle kiss on my lips that had my mouth tingling. Pulling away too soon, he whispered, “I’d better tell the fellas that you are my girl, then. There are gonna be some devastated cowboys at The Lonestar today.”

“You think?”

“I know.”

I wanted him to kiss me again. I wanted him inside me again. I wanted to do nothing but taste, feel and see Garrett Love. But it was time to work. We got out of the truck, and with a passing slap to my ass, parted ways and went about our mornings.

* * *

Garrett

I was in love with Bella Buchanan. I had thought it; I had even thought that I knew it. But nothing prepared me for the feelings I had for her when I watched her work her magic on Hopeful Hearts Day—or Big Donor Day as I secretly called it.

Leaning against a fence post, I watched as Bella smiled, charmed, chatted and even teared up as she shared her own stories with the potential donors as they milled about. And the smile, the tears, they were genuine and absolutely adorable.

The gold in her long, red hair glinted under the sun as the little crinkles around her eyes bunched up as she smiled. Modestly dressed as always, I still couldn’t tug my eyes away from the places the material of her shirt and jeans strained against her generous curves.

Feeling my gaze upon her, she looked unsure for a moment before flashing me one of those gorgeous smiles. Her boss, watching her as she worked. But she didn’t realize I was so enamored I had momentarily forgotten my place here, so entranced by her vivacious spirit—and body.

I had to have her. Now.

Walking up to her, I politely excused myself to the potential donor she had been chatting up, and guiding her by the elbow, led her away from the crowd, towards my office.

“Where are we going? I was so close to getting a donation from him.”

Looking over my shoulder, I watched the donor who was currently enjoying the view of Bella leaving. I chuckled as I said, “Oh, you’ll get a donation from him. And probably a phone number to go with it.”

Rolling her eyes, she said, “Yeah right. He was just being nice. You didn’t answer my question. Why are we going into your office?”

Pushing her in and closing the door behind us, I said simply, “Because I wanted you.”

Her eyes widened, and desire flashed in those baby blues.

“And what makes you think I’ll have you?” she said, the pink blush of arousal in her cheeks telling a different story than her teasing words.

“Doesn’t matter if you will or won’t. I’m taking you.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed as the pink deepened. She inched away from me, her shoulder blades bumping into the wall behind her.

“Bella, Bella, Bella. What am I going to do with you?” I stalked towards her like a predator approaches its prey.

“To me or with me?” The tip of her white teeth bit into the plump skin of her bottom lip in the most adorable fashion.

“To, then with.”

She gave a sharp intake of breath as I came nearer. Leaning down, my teeth met the delicate porcelain skin of her neck as I nibbled down from her jawline to her collarbone. Resting my lips on that sweet spot where her neck met her shoulder blade, I paused a moment before sinking my teeth in and sucking.

I knew I had hit my target as her back arched and she threw her head back, groaning, “Oh, Garrett.”

She would be screaming my name before we left this office, of that I was sure.

My hands reached around, grasping her sweet cheeks in my fingertips I squeezed until she gasped for breath.

“Have you been naughty, or nice?” I whispered in her ear.

“Nice! Oh, naughty… but nice too. Maybe both?” she stuttered as I dug my fingers further into her soft flesh. Her mouth met mine hard as she thrust her tongue against mine. Her arms wrapped around my neck, she held on as if she would never let go.

Lips locked with hers, I wrapped my arms underneath her ass, thrusting her upwards until her legs were locked around my waist. I carried her a few steps until the front of my thighs hit the long counter lining the back wall of my office. I boosted her up and sat her on the countertop. My hands tangled into her hair, grabbing at the back of her neck, as I continued to explore her mouth with the tip of my tongue.

Pulling her shirt up and over her head, Bella raised her arms to assist my maneuver. My fingertips traced the outline of her peaked nipple through her lacy, translucent bra. The little peak further stiffened under the pressure of my light touch.

I grabbed her breast fully in my hand, squeezing then reaching down underneath the thin material. Between my forefinger and thumb, I pinched the hardened nipple, smiling at the mewing kitten-like begging noise that it elicited from my sweet Bella.

“I think you’ve been naughty. I think you want me to punish you, don’t you, Bella?”

I pulled back and watched as her eyes widened at my words. “No, I mean, yes, I mean… I don’t know. Do I?”

Giving a dark chuckle, I answered honestly. “That depends. On what you like.”

“Oh.”

“Do you like to be teased?”

“Uh, maybe.”

