Ruby
As my plane touches down at LAX, a huge wave of guilt overtakes me.
I didn’t say goodbye.
I sneaked away, telling Dusty we’d have lunch and he could drive me to the airport, and then when he was out on the back acres, I asked his uncle to give me a ride.
I just couldn’t bear the thought of a goodbye. It was too painful. He’s going to be mad, and he has every right to be, but I did what I had to do.
The last few days have been heaven on earth, but not once did we talk about feelings or futures or anything past the next day. I promised myself I wouldn’t turn into a clingy mess. We had our vacation fling and now it’s over.
I put my hand over my abdomen. Unless I brought home a souvenir.
I’m just sick thinking about what must be happening at Pair-a-Dice right now. Maybe nothing. Maybe he’s secretly glad we didn’t have the long goodbye with tears and promises we won’t keep...or maybe he’s hurt, sad, angry. I don’t know. All I know is I somehow fell in love in just a few days and now my life seems even bleaker for it. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost needs to pipe the fuck down. It sucks.
The Uber drops me off in front of my shitty apartment building. I want to run away. I don’t belong here anymore. Maybe I never belonged in LA.
There’s a padlock on my door. One I don’t have a key to. I call Katie, but she doesn’t pick up. I walk through the courtyard to the rental office. Deke is there. I hate Deke. Deke does the absolute minimum of work, and I count breathing on that list.
I start with a cheery smile, hoping maybe it will improve the tone of my voice. “Hey, Deke. Do you know why there is a padlock on my door?” I ask.
He yawns. “We were going to evict you, but Katie moved out. We haven’t had a chance to change the locks yet, so we just put a padlock on.”
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. I clench my jaw and then relax it into my cheery smile again. “Well, I actually still live there. I’m on the lease. I was just out of town. Katie didn’t mention she was moving out.”
A super long pause grows even longer. He yawns again. Scratches his belly. I want to leap over the counter and throttle him. “Katie said you moved. The apartment is empty.”
My vision fills with red. “That can’t be. All my stuff is in there. My furniture, my clothes, my laptop...everything I own.”
“Nope. Empty. Saw it myself.” He shrugs. I’m sure he’s stoned. He’s always stoned. “There was a box. I’ll get it.”
I’m still fuming when he comes back. Katie isn’t answering her phone, of course. And why would she? She stole my stuff and now I have no place to live. He pushes the cardboard box to me. Inside, from what I can see, is all pictures. I take it and thank him. I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to do. I go back to my apartment, my old apartment, and just stare at the door. Then I sit on the curb.
Fine. I accept it. I’m defeated. It’s over. I lost. Hollywood isn’t for me.
I wonder what Dusty would say if I showed back up on the ranch. He’s too nice to kick me out, but if he’d wanted me to stay, surely he would have at least hinted at it by now. No, that bridge is burned.
I don’t have any choices left. My parents will take me in. There’s nothing wrong with Ohio except that I wanted something else for a while. I don’t want it anymore. The lying, the using, the struggling. All I ever wanted to do was act. So maybe I suck it up and do community playhouse productions and work behind the desk of a hotel and just...let this black hole go.
And get seven cats. And a membership to a wine club. I intend to drink a lot of wine in my new life as cat lady.
I stare at my phone, but can’t dial the number. It’s not pride. I don’t have any of that left. What’s stopping me? I try to run through my other options. Maybe work would give me a deal on a room for a few days. Maybe I could advertise for a roommate. One who already has an apartment would be best.
But I don’t want to stay here. Not anymore. I want to be someplace where the pace is slower. Where people are friendlier. I don’t mind hard work, but I’m tired of spinning my wheels. I want to accomplish something in a day and go to bed tired but satisfied with myself. My life.
I don’t dare wish for what I want most.
Love. A family. A real home.
Dusty.
Really, that’s what I want. I want the life I had the last few days. But that was a vacation. It was a step out of reality.
I don’t think I’ll ever find a man like Dusty again, and I certainly have no desire to go looking for one. Dusty is one of a kind. A real gentleman, a hardworking family man, and rough and dirty in bed. The whole package.
A shadow blocks the sun, and I realize someone has snuck up on me while I was wallowing. Stupid. I don’t have my keys in between my fingers or my pepper spray out. I can’t believe I was so careless. I’ve lived in this town too long to not be prepared for the worst.
I look up.
“Hello, angel. You forgot to say goodbye.”