CHAPTER TWENTY
The air was cool and quiet when we arrived at the cabin three days later, Finn driving a car we’d rented, and me in the passenger seat. I still hadn’t gotten used to us being alone. No security, no worries because Mark was in jail.
Just me and Finn. Free to be together alone.
I hopped out of the car, barely waiting for it to stop.
“Charlotte,” Finn said, warning in his tone.
But I laughed and ignored him, walking to middle of the lawn and looking around at the trees and the changing leaves.
“We’re here,” I said, grabbing his hand when he walked to me. “Just us. No one else.”
“To relax.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “To hike.” I grinned. “To have a picnic. To have fun.”
“To get some rest,” he corrected.
“I’m tired of rest. I want…”
Eyes squinting against the glare of the sun, he said, “What? What do you want?”
“You.” I grinned. “All of you. All over me.”
He frowned. “I don’t…”
“Does your arm still hurt?” I asked, reaching into my purse. “I brought your pills.”
“It’s not me.”
Pulling my hand slowly out of my bag, I looked up into his eyes. “What do you mean?”
He touched my cheek, eyes shimmering in the sun, a smile in them despite the words. “Let’s get inside, get some wine.”
“The whole truth,” I said, leaning up to kiss him on the mouth.
His breath released, and he deepened the kiss, hands feather light on my cheeks, but mouth like a fever on mine. “Charlotte,” he murmured.
I pressed closer, our bodies flush against each other, until Finn made a noise low in his throat and pulled back. “Hold on.”
“Ah,” I said with a sigh. “It’s me.”
Releasing him, I tilted my face to the sun and closed my eyes. “There was a time,” I said in a playful voice, “you couldn’t keep your hands off of me.”
He didn’t respond. In fact, he was so quiet it was almost like he wasn’t there anymore. I heard the wind rustle through the trees and breathed in deep, forcing away the hurt. Finn had his reasons for the way things had been the last few days, and I figured they were largely due to the fact that my body was still healing. Otherwise, he’d been attentive, stuck close to my side, and gotten us out to the cabin as quickly as possible considering the circumstances.
And for all that, I was grateful.
But.
“Trust me,” Finn said, his voice closer than I was expecting it, “it’s not that I don’t want my hands all over you. I’m…”
Opening my eyes, I smiled at him. “Scared you’re going to hurt me? I’m tough. I can take it.”
He dropped his chin, his fingers linking with mine in an absentminded gesture, and I automatically felt bad for teasing.
“Finn, I’m sorry.” I turned to him to brush my hand on his cheek. “I shouldn’t have said that. I understand it’s hard for you.”
“For me?” His gaze lifted, locking with mine. “If I hurt you, I wouldn’t forgive myself. But it’s not only that…”
My heart ached with love for him. “You’re not going to hurt me.”
He looked doubtful.
I squeezed his hand. “Let’s go get that wine and I’ll convince you.”
I started for the car, but he tugged me gently to him. “What are you doing?”
“Getting my bag from the car. My phone’s inside.”
“No phone,” he said. “And I’ll get your bag later. I want this day with you. Alone.”
Agreeable, I walked up the stairs with him. Finn unlocked the door and keyed in the code so the alarm wouldn’t go off.
He looked at me questioningly.
I only smiled. “It’s good to be back.”
“Can I just…” He leaned in, wrapping his arms around me gently. He buried his face in my hair, breathing in deep. “I just need to hold you a minute.”
I let him hold on, wishing he’d get a better grip, that he’d hold me tighter. But I couldn’t say it out loud. Finn had been quiet the last few days, and very careful to make sure our relationship went smoothly. I was starting to think the root of his caution was more than the surface bruises.
“Finn,” I started.
He shook his head. “One more minute.”
I smiled, my lips touching his ear. “If we stand here too long, everyone else will be on their way and we won’t be alone anymore.”
“We have until tomorrow,” Finn said, pulling back. “But I can make them wait.”
“Finn,” I chided. “You can’t invite people here and then tell them not to come.”
“We have time. It’s supposed to give you a chance to wind down. They can come next week if that works better, or just for a short visit.”
He’d also been careful to steer clear of the topic of weddings as well. I didn’t doubt Finn still wanted to get married, but I was beginning to doubt he wanted to do it anytime soon.
“Your mom didn’t want to wait as it was,” I said.
“She just wants to make sure you’re okay.”
“I am.” When Finn only nodded, I touched his cheek. “I really am, Finn.”
