Chapter 4
THE MORNING drifted into the afternoon. Shamus spent half his time on his computer, trying to decipher some of the blacked-out documentation while Amber sorted through all her paperwork and notes, making lists, putting together who’d she’d come in contact with since she started pursuing the story. The time ticked by in a haze of awkward silence, stolen glances, and the occasional touching of fingers when passing information back and forth.
He watched out of the corner of his eye while she twisted her fingers around her long ponytail. Back in the day, he threatened to cut it off if she didn’t start wearing it down, but he’d never. It was too much fun to tug her clips out, watching her raven hair bounce down the middle of her back. Not to mention the vision of delight when she’d walked topless out of the bathroom with her hair covering her perky breasts.
His gaze darted to the bathroom, remembering their night together. A smile tugged at his lips.
“What are you smiling about?” she asked, gnawing on the end of a pencil.
Another habit that drove him mad while they sat in English class. He’d barely made it through that semester with a C.
“You don’t want to know.”
“I hate it when you do that because now I have to know.” She set her notebook on the coffee table, turned sideways and tucked her foot up under her ass. “I’m waiting.”
“If I tell you the truth, you’ll get mad. If I lie, you’ll know I’m lying, and still be mad.”
“Looks like you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t, so you might as well give it up.”
“I’ll give you a hint.” He reached out with both hands, gently undoing the elastic around her hair and placed two sections over her chest, careful not to touch anything that would get him a slap across the face.
She looked down with a narrowed stare. “I have no idea…oh, I remember now.”
He lifted her chin with his thumb, staring at her plump, rosy lips. “I’ve thought about how I could have behaved better when my parents showed up in the early morning hours with the news of my sister.”
Her long fingers curled around his wrist, the palms of her soft hand on his skin. “You were very kind, considering.”
“I could have paid more attention to you at the hospital. You needed me just as much as I needed you, and I let you down.”
“Why would you even think that?”
“It’s the only thing I could think of that made sense why you broke up with me, never came to say good-bye when I left for West Point, and never returned a single call or letter.”
Her eyelids fluttered over her decadent dark-chocolate orbs. “I told you why.”
“No, you didn’t. All you did was project your fears of what you believed everyone was thinking and never let me tell you, or show you, how much I loved you.” Still loved her. He knew that the second he climbed off Sparky. He’d been in love since her, but nothing had been as intense, nor heart crushing. He gently caressed her cheekbone, cupping the side of her face, searching her eyes, looking for a reason not to kiss her.
“It’s how I honestly felt. I still do sometimes.”
“Did you love me?”
She pushed his hand away. “I can’t believe you asked me that or that you’d even question it.”
“How could I not question it? You dumped me and never looked back.” He believed she’d loved him, but the silence over the first year after his sister died edged in a sense of doubt he could never shake.
“I’m not going to have the same argument over and over again. And come on, don’t you think it was for the best? For four years, I would have been in Chicago. You in New York. After that, you’d be deployed more than home, and I’d be chasing every foreign story I could get my hands on. We would have never seen each other, and there would still be resentment over—”
“No resentment, ever,” he whispered. Leaning closer, he glided his fingers up her arms. “Did you really try to see me in the hospital?”
She nodded.
“I thought of you a lot lying in that bed.” He licked his lips, his mouth only an inch away from hers. “When I first came home, I had a buddy of mine find out where you were living.”
She arched a brow, tilting her head slightly to the left. “Why didn’t you reach out?”
“I don’t know. Fear, I guess.”
“Of what?”
“That you’d moved on and were living the dream without a single thought of our past.” He leaned in, pressing his lips against her cheek. “I figured you had a boyfriend.”
“I’ve had a few, and I assume you haven’t been single this entire time.”
“I’m single now, are you?” He kissed the other side of her face, slipping his arm around her slender waist.
“Currently, yes,” she whispered, her warm breath tickling his neck.
His phone buzzed, and he jerked his head back. Reaching across her to the coffee table, he snagged his phone, staring at the screen. “It’s Hank.” He tapped the green accept button. “What’s up?”
“Amber right there?” Hank asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Put me on speaker.”
Shamus set the phone on his leg. “We’re both listening.”
“I’ve got some bad news.”
“About what?” Amber interjected. She’d never been of the patient variety.
“Your source, Wesson? Her car was blown to bits a few hours ago. She didn’t survive.”
Amber gasped, her eyes widening with shock.