“Do you like to be spanked?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like when my fingers go where they shouldn’t and make you feel submissive right down to your naughty little core?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe is a yes.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe answers get you punished.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I like when you… play with me.”

“Shameful to admit, isn’t it?”

“A little.”

“Such a naughty girl. I love it.” I nibbled on her earlobe as I undid her bra. Pulling it free from her arms, her breasts escaped the constrictive fabric. My mouth instantly went to one of her peaked nipples, sucking and nibbling as she moaned with pleasure.

Unbuttoning her jeans, I watched as she pressed her palms flat against the countertop, lifting her ass off the counter as she did. I quickly tugged her jeans and panties down and off until she was sitting on that counter, as naked as the day she was born. Suddenly shy, she could not meet my eyes as I looked upon her beauty.

“You’re gorgeous, you know that?”

“Not so much.”

“You are.”

“Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.”

“So, I’ve been told. But it turns out your looks aren’t the thing that matter most in this world. Are they? It’s how you treat people. And I’m about to treat you real nice.”

“Mmmm…” she licked her lips in anticipation.

Placing my hands on her knees, I widened the gap between her thighs.

“Garrett, what are you doing?” she gasped.

“Giving you pleasure. Lean back.”

Pressing her palms into the counter behind her, her arms straightened. Her gaze was heavy lidded as she stared at me.

Grabbing her hips, I pulled her bottom to the very edge of the counter. Her back arched as she watched me kneel before her. Parting her red curls and lips with my fingertips, I flashed her a smile then disappeared into her sex. The tip of my tongue stroked her clit, circling it in a teasing manner as I listened to her gasp for breath.

“Oh, Garrett,” she moaned.

I buried my mouth deeper into her, sucking and tasting at her tangy juices. I drew back, again taking the tip of my tongue to her sweet spot, circling and licking the precious nub as she moaned. Slipping one of my fingers inside her, I swirled and pumped as my mouth sucked and licked. Inserting a second finger beside the first, I intensified the pressure of my tongue as she neared orgasm. I knew I had her and licked mercilessly as her hands found their way into my hair, clutching it tightly. “Garrett Love, Garrett Love, oh my God Garrett Love!” she screamed as she came, her legs stiffening around me.

Wiping my face with the back of my sleeve, I rose up from my knees. Her heavy-lidded eyes opened, a look of serene pleasure on her beautiful face. I kissed her mouth, her tongue exploring mine, her hand wrapping around my back, pulling me tight into her. I quickly unbuttoned and unzipped my pants. My cock sprung free as my clothing dropped to the ground. Unable to wait to take her any longer, I plunged within her. My hands grabbed her hips, pulling her into me hard. Her hips dug into mine as I lifted her, clutching and grabbing the flesh of her ass as I moved back and forth inside of her.

Bella’s hips moved in rhythm with mine, out and in, close than far, pumping as hard as I was. She threw her head back with a groan and I plunged deeper and harder and faster until she was mewing like a baby kitten again. God, I loved that noise she made. So feral, so out of control—just the way I liked her.

A few more pumps and we came together in ecstasy. Her pussy clenched around my cock as she screamed my name again. I groaned with pleasure, putting her back onto the countertop and leaning my head against her chest as I withdrew from her. Holding one another and kissing, we basked in the afterglow of our lovemaking.

* * *

We returned to the crowd, just a little more flushed and our hair a little more tousled than when we left, but luckily no one seemed to notice.

“Gare.” I felt a punch in my arm and I looked over to see Wes, a teasing grin spread across his smug face. “I told you, baby brother.”

“What?” I asked, turning and crossing my arms over my chest. So, someone had noticed, and of course, it was my nosy older brother.

“Never say never.”

I looked over to where Bella stood. Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she gave a tinkling laugh as she put her hand on Mr. Callaway’s shoulder, leading him to the barn. Enamored with her attention, the old bachelor had never looked happier.

Watching as she walked away, I couldn’t help but to smile at my brother.

“It’s too soon to tell,” I mused.

“Is it? She seems just about as smitten as a kitten when she’s around you. A little skittish though. Almost as if she wants to protect her rear end when she’s near you.” He gave me a smug, knowing look. “Are you dabbling in the ways I’ve taught you, brother?”

“You mean am I spanking Bella Buchanan’s cute little behind, Wes?”

“Yes.”

“None of your ever-loving business, my friend.”

