Sophie grabbed my arm. “What is it? You turned white. What’s going on? Did something happen to Mother or Father?”

She was starting to panic. I struggled to piece together words and finally said, “It’s James.”

The panic mode didn’t dissipate immediately. Sophie gripped my arm tighter and asked, “Is he okay? Did something happen? What’s going on?”

I turned the phone around so she could read the message. I said, “I don’t know.”

Sophie and I both looked up and stared into each other’s eyes. She asked, “Are you going to answer? Is this out of the blue?”

“Yeah, I haven’t heard anything from him. I don’t know why he’s contacting me. I would hate myself if I don’t answer, but I’m worried I’ll hate myself if I do.”

Sophie spontaneously reached out to hug me again. “You’re a good man, Lucas. You’ll figure out the right thing to do. Should I go? Jerry is waiting. I think you should talk to James. It’s apparent that he hasn’t done any better at forgetting you than you’ve done at forgetting him. He didn’t delete your phone number.”

A small smile teased at the corners of my mouth. Sophie was right. He wouldn’t send a message if I weren’t on his mind, and if he intended to end everything, he would have deleted my number. It made me feel warm in the pit of my stomach to know that James was thinking about me. I said, “Yes, go to Jerry. I need to talk to James. I have to answer him.”

Sophie poked at my chest and said, “And you tell me what happens. If I don’t hear from you by 8:00 a.m., I’m calling.”

I laughed softly and said, “Thank you. Hug Jerry for me. You two are the best.”

She left, and I was alone in the apartment with my phone and James somewhere on the other end. I didn’t answer immediately. I needed to calm my nerves first. I found my way to the kitchen and made myself a mug of cinnamon tea. I put music on and sat back down on the sofa.

With my fingers shaking, I typed back:

I didn’t know if I would hear anything back, but I sat in dim light, singing along to the music and sipping my cinnamon tea to wait. I closed my eyes and remembered skating at James’ side. The phone interrupted my thoughts with another chime. I gazed at the screen as I read:

A single tear welled up in the corner of my eye, and I wiped it away. I asked:

A longer silence followed. I wondered if I’d already pushed too far too soon. I tried to stay calm, but my hands shook so hard that I could barely hold my mug of tea without spilling it. I sang along with two songs and slid further down onto the couch. Finally, an answer came through. James said:

I pulled myself off the couch and carried my tea to the bedroom to find my laptop computer. I started to bring the computer to the living room, but then I decided to just stay in the bedroom. I sat on the bed with my back propped up against the headboard while I waited for James’ call.

When the call rang on the computer, I pushed the wrong key at first and struggled to answer. Frustrations with my ridiculous nerves surged up from my gut. Finally, James appeared on the screen. I swallowed hard. He was shirtless, and he was smiling. I tried hard not to cry. I told myself I was stronger than that, and I didn’t want James to see tears.

He leaned in close to the screen and asked, “Aren’t you going to say something?”

I flailed somewhere between smiling and crying. I didn’t know what to do. James was stunning. I wanted to reach through the screen and touch him. I wanted to hold him against me. Oh, he probably wants me to take my shirt off. I started to fumble with the buttons on my shirt.

James said, “Don’t do that unless you want to. No pressure, Lucas. I’m just happy to see you after all this time. How are you?”

I swallowed hard and continued to get my fingers tangled up with the buttons on my shirt. I said, “I’m good. I think I am. Yes, I’m good. What about you?”

“Happy now that I see you,” said James. He looked so relaxed. He looked like he was planning to talk to me all along. It was like someone hit rewind, and he was the James I kissed after skating six months ago.

I was finally able to pull my shirt off of my shoulders, and I shivered even though it was late summer. I was always proud of my body, and I never felt nervous taking my shirt off, but I was suddenly nervous with James. I wanted him to like me. I wanted him to forget my petulance and ignore the fact that I didn’t contact him for six months. I felt naked on the screen.

James said, “We made it to the hockey playoffs, but then we lost in the quarterfinals.”

I said, “That’s…exciting.”

He said, “I’m going to try speed skating in the fall. I’m curious, and I’ve done some training moves this summer. You’re an inspiration.”

Me an inspiration? The fog in my brain was beginning to clear somewhat. I said, “James, I have to tell you something.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Tell me something?”

“I’m in Chicago.”

James leaned in close to the camera again. “No, really? What are you doing here? I mean, what are you doing there. I mean, I didn’t mean to say it like that. You’ve got me flustered. How did you get to come to Chicago and how long are you staying? Is this another short trip to visit Sophie?”

He was the same adorable James. I loved every time he found it necessary to correct himself. It made him human and humble. I said, “I applied for a teaching job helping students paint at a small college. I’m living in an apartment near Sophie and Jerry. The position is for a full year, possibly two.”

James sounded choked up when he said, “Oh, wow, that’s amazing. I don’t know…what to say. You’re so close.”

I started to relax. Maybe it was the fact that James looked just as nervous and confused as me. “Will you come and visit me sometime.”

“Oh, well, yes, of course, I think. I don’t think. I know. Shit, Lucas. Of course, I’ll come and see you.” James paused for a moment. He leaned back slightly, and he said, “Aww, fuck.” He stopped talking for a moment and then whispered, “Breathe, James. Just breathe.”

I waited to see if he was going to say anything else. James started talking again. “I’m just going to say it, and you can turn this shit off if you want to stop me. I missed the hell out of you. I’ve thought about you so much I thought I was going insane. Now when I see you, I’m fucking horny as hell, and that’s both embarrassing and impossibly hot.” He said, “You can stop me now before I say something else ridiculous.”

“Why would I stop you? I could have said the same thing.”