CHAPTER EIGHT
I jerked awake, my heart racing. Lightning lit up the sky outside, flashing behind the curtains, followed by a long rumble of thunder. I clutched the sheet to my chest, afraid to move for a moment as I scanned the darkened room.
My eyes adjusted, took in the familiar furniture, the chair in the corner, the dresser, the door to the bathroom. Nothing out of place, no strange shadows lurking.
I ventured a glance at the clock. 3:03 am. Still nighttime, but still safe in my apartment with Finn. I had to believe that. Curtis, Dustin, and Shane were all looking out for me, and Finn was here.
He slept soundly beside me, on his stomach with his cheek against the pillow. His brow furrowed, and then smoothed, and I wondered what he was dreaming about.
Or what I’d dreamed about that woke me. But I couldn’t remember. Maybe it was only the storm.
Still. I felt uneasy.
Then I remembered I’d forgotten to take the pills Dr. Palmer gave me. Maybe that was it. I’d been on edge almost every single day, why would tonight be any different? Especially knowing Mark was out there somewhere.
It wouldn’t hurt to take a pill now. To help me relax. I had the rest of the weekend with Finn, and I didn’t want to ruin it.
Making sure Finn was still sleeping, I climbed out of bed and found my robe on the chair. Sliding my arms inside, I walked quietly out of the room and barefoot down the hall. Lightning lit the interior of the living room, so bright it felt like the air was charged with electricity.
The pills sat on the counter where we’d left them. I took one out, grabbed a glass of water, and swallowed it.
Then, because I was still uneasy, I walked to the other side of the apartment, down the short hallway to the spare room, and then the office to peer inside. Nothing out of place that I could see in the dark.
I cinched the belt of the robe tighter around my waist and forced myself to check the bathroom as well. Nothing.
Back in the living room, I walked to the window, staring at the small smattering of lights. The swell of the ocean when lightning flashed again, and the clouds as they illuminated every few moments.
It seemed as unsettled as I felt.
I heard a footstep and then a voice. “Charlotte?”
I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Finn’s shadow at the edge of the living room. He walked cautiously across the soft rug and closer to me. “Charlotte.”
“Finn.”
He touched my shoulders gently. “Are you awake?”
“Yes.”
He exhaled and wrapped his arms around me, surprising me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I woke up and you weren’t there,” he said. “I thought you might have been sleepwalking again, and then I saw you standing here. I didn’t want to scare you if I woke you up.”
“I’m fine,” I whispered, turning my cheek on his chest so I could look out the window. “It was the storm, I guess.”
“What was the storm?”
“That woke me. I…” I shook my head. It was nothing. Finn didn’t need to worry.
He straightened anyway, peering down at my face in the dim lighting. “What happened?”
“Nothing. Really. I just woke up and I—I don’t know. Maybe it was a dream, or maybe the storm, but it just scared me awake I guess. And then I remembered I forgot to take those pills Dr. Palmer prescribed.”
“I’ll get you one now—”
“No, Finn, I already took it. It’s fine.”
He frowned, easing me away from him. “I’ll take a look around.”
“I already did.”
“Charlotte.” He bit off the rest of his response, but his eyes were dark with frustration. “You should go back to the room. I’ll look around.”
“Finn.” I caught his hand, trying to get him to stop.
“Come with me then,” he said.
I followed him from room to room as he checked in closets and behind curtains. Everywhere I hadn’t looked, although I didn’t expect him to find anything. But I kept quiet and let him do what he needed to do, silently kicking myself for not just going back to bed.
Now we were both wide awake in the middle of the night.
When we returned to the living room, Finn asked, “You said you took your pill?”
“Yes. I know I should have taken it before. I—”
“It’s fine, Charlotte.” He squeezed my fingers between his. “I just want to make sure you feel better later.”
“I’m sorry. I told you it wasn’t anything. Just a dream probably, or the storm.”
“Better to be safe than sorry.”
With a sigh, I turned to face the window again, watching the storm.
“Something else is bothering you,” Finn said.
I touched my hand to the glass. It was cool beneath my palm. “Nothing else is bothering me. I’m on edge.”
I almost added that the only thing that would help at this point was closure. But I knew that conversation wouldn’t go over well with Finn.
“Maybe I could help,” Finn said, coming up behind me and dropping his chin to my shoulder. “I seem to be very capable of getting you to wind down.”
A small smile curved my lips. “Yes, you are.”
His hand dropped down to the waist of my robe and he pulled the material. The belt gave way, falling to the sides, and letting the silk drop open.