Laugher aside, he raised one concerned eyebrow to me. “Just don’t mix work and pleasure, Garrett. That never ends well. If you want her, you need to find her another job.”

“You and Carrie work together. Jessica helps Ray with his rentals.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“We are married to our business partners. It’s a whole different ball game. You are only casually dating yours. Unless—” his storm cloud gray eyes considered my face “are you serious about this one?” Looking me over, he must have received his answer from what he saw there. Giving a low whistle, Wes said, “Well, I’ll be damned. Of course, you are serious about her—you waited ten years for this.”

“I wasn’t waiting. I had closed that part of my life. Choosing to remain a bachelor all my days. Then she came. It was like I didn’t have a choice.”

“I know what you mean. When you find that person, you would move a mountain to make them yours.”

“Something like that.”

“Just don’t move that mountain at work, Gare. I’m telling you, you have to keep it separate.”

“Separate, or maybe there is another way.”

“What?”

“Somehow, someway, get Bella Buchanan to say yes to marrying me. Bella Love. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think, Wes?”

“Bella Love. Beautiful name for a beautiful employee.”

“I heard you. You can drop the lecture now.”

“I just don’t want to see you hurt, Gare. Not after all you’ve been through.”

“You mean after what I put everyone else through,” I said, kicking at the dirt with the heel of my boot.

“Let it go, man. Everyone else has. You have to let yourself relax a little. Stop being so uptight all the time.”

“I can’t. It’s my nature now. Anyhow—don’t want to. Life is better when I am in control of my actions. And look who’s talking anyway. You are the most in control guy I know.”

“Yeah, because I had to take care of you,” he bumped his shoulder against mine. “But not anymore. I’m real proud of you Garrett.”

“Thanks, bro. Luckily, I had you to emulate.”

“Still a head shorter than me though,” he teased.

“And a head better lookin’ too.”

“Never can let that go, can you?” Wes laughed.

“I have to hold onto something, being the little brother of Mr. Perfect my whole life.”

Wes’ laugh died as he considered my words. His brow came together in a worried look as he gazed off towards the barn.

Punching him in the arm, I said, “Just kidding, Wes.”

“I bet it felt like that sometimes though, didn’t it?”

Wes was as smart, kind, and hardworking as they came. I, on the other hand had preferred to let loose and party growing up. Though my grades were stellar—academics came ridiculously easy to me—I was the less responsible, less trustworthy, wild, little brother. I was happy to follow in Wes’ footsteps and tightly rein in what was left of my adulthood. “Maybe it did. But I sure am glad for it. Without you, I never would have gotten out of that dark place. You were a rock for me when I needed you. When you had nothing but reasons to turn your back on me. I’ll never forget it.”

Wiping at his shining eyes, Wes cleared his throat. “Enough about all that… stuff. Let’s go make you some money. I’ll take Ms. Phillips. Ever since Carrie accidently got her drunk at Ray and Jess’ anniversary party and she was my two-stepping dance partner, I do believe she is sweet on me.”

“Work that cowboy charm,” I called at him as he headed towards our ninety-year-old diamond encrusted neighbor. Ms. Philips turned and smiled as she felt Wes placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. His wide, sparkling grin spread across his face and a light came into her eyes. Everybody loved Wes.

Giving a sigh, I stood from my comfortable lean on the fencepost. “Can’t let Bella and Wes do all the heavy lifting, time to break out some of that old Hollywood Garrett charm,” I mumbled to myself as I strode over to the crowd of visitors.

“Jess,” I called, surprised to see her here today. At the sound of my voice, she turned, her white blonde hair swinging and falling perfectly into place as she faced me.

“Gare,” reaching out she embraced me in a tight hug.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Not happy to see me?” she teased.

“No, just surprised.”

“It’s Hopeful Hearts day, Garrett and I happen to have a heart. And a purse full of cash my husband sent me with,” she added with a wink.

“Ray sent money?”

“He really believes in what you are doing here. He wanted to support the cause.” She waved a perfectly manicured hand through the air. “And you know he owns half this town—he loves to help support the people of it.”

A little black head of hair popped out from behind her long, tan coat. “I um… I brought Evan.” Her eyes cut to mine. There was an intense glimmer of a message there that I couldn’t quite read. But I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to talk to Evan—alone. That much I could read from her anxious gaze.

I looked down at the boy. His dark eyes focused on mine, his little jaw was set. Hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, he looked determined but not uncomfortable. Quickly assessing the situation, I placed a hand on Jessica’s shoulder.