His eyes roamed my face, as if searching for the truth he didn’t seem able to see in my eyes. He touched my cheek where one of the bruises was still visible beneath my makeup. “I’ll get the wine.”
“Finn.”
“I’ll be right back. Promise.”
With a quiet sigh, I watched him walk to the stairs that led to the cellar, swift and sure footsteps. All day, I reminded myself. We had all day. And we’d get past this.
Now that I knew Curtis and the others were okay, that Dustin was being released from the hospital and Mark was behind bars, we had time. We had a chance to be in a relationship without the worries and restrictions that had made it so difficult the last several weeks.
But only if Finn could move on.
Now that there wasn’t any external stress, and now that I could express myself how I’d wanted to this entire time, was Finn unsure about us? Were we thriving on that togetherness before to help get through the chaos?
I wandered to the study, the questions playing over and over in my mind. I loved Finn. I knew that more than anything now—and I’d had hours and hours of rest and peaceful time to be sure. But maybe Finn didn’t feel that way anymore. Or maybe he needed time to start over under different circumstances.
Trying not to let that uncertainty take hold and drop any stress into my life, I scanned the bookshelves, searching for something specific.
Finn’s voice sounded outside the room. “Charlotte?”
I ducked low, still searching, and my voice came out muffled. “In the study.”
More footsteps, and then Finn’s voice again, louder than before. “Charlotte?”
“I’m in here!”
After a moment, he came around the corner, a bottle of wine in his hand and relief on his face. “God, I thought—” He shook his head. “What are you doing down there?”
I plucked the book I wanted from the shelf and let Finn help me up. “See? The same one I was reading last time we were here.” I smiled. “I wanted to finish it.”
His shoulders relaxed even more. “Good idea. You can start now if you want. I’ll open the wine and you can relax.”
“Are you okay?”
He angled his head, the flash of surprise on his face brief. “Sure.”
“Finn.”
He shrugged. “It was irrational for me to be nervous. It’s leftover from before. No big deal.” He gestured with the wine. “I’ll open this.”
“You’re going to have to talk to me eventually, you know.”
He took a moment before answering, in the same breezy voice. “I am talking to you.”
“You know what I mean.”
Finn rubbed a hand over his eyes, not a gesture of frustration, but one of uncertainty. “I don’t…” He swallowed, dropping his chin. “I’m not avoiding this…”
“You are.”
“I was going to say, I’m not avoiding this because I don’t want to talk to you. I just want you to have time. I want you to take it easy. Charlotte, I almost lost you. It’s—I need to make sure you’re okay.”
“And I told you, I am okay. You’re going to have to trust me if we’re going to make this work.”
He was silent again. I wandered to the window, setting the book aside as I stepped up to the glass. “I’m worried about us,” I said, my fingers brushing the surface.
Outside, the day was beautiful and bright. Almost enough to boost my mood again. Almost.
“Charlotte.” Finn joined me at the window, settling the bottle of wine next to my book on the desk as he passed. “Talk to me.”
Without looking at him, I said, “I’m worried things aren’t going to be the same between us now. If you…if you can’t do this anymore, I understand. It’s—”
“Wait. What? Do what?”
I turned, licking my lips but unable to meet his eyes for longer than a few moments. “Us. Our relationship. Things are different now. I’m free. I can live my life, and I want to grab onto it with both hands and just…dive in headfirst. I don’t want to miss anything else. And I—I know that makes me different from the Charlotte you’ve been with. If you need to take a step back, or step out altogether, I need to know. And I promise I’ll try to understand.”
When he didn’t answer, I ventured a glance up. His face was still with shock and hurt. “Are you…breaking it off with me?”
“No! No. Finn. God, I love you so much, it hurts my heart when I think about it too long, but I—I can’t make you want this and—”
“Want you? Want us?” he asked, stricken. “Are you serious? I can’t be with anyone else, Charlotte. You’re it for me. And if you think otherwise, I’m sorry. I know I haven’t made the last few days easy—”
“Finn, you’ve made them more than easy and I love you for it. But I need to know we’re still on the same page. You’re afraid to talk to me, to touch me. I feel like we’re going to drift apart if it keeps going like this.”
“I told you, I can’t hurt you. I won’t hurt you, Charlotte. After what happened—”
“And I told you, you’re not going to hurt me. I’m healed—or healing. I’m better, Finn. I need that closeness.”