I didn’t have words this time, only a quiet need inside of me to lose myself in Finn. To relish every touch of his hands.
To surrender.
I felt him harden behind me as he dipped one hand inside my robe and pressed it flat against my belly.
“Worrying like this isn’t good for you,” Finn murmured in my ear, making me shiver. “If I can help that, I will.”
I dropped my head back on his shoulder when his hand found my breast. He wrapped his other arm around me, holding me tight against him, so I could feel every hard line, until every part of me quivered for him.
When his fingers deftly moved lower, touching between my thighs, I moaned Finn’s name. His breathing was steady in my ear as he murmured words I could hardly make out. Words of love and reassurance. Words of need.
With smooth and quick hands, Finn released me and gripped my robe to slide it off my shoulders. It pooled on the floor as I turned to face him.
His eyes made a slow circuit, all the way from my face to my feet, and then back up as I stood exposed before him. Before the window and the storm. Then he removed his pants, drawing my gaze.
He curved his arms around my back and let his hands venture to my butt. In one swift movement, he hauled me up, my legs wrapped around him and arms fumbling to get a good grip.
“Hang on,” he murmured.
I gasped as my entire backside hit the glass, strangely turned on by my naked body smashed against the cool window.
Finn entered me with startling precision and made my body melt around his.
He moved at a quick pace, in and out, hips circling against mine, the friction almost too much for me to bear. My back inched up and down the glass, my body entirely his to do what he wanted with.
“God, I need you,” Finn grunted, breath labored. “Always.”
“Forever,” I answered, my mouth seeking his.
He slowed enough to give me a searing kiss, long enough for one of his hands to squeeze my breast and make me close my eyes in pure bliss.
Then he picked up the speed again, hips slamming against mine in a race to the finish. I could hardly breathe, hardly think, all I knew was I wanted him, all of him. I wanted to go over the edge together and hold on tight as we plunged, shuddering and throbbing with our release.
“Finn,” I gasped.
His breath caught, and he made one final plunge, pinning me against the window as he poured into me. And the feel of his body pressed to mine, the firmness of his chest against mine, pushed me over the edge.
I clung to his neck and buried my face in his shoulder until the world calmed down.
Finn slowly eased back, his warmth leaving me, and smiled at the noise of disapproval I made. He brushed my loose hair off my cheek.
“You’re everything to me,” he murmured, eyes dropping to my lips. “You know that, right?”
“I know. I feel the same.”
He smoothed his thumb across my cheekbone. “I was a little rough. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.”
“You were standing there with this lightning all around you and I could see your outline through your robe. I needed you, but I got caught up.”
“Finn, it’s…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. A yawn broke free, and I covered my mouth with the back of my hand.
He grinned. “And I wouldn’t even let you do this in bed. Come on.”
Before I could move, he scooped me up and carried me to the bedroom, arms strong around my legs and back. Then he set me on the bed and crawled to lean over the top of me. “I feel like I neglected you out there.”
“Trust me, that’s not how it felt on my end.”
I started to say something else, but his hands were on me. Everywhere. My shoulders, grazing the sides of my breasts, and down to my hips. He traced the insides of my thighs and kissed my knees.
My body tingled all over. I wanted him again. More.
“Finn,” I said, trying to find words. They all jumbled in my mouth when his breath touched my belly.
He pressed a kiss there, soft like the flicker of butterfly wings. Desire shot straight to my core, making my fingers squeeze the comforter.
“You like that,” he said, fingers dancing down my sides and kneading my hips.
I couldn’t even answer because he wouldn’t stop touching me. Every nerve ending came alive under his fingers, his breath, the hardness of him in all the right places.
“What else?” he asked.
I rolled to press my body against him, so I could feel him all the way down. And then I took his hand, tracing it down my hip and easing it between my thighs.
He kissed my cheek and then took my mouth at the same time he plunged two fingers inside of me. My body arched against his. He just squeezed me tighter before working expertly with his fingers, and then adding his thumb in a circle to make my body sing.
Heart slamming against my ribs, breath moving in and out like a sob, I let Finn take me to my peak. When it hit me, my whole body quaked, and I wrapped like a vice around him. Arms circling his back, legs circling his waist, holding on for dear life while fireworks of pleasure shot through me.
When my breathing finally calmed, my body went limp around Finn’s. He rolled to his back and tucked me up against his side, so my head was on his chest. His lips touched my temple.
“You should rest,” Finn said softly.