“Tell you what, Jess. I’ve been avoiding raising money all day. Besides—I’m too ugly for it. People just turn away in disgust.” A little chuckle came from Evan. “Why don’t you take your pretty little self around here, mingle with the wealthy Poke Town inhabitants, and scare up some big bucks?”

Jessica gave me a nod, her face serious, her eyes still trying to send their message. Flipping into classic Jess flirt mode she arranged her face into a perfect bright and bubbly smile. Giving me one more nod she turned away from me, determinedly towards the visitors. Her voice loud and clear, she called out, “All right y’all—you know they do good work, now it’s time to open your wallets,” marching confidently right into the center of the dense crowd that had been giving me feelings of panic.

I put my hand on Evan’s shoulder. It tensed as I made contact. “What do you say we go up to the kitchen and scrounge up some pie, little buddy?”

“Is it quiet there?” he asked, his gaze intense and too mature for his age.

“Depends on your definition of quiet.”

“I need to speak with you—alone.” He looked over his shoulder at the people milling around his mother.

“Tell you what—want to break out of here for a while? I think your mama has things under control.”

“Yes,” he breathed, looking up at me relieved. So, Evan had the same fear of crowded spaces as I did. He hid it well, as I did too.

Hopping into Wes’ old beat up, red truck, I watched as Evan climbed in, buckling his seat belt carefully. Clicking the latch on the buckle, he eyed me warily.

Revving the engine to life, I kept my eyes on the road as I asked, “Tell me, Evan. Do you get nervous in big crowds too?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted, looking out the window. After a quiet moment he turned to me his eyes widening. “Do you?”

“Yes. I do. And I learned to hide it. My old job was in a big office with everyone running around yelling all the time. I eventually got comfortable there, but sometimes, like today, it still hits me. You know—that panicky heart racing feeling?”

I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. “Who knows?” he asked.

“Nobody,” I answered.

His eyebrows shot up in disbelief. “Not even your mama?”

“Nope. She knew when I was younger—like I’m sure your mama does with you. But she assumed I grew out of it. It doesn’t match my outgoing personality, but the truth is, sometimes I acted more outgoing to make up for it, to hide it. Sometimes I think I am cured of it, then it just hits me out of nowhere. But I have a good handle on it now, and you can learn to, too.” I watched for a reaction, but Evan kept his face perfectly still. “How about some milkshakes and fries at the Burger Barn?”

“Won’t you be missed as the fundraiser?”

“Your mom and Wes and Bella have it covered. I have a feeling you want to talk to me, man to man, and that takes precedence over everything.”

The rest of the ride was quiet. A feeling of dread and shame was forming in the pit of my stomach. I tried to untangle the knots with my mind, telling myself the past was past, mistakes had been made, repeating all the statements of forgiveness and redemption that people had told me over the years. Nothing helped. I pulled the truck into the parking lot of Burger Barn.

As Evan walked beside me into the restaurant, I couldn’t help but notice we both had our hands shoved into the pockets of our jeans, the strides of our boots matching, his just shorter in length than mine.

I held the door open for him, then followed him up to the counter.

“What’ll you have?” the clerk asked, popping her gum.

“Chocolate shake and fries, please,” Evan said solemnly.

“And you?” she asked me, flashing a flirty grin. I tended to have that affect on women. In the past I used it to my advantage and had a string of exes and one-night stands trailing behind me as long as the Texas border. Over the past ten years I had learned to ignore it, instead replying with a detached politeness.

“Same, please.”

Evan snuck a curious glance at me.

Carrying our tray, I followed Evan to the secluded corner booth that he chose.

Figuring it was best to eat before we spoke, I took the lid off my milkshake, dragging two of the hot, salty fries through the creamy mixture before popping them into my mouth.

I looked up at Evan as I chewed. He sat, completely frozen, his eyes locked on me, his hand hovering over his drink. In it he held two French fries that he was about to dip in the overflowing cup.

“Do you think a lot of people eat their fries that way?” I asked.

“Dunno,” he said. Still eyeing me, he dragged his own fries through his shake, then put them into his mouth, chewing slowly as he thought. Finally, after an intense, prolonged silence, he swallowed. Looking up at me with that wise beyond his years look I was becoming accustomed to, he cleared his throat, preparing to speak. I felt like I was sitting with a middle-aged man in the body of a ten-year-old.

“I know you’re my dad,” he said, matter of factly.