“I don’t just mean the bruises.” His eyes lowered to the marks that were fading from my neck. “I mean on the inside, too. He…” Finn cleared his throat. “He attacked you. He…he tried to take you back to how it was before. Touching you like that…I’m afraid that will hurt you. That it will bring it all back.”
“Oh, Finn,” I said with a choked laugh. “No. No. That makes me forget what he did. You being close, your touch, it erases everything bad. All I can think about then is that you’re what’s meant for me and I’m so, so very lucky I got to—and hopefully still get to—experience that.”
“Of course you do,” he whispered.
My hand shook as I reached out to touch his cheek. “I love you, Finn.”
“I love you, too.”
“You do?”
“Of course. Why would you think that changed in the last few days?”
“Because…” I licked my lips again, afraid of the words I thought he might say. “I’m not the same person I was when I came to Oasis. I’m ready to move on. Completely. I’m excited for once to do everything I never did before, and to live and love and enjoy it all. And if—if you need time…”
“Time? Charlotte, what are you talking about?”
“Do you still want to marry me?”
His breath caught, and I prepared my heart for the hurt that would surely come. For him to say he needed time, or worse, he might never be ready. You could still love someone, but not be able to share a life with them. That’s what had happened the first time around with Finn.
I closed my eyes and a tear slid silently down my cheek. “I understand.”
“Charlotte.” He lifted my chin, using the lightest pressure. His hands were so gentle these days. “There’s nothing to understand except that I love you. I love you more than ever before. You’re an amazing person.”
“But you can’t marry me.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I—I was giving you time, space. I don’t want you to rush into something too fast.”
“It’s not fast. I’ve been waiting for this my whole life.”
He caught my face between his hands as more tears dripped down. “I still want to marry you.”
“I still want to marry you.”
He smiled. “Good. Because I wasn’t going to let you go that easy.”
Laughing, I said, “Then get a better hold on me so I don’t run away.”
He only hesitated for a moment, hands stilling on my face. Then he let one hand slide to my waist and pulled me closer to him. His lips found mine, a gentle pressure that left me panting for more.
“Finn,” I whispered, digging my hands into his hair. “Please.”
Finn changed the angle of the kiss, his tongue brushing mine, massaging it with his until my whole body throbbed with need. His hand slid under my shirt and I moaned with the feel of it. The warmth.
Impatient, I tugged my shirt off and Finn’s eyes automatically dipped to my breasts. He breathed out, hands stilling on my waist this time.
His voice was hoarse when he said, “Charlotte. I don’t…”
“I’m ready for this, Finn. For us.”
He didn’t hesitate this time, just scooped me into his arms. My lips curved in a smile as he carried me to the couch, setting me against the cushions and levering himself over the top of me.
When his lips lowered, I arched against him and felt his breath against my neck. He kissed the curve of my shoulder, and then around to the other side, and I realized he was kissing my bruises. He lifted my chin to get underneath, and then brushed his lips against my temple and down my cheek.
“You’re an amazing person, you know that, right?” Finn whispered, his lips still tracing the curve of my cheekbone.
“So are you.”
He reached to unzip my jeans and slide them down my legs, his hands still as light as a feather.
“Finn,” I said, my voice pleading.
“Let me do this my way, Charlotte. Please. Gently.”
I couldn’t argue. I could only answer with a sigh, because his mouth was tracing my calf and then my thigh. And then I lost myself completely as he covered every inch of my body with kisses before covering me with himself and making love to me, slowly and gently.
When his arms came around me tight, I joined him, releasing everything. Our hearts beat together in a quick rhythm, slowing after several moments, and Finn rested his forehead against mine.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I smiled. “Better than okay. I needed that.”
He laughed. “Me too.”
“I want kids,” I blurted.
His eyes snapped to mine. “What?”
“Kids. I want kids. With you. I want it all. A house, kids, you. Forever.”
He kissed the corner of my mouth. “We have time to figure it all out.”
“No, Finn. I want you to marry me.”
He looked down, brushing a lock of hair from my cheek. “I thought we already figured that out.”
“I mean soon. Next week or the week after. Marry me then.”
“Charlotte.”
“Stop saying my name like that. I’m in love with you, Finnigan Moore, and it’s time we started our life together.”
He blinked. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. I want to make you mine.”
He smiled. “I’m already yours.”
“Yes, you are. And I’m yours. But I want it to be forever.”
With his lips brushing mine, he nodded. “Forever.”