Standing on the porch at my parents’ house, a smile bloomed from the inside out when I saw Caleb’s truck. It was early Friday morning. The sun was just coming up, its rays cast across the frosted landscape. As the frost melted, it misted the sky in a hazy pink and lavender with the sunrise in the distance. I breathed deeply, savoring the earthy scents of autumn.

We were leaving earlier than we originally planned. Caleb had texted yesterday and suggested we plan to have breakfast at one of our favorite diners. So with the crisp fall air and the scent of wood smoke in the distance, I jogged down the porch steps to meet him halfway.

I didn’t even bother to keep myself from doing what I wanted. Catching his hand in mine, I reeled him close, leaned up and kissed him. He met me easily, dipping down and sliding his hand in my hair. His tongue swiped deeply before he drew back with a grin.

“You know both of your parents are watching us out the kitchen window,” he said.

Flushing straight through, I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like they don’t know we’re seeing each other. Anyway, let’s go then.”

Throwing my backpack over my shoulder, I walked ahead of him to his truck. The drive to Anchorage was gorgeous with the sun rising above the mountains and the mist slowly dissipating. As we drove and I absorbed the familiar views, I was feeling more and more like I was home, where I belonged.

Caleb dropped me off at the university, and I settled into a busy day. For the first time in too long, I was finally getting to do the work I wanted. That wasn’t to say that my last job hadn’t offered the chance. In fact, I’d thought it was my dream job on the faculty at the same university where I got my doctorate. I’d been hired on as associate faculty there. Yet, my enjoyment in burying myself in research had been short lived. Within six months, the texts and emails had started and I’d grown to dread going to work.

Here, my colleagues were friendly, everyone was busy, and it was all work. I spent the morning with another colleague who taught distance classes like me. We went over the curriculum together and then got up to speed on one of the projects where they were monitoring the tundra changes.

I loved digging into data. Some people found it boring, but not me. The day flew by. We also held a class with students who were there for a series of weekend classes. It was nice to actually meet some of the students I interacted with for online courses. Late that afternoon, Caleb arrived to pick me up, stopping in to greet a few of my new colleagues before we wandered off.

He glanced to me once we were in his truck. “I meant to find time to swing by the grocery warehouse today, but I was busier than I thought. Mind taking a run over there with me now?”

I grinned. “Of course not. I wondered why you didn’t pick up some groceries there last weekend. I’ve noticed your refrigerator is, um, kinda bare.”

Unabashed, he simply shrugged. “I don’t do much cooking for myself.”

“How about you leave that to me?”

He chuckled and started driving, while I realized my comment held more weight than I considered. I’d slipped right back into this dynamic with him—where we felt together.

A short drive later, we were wheeling through the massive grocery store. I insisted Caleb stock up on some more dry goods and then he let me completely take over. I contemplated asking him to buy a chest freezer, hesitating when I realized I might be overstepping my bounds. I was getting very comfortable. In fact, I was starting to think like I used to think back when we were in high school before the accident. I’d been head over heels in love with him and convinced we’d be together forever. I had just enough maturity at that time—barely—to realize I might’ve been getting ahead of myself.

In the intervening years, with the emotional upheaval and then life getting in the way, I had largely convinced myself that my memories of my time with him were colored by our youth and I couldn’t really have loved him that much.

But the way it felt to be with Caleb, well, it was like with no other man. Ever. There was that lingering pinch of guilt, but even that had faded enough I thought maybe, just maybe, I might finally learn how to let it go.

We were standing in line at the registers with Caleb’s hand in my back pocket when he took a call from his mother. He paused moving the phone away from his mouth. “Mom needs me to grab a few things. I’ll be right back. Don’t get out of line though. You mind waiting?”

It was packed here. Every register was open and the lines stretched well beyond the waiting area in the front. I shook my head, waving him off. He turned and jogged away, still talking on the phone with his mother.

I shook my head with a laugh as I turned to face forward. Leaning my elbows on the cart, I waited as the line inched forward slowly. I’d been waiting maybe a minute or two since Caleb had left when I heard my name. A prickle ran up my spine, and the hairs on the back of my neck rose.

I knew that voice, but I had to be wrong. It’s nothing. You’re in Alaska. He’s not here.

I carefully looked around, trying not to be obvious. But then I heard my name again. My stomach tightened and that heavy ball of anxiety I’d come to know so well settled in as if it had never been gone.

This time when I looked around, I saw him. I was so stunned to see Lance there that for a moment I froze. He was standing by the vitamin section near the pharmacy. There he stood with his dark blonde hair, always slightly mussed. Tall and lanky, he stared at me from across the store.

I forced myself to stay calm, but the panic was building inside. I wanted to turn and run through the store to find Caleb. But I didn’t want to show my fear, not with Lance watching me. I knew that was what he thrived on– making me afraid.

I felt Caleb’s presence approach from behind me. In the maybe three minutes he’d been gone, everything had shifted. He tossed a few things in the cart, glancing over to me. The moment he saw my face, he froze, his hand sliding down my back.

At the feel of his touch, I wanted to collapse into his arms. But I couldn’t do that. Not now.

“Ella, what is it?” he asked, his eyes searching my face.

I swallowed through the fear caught in my throat. “He’s here.”

Caleb’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t look away. “Are you talking about who I think you’re talking about?”

I nodded, my motions jerky. “It’s Lance. I don’t want you to look. He’s over there by the vitamins.”

Caleb held still for a beat, his eyes assessing. “Ella, I’m gonna go talk to him, okay? You’re not alone, and you’re not going to be alone. Before I do, I’m going to call your dad. I just need you to act like nothing’s happening. Just stay in line and check out. Can you do that?”

Staring at him, I felt myself nodding. Because it was the only thing to do.

Caleb didn’t leave my side as he called my father. I listened to his half of the conversation. “Rex, Caleb here. Lance is here in Anchorage. We’re at the grocery store.” There was a pause as he listened to whatever my father said. “Yeah, she’s okay. She’s right here with me. I’m going to go talk to him and keep him here while she checks out. We have way too many witnesses for him to do anything stupid here. As it is, she’s going to be waiting in line a good fifteen minutes before we get out of here.”

I couldn’t hear my dad’s voice, just the murmur, and then Caleb handed me the phone. He waited while I spoke to my father. “You okay?” my dad asked.

I felt sick and cold. My hands were freezing, and I just wanted to run. I’d become inured to the anxiety while I had to face it every day, but I’d had a respite from it and now it was slamming back into me. But I knew it wouldn’t help to say anything about that to my father. So I lied, but not completely. Because I would be okay. Caleb was here with me. “I’m fine, Dad. I mean, I’m not fine, but I’ll be fine.”

“Hang in there,” he said simply. “You stay in line and let Caleb go talk to him. We need something to keep him there, and Caleb oughta tie him up for a few. We were worried this might happen after he sent those photos, so I’ve already updated the team there. I need to go so I can talk with them, okay?”

I must’ve said goodbye, but I didn’t recall. With my phone clutched tightly in my hand, I waited, the time ticking slowly by. The murmur of voices around me faded to nothing but static.

All I could think was this was the reminder I’d needed. Just when I’d thought I could relax and find something good again, life reminded me why I couldn’t.