That heart racing panicky feeling entered my chest. I pushed it way down, knowing this kid deserved so much more than me having a heart attack in the middle of the Burger Barn right now.

“How?” I asked dumbly, clearing my own throat and sitting back in the booth.

“I looked in a mirror.”

I felt tears springing up into my eyes and the intense desire to laugh out loud as I looked the little boy over. My son. His dark, gelled hair was cut the same style as my own. His eyes and arching brows matched mine. He was young, but I could already make out the strong line of his jaw that would one day resemble my own. His mannerisms, his fear of crowds, hell, even the way he swung his right leg over a horse and remained airborne for a second before his rear hit the saddle. These were all traits this boy had inherited from me.

His gaze held steady, as if he was waiting for the realization to sink in. That I knew that he finally knew he was my son.

Unsure of what to say, I said the first thing that popped into my mind. “What did your dad say about it?”

“He said it was time for you and me to have a man to man talk.”

“And your mom?”

“She told me what happened from her side of the story. But I want to hear yours.” Pushing his tray away, he folded his hands, resting them on the table in front of him.

“Okay.” Sitting back, I ran my hands through my hair. I knew this day would come, I just didn’t picture it like this. I thought I would just be a sideline participant for it while Jessica and Ray handled the matter.

“I’m happy to talk to you, Evan, I’m just surprised your parents wanted us to talk without them present. Are you sure they are okay with this?”

The little man in front of me gave a nod. “They trust me.”

I could sense why. Evan was more mature than most adults I knew. He was always looking out for his younger brothers when the Stevensons would visit the ranch, telling this one to slow down, or that one to stay on the trail. And he was responsible. His horse was always groomed, fed and watered before he would go on to another task or engage in chatter with the other kids who were around. Meanwhile, the staff and I would constantly be harping on the Hope Reigns’ kids to care for the horse before they commenced their intense games of freeze tag.

“Where would you like for me to start?”

“Why did you leave my mom?”

Cutting right to the chase. I liked it. Taking a deep breath, I gave myself a moment to gather my thoughts. “I was young, dumb and selfish. I got scared. I started drinking a lot—you know I had to go to a special doctor for drinking too much in the past?” He nodded. Evan was very familiar with Hope Reigns and the struggles of the families who participated. “I struggled with alcohol all my life but then I made some mistakes, hurt some people pretty bad, and I turned to the bottle to console myself. I was pretty good at hiding it from others at that point. One day, I was in my car drinking by myself, thinking about how I was going to be a dad. Then it hit me. I would be a terrible father. The worst kind imaginable. An alcoholic. I figured your mother and you would be better off without me. I ran off, without even saying goodbye, just like that, and went back to New York City.

“My brother came after me, tried to talk some sense into me—” I left out the part of the story where Wes used his fist and broke my nose in trying to get his message across, “but it didn’t work. I was drinking during the day and at night by then, out of hating myself for the mess I had caused. Then, I heard your mom was dating Ray. I stayed far away from Poke. I’ve known Ray—your dad, since I was a kid. There never was a better man. So, I continued to stay away because I didn’t want to risk coming to town and messing up what your mom and Ray had going.” I ran my fingers through my hair again, trying to read Evan’s face. “Is any of this making sense?”

“Yes. Continue.” Sitting stoically, the kid didn’t move a muscle, his eyes barely even blinking as he absorbed my words.

“I heard they were getting married—your mom and dad. The finality of what I had done hit me. I came back to Poke and I showed up drunk, of course, to the wedding. Luckily, my brother got a hold of me before I could make a big scene. The next day, Wes sat me down and told me he booked me a place at Free Fall—a place for people like me to get well. He even called my boss and quit my job for me. Then he hopped on a plane and flew me to California. I was at Free Fall for six months. I haven’t had a sip of alcohol since.”

“Then you came back to the ranch?”

“Yes. Luckily, Wes never gave up on me and was willing to take me back at Lonestar. He’s a good man. I changed my ways, taking my life seriously for once. Tried to be good to my family, work hard, be good to others. Then the opportunity to open Hope Reigns came along and I took it. Seemed like a fitting way to spend my days—trying to help other families that had been hurt by alcohol like the pain I brought onto my own family.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you. And your mom and dad wanted to tell you, but they were waiting until you were a bit older. They love you and want the best for you. I promise the only reason they didn’t tell you before you figured it out was because they were trying to do what is best. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision for them.”

He gave an understanding nod.