“Fuck,” Shamus muttered, taking her trembling hand in his. “Is our man okay?”
“He needs a few stitches and has a broken wrist, but he’ll be fine,” Hank said. “But Amber is a suspect in both murders, and an APB went out an hour ago.”
“What!? How the hell can that be?” Amber’s voiced screeched across the room.
Shamus pulled her closer, rubbing his thumb over the back side of her hand.
“From what we can tell, a couple of eyewitnesses have come forward, and something they found in either Bud’s place or Wesson’s. I’m in contact with some old buddies at the Justice Department.”
“I’ll have better luck with my friends in Intelligence,” Shamus said.
“You’re both going dark as of now. I want the WiFi off, computer off, cell phones off. I’ll send a secure burner out tonight.”
“You can’t put me in the dark,” Shamus said behind a clenched jaw.
“I have to. We’ve got word the feds are coming this way, and I bet the bad guys aren’t far behind. I need you off-grid. Your job is to protect Amber. We’ll take care of the rest.”
“I’m not going to just sit here and do nothing,” Amber said with tinge of anger.
“You’re going to compile your notes, and give them to me in the morning,” Hank said with a definitive tone. “I’ve got some of my best people—”
“I’m one of the best and I should be—”
Hank cut him off. “You are, but a few news stations decided to report that Amber Winchester is actually Amber Baxter, and someone dug up your prom picture and that was—”
“The night my father killed Colleen,” she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose.
He squeezed her hand tighter. “That works to our advantage. No one would suspect she’d coming running to me for help.”
She yanked her hand away, glaring at him with fire in her eyes.
“That’s where the really weird part of all this comes in,” Hank said. “You’re a person of interest.”
“That makes no sense at all,” Shamus said, frustration bubbling to the surface, ready to explode into anger. “How could anyone make that leap?”
“When the authorities searched Wesson’s home office, they found a different set of papers than what Bud gave to Amber. I don’t yet know what they say, exactly, but the news reports are hinting that the two of you are in cahoots in the moving of top-secret information.”
“That’s the fucking craziest thing I’ve ever heard.” Amber slumped back on the sofa, covering her eyes with her forearm.
“This is a total set up,” Shamus said, his mind picking at every special ops he’d been deployed on over the years and who might have it in for him, but why set up Amber? Why put them together? His brain continued to rapid-fire questions he had no answers for.
“I’d have to agree,” Hank said. “But until we know who, and why, you two are off the map.”
“I need access to my military records,” Shamus said, mentally going through every person who owed him a favor.
“I’ll take care of all of that. You need to keep your digital imprint on silent mode.”
Shamus hit the recline button on the sofa, taking the tension off his back. He understood the reasoning of everything Hank said and would be doing the same thing if the tables were turned.
“I want eyes on my folks,” Shamus said.
“Already done and I’m thinking it might be best to move you tomorrow.”
“The cabin on Buck Mountain would work. Only way there is by bird or horse.” Shamus stole a glance at Amber, who had also pushed the recliner back, curling up on her side, hands tucked under her cheek.
“I’ll have it stocked by noon,” Hank said. “Talk soon.”
“Thanks.” Shamus powered down his cell, hers, and the computer.
“I’m sorry to have dragged you into this shit.”
He let out a soft laugh. “You didn’t drag me into this; whoever is setting us up to take the fall for an act of treason did.”
“Maybe whoever it was decided that once I called Hank, they could take the heat off themselves and frame you?”
“They would have had to know about our connection, among other things, which leads me to believe they set this entire thing in motion, knowing you’d call Hank.”
She arched a brow. “Maybe there is no treasonous act.”
Smart woman, but he already knew that. “I’m thinking someone used you to get to me and sadly, Bud and Wesson were collateral damage.”
“Why you?”
“When we figure that out, we’ll have our bad guys.” He smiled.
“You’re not going to follow Hank’s orders, are you?”
“He seems to forget that I can hack into any system, cover my digital print, and I have a network of intelligence officers and spies at my fingertips.”
“I doubt he’s forgotten.” The corners of her mouth twitched into a partial smile. “But how do you plan on going about all this?”
“I put equipment in the cabin, assuming we’d end up there, which is why I brought the horses.”
“I haven’t been on a horse since I left.”
“It’s like riding a bike.” He winked. “And easier than a bull.”
“You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?”
