Chapter Fourteen
Levi
I scanned the weather service, praying for another blizzard. I didn’t know what had come over me when I’d done that to Ezra. No matter how many times he assured me that it was good, I was still afraid. I was afraid of him wanting to escape me forever. What I needed was a few more days to shower him with devotion so I could make things right.
I’d heard of Alphas going batshit crazy when their Omegas went into heat, but I’d never thought it would happen to me. The thing was, I kept beating myself up for it, but Ezra kept insisting that he’d enjoyed it. I wouldn’t let myself believe it. I thought he was just too afraid of me to be honest.
I busied myself with tasks around the cabin and the shed in the back. With the snow beginning to melt, there were a few maintenance tasks and repairs I could do on the outside of the cabin.
My appetite was almost gone, so I went outside without breakfast. When Ezra came outside at lunch to offer food, I told him I wasn’t hungry. He looked defeated, and I couldn’t tell if it was because he was worried that I would take him again if he didn’t pacify me or if it was because he really wanted to spend time with me.
I had a hard time allowing myself to believe that Ezra had enjoyed our encounter. In the back of my mind somewhere, I knew what I’d done was natural and what we both needed, but that didn’t stop me from beating myself up over it.
In the middle of a particularly harsh moment of self-recrimination, I opened the shed door and it felt like the case of whiskey jumped out at me. Suddenly, old cravings gnawed at my gut. My mouth watered in anticipation of the burn of the alcohol.
A moment of weakness consumed me. I opened the case and took out a bottle. I’d taken two swigs from it when I heard the footsteps behind me. I whirled around, and Ezra was standing there with a sandwich on a plate.
“You need to eat,” he said softly.
“Ezra…” I didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry? I didn’t mean it? It was just one drink? All of it was bullshit for various reason.
“If you’re going to keep doing this to yourself, I’m not going to watch. You do need to eat the sandwich, though.” He set the plate down in the snow and walked away.
I put the bottle in the shed and ate the sandwich. When I went back in, Ezra was seated on the sofa, reading a book in front of the fire. I went into my room and booted up my laptop.
I wanted to check the weather and find out a blizzard was coming. I needed more time with Ezra. I couldn’t let him go. I had to make things right. Ezra said I didn’t need to make anything up to him, but I didn’t believe him. I figured he was just saying that because he was afraid of me. It never crossed my mind that he meant it. That was my mistake. It was doubting that Ezra could decide on his own if he wanted me or not.
At dinner, Ezra brought a plate of food into the bedroom where I was stewing. He set it on the night table and walked back out without a word. I told myself it was because he never wanted to speak to me again, and when the deputy arrived to pick him up, I’d be telling Ezra goodbye forever.
After he ate, Ezra sat on the sofa at the end closest to the fire and read for the rest of the evening. When he finished the book, he closed it and got up.
“I’m going to bed.”
That was it. I didn’t look him in the eyes, so I have no idea if he was pissed or sad. I’d gone from being an Alpha brute to a complete coward in one day. I couldn’t imagine how anyone would want to share a life with someone like me.
An hour or so later, I gave up and went to bed too. I was saddened to find that Ezra had gone to bed in the loft.
I’d just gotten under the covers when I heard Ezra’s soft sobbing. He was crying, and it broke my heart into pieces. I told myself that it was because of what I’d done and that I should give him some space.
I laid there while thirty minutes ticked off the clock. Then, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
After pulling myself out of bed, I climbed up to the loft. Ezra was facing the wall and had his back to me, but as soon as I reached the top of the ladder, he rolled over to face me. His eyes were rimmed with red and his cheeks stained with dried tears. In that moment, I vowed to never, ever make him sad again. If my losing control while he was in heat would be a problem, then I would let Ezra lock me in a closet wearing a straitjacket. He was mine, and I would spend the rest of my life making him happy.
Whatever it took.
“You’re coming to bed with me,” I said and reached out for him.
“Really?” he asked hopefully, and that’s when I realized I’d been a fool. Ezra had been honest with me about enjoying the rough sex, and I’d treated him like a child who couldn’t make his own decisions. I treated him like he couldn’t possibly know his own desires either. “I thought you’d lost interest in me or had gone off the deep end or something.”
“I had, but it wasn’t your fault. It was mine. Now, get in our bed, where you belong.”