“I’m…” I was going to say I wasn’t tired, but I could already feel the haze of comfort cocooning me.
“Sleep now.”
“Wait,” I mumbled. I couldn’t get my eyes open, but I forced myself to find the words. “I thought of…something else for my list.”
“What?”
Setting my hand on Finn’s heart, I sighed. “Talk to your mom.”
The next morning over a late breakfast, Finn revisited the conversation. “I’m not sure how lucid you were last night.”
I lifted my eyebrows at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you could barely talk.”
Frowning, I said, “I was talking just fine. It’s not my fault you wore me out.”
He grinned. “I mean afterward. And, by the way, I really enjoyed wearing you out and plan to do it again every chance I get.”
“You’d better explain yourself first.”
I scooped more eggs onto my plate, still hungry from last night, and snagged another piece of bacon. Finn only smiled like he approved. He shifted in his seat to face me, and reached for my hand.
“Now you’re making me nervous.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be nervous. You said you wanted to talk to my mom. Do you remember that?”
I nodded. “Vaguely. It sounded a lot less scary when I was curled up next to you.”
“Scary?” He laughed. “My mom? Scary?”
“You know what I mean. She’s…your mom. She’s confident and strong. She hasn’t seen me in years. Years, Finn. It’s not like we’ve built up to this. Last thing she knew, we broke up, and now all the sudden we’re engaged.”
“Okay, first of all, it’s not all the sudden. My mom knew you were coming back here. And being the confident, strong—and smart—woman she is, I’m willing to bet she had more than a clue I was going to try to get you back. Not only that, my mom was your biggest fan. She was furious with me when we broke up because she knew it was my fault.”
“It’s not…” I squirmed in my seat, pulling my hand from his because I was uncomfortable. “I’m not trying to blame someone.”
“I know. And that’s not why I said it. Charlotte, my mom loved you. She asked about you a lot in the time we weren’t together. And this…” He took my hand again, rubbing his thumb over the ring. “She wouldn’t have let me give it to you if she didn’t like you or didn’t think you were right for me or the other way around.”
“But—”
“And,” he continued with a gentle smile, “she already knows we’re engaged. It’s not like we’re telling her something new here. It’s just…a chance for her to see you. To talk. For her to get all motherly about the wedding and babies and—”
“See, you’re way ahead of me here with the baby talk.”
“I didn’t say right this minute, Charlotte. Don’t look at me like that.”
Pulling my hand from his again, I frowned. “I’m not looking at you like anything. It’s just—”
“What? You don’t like that I think about the future? Our future?”
I took a calming breath. “It’s not that.” I pushed my plate away. Finn watched the motion with narrowed eyes but wisely kept his mouth shut. “I’m…Kids, Finn? Really?”
“Yes,” he said quietly. “There was a time, if you recall, you wanted kids. More than one. You wanted a family with me.”
My stomach clenched. “I still do. I swear. That was just…before Mark. I—”
“What the fuck did he say to you?” Finn growled.
I blinked. “What?”
“What happened? What did he do to make you think kids were out of the picture for you?”
“It’s not, it’s only—God, Finn. Now, you don’t look at me that way.” Unsettled, I stood, turning away from the anger on his face. “Please don’t be upset.”
After several long moments, he spoke again, voice noticeably calmer. “Look at me.”
I released a long breath and turned around. Finn spread his hands. “I’m sorry. But I want to work this out with you. The whole truth, please.”
“You have to be calm, okay? I don’t want to fight about this.”
“I’m calm. Sit down.”
I ignored his request and set my hands on the back of the chair. “Mark didn’t want to have kids. He said they were horrible, dirty, and irritating little creatures that would get in the way of what he wanted for life.” Finn’s jaw clenched. I held his gaze, waiting for him to explode. He relaxed his muscles and waited for me to continue. “He said I’d be a terrible mother, especially since I was working my way to being a pretty terrible wife.”
“That bastard!”
“Finn.”
He squeezed his hands into fists. “You know that’s bullshit.”
“I know, okay? I was stupid then—”
“Don’t say that.” Finn stood, walking over to me and taking my shoulders. “You’re not stupid. You weren’t then, and you aren’t now. Mark manipulated you and used you and made you believe you weren’t anything. That’s not the truth.”
I lowered my chin, Finn’s words making me heart swell at the same time it wept for those years I’d lost.
“Say it, Charlotte.” Finn lifted my chin. “Tell me you know Mark was wrong. That you’re nothing like what he said.”