His breath hitched as the patter of his heart accelerated. He wrapped his arm around her waist. “No.” Gently covering her mouth, savoring the way her warm lips grazed his, he drew her body closer. At one time in his life, he’d thought the lingering emotions tied with Amber had faded into a distant, but fond memory. However, with her in his arms, kissing like two old lovers who never tired of the sweetness in the same touch over and over again, he knew better.
Their tongues rolled and twisted, taking pleasure in exploring an old favorite place that hadn’t been visited in a long time. A sense of urgency surged through his body. He gripped her hips, trying to keep himself from taking more than a tender trip down memory lane. He tried to pull back, but she dug her fingers into his shoulders, massaging, and deepening the kiss, pushing his desire over the edge.
“Amber,” he managed with a ragged breath. “We keep this up, and I’m going to ask if you want to take this to the bedroom.”
“And if I said yes?”
He groaned, pressing the recline button, bringing his feet to the ground. He held out his hand. “Are you saying yes?”
“This is crazy,” she whispered.
He led her to the bedroom, memories of their teenaged love bombarding his mind, and his heart. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach like a boy preparing for his first time.
Only he wasn’t a boy.
And this wasn’t his first time.
But she had been the first girl he’d ever slept with, a memory burned into his flesh.
He stepped into the bedroom, slamming the door shut, and pressed her back against the wall. His hands rested on her hips, his thumbs rubbing the soft skin under her shirt. “Crazy is the circumstances which brought us back here, but this…” He lifted her shirt, gliding his hand to the underswell of her breast… “is pure insanity.” He waited a few seconds, waiting for her to change her mind and push him away. No matter how badly he wanted her, he wanted her to be sure. He knew he was risking his heart and that having her one more time would probably destroy him, but not being with her would kill him inside forever.
“Babe?” he questioned.
She rested her hands on his shoulders, giving him a little shove.
An overwhelming sense of sadness filled his body, until she took her fingers, curled them under her shirt, and pulled it over her head.
Followed by her bra.
He swallowed. Hard. Staring at her while she adjusted her hair, she smiled at him with that come hither look she’d developed in high school.
Her raven hair flowed over her breasts, stopping near her belly button. Her tight nipples peeked out through the strands.
“Is this how you remembered?”
“Better,” he managed as he swallowed his breath, nearly choking. He desperately wanted to recreate their one and only night together, but have it end differently. He wanted to wake with her body sprawled over his and his arms wrapped tightly around her, holding on as if he’d never let go.
He ripped his shirt off, tossing it to the floor, ignoring the sudden jab to the left of his spine. Taking a few tiny steps forward, he brushed one section of her hair over her shoulder. He bent over, taking her nipple between his lips, rolling his tongue over the tight nub.
She dug her fingers into his scalp, moaning sweetly.
He let his hands roam her body, fumbling with her pants as he rolled them down over her hips, kissing a trail down her leg as he removed the garment. Rocking back on his heels, he nearly fell over as the room seemed to fade away, leaving her standing in the middle of a blurred background.
The first time they’d been together left him feeling weak in the knees.
This left him feeling like something he couldn’t even explain if he tried. It wasn’t weakness, or pure lust, or even drunkenness.
“Your turn.” She rested her index finger under his chin, tilting his head. “Off with the pants.”
“I’ve heard that line before,” he murmured as he stood.
“I think your line was something like, if you want them off, you take them off.”
“Do you want them off?” He reached out, tracing his finger over her darkened areola. Her breasts were a bit larger than he remembered. Her hips had a little more curve, but he liked them even more.
Goosebumps covered her skin as she hissed.
“You know that makes me crazy.”
He nodded, reaching out with the other hand, doing the exact same thing. “I’ll stop when you get me out of these jeans.”
“Maybe I don’t want you to stop.”
He groaned as he undid the button.
“Impatient, aren’t you?” She pushed his hands aside, curling her fingers over the waist of his pants, gently tugging down the zipper.
“This isn’t quite how it happened the last time,” he mused, watching her lower her mouth over the length of him, staring up with a twinkle in her eye.
He sucked in a deep breath, watching her tongue dart out from between her lips, circling the tip, her hands squeezing the base.
“I thought I’d change things up, considering we’re older and more experienced.” Her eyelids fluttered closed as she repeated the motions again.
“Babe, you’re killing me here.”
Hot breath coated his skin. He gritted his teeth as his toes curled into the wood floor. Gently, he pushed her hair to the side, lifting a lock between his fingers.
“My turn,” he ground out with a throaty groan.