“I’m just—I’m sorry, Evan. For everything, and I’m glad I’m finally getting the opportunity to apologize to you in person. You deserve so much more than I could have given you. Of course, if I could pick, I never would have done anything to hurt you. But the way it ended up… I’ll just say, you couldn’t have gotten a better dad than Ray Stevenson. And he couldn’t have asked for a better son.”

His dark, little brows knitted together, his eyes locking on mine. When he spoke, his sincere words held a heavy tone. “I forgive you.”

“You do?” His words washed over me. I felt a tingling of disbelief dance across my skin. But when I looked in his eyes, I knew he meant it before he uttered his reassuring words.

“Yes. I do.”

“Where do we go from here?” I asked.

“I would like to be friends. I mean—we already are. We go riding together and stuff. But sometimes, I’d like to spend time with you alone, like this,” he gestured at the space across the table between us.

“I’d like that too. I’ll have to talk to your parents…”

“I already have.”

“Of course, you have.”

“I asked them if you were my father and after they gave me a long winding answer that ended in ‘yes’, I told them I would like to speak with you and I would like to hang out with you sometimes. They said, ‘okay’, and here we are now.”

“So, we are.”

“I’d like one more thing, if you don’t mind.”

“Shoot. Anything you want—as long as your parents approve.”

“Seeing as I’m your son, and you and Wes stand to inherit the ranch, I would like to be considered a part-owner of Hope Reigns, as well as the cattle raising side of the business. I want to learn how to run a ranch as well as a horse farm.”

I was speechless.

“It’s not the money,” he said with a wave of his hand, I think he mistook my silence for financial concern, “my dad has plenty of that. It’s the ranch itself. I’ve loved it since I was a kid and I feel I’m entitled to be a part owner, just like Wes’ daughter is.”

“Okay, you got it, little man. You can be a part owner and Wes and I will show you the ropes. And when I die, you will inherit my half of the ranch. Sound good?”

“I didn’t mean to make you think of your own mortality.”

The vocabulary on this kid. Geeze.

“You didn’t. And I’m happy to anyway. What’s mine is yours and Wes and I are always worrying over who’s going to take over the business when we grow too old to ranch. He will be thrilled—we both will—to hear that we have a little man rising up to handle the business.”

He gave his grown man nod again. “Then it’s settled.”

“Yes. Thank you, Evan—for talking to me. And for your forgiveness. You have no idea what it means to me.”

“You’re welcome,” he said with a sincere nod of his head

* * *

“How is Ray handling it?” Having returned from the Burger Barn with Evan—my son—I had grabbed a few private moments to chat with Jess about the heavy subject Evan and I had just discussed.

“It was hard on Ray at first, hearing Evan say that he wanted to spend time with you. You know just a natural instinct to protect what’s his—and a fear that Evan would find you, ‘cooler’. But he understands. And he wants what’s best for Evan. We knew this day would come, I just thought I had more time for him to mature first.”

“Seems like an incredibly mature kid to me.”

“He is, isn’t he? He must get that from me.” She gave a laugh and a wink. I think we both knew it came from Evan’s young eyes watching the way Ray handled the matters in his life. “Sometimes it’s uncanny, though, his mannerisms and such. He is a spitting image of you. It was stupid of Ray and me to think we could hide it from him for much longer.”

“I gave him my half of the ranch when I pass on.”

Her eyes widened. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I did. He’s my son.”

“What if you and Bella have kids?” A knowing look flashed in her eyes. “Come on, Garrett. I’ve heard the talk. She’s your girlfriend now, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, if you marry,” she gave a deep teasing nudge to my unprotected ribs, “she deserves half of what is yours. But we can work all that out another time. I’m just happy for you, Gare. It’s time you let go of your guilt and lived your life. Let someone love you. And I like Bella, I really do. She sure can raise some money too, so that’s a bonus.”

“Thanks again, Jess, for today, for bringing Evan here.”

“You’re welcome. I’m happy to help such a great cause. And I’m happy Evan knows. That was a heavy secret to keep. Until he came to us—asking if you were his father—I didn’t realize how heavily it was weighing on my shoulders.”

Apologizing for the hundredth time seemed like it would be a burden, so I just stood quietly.

Abruptly, Jessica pulled me into a hard hug. “Thank you… for Evan. I know it was a mess in the past, but not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for that little boy. And you gave him to me so… thank you.”

My eyes stung, and the back of my throat burned. Today had been an emotional one. The day my son met me for the first time as his father.

The day I finally forgave myself.