I nodded. “I know. Mark was wrong. It just…no, it still is taking me time to break free of that mentality.”
“You’d make a wonderful mother, and I hope it’s something you’ll consider talking about in the future.”
Drawing in a sharp breath, I said, “I will. I said…I said before that I wanted a family with you, and I do. But it’s scary. I’m afraid…”
“What?” He cupped my cheeks between his palms. “What are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid I won’t enjoy it. Not being a mother, necessarily, but maybe being pregnant or even trying. Because I’ll worry and I’ll think about how things used to be—”
“I won’t let that happen. You hear me, Charlotte? When you’re pregnant, I’ll be there for you every day. You won’t have time to think about the past or worry about anything because you’ll be too happy. I’ll make sure of it.”
My stomach fluttered with excitement and nerves. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
I nodded. “But…you’re talking a while in the future, right? I mean…you don’t want any of this right away, do you?”
He let out a small laugh. “Maybe that’s a conversation better left for another time.”
“Why?”
Finn returned to his seat. “Let’s finish our breakfast, and then I have an idea.”
“What idea? No, wait—tell me why we can’t finish this conversation now.”
He shrugged. “Because you’re not going to like what I have to say.
“Try me.”
“You really want to do this?” His lips curved. “Right now? In your robe?”
“Why does it matter what I’m wearing?”
“It doesn’t. I just thought you might want more time. More time to wake up, more time to get used to us living together. More time with everything.”
I crossed my arms. “What are you talking about?”
He laughed again. “The food is getting cold.”
“Stop doing that. You distracted me last night and we couldn’t finish our conversation, now you’re doing it again. I’m not going anywhere near you until you start talking to me.”
He grinned, and when he stood, there was a dangerous look on his face. “There’s no way you could stay away from me for that long.”
“Try me.”
“You seriously don’t want to challenge me on this.” His eyes narrowed. “I’ll win.”
“You wish.” With that, I turned toward the hallway. “I’m finished. I’m going to take a shower.”
I barely made it two steps before he snagged me from behind. With a shout of surprise mixed with laughter, I yelled, “That’s cheating!”
I whipped around and yanked in a breath when we came face to face. “That’s cheating,” I whispered.
“So you said.” He eased in, his mouth inches from mine. “You want me to let you go?”
My lips parted automatically, longing to feel his mouth against mine. His tongue tangling with mine. His body pressed against mine in a relentless grip.
Gathering every bit of will power I had, I said, “Yes.”
He froze, eyes widening in surprise. Then he released me. “Of course.”
I held my tongue for a long moment, but finally burst out, “Does that mean I win?”
He growled a response I couldn’t make out because I was already turning, racing for the bedroom and diving for the bed. Finn was just behind me. He tackled me on the bed, legs straddling me, hips pinning mine to the mattress.
“You play dirty,” he said.
Out of breath, I answered, “So do you. I want answers, Moore. Don’t think I can’t handle them.”
His eyes lit with amusement. “I like when you call me that. Say it again.”
My lips curved, and I tried for my most seductive voice. “Mr. Moore, I’m willing to offer you a trade for your deepest, darkest secrets.”
He shifted on top of me, and I could feel him already getting hard. “What kind of trade? What do I get for these secrets?”
“My body.”
He exhaled. “God, Charlotte. I—”
I didn’t let him finish, just dragged his mouth to mine, urgent to make my point. Desperate for him to want me as much as I wanted him.
I tried to roll him over, to get on top, but he gripped my hips with a chuckle. “No way.”
“Finn—”
“I get it. You’ve made your point.”
I stopped squirming and angled my head. “I did?”
“Yes. And I want you to know how I feel. I just don’t want you to think I’m pushing you.”
“You don’t push me, Finn. You respect me.” I touched his cheek. “That goes a long way with me.”
His eyes brimmed with compassion. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.” Finn shifted and pulled me up, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “The whole truth? I thought about our future for years when you weren’t with me. I thought about all those things you wanted. A house, a family. Us. A commitment.”
“I know.”
“So, you want to know what I think about waiting? About how soon I want our future?”
I scooted back on the bed, thinking maybe I didn’t want to know. Because I could see in his eyes he was done waiting.
Finn shook his head. “No, you can’t back away now. You asked for it.”
“I know,” I repeated, because the words were already on my lips.
“I want our future now. If you said you’d marry me today, I’d do it. If you said you wanted a house and kids, to start on all this tomorrow, I’d say it’s not soon enough for me. I want everything you and I are and will be. And I don’t want to wait any longer.”