She took her sweet time, kissing her way over his stomach, grazing her teeth against his nipples.
“Get on the bed,” he whispered in her ear. “On your back, ass at the edge.”
She smiled wickedly, licking her lips.
All the nerves he’d felt as a boy disappeared into oblivion. They weren’t the same people, and while their first experience had been incredible, they had been teenagers. A pang of jealousy over every man who had touched her, explored with her, laced with a twinge of guilt for the women he’d loved, jolted his heart.
Propped up on her elbows, in the position he’d asked, Amber locked gazes with him. Her eyes begging him to satisfy her in ways she only imagined.
He glided his hands under her firm ass, lifting her legs over his shoulders and tasted her sweet nectar. Her hips rolled as she called out his name. He kissed her intimately, finding every nook and crevice. Her moans grew louder, and her body quivered. He never wanted a woman more than he wanted her. All he could think about was feeling her tighten around him as he throbbed inside her.
Shit. He paused for a brief second, but it didn’t go unnoticed.
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t have protection,” he said between kisses on her stomach as he worked his fingers inside her, feeling her clench down. The actual act of sex would have to wait, but he could still make her come, and he’d enjoy every second of it.
“You always left a condom in here.”
He laughed. “That was how many years ago?”
“Might still be one in the drawer,” she pointed to the nightstand.
“I think they expire.”
“It would be better than nothing,” she said, squirming under his touch. “I’m on the pill, so this is an added layer for that and while I’m clean…oh, my…”
He pinched her swollen nub between his teeth as he stroked her, curling his fingers at the right spot. “Check the drawer,” he said.
“I’d have to move,” she whispered between a few haggard breaths.
He scooted up the bed with her, toying with her, teasing her, making her groan as she rolled, reaching for the nightstand.
“Nothing,” she said.
“I’m clean and if you’re on the—”
“I want you.” She cupped his face, pulling him over her body. “I need you,” she whispered before pushing her tongue between his lips.
He shifted, easing himself into her, groaning into her mouth as she rolled her hips wildly. Plunging inside her, he felt her release begin with a slight tremble of her stomach. Her fingers dug into his ass, pulling him deeper and deeper until she tossed her head to the side, arching her back, letting out a guttural moan.
He clenched his teeth, waiting for the moment her body tightened around him, caressing him as she shook with delight in his arms.
She shuddered, calling out his name as he buried his face in her neck, thrusting until his climax spilled out, making the room spin.
He couldn’t fill his lungs. It was as if he’d gotten the wind knocked out of him. His heart hammered in his chest as he slowed his movements. Her hands glided up and down his back, stopping occasionally over his scars. Her lips pressed against his temple.
For a long time, they lay there like that, entangled in each other, saying nothing.
He rolled to the side, keeping his arms tight around her. “Are you okay?”
“I am.” She rested her head on his chest. “Shamus?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“You know all those letters you sent me?”
He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. He’d poured his heart out in them. “Yes.”
“I read every one, and I responded to every one. I just never sent them.”
“Why not?” He wasn’t really sure he wanted to know the answer, but he needed to.
“At first, I couldn’t. Between my father pleading guilty, and then committing suicide, and my mom’s illness, there was just too much going on. But I kept writing and planned on sending them. I had come back to town the summer between my sophomore and junior year.”
“I’d heard that. You stayed with Hank and worked for him that summer.”
“You came home for a week.”
He held his breath, knowing that he’d brought home a girlfriend that visit. He had no idea Amber had returned until he arrived at his parents’ house.
“I saw you with a girl at Schooner’s one night.”
“I didn’t know that,” he said, running his hand up and down her arm. “We broke up shortly after that trip. My mom hated her, and of course, my dad let me know you were in town right in front of her, so that didn’t help.”
“I’m sorry you broke up.”
“I’m not. She wasn’t right for me at all, but I want to get back to the letters.”
“I had them in a big box, and I was going to bring them by, let you read them, if you wanted, and then maybe…I don’t know…we could have been friends.” She lifted her head, resting her chin on his arm. “I still have the letters, and over the years, I’ve written you more, even after you stopped writing.”
She’d broken his heart and now she had the power to mend it or break it for good. “Why are you telling me this?”
“You asked me earlier if I ever loved you, and I wanted you to know that I loved you more than anything and a part of me always will.”
He cupped her face, barely brushing his lips against hers. “A part of me has always loved you too.”
Only, all of him still loved her.