A wave of emotion rocked me as I looked down at Caleb. He filled and stretched me, the feeling so delicious it sent a shiver through me, every fiber of my being humming at the sense of our connection. My hands rested on his chest, nothing but muscle. His hands rested on my hips. His dark chocolate gaze was on mine, the look there so intent I could hardly bear it. I didn’t quite know what to make of how quickly I was tumbling into this, but I couldn’t look away.

His hands slid up my sides to cup my breasts, teasing my nipples. They were puckered so tight, they ached. The subtle brush of his thumbs across them made me cry out, arching into his touch. I couldn’t hold back anymore and I rose up along the length of his cock and back down. His hands eased along my sides again, gripping me just above the curve of my hips.

He didn’t even hesitate to touch over the area that was nothing but scar tissue. Tears pricked at my eyes with sensation, need, and emotion colliding together in a storm inside of me. The intensity ran so deep that I tumbled into it, caught in the tornado of everything between us.

Caleb flexed into me, his hips arching up as I rocked into him again and again. Every surge of him filled me deeper, and then he slid one hand free, pressing his thumb over my clit. Sensation gathered, coiling tightly inside. With another press of his thumb, I flew apart, pleasure splintering through me like shards.

I cried out, his name a chant on my lips. I felt the heat of his release inside of me as he went taut when my channel clenched around him. Curling over into his arms, I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt the moisture on my cheek against his skin. I rested on him, my breath coming in gasps. I didn’t want to talk right now, and I was relieved he didn’t try. His palm slid in slow passes up and down my spine.

I didn’t know how long we lay still there until I felt him tug the covers up over my back. My skin prickled against the cool cotton sheets. Yet within seconds, I was warm again.

I finally lifted my head, the sense of emotional overwhelm fading. Resting my chin on his chest, I looked at him—his mussed brown hair, the strong lines of his face. As if he sensed my gaze, he opened his eyes. For a moment, his gaze was somber. He lifted a hand, brushing my tangled hair away from my eyes and smoothing it down my back.

“Your hair is so long now,” he murmured.

I was relieved at his casual comment. I knew that he knew I’d been crying. But I wasn’t up for talking about it just now, because what would I say? There weren’t words to attach to what I was feeling—simply that it was all so much.

“It is. Sometimes I think about cutting it again,” I replied.

He shook his head quickly. “Please don’t.”

I laughed softly. “I wasn’t planning on it. That’s why it’s long. When I had it shorter, I needed to get it cut more often, and it was just one more thing to deal with. You know me. I’m not much for dealing with things like hair and make up.”

His mouth hitched up at one corner in a grin, and my belly did a little flip, flutters twirling inside. Just a look from him, nothing more, and it barely mattered we’d just had crazy hot sex first thing in the morning. Because I could’ve done it all over again.

“I do know you,” he murmured, his gravelly voice sending a prickle up my spine as he sifted his fingers through my hair. “You never were one for make up. I think the most I ever saw you bother with was lipstick.”

A grin stretched across my cheeks. “That’s the most I’ve ever bothered with. What’s your schedule today?” I asked, shifting gears. “Cade sometimes works on weekends. I’m assuming you do too.”

“Sometimes, but not today. The crews rotate weekend duty.”

“Okay, so what are we gonna do today?”

My question elicited another slow grin from him and butterflies spun wildly in my belly. “Let’s go into Anchorage. I need to pick up some gear for the crew, and I’ve got some errands to do. Plus, we haven’t had dinner at Susitna Burgers & Brew in forever. It’ll be like old times.”

A giddy, bubbly joy rose inside. When you were in high school, the most exciting thing to do was go to the closest big city nearby. Given how rural Willow Brook was in the big scheme of things, it’s proximity to Anchorage made the city seem amazing. At least, when we were younger. Having lived in Anchorage for a while when I was in college and then another large city out of state, the glow of city life had faded. But the idea of spending the day with Caleb doing something mundane in Anchorage and then stopping to have dinner at one of our old favorite restaurants was irresistible.

What followed was one of the best days I could remember in years. In fact, it might’ve been as long as since before the accident. It was odd that I didn’t think of my small roll in the ditch a few weeks ago as much of an accident. The first accident was a dividing line in my life – the before and the after. There was always the weight inside my heart from it, the ache of losing a friend. I had carried on and became strong again in so many ways. But, just when I started to get my feet under me inside and think about making my own decisions again—decisions for me, not because I was simply running from the emotional pain—well, that was when everything started with Lance.

He’d ruined so many things for me. But this day, nothing particularly special about it, meant so much. He couldn’t touch it.

Later that night, after running errands, including a solid hour spent in the gear shop for the fire station, we walked hand in hand into Susitna Burgers & Brew. Glancing around, it looked just as it had the last time I’d been here. It was a casual place with an open dining area with tables scattered in the center of the room and booths against the back wall. A bar was on one side and an open kitchen on the other. Exposed, weathered beams and polished wooden furnishings gave it a warm and cozy feel even though the space was large.

Slipping into the booth across from Caleb, I looked to him. My heart gave an odd skip and clenched, a feeling only he could elicit.

“Why don’t you have some wine?” he asked when our waitress stopped by the table.

I shook my head. Seeing as he was driving, I figured we’d both stick to water. What followed felt like a hazy dream. Our dinner was relaxed and easy going. Aside from all the memories slamming into me, I was more relaxed than I’d been in years. If only because I didn’t have that lingering anxiety I might be being watched. Even when I was just having dinner with friends in Portland for the last year or so, I never knew when I would later see photographs of myself sent over email or text.

It was late enough when we left that Caleb suggested we get a hotel because snow had started to fall softly while we’d been having dinner. Though it was only October, it wasn’t out of the norm to have a bit of snow here and there. It wouldn’t stay, but it was a harbinger of the winter to come. I didn’t care to argue the point. At all. There was that, and the fact that I simply didn’t want the night to end.

It didn’t. I’d given up trying to come up with excuses to my parents why I wasn’t coming home and just told them the blunt truth. I fell asleep with Caleb holding me close, boneless after another earth shattering climax.

I woke in the darkness, startled out of my sleep. The vibration of the phone woke me, the insistent sound of one text after another coming in.

The contrast of my internal state was jarring. I’d been in a deep sleep, more relaxed and peaceful than I’d felt in years. The novelty of being with Caleb was starting to wear off. It was feeling more and more comfortable.

Yet, I was highly attuned to that repetitive sound. There was only one person who ever texted me in the middle of the night like that.

I hadn’t bothered to change the settings on Caleb’s phone, so when his texts came in, there was a chirp. Yet, mine was set to vibrate. I couldn’t help it, I had to see. I slipped out of Caleb’s arms and tiptoed over to the dresser where I could hear the phone buzzing against the surface.

Caleb’s voice startled me. “Ella?”

I spun around in the darkness. “Come back to bed,” he said. He slid up on the pillows, beckoning with his hand.

I stared at him. The room was dim with hazy light filtering through the curtains from the parking lot. “I just want to see…” I started to say.

He climbed out of bed, moving swiftly. In a few quick strides, he was at my side, reaching past me to the dresser and snagging the phone off of it. Without even looking at the screen, he turned the phone off.

“Hey,” I protested. “I wanted to see who that was.”

He set the phone back on the dresser, his hands sliding from my shoulders down my arms. His touch was warm and reassuring. “You know who it is, and you don’t need to worry. That was the whole point of you not even worrying about your phone anymore,” he said softly, his voice gruff with sleep.

“Yeah but…” But I don’t know how to let go. The thought passed through my mind, colliding with another. This worry was what I’d considered my penance for the accident. Years later, it had stepped in to fill a role that I’d hated, but thought I deserved. Letting go of it was the only option, and I had to find my way through to that release.

I was tense, anxiety vibrating through me and dread churning in my gut.

“Ella, it’s three in the morning. What’s the point?”

“Why don’t we just turn your number off altogether? I’ll get a new number in my name, and you can just let that number die.”

I knew it didn’t make a lick of sense, but that felt like giving in and allowing Lance to win.

I looked up into Caleb’s eyes in the darkness and sighed, letting my head fall against his chest. I hated it, absolutely hated how this whole situation made me feel. But I knew he was right, at least for now.

“I’ll think about the number,” I mumbled.

“And come back to bed?” he asked, his hand sifting through my hair.

I nodded against his chest. With a gentle tug on my hand, I followed him back to bed, falling asleep surprisingly